Steve, I found the complete opposite. I first met other forumites at weekenders, I had only been dancing a few months, and it was lovely that lots of experienced dancers from the forum were dancing with me. But you have to speak to people first!
I think posting on a forum can be an indicator that people are friendly, outgoing and willing to engage in dialogue with people they haven't even met. So why would they be different when you meet them?
I think I've probably answered my original query about being intimidated more about approaching forum members than just elite dancers - the responses I've received to my post indicate that I really should have made more of an effort to introduce myself..... and similarly this applies to others in a similar situation! Some forumites might appear to be "elite dance gods", but based on the messages I've received yesterday/today, they are also fairly friendly too... (although some might bite )
Always say hi,
Forumites are some of the friendliest people I know.
If you're ever in Oz, be sure to search me out,
hell you might even get a dance... I don't follow too badly, when I'm told i'm following
There were at least 5 what I would consider "elite" dancers at Bedford on Sunday. I asked 4 of them to dance, and suffered from feelings of inadequacy in all of those dances, and performed below my best. Sorry ladies. It is something that I have to work on, though I do not like the idea of giving sub-standard dances whilst I do so.
I guess we never know when or why someone will refuse a dance and sometimes responses are out of character. Reading these posts made me think of something that happened recently.
originally posted by Feelingpink
We all get knockbacks and people often turn down a dance for reasons other than 'you'I hope these posts help the girl in my story...originally posted by Yliander
like you said there are any number of reasons she may have said no - the majority of them and most likely nothing to do with you personally
I don't know about 'elite' but there is a chap who dances in London whose reputation is well deserved. He's an awesome leader, stylish, strong, cute, charming, funny and he smiles such beautiful smiles. He's good and he knows he's good. I'm fortunate enough to have danced with him often and whether the music is fast or slow, each dance is a sublime experience. I've never been disappointed.
At a Saturday freestyle I was chatting to a lovely confident young lady who asked me to recommend someone to dance with. I spotted this guy and pointed him out. The young lady has been dancing for a couple of years but she didn't have the courage to ask him because she'd seen him dance many times and thought that he would be too good for her. She thought he might refuse. I encouraged her, saying that he's a lovely guy and I'd never known him refuse anyone.
She approached him, tapped him on the shoulder, he turned, she smiled, she spoke, then I was horrified to see him look her up and down, turn his back on her and walk away. She was left standing in the middle of the floor.
I felt so sorry for her. We girls talk about him a lot and no-one has ever mentioned him turning anyone down but I still felt responsible. I felt terrible, I'm sure she felt terrible too.
I didn't see her again that night and she had short break from dancing because of his behaviour. She told me that it knocked her confidence but thankfully she's decided to put it down to experience and has found the courage to ask for dances again.
Did you know him well enough to tackle him about it? If we all learned the effect we had on others, it might raise awareness, and make us all more considerate for more of the time...
Certainly there's been the odd occasion when I've caused offence without realising it, and wished I'd been told sooner...
Oh dear, oh dear.
Elite dancers?
Cliques?
Hotshots?
Where will it all end?
There are nice people with good manners and there are rude people with no consideration for other's feelings. And there are those who flit between the two camps depending on their mood.
Good manners are nothing to do with dance ability. You don't suddenly get bad manners because you become an accomplished dancer. Some beginners have bad manners too - that's because they have bad manners, not because they are beginners or expert dancers.
If somebody asks a person to dance and that person does not feel inclined to dance they should decline the offer in polite way that shows consideration for the feelings of the person they are refusing. To do otherwise would be rude. And we avoid rude people, don't we? Why would we ever ask that rude person for a dance and put ourselves in the firing line for more rudeness?
Of course we must express some surprise that somebody who has paid to dance the refuses to do so when offered the opportunity. But it is completely acceptable to decline an offer of a dance in a polite way. And, because they've paid to dance there is an expectation that they tell the person asking why they are unable to accept their offer of a dance at this time. Something like, I'm having a rest, don't like this track, etc would do the trick if accompanied by a word like "sorry".
And, while on the subject of revenge refusals, I've never read such rubbish. As well mannered individuals we should never behave in the same way as someone we criticise - it makes us less than equal to the person we have criticised. Not only have we behaved in the same way as that rude person, we have also been a hypocrite in behaving in a way we have said is unacceptable.
And, we must allow people to change. Sometimes those people who've been rude to us will have a change of heart and stop being rude. Give them a chance to become nice. Don't expect an apology, just expect niceness
So, there we have it. There are no hotshot dancers or refusal rows, there are rude people and there are polite people: some of them are good dancers and some are not. Please make sure you never become one of those rude people, no matter how good you get at dancing
This has just occurred to me.
I have had a busy old night. I have had my share of mediocre, drag around the floor, suppress-the-bounce kind of dances.
You approach me. My heart fills with dread. I know I am going to be yanked, pawed and none of it to a beat that I can feel. Am I allowed to say "thanks, but no thanks?" No explanations, no apologies. Just "No".
I have been called a hot-shot by three different women so I feel qualified to ask this question.
Wodge
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