Originally posted by Rachel Ah, these foreigners ... you have to be so careful! I once ended up (perhaps, maybe, possibly a little ****ed)on a bed with a (equally ****ed) Mexican girl I'd been working with. I had thought she wanted to send me an email 'message'. It took me a little while to realise she actually meant 'massage'. And a little longer to try and get her out of my hotel room!
Rachel
I would have taken the massage and then made a decision about whether I wanted to kick her our or not.........
"Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it." Mahatma Gandhi
Originally posted by Bill excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?
Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do
I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......
Just before you (hopefully) start posting, may I just say that , it, er hasn't gotten any better today Bill, in fact, I'd say worse, and it's not just the Smurfs that are a bit blue today either.
Just thought I'd mention it incase you hadn't noticed haha.
"defiantly a pork soared" -fletch DS is talking as much sense as most people I've heard - batnurse "This is a discussion forum, not some sort of hippy poetry-reading commune" - TAFKADJ
We just (I did tell y'all it's a franchise and there are actually 12 of us didn't I) quote directly from a big yellow book
"Chicken Shit for Dummies"
and hope that on balance, more people get it than don't.
But thank you for your kind words.
Then again we often get it completely and utterly wrong so if you're taking the ****, that's fair enough too!!!!
Never going to be on Miss Marple's level, WHOSE WONDERFUL THREAD THIS IS bow, scrape etc.
Following his visit to the Church of the Spirit, and a consultation with world famous psychic and clairvoyant, Madame Crystal, Inspector Clouseau today issued the following statement:
"We have received some valuable new information in the quest to apprehend the sinister cereal killer. Madame Crystal was able to intimate that she had indeed received communication from the spirit world, via a massage from a young American- presumably the Yankee Doodle Dandy - who issued the words of warning - 'Milk Tray'.
We have reason to believe that this could be an indication of the murderer's future intentions, and warn members of the public to be vigilant and to avoid the consumption of, and acceptance of gifts of this popular chocolate confectionery."
Madame Crystal also communicated the cryptic information that 'the chicken is roasting', - perhaps the Chicklet was not, as some poor deluded souls believed, in the Realms of Glory in the Heavenly afterlife, but was instead having her feathers ruffled by none other than Auld Nick himself!!
Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget urge members of the public to continue to be vigilant and to contact the National Crimewatch UK helpline with any relevant information.
Originally posted by Miss Marple
Madame Crystal was able to intimate that she had indeed received communication from the spirit world, via a massage from a young American ..
... These massages ?are getting very popular on this forum. Mind you, I can't think of a better way of getting information out of someone - and especially done by Brady's fair hands !!!
Madame Crystal also communicated the cryptic information that 'the chicken is roasting', - perhaps the Chicklet was having her feathers ruffled by none other than Auld Nick himself!!
... nah, Chickie doesn't go for the auld yins. If she's all hot and bothered and getting her "feathers fondled" it'll be DH, Trampie and BTC Bill ... but not necessarily in that order.
TT
Don't let your past hurt ruin your future - break down the walls and move on.
Famous French Sleuth, Inspector Clouseau and his Scottish counterpart, Inspector Gadget of the Granite City, were yesterday called to a house in southern, suburban Glasgow, where they were astounded to discover the latest victim of the now, notorious, psychotic,Cereal Killer.
On examination of the crime scene, the inspectors reported that the latest victim, Ms Wendy Law, was found slumped over her computer, whilst logged on to the Cerocscotland Forum. A half eaten box of Cadbury's Milk Tray and a cup of coffee was found at her desk, by her side.
On further examination, a team of forsenic experts concluded that, following detailed analysis of the chocolates, they were found to have been laced with lethal amounts of the deadly poison, cyanide.
Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget suspect that the killer may have been known to the victim, as there appeared to have been no sign of a forced entry to the house. Ms Law's husband of ten years, Graham,was said to be distraught and in a state of shock He was at present under heavy sedation, having consumed several bottles of special reserve.
Inspector Clouseau is preparing to interview, the ever diminishing list of suspects, whilst Inspector Gadget convieniently stops over in Dundee,in an attempt to discover the whereabouts of, and interview members of the MAd Crew.
The detectives urge members of the public to come forward with any relevant information regarding this latest heinous homicide and are particularly interested in sightings of any recent black clothed visitors to the home of Ms Law, around the time of the murder.
BOMBAY BAD BOY.
Had Sherwin, his budding film career now lying in ruins,as his starring role in Kama Sutra-The Musical, faded into a distant memory,turned to the matriarchial figure, seeking solace and comfort whilst resting his head on her ample PVC clad bosom?
Had she refused to help him rehearse the script for his forthcoming audition, for a major part in 'Oh Calcutta', dismissing him derisorily, as she was far too preoccupied with her latest conquest, Jimmy Nipples, whom she had successfully partnered at the Ceroc Championships in London? Had Wendy's ridicule and rejection produced regrettable provocation for the normally, smiling, mild-mannered Sherwin and had he meddled with the ingredients of her Milk Tray?
BLUE 34
Having discovered that he had run up a huge debt on his Anne Summers Platinum store card,had Wendy's solution that he supplement his income as a film extra in the productions, "All the Nice Boys Love a Sailor","An Officer and a Floosie",Battle of the Midriff Bulge",Admiral Hornyblower", and the Australian submarine drama, " Dive down Under", proved to be the final humiliation for Blue 34? Had the small parts he has secured in these 'B'Movies, revealed the true significance of the 'Blue' in Mr 34's Forum alias?
In a desperate attempt to maintain the squeaky,clean image, in keeping with his Daz white sailor's uniform and hold back the Tide of criticism which would inevitably follow, had Blue 34 disposed of Wendy, before she could secure the copyright and distribution rights to these villainous, vulgar videos?
SHEENA
Suspicious of Sheena's developing, unhealthy interest in husband Graham, whom Sheena had partnered in the London Cabaret, at the Ceroc Championships, was it apparent to the jealous Wendy that Sheena had designs on Graham as the leading man in Sheena's latest team cabaret offering for Musselburgh " Wuthering Heights -the Club Jive Version"? Was the dotty dominatrix afraid that the brooding Heathcliffe's passionate 'passa -doble', would transport Sheena to Undiscovered Heights ? Had she forbidden Graham to participate in this tender tableau, unless she , Wendy, took the leading role of Kate Bush, instead of the Lovely Sheena? Had Sheena, aware of Wendy's determination to have her own way, discovered the true meaning of MAd, and disposed of her rapacious rival, ensuring Wendy's grande finale was the 'Dance of the Dying Swan'.
SINGING DANCING NUNS.
On discovering that Wendy had acquired the keys to their chastity belts, whilst in London, was in secret negotiations with the head of a European Vice ring to open a Pole Dancing franchise for SAGA holiday makers and retired businessmen in Hamburg and Amsterdam, and was planning to dupe and kidnap the celibate sisters as exotic, erotic, dancers in the white slave trade, forcing them to abandon the Habits of a lifetime; had these guileless vestal virgins taken the ultimate evasive action and sent the Wanton Wendy to the Pole Dancing Club in the Sky?
JOHN SIMPSON
Following a recent visit to a Health Farm where he had discovered the merits and efficaciousness of beauty therapy and regular, daily skincare,transforming his scaley, dinosaur visage to that of a more youthful Patrick Swayze type features, had John reached the limits of twin sister Wendy's patience and Debenhams Credit Card limit, when she threatened to cut off his supply of Estee Lauder Revitalising Anti Wrinkle Youth Dew? Faced with the prospect of expensive rejuvinating plastic surgery, or discussing his skin care regime with the young, glamourous counter assistants, did John's embarrassment and rage overcome his better judgement, resulting in a crime of sororicide?
CJ THE DJ
As the only applicant in CJ's Forum advertisement for a new replacement partner,had CJ begun to realise that life with Wendy would be one of strict submission and obedience on his part, as, Glasgow's answer to Miss Whiplash would not hesitate to place excessive demands on him? Had she not already left her mark - a distictive TaTu on a hidden part of his anatomy, in an attempt to stake her claim on him? Was Wendy going to prove too much of a handful for CJ to handle, was he playing with fire and did the realisation that , 'All the Things She Said', would be too much for CJ to contemplate? Did the long haired DJ take drastic action in order to escape a life of fetching and carrying for her?
THE TRAMP.
Lured into taking up residence in Scotland by the duplicitous Wendy, was The Tramp outraged that his offer to make an honest woman of her, and that his hand in marriage should be so cruelly rejected? Furious that the slinky siren should prefer someone with a name like 'Jimmy Nipples', who also shared her penchant for bondage gear, fishnet stockings and seductive, sultry 'up, close and VERY personal', blues moves, did The Tramp exact revenge by whipping some cyanide into Wendy's strawberry creams?
STEVEN (THE DANCING PENGUIN)
Had Steven discovered the meddling matriarch's cunning proposition to infiltrate the ranks of the SSSCS and subvert the elite membership for her own morally corrupt and nefarious purposes? Did Wendy intend to use the Secret Society as a recruiting ground for virile, young men, whom she could train to dance in her own inimatable, steamy, up close and personal style? In a p..p..p..pitiful attempt as Grand Master to p..p..p..protect his elite membership from the wily Wendy's evil machinations, had the normally p..p..p..placid p..p..p..penguin run out of p..p..p..patience and p..p..p..perpetrated this p..p..p..perverted ,p..p..p..perfidious crime?
GRAHAM.
Had the quiet, brooding Graham discovered Wendy's intention to embark on a secret liason with the latest addition to her BTC team, Jimmy Nipples, later in the year at Beach Boogie?
Having struck a rapport with the Lovely Sheena whom he partnered in the London Cabaret, Graham was surprised, flattered and delighted to be offered the leading role of Heathcliffe, a part tailor made for him, in Sheena's Musselburgh Cabaret spectacular. Had Wendy's petulant demand that he decline from taking part unless she also starred as Kate Bush, prove to be the final straw for the long suffering Graham, who was determined to take this chance of a lifetime at all costs ? Had Wendy's unreasonable behaviour, pushed Graham into taking drastic, decisive and final action?
WHO KILLED WENDY?
ARE THE DETECTIVES ANY NEARER TO APPREHENDING THE KILLER?
WILL THE MURDERER STRIKE AGAIN?
WHO WILL THE NEXT VICTIM BE?
ARE GADGET AND CLOUSEAU STILL CLUELESS?
IS CHOCOLATE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?
) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on...... 
(So many who clearly don't :reallymad 
