The real issue, IMO, is not really gender specific. To improve your own dancing, you need to be dancing with people who are as good as or better than you.
Most female taxis only ever lead beginners in the class and in freestyle and are often fairly beginner leads themselves - and as we don't lead that many dances in freestyle it takes us longer to improve! It's rude and not entirely fair to talk about "hauling around" beginners, but that is sometimes what it feels like - sorry, but it does In those cases, I know that my style goes completely out of the window as I'm focussing on trying to stay on time and not hurt the follower whilst thinking of the next move - and smiling.
Ladies (and I will hold up Sparkles, MsFab, Tessalicious and Tiggerbabe here as fabulous examples, I know there's others!) who frequently lead experienced/good followers in freestyle don't lose any of their own "grace" when they are following AFAICT from watching.
I know that my first dance as a follower after leading in the beginner's class is not going to be me at my best
Getting used to switching "heads" is tricky - plenty of stealing the lead dances with other ladies who lead has helped me speed up my role reversal abilities (and it's wicked good fun too )
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