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Thread: Death by chocolate!!!

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    Question Death by chocolate!!!

    STOP PRESS - FORGET MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR IT'S MURDER ON THE FORUM

    It was the sad duty of the CerocScotland moderator to inform the Forum of the unexpected demise of senior member "Chicklet" by fowl means.

    Famous French Detective Inspector Clouseau (AKA Franck), ably assisted by Inspector Gadget of the Aberdeen Special Branch are presently investigating the scene of this heinous crime - the hen house - where she had fallen off her perch. - "Did she jump or was she pushed?" Is now the question for the illustrious inspectors...........

    Chicklet was last seen at the Glasgow Chocolate Party, performing the Double Chocolate Ripple move whilst feeding Maltesers and getting "up close and personal" with Balding Aberdeen Lethario Dave "gammie leg" Hancock.
    She had earlier been observed in deep intimate conversation with Graham. Was the strong, silent Graham merely offering her some of his "orgasmic " chocolate trufffles or was he charting his progress with offers of a different kind?
    The flighty bird had also been dancing provocatively with the Bombay Bad Boy, who we know is partial to a bit of hot spicy chicken!

    Yet other observers witnessed her storming off the dance floor with her feathers distinctly ruffled because CJ had refused her request to share his chocolate balls.

    A furious Wendy had confessed to the singing, dancing nuns - Nun of This and Nun of That (formerly known as the lovely Heather and the lovely Linda, before taking their vow of celibacy) - that she could hardly contain her jealous fury when she discovered that Chicklet had eaten the chocolate truffles from Graham's pocket, that Wendy herself had been saving for her own pleasure later that evening.

    Inspector Clouseau reported to the press that he was currently inspecting the "aleebees" of "pipple een the 'all" but he could state categorically that no "minkees" were involved although there had been plenty of nuts at the party!

    Inspector Gadget - the famous Aberdonian detective - who had briefly stopped off at his own convenience in Dundee, to avail himself of the facilities, was at present questioning members of the MAd crew. Gadget was able to divulge that this was a case of Death by Chocolate or too much of a good thing- as Chicklet had been poisoned and must have been as sick as a parrot before an agonising plunge from her perch. Her chocolate had been laced with good old arsenic.............

    The two renowned detectives on reaching an Entente Cordiale concluded that she must have been poisoned by some-one at the party. A list of suspects with possible motives has been assembled and those involved are currently under rigorous investigation -

    WENDY
    Had the mad matriarch, who not only furious on discovering that Chicklet had tasted Graham's orgasmic truffles, had also uncovered her ruthless plan to seduce - in her own version of double trouble - Wendy's sweet, youthful and innocent (?) adopted sons Brady and Curtain?
    Had Wendy in a mother's desperate attempt to protect her boys' virtue resorted to murder.
    Has Wendy further confessions to make?

    GRAHAM
    Was the strong, silent, brooding Heathcliff figure - with whom Chicklet had been having a clandestine internet affair - prepared to resort to murder when she threatened to expose his dark secret to jealous wife Wendy?

    THE BOMBAY BAD BOY
    Had the feathered female threatened to ruin his hitherto unmblemished reputation by exposing his unhealthy addiction to a certain snack food, frequently eaten only by "dirty people"?
    Was the threat of this revelation enough to make him choke on his Pot Noodle?
    Did Sherwin apply his considerable culinary skills by adding an extra ingredient to her chocolate pudding?

    DAVE HANCOCK
    Had Chicklet threatened to expose his underworld links and the discrepancies in his accounts to the News of the World when she discovered that there was no truth in the rumour that Aberdonians frequently go commando and that he didn't quite measure up to her Curly Wurly? Did he reach the end of his tether when she threatened to expose his inadequacies?

    THE ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING NUNS Whilst contemplating "How do you Solve a Problem Like the Chicklet?" and ignoring their suggestion that she should go "Climb Every Mountain" or the Munroes at least, had they resorted to murder when they discovered that she had found the keys to their chastity belts and was threatening to auction them to the highest bidder on the forum?

    BTC BILL
    BTC Bill, whom she was blackmailing when she discovered that he frequently wears Fran's stockings and suspenders under his trousers, and had some very revealing photos for which she had been offered a large sum with which to feather her nest by the Sunday Sport. Did his chocolate exterior finally boil over?

    THE TRAMP
    Had the Tramp hired a hit-man to dispose of the feathered female in an attempt to silence her as he could no longer get a word in edge-wise on the forum?

    BLUE 34
    Having cruelly toyed with his affections and seduced him into breaking his"no kissing allowed" rule - he discovered the only bulge in his trouser pocket she wanted to get her claws into was his wallet! Was this humiliation a motive for murder? Was this the ultimate kick in the head?

    CJ
    Not prepared to take no for an answer, Chicklet had, after all, gotten her hands on his chocolate balls. CJ had also discovered her plan to destroy his copy of "Vem Vet" and replace it with "There Ain't No Body Here But Us Chickens" thus bringing his record collection and excellent reputation into disrepute. Had this struck a bum note with our musical afficionado and caused him to compose a requiem of his own.

    JAYNE
    Had Jayne decided to exact revenge on Chicklet because she refused to join her game of Blind Man's Buff at the party? Prefering instead to appropriate the blindfold for her own private purposes - it is a well known fact that Jayne had no time for spoilsports -could this act have provided the motivation for murder?

    SHEENA
    Had Chicklet, spitting feathers at not being offered the leading solo spot in Sheena's new cabaret -(based on Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds) - decided to sabotage Sheena's chances of winning the Blackpool 2004 Cabaret competition, by squawking to Nicky Haslam that Sheena's routine would be arranged to "Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep" and "The Birdy Song". Was the normally mild-mannered, extremely strokeable, but nevertheless slightly MAd Sheena pushed so far as to choreograph Chicklet's demise?

    FILTHYCUTE
    FC who had sworn vengance for Chicklet's earlier attempt to emulate the "shirt-ripping move" with James - perfected and patented by Melanie at the Blackpool Jive Championships. Could this blatant attempt to view James' body tattoos, normally reserved for the eyes of only Filthycute, have pushed FC to cook the featherbrain's goose.

    THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS ON EVERYONE'S LIPS -

    WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM?
    WHO'S NEXT - ARE WE DEALING WITH A CEREAL KILLER (CORNY BUT TRUE!)?
    DO WE ENLIST THE HELP OF INSPECTOR FROST OR HAS THE TRAIL ALREADY GONE COLD?
    WHO WROTE THIS PILE OF CHICKEN S*** AND WHO REALLY CARES?

  2. #2
    Registered User Twinkle Toes's Avatar
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    Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS ON EVERYONE'S LIPS -

    WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM?
    WHO'S NEXT - ARE WE DEALING WITH A CEREAL KILLER (CORNY BUT TRUE!)?
    DO WE ENLIST THE HELP OF INSPECTOR FROST OR HAS THE TRAIL ALREADY GONE COLD?
    WHO WROTE THIS PILE OF CHICKEN S*** AND WHO REALLY CARES?
    So, you weren't out dancing tonight then !

    TT

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    Brilliant!

    Truly Brilliant.

    Thank you for making me laugh very much!! (Whoever you are)



    Steve

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    But surely there must be more suspects than that!

    What about the "innocent young" Brady, Stuart, that mad artist from London or even Lorna(couldn't possibly be as innocent as she looks ) and then again I'm not convinced I trust that famous French Detective - sure I saw him sneaking off with a box of truffles under his arm at one point

    And the other thing - if you were at the party then I'll need to do some detective work of my own

    Great fun though - well done! You ever considered writing for a living?

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    :reallymad :sorry

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    Steve

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    but most of all


    absolutely stunning, whoever you are.

    may we have a who-done-it poll of the likely suspects please????

    I need to know who stuffed the bird!!!!!!!!!

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    Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    ~snip~ Gadget was able to divulge that this was a case of Death by Chocolate or too much of a good thing- as Chicklet had been poisoned and must have been as sick as a parrot before an agonising plunge from her perch. Her chocolate had been laced with good old arsenic.............

    ~snip~
    WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM?
    The list of suspects narrows; we are obviously looking for a couple of spinsters who have a window box-seat and a mad relative... {Arsnic and old lace}

    ... ok, so that dosn't narrow it down quite as much as I'd hoped.

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    Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    STOP PRESS - FORGET MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR
    Chicklet was last seen at the Glasgow Chocolate Party...
    She seemed to have made a remarkable recovery for the Wednesday night class - mind you, it is Easter, there's a lot of that thing about...
    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    A furious Wendy had confessed to the singing, dancing nuns - Nun of This and Nun of That (formerly known as the lovely Heather and the lovely Linda, before taking their vow of celibacy) -
    Aha, a clue to Miss Marple's identity perhaps? (No, it's not me!) How many knew of this vow?
    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    WENDY
    Has Wendy further confessions to make?
    New thread please, Franck. No, hang on, new Forum section...
    Originally posted by Miss Marple
    GRAHAM
    Was the strong, silent, brooding Heathcliff figure - with whom Chicklet had been having a clandestine internet affair - prepared to resort to murder when she threatened to expose his dark secret to jealous wife Wendy?
    If Graham is Heathcliff, would that make Wendy = Kate Bush? And regarding Graham seducing Chicklet, if he was doing the brooding for her I'd say he's going about wooing poultry the right way...

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    Aha, a clue to Miss Marple's identity perhaps? (No, it's not me!) How many knew of this vow?
    Ummm. It was posted on the forum a few days ago. So potentially everyone!
    New thread please, Franck. No, hang on, new Forum section...
    I'm still chuckling over this comment, 30 seconds after reading it. Funny But I'd start running now if I were you

    Steve

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    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    [QUOTE]Originally posted by Stuart M
    [B]She seemed to have made a remarkable recovery for the Wednesday night class - mind you, it is Easter, there's a lot of that thing about...

    Could get a new t-shirt for the Wednesday night class too!!!

    Take your hands off my ears I'm not really dead??

    judging by some of the confused looks last night this one will not be any more baffling for a lot of men than the original!!!

    All the girls seem to get it straight away, weird that eh???



    PS sorry if I was "singing" last night Stuart, it would have been painful for you, came over all touched that CJ dug out Summer of 69!!!

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    All the girls seem to get it straight away, weird that eh???
    Hmmm. I got it straight away. Does that make me a girl then???

    Steve

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    Re: Re: Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Chicklet
    PS sorry if I was "singing" last night Stuart, it would have been painful for you, came over all touched that CJ dug out Summer of 69!!!
    Oh don't worry, I'm tough when it comes to ladies singing during a dance - I've heard Jayne's singing...

    This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...

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    Re: Re: Re: Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Stuart M

    This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...
    Yes but it won't be another homicide, more like an assisted suicide after that remark.

    Grant

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    Re: Re: Re: Re: Death by chocolate!!!

    Originally posted by Stuart M

    This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...
    Yip !!! And a Double Trouble fatality at that !!! Jayne and moi dancing you to death ... doing the Lydia ... over and over... and we know how you hate just standing there .... poor kid !!!

    Oh, Graham will want to try that tshirt of yours once you've gone...

    Wxx

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