I'm confused.
A couple of days ago, the "Newest Member" notice welcomed Miss Marples to the Forum, and this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple. The legal expression I believe is "passing off" - careful with the vowels, there, John!
However, on checking the Members List today, the interloper is not there - has the real Miss Marple's warning come true, and the bogus one has been deceased, disappeared, deaded?
John,
I asked about this phenonemon a while back. IIRC, Franck said that a member would not appear in the members list until they had responded to the Welcome email.
However, in this case, Franck may have zapped the user directly to stop any shenanigans!
SwingSwingSwing
That is indeed the caseOriginally posted by SwingSwingSwing
I asked about this phenonemon a while back. IIRC, Franck said that a member would not appear in the members list until they had responded to the Welcome email.
However, in this case, Franck may have zapped the user directly to stop any shenanigans!each new member has to confirm their email address to appear on the members list (and in fact to be able to post).
I haven't zapped anyone yet, as I was looking forward to the potential shenanigans
Franck.
Unscrupulous? Moi? John, dahhhhlinkkkk, 'ow could you zink zuch a zhing? And as for a "booody dooouble"? Pah! You could miztake zat old bat for moi?Originally posted by John S
...this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple.
the real Miss Marples sits and waits, obviously very much alive, pausing only to buff her elegantly manicured nails, whilst observing the action and considering the clues
Hang on, are you are both the same person...even I wouldn't be that rude.Originally posted by Miss Marples
You could miztake zat old bat for moi?
[/I]
Grant
Nevaaah! Ve are zeperate peeeplez. Zo, vould zomebody pleeeze refezh my memoriez. Vhere are Ve wiz zee zuzpecks?Originally posted by Grant
Hang on, are you are both the same person...even I wouldn't be that rude.
I don't know about 'zee zuzpecks' but I have a feeling you may be catching up with 'zee veekteems' shortly.Originally posted by Miss Marples
Vhere are Ve wiz zee zuzpecks?
Grant
Dear Suspects,
It is with some interest that I, the great Belgian Detective Hercule Poirot, have been watching this case. Since you do not appear to be solving this mystery on your own, and the so-called Miss Marple is not making progress, I feel you need a little help, and so I have gathered you all together in this thread to reveal the truth.
Let us first examine suspects. It is a well known fact of such cases that the murderer always returns to the scene of the crime. So let us look at the evidence of who has posted most often on this thread.
Chicklet 40
TheTramp 25
Wendy 23
Twinkle Toes 12
Miss Marple 10
Franck 8
John S 8
Of these, it is clear to me that Miss Marple is simply one of the others in disguise. Chicklet, the unfortunate first victim, was long dead when later murders took place and so I think can be ruled out as a suspect.
This leaves a top five suspect list of The Tramp, Wendy, Twinkle Toes, Franck, and John S, and I feel that we will find our culprit on this list.
The Tramp: A shady character who, despite claiming to be a beginner, is clearly not who he says he is. Does he hide a dark secret? Does his 'location' of "London, then Australia, then Scotland" mean he is on the run? Maybe so, but these facts on their own are not enough to make him a murderer. Furthermore the person responsible for these crimes clearly had a close knowledge of those dancing in Scotland and I believe The Tramp has been too far away to perpertrate them.
Wendy: Someone with more dark secrets, I think. Wendy was high on my list of suspects until she was unfortunately murdered herself.
Franck: My old friend Inpector Clouseau. I have come across him before in many cases - and I recall that he needed a lot of help. So is he the murderer? This case was a clever plot and given his lack of success in the detecting department, I am not sure whether the inspector would be capable of such a fiendish plan.
Twinkle Toes: A surprising suspect, with a high number of posts. However I read the posts and I notice they tend to be short and relate to twinkling eyes and other off-topic references.
Which brings us to my final suspect:
John S: I fear the evidence points clearly in this direction.
Look at the post of "Miss Marple" announcing the second murder on 23 April.
This is where he made his first mistake, revealing his own surname as John Simpson when this is not generally known. Note also how he refers to a move which John Simpson attempted and failed - who else but the dancer themself remembers when a move goes wrong?Originally posted by Miss Marple
JOHN SIMPSON
Despite his reputation as a dancer extraordinaire, this dinosaur of the dance floor was left with egg on his face when Brady could barely stifle his amusement, when John's attempt at a "Chocolate Ripple" looked more like a crumbling Flake. Devastated at this public humiliation, had John sworn long-winded vengeance on the Yankee Doodle Dandy? Did John eggstract revenge on Brady, ensuring that the yolk was on the young whippersnapper, when he added arsenic to Mr Rogers' Easter treat?
He then compounds the mistake by drawing attention to it in a later post:
Does he secretly want to get caught? Notice also how he refers to the 'Gifted' Miss Marple.Originally posted by John S
And of course the biggest mystery of all is who is the gifted Miss Marple - I'm sure not everyone knew my surname until it was plastered all over this thread, and she (he?) is obviously privy to some little-known information - especially about my secret (and so far ineffective) rejuvenating cream. Can't wait for the next instalment, and looking forward to some of the post-death partying that's obviously going on, courtesy of Hot Pants Wendy & co.
In a third post (notice how John S seems to have a peculiar interest in the details of the case...)
he also refers to the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple. Who else but Miss Marple herself (himself?) would be so hurt by the imposter as to need to proclaim the fame of Miss Marple.Originally posted by John S
A couple of days ago, the "Newest Member" notice welcomed Miss Marples to the Forum, and this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple.
And so, with the help of the little grey cells, and the clear evidence in front of you, I believe I have solved this mystery, and can unmask John S as the so-called (but now incredibly suspicious) Miss Marple. I believe he carried out the murders himself as a way of drawing attention to himself (remember he describes himself as "Taxi Dancer Extraordinaire", "Incredibly attractive, intelligent, brilliant dancer" - clearly not a modest person). Maybe we shall never know the reason why.
Rest assured that the Police have been called and are waiting outside to arrest John S when he leaves this thread.
Until the next time....
Hercule
How clever Mr P!
"If you rebel against high heels, take care to do so in a very smart hat.'' George Bernard Shaw
I'm afraid you're just repeating the incorrect assertion first propagated by John himself. John's surname has been mentioned on the forum 8 times that I can see, and in 5 cases it was obvious that it was John S who was being referred to. There's even a photograph annotated with his full name!! Whilst there are no doubt a number of people who were unaware of his surname, I'm certain there are also a significant number of people who (like me) did know it, especially in Dundee. And it's interesting that so far none of the victims have been Dundonian, although maybe Inspector Gadget's frequent comfort breaks there have been deterring the murderer!Originally posted by Hercule Poirot
This is where he made his first mistake, revealing his own surname as John Simpson when this is not generally known.
It's not so.Originally posted by Sheena
Surely not John! Say it's not so
Despite my protestations of innocence (innocent, moi???) I am flattered that M Poirot should have thought me worthy to construct such an elaborate plot, and also to run a series of multiple identities at the same time. My single brain cell would have been working overtime.
However, he didn't mention what would probably have been my main motive, ie to eliminate all the younger dancers to wipe out the competition - but in that case I would have concentrated on the guys!
So, is there only one way to prove my innocence? Must I be the next for the chop from Miss Marple?
Interesting, though, that Graham was very quick to leap to my defence and plead my case - what does he know? (And it didn't take long for Wendy to be bumped off, did it?!)
Maybe we should have a poll to see who the Forum jury think is the murderer (or Miss Marple)?
DASTARDLY DEED IN DUNDEE
Returning from a peaceful holiday in the Cotswolds and a film appearance on BBC2, what do I find? An impudent imposter attempting to assume my identity and subvert my thread, and that self-posturing, pompous ass, the Belgian dectective, Hecule Poirot, pontificating on his theory as to the possible identity and profile of the Cereal Killer, whilst still failing miserably despite his invaluable insight, to assist Clouseau and Gadget in the capture of the Chocoholic
Psychopath.
To make matters worse the criminal mastermind has struck yet again, this time in the City of Discovery itself, Dundee, at the luxury, penthouse, bachelor pad of the Bombay Bad Boy, Sherwin.
It is unclear at the moment whether Sherwin was the intended victim or the perpetrator of this latest murder, he is at present under sedation in a police cell having supposedly discovered the bodies of the Celibate Sisters, Nun of This and Nun of That, late on Sunday evening. The forensic team have concluded that these virtuous ladies had died of poisoning having consumed a box of Cadbury's Roses. Were the chocolates intended for Sherwin, or did the killer know that chocolate, being a well known substitute for carnal pleasures, was the only vice to which the Celibate Sisters would be likely to succumb?
Clouseau and Gadget are again continuing ther investigation into this dastardly deed and urge anyone with any information as to possible motive for this senseless slaying to come forward.
Clouseau will travel to Glasgow where he intends to interview several suspicious characters whilst Gadget has set up an incident room in the Hilton Hotel conveniently located next to the Olympia Leisure Centre where he hopes to pop in for a dance or two and interview remaining members of the MAd crew.
The Bombay Bad Boy
It would appear that the Bombay Bad Boy is a prime suspect in this recent murder, indeed he has appeared on the list of possible pepetrators of the previous murders. What was the reason for the singing, dancing nuns' visit to Bollywood wannabe Sherwin's bachelor pad? Had he invited the unfortunate twosome to his flat to help him rehearse the script for his forthcoming audition for the part of Whoopi Goldberg's twin sister, in the latest production of Sister Act 3? Was it singing and acting lessons he really required from the Celibate Sisters, was Sherwin attempting method acting or had he other more devious plans in mind? What possible use had the Bombay Bad Boy for a tin opener in a kitchen whose cupboards were devoid of tins, unless he had some alternative purpose for the kitchen utensil, which could possibly involve Chastity belts? Had the virtuous ladies resisted Sherwin's masculine charms,and was it purely by chance that he popped out to the All Nite grocery store for some hot spicy Pot Noodle as a late supper snack, leaving the lovely ladies alone to consume the box of Cadbury's Roses, or was Sherwin himself the intended victim?
The Tramp
Despite rumours that the Tramp was touring Australia and New Zealand, had he, in fact, hired a body double and was already in the city of Dundee? After all when communicating in cyberspace he could make unsuspecting members of the public believe he was anywhere. Had the Celibate Sisters uncovered photographic evidence and proof positive that the Tramp was not a Beginner as he claimed to be, but that in fact he taught Bill Haley how to 'Rock around the Clock' and that Elvis had actually learned his famous 'Pelvic Thrust' movement from the Tramp? In their research for a thesis on "The History of Modern Jive" for their PHD in Social Studies, had the Celibate Sisters uncovered rare archive photographs and film footage from the 1950's, of the Tramp teaching jive long before it was popularly known as 'Modern Jive'?
Did he decide to silence them before they exposed him as a fraud? Or had the intended victim been Sherwin whom he wished to eliminate as yet another BTC dancer in an attempt to boost his own popularity on the dance floor when he takes up residence in Scotland?
John Simpson
Had the Celibate Sisters discovered that John Simpson was really a shapeshifting time traveller who moved with ease through wormholes in space into a parallel universe, where among his numerous identities were Barney Rubble, best friend and next-door neighbour of Fred Flintstone? Had he not chosen the image of Barney as his avatar on the Cerocscotland Forum? Had they discovered that he had also, in the past, assumed the identity of Fred Astaire, dancer Extraordinaire, as he also proclaimed on the Cerocscotland Forum?
Acting on their suspicions, had the celibate duo covertly followed the Cerocing Chameleon on one of his early departures from a Ceroc venue, only to observe him vanish from sight with the ease of a DeLorean, as he slipped through a Time Warp into another dimension ? Did John catch a glimpse of the lovely ladies in his rear view mirror as he disappeared into the future and did the realisation that they had discovered his secret, prompt him to eliminate this threat to his secret life?
CJ the DJ.
Having discovered that CJ had recently advertised on the Cerocscotland Forum for a new partner, his long suffering girlfriend had, in an act of revenge, shaved his head as he slept.
Knowing that devoid of his long, glossy, flowing locks, he would lose his masculine magnetism, sex appeal and reputation as one of Scotland's top Ceroc DJ's, CJ has invested his life savings in a very realistic and extremely expensive wig. As if further proof was needed as to his rapidly diminishing DJ powers, CJ had added such uncerocable classics as Little Jimmy Osmond's "I'll be your long haired Lover from Liverpool", and Tom Jones' "Delilah", to his playlist. Realising that CJ was rapidly losing the plot, had the Celibate Sisters discovered that CJ was actually as bald as Kojak, and had threatened to expose his secret shame at the next Glasgow party? Had the prospect of this public humiliation, prompted the modern day Samson into extreme evasive action, by disposing of the delectable duo?
Steven, the Dancing Penguin.
Had the Celibate Sisters discovered that the so-called Grand Master of the SSSCS, was actually a fraudster, when they unexpectedly arrived at his pied a terre, wherupon they observed him with a can of silver spray paint, purchased from Halfords, in the act of spraying the infamous Silver Ceroc Shoes?
Had the p.p.p.Penguin p.p.p.panicked at the p.p.p.posibility that the virtuous duo would p.p.p.push him from his exalted p.p.p.pedestal and reveal that the 'silver' Ceroc shoes were actually ordinary black leather dance trainers, which he had spray painted?
Did the Polar Pipsqueak prepare a poisonous present for the MAd maidens, to ensure the protection of his precious secret?
Sheena.
Had the MAd Dundee choreographer ensured the virtuous duo's expulsion from the MAd Crew when they had the effrontery to refuse to don strokeable trousers as part of the team costume for Sheena's latest surprise cabaret performance of "Touch my bum", by the Cheeky Girls , for the Midsummer Madness party in Aberdeen? Did the catastrophic combination of the dirty dance routine and the tactile, tight fitting, tiggerskin trousers threaten to compromise the decency, high morals and principles, corrupting the purity and innocence of these charming young ladies? Did the crazy choreographer quell the rebellion in the ranks of the MAd Crew by removing these 'thorns in her flesh' with a box of Cadbury's Roses?
Blue 34.
Had the Celibate sisters discovered that the 'large erection', about which Blue 34 was continually boasting, was in fact, the extension to his house and nothing whatsoever to do with the copious amounts of Viagra tablets, purchased from the Anne Summers shop?
Devastated, disillusioned and disappointed at this dastardly duplicity, had the virtuous dancing duo threatened to expose the truth about this erection to Cerocforum members as a contravention of the 'Trades Description Act 1969'? Did the prospect of this public humiliation provide a motive for Blue 34 to dispose of the divine duo?
Graham.
Having swiftly recovered from the unfortunate death of wife Wendy, the Pole Dancing Dominatrix,had the brooding Heathcliffe turned his dark smouldering eyes in the direction of the divine duo from Dundee? Acquiring by nefarious means, the keys to their infamous chastity belts, had he decided that the Celibate Sisters should play the part of the new Cathys to his Heathcliffe in a daring menage a trois and secretly enrolled in the 'Dirty Double Trouble' workshop at Beach Boogie, in order to fulfil his fantasy that 'Two's Company but Three is a Heavenly Treat'? Upon discovering his underhand shennanigans, Nun of This and Nun of That decided there would be absolutely no cavorting or canoodling or participation in a titillating trio. Had their refusal to indulge his fantasies pushed the gorgeous Graham to the edge of reason causing him to dispose of the magnificent maidens?
WHO MURDERED THE CELIBATE SISTERS?
WILL THEY HAVE MORE FUN IN THE LIFE HEREAFTER THAN THEY DID ON THIS MORTAL PLAIN?
IS IT ABOUT TIME MISS MARPLE RETIRED?
WILL CLOUSEAU AND GADGET EVER CAPTURE THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHOCOLATE CEREAL KILLER?
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
Miss Marple.
Last edited by Miss Marple; 18th-June-2003 at 06:41 PM.
No!!!!!.............not reallyOriginally posted by Miss Marple
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
Yes, absolutely, it's the talk of the steamie (otherwise known as the Olympia). Don't be put off by DD - he's just a sourpuss!Originally posted by Miss Marple
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
Meeeeiiioooww...............Originally posted by John S
Don't be put off by DD - he's just a sourpuss!
Last night, grieving at the latest developments in the City of Discovery, I carefully examined in detail the bodies of Nun of This and Nun of That. (Well, somebody had to do it.)
No doubt our hapless inspectors will see that as my returning to the scene of the crime, but it was purely in the interests of pursuing justice, and to bid a fond farewell to their bodies, which once were earthy (sorry, earthly) and now are heavenly.
I can reliably report that each body was as warm, firm, vibrant (and talkative) as ever – surely convincing proof, if ever it were needed, of the everlasting benefits of celibacy - or maybe celery.
The chains and padlocks on their chastity belts were as intact as their virtue ever was (nuff said!), and their habits were, as always, beyond reproach……..well beyond. Even their wimples were in pristine condition.
It saddens me to think that the Celibate Sisters are no more, but at least they will never grow old (like some of us). Doubtless the dancers already in Heaven are planning to whip out their trumpets and open up dem pearly gates to welcome them, but perhaps before then the sisters will manifest themselves to their followers this weekend. If that happens, we must all be considerate of their dancing limitations, since by then rigor mortis will have set in.
Don't worry we'll be back to haunt you in Aberdeen on Saturday. Rattling the chains of our 'chastity belts', of course!!!
Heather,
It appears that there are two people posting on this forum who are fond of calling Steven a penguin and blessing him with a s.s.s.stutter.Originally posted by Miss Marple
DASTARDLY DEED IN DUNDEE
Steven, the Dancing Penguin.
Had the p.p.p.Penguin p.p.p.panicked at the p.p.p.posibility that the virtuous duo would p.p.p.push him from his exalted p.p.p.pedestal
Miss Marple.
One is Miss Marple and the other is Sheena. Or are these two really just the same person?
Grant
PS. My apologies if Miss Marple has already confessed and I've missed it.
Eh nope!Originally posted by Grant
Or are these two really just the same person?
Steven is the dancing penguin by virtue of his avatar - and blessed with a stutter thanks to the chocolate bisuit advert
And anyway - Grant - you were in London weren't you???????When everyone was doing this to "poor" Steven and making him blush.................
So sorry, guess again - it's not me wot writ it
"If you rebel against high heels, take care to do so in a very smart hat.'' George Bernard Shaw
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