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Thread: Death by chocolate!!!

  1. #101
    Omnipresent Administrator Franck's Avatar
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    Originally posted by TheTramp
    No comment on whether it's ok to Wash Up then Franck??

    As for Graham's comment. Did you never watch 'Allo 'Allo with the policeman who spoke in a 'French' accent??
    Ah, yes... ze femous French acsent of Inspecteur Clouseau...

    I was starting to think that Graham was asking for a massage

    Re. the Washing Up thing, I should think that was quite safe... just get someone to test the water for you first.

    Franck.

  2. #102
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    I know I'm having a slow day today but Trampie, for what, exactly, is "washing up" a euphamism???


  3. #103
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    Ummm. Look left.

    I couldn't possibly ever hope to join the ranks of the BTC brigade.

    So, I settled for being BTWU

    (Didn't we do this already? I seem to recall Better than Wugby Union).....

    Steve

  4. #104
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    yes I got that but I just thought i'd check if it might have had a hidden meaning between you and Franck....doesn't matter....I'm inserting too much depth now.

    :sorry

  5. #105
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    Originally posted by Chicklet
    yes I got that but I just thought i'd check if it might have had a hidden meaning between you and Franck....doesn't matter....I'm inserting too much depth now.

    :sorry
    Did I miss something??

    Steve

  6. #106
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    excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

    Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do

    I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......

    anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again......................................

  7. #107
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Bill
    Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do
    Probably just a bit over excited about the weekend!!!!!!!
    Trying hard to work as well, but not toooo hard, obviously.


    Wine might just make it worse

  8. #108
    Commercial Operator
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    Originally posted by Bill
    excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

    Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do
    Nah Bill!!.they're all office types and accountants and things...never done a hard days work in their lives...............

  9. #109
    Registered User Twinkle Toes's Avatar
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    [QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill
    excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

    Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do

    I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......

    anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again......................................



    Don't you fret Bill, if you're at Marco's tonight, I'll look after you. (But ssshh - don't tell Wendy about our triple slot)




    TT

  10. #110
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    News Flash !!!!

    THE MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN.

    No nearer to discovering the identity of the architect of Brady and Chicklets' demise, the two bungling inspectors are now faced with the further, added complication of a new double murder investigation.
    Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget were yesterday called to a crime scene in the home town of Inspector Gadget. The unfortunate victims were positively identified as none other than the affable Aberdonians BTC Bill and Dave'Gammie Leg' Hancock, erstwhile mafia accountant.

    The deceased were discovered , already dead, hanging by their stockings and suspenders and covered in chocolate body paint, in the Granite City's Beach Ballroom. Wee Maggie, the cleaner who had made the devastating discovery, was said to be stunned and could not understand why anyone would wish to waste such a vast quantity of chocolate body paint, when she could have put it to much better use!!
    The dashing duo appeared to have been holding secret rehearsals for a cabaret item to be performed at the Midsummer MAdness Party to be held in June. It would appear that the scene presented to Clouseau and Gadget was one more akin to Midsommer Murders.

    Perplexed and puzzled by the latest turn of events, the inspectors were seen leaving the Church of the Spirit, where they had attempted , with the help of a clever clairvoyant, to get a cheep out of Chicklet or some celestial inspiration from the Yankee Doodle Dandy.
    Inspector Gadget continues to interview the MAd Crew in their convenient location of Dundee, whilst Clouseau resumes his investigations in Aberdeen, Glasgow and elsewhere in the country.

    The inspectors are now convinced that they are dealing with a psychotic, cereal killer and urge members of the public to be vigilant, in particular to be on the look-out for persons with a penchant for chocolate, as this would appear to be the link between the killings.
    The inspectors continue their investigations into a diminishing list of possible suspects.


    BOMBAY BAD BOY.

    Having tripped him up,injuring his leg, chipping his sparkling white teeth , ruining his stunning good looks, and cheeky boyish smile, thus preventing him from taking up the starring role in the forthcoming Bollywood Blockbuster " Kama Sutra - The Musical", had Sherwin resorted to murder? Cheated out of this outstanding opportunity of super stardom, had the Bombay Bad Boy, reverted to his former cookery skills and transformed the duo into a chocolate fondue?

    THE TRAMP

    With the intention of moving North of the Border in his search for a bride, had the Tramp arranged the demise of these eligible bachelors, after all, what chance would a 'portly, balding beginner' have against the luscious BTC Bill, Aberdeen's answer to Peter Stringfellow, with his steamy,sexy blues moves and red high heels,and the extremely strokeable, bald pate and athletic physique, developed whilst running to keep up with the Mafia, of the outrageous flirt and ladies man Dave Hancock, whose "lunchbox" would give Linford Christie a run for his money? Had the Tramp decided to eliminate his competition, in the event that the only 'bride' he might claim was Dr Frankenstein's ex?

    THE SINGING, DANCING NUNS

    Having almost succumbed to the renounciation of their vow of celibacy, under the spell of the devilishly handsome duo,with their hypnotic 'come to bed' eyes and vocal rendition of 'Trust in Me', did the virtuous ladies decide to have nun of it and resort to creative use of lingerie and chocolate spread in order to safeguard themselves from seduction?

    SHEENA.

    Incensed at the discovery that Dave, with his extremely strokeable bald pate, and Bill with his equally strokeable lycra vests, were planning to perform a surprise double trouble spectacular cabaret item at the Midsummmer MAdness Party, plagiarising Sheena's original Hip Hop version of Ave Maria, featuring fellow MAd Crew members Linda and Heather in Nuns Habits, was the caressable choreographer hip hopping MAd enough to perpetrate such a perfidious crime?

    JOHN SIMPSON.

    Did this lounge lizard, who harboured a smouldering passion for the voluptuous Wendy, become incensed and distraught when a video recording of her cavorting in a compromising 'double trouble' position with the chocolate Casanovas, came into his possession? Failing miserably in his attempts to rejuvinate his appearance by growing a beard, did this chamelion of the dancefloor turn from green with envy, to red with rage, on viewing the X-Rated recording of the sultry, seductress in compromising video scenes? Was this enough for John to arrange starring roles in a death scenario for the hapless Aberdonians?

    CJ the DJ

    Despite his best efforts to get in touch with his 'feminine side',as Widow Twanky at the Glasgow Christmas Party, CJ realised that he failed miserably in comparison to BTC Bill and Dave, who were both adept in their ability to follow a male lead and looked much better in women's clothes. Did jealousy provide the motive for Glasgow's answer to Lily Savage,to play the last waltz for the transvestite twosome?

    WENDY.

    Fiercely demanding, possessive and controlling of her BTC dancing team, did this Dancing Dominatrix resort to murder when she became aware of Bill and Dave's dastardly plan to seduce the Celibate Sisters? Had she come to the realisation that the gruesome twosome had an unhealthy interest in the contents of her underwear drawer? Was she unable to cope with the knowledge that Bill looked better in red shoes than she did?
    She was overheard murmuring to herself " Here, the smell of Chocolate still;All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand". Was she merely rehearsing for her part as a dancing Lady Macbeth in the Glasgow Amateur Dramatic Society's adaptation of Shakespeare's Scottish Play, or was she vainly attempting to erase the chocolate body paint from her guilty hands? Was 'Murder on the Dancefloor' destined to become an integral part of her'Soundtrack of Life'?

    STEVEN

    Did the Grand Master of SSSCS infamy, decide to expel the Aberdonian pair from the Sacred Brotherhood, for bringing the Society into disrepute, on discovery of Bill's predeliction for ladies stiletto footwear and Dave's unhealthy interest in impersonating women whilst dancing? Would these peculiar pecadilloes preclude their passage to the Sacred Rites of the Ceroc Shoe Shuffle? In an attempt to prevent the perverse pair from pronouncing the Secrets of the Inner Sanctum, by prattling to the Press and Journal, did the p..p...p..pathelogical p..p..p..penguin p..p..p..perpetrate this hideous crime?

    GRAHAM

    Had Wendy's brooding, strong, silent partner finally snapped, when he discovered the X-Rated copy of the double trouble video, wife Wendy had been making with Bill and Dave? Was the thought of public humiliation, as his wife's infidelity was flaunted on film for all to see on the Playboy Channel, too much for him to bear? Had Graham decided that it was high time Wendy's BTC Team was relegated to the heavenly football division in the sky?

    BLUE 34.

    Was the threat of more than Victoria's Secrets being made public knowledge, when Bill and Dave discovered Blue34's fetish for wearing items of ladies lingerie under his 'Officer and a Gentleman' outfit? Did their discovery that Blue34 was the possessor of an Anne Summmers Platinum Store Card, enough for him to dispose of the troublesome twosome, rather than suffer public ridicule?



    WHO KILLED BTC BILL AND DAVE "GAMMIE LEG" HANCOCK?
    IS DETECTIVE CLOUSEAU MORE CLUELESS THAN CLUED UP? WHAT IS THE REAL REASON FOR INSPECTOR GADGETS FREQUENT VISITS TO DUNDEE?
    SHOULD THE INSPECTORS ATTEMPT TO SUMMON THE HELP OF RANDALL AND HOPKIRK(DECEASED) OR WOULD THIS BE A GRAVE MISTAKE?
    WHAT IS THE IDENTITY OF THE CEREAL PSYCHOPATHIC KILLER?
    IS MISS MARPLE A MAN, OR IS SHE TRULY A LADY?

  11. #111
    Registered User Wendy's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Bill
    anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again......................................
    I think you've just had first senior moment, Bill John S gets like that every time he dances with me too and when he looks under TT's alias of course !!!

    Wxxxx

  12. #112
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    Word of Warning!!!

    For the attention of Chicklet who it would appear is even more vociferous in the after life, than when she fluttered on this mortal plain, A WORD OF WARNING , Do not even THINK about hi-jacking Miss Marples murder thread!!!!!!
    Miss Marple.

  13. #113
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    THE TRAMP

    With the intention of moving North of the Border in his search for a bride,
    *COUGH* Pardon?!?

    So. Now we know who Miss Marple is. She's the most recent escapee from a home for the mentally deranged!!

    Steve

  14. #114
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    Re: News Flash !!!!

    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    Perplexed and puzzled by the latest turn of events, the inspectors were seen leaving the Church of the Spirit, where they had attempted , with the help of a clever clairvoyant, to get a cheep out of Chicklet or some celestial inspiration from the Yankee Doodle Dandy.
    Perhaps the less-than-dynamic duo should consult a priest for assistance in exorcising Chicklet, who as you observed continues her squawking seemingly undeterred by interment.

  15. #115
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    I'm just a lttle Chickie
    Up in heaven sittin pretty
    With three fine, fine cocks

    We dance the blues away
    So I'm happy here to stay
    With three fine, fine cocks

    One fine **** built the hen house
    One fine **** counts the seed
    The daddy fine ****, he feeds me chocky all day
    So I've got everything I need

    We practise tripple trouble in the morning
    And listen to some music til the night
    Then one says "Chickie, do you wanna rock some?"
    And I say "Gorgeous, you know I just might!"

    So I've no gripe about the murders,
    In fact I'm mighty pleased with who's been done,
    Cos if I'd had to pick three dead companions,
    I couldn't have picked three men with nicer bums


    But I'm just a little Chickie
    Up in heaven sitting pretty
    With three FINE, FINE cocks.

  16. #116
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    Ooo-er.... :sorry

    Steve

  17. #117
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Nothing ooer about it Steve, that would all be in your mind.


    Seriously, MM possibly the best yet. The observation, the wit, the alliteration, the use of the word "peccadillo"!!!!!(one of my all time favourites, weirdly enough) are all sublime.

    Great respect.

    And the hijacking attempt earlier was a bad mistake, but it crashed and burned badly so just desert of humble pie has been eaten!!!

    Long may you continue!!!

    Cx

  18. #118
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    Originally posted by Chicklet
    Nothing ooer about it Steve
    That's a first for you then Chickie

    Steve

  19. #119
    The Original Scooby Dave Hancock's Avatar
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    Can't believe both Bill and I are dead, guess that rules out any chance of us doing a spotlight number at the Beach Ballroom, och well didn't really care for Bill in those red high heals and suspenders anyway

    Well done though MM, absolutely wonderfully well written and CAG like the verse

  20. #120
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dave Hancock

    CAG like the verse
    Dave, you KNOW there's an F in that!!!!!

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