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Thread: Relaxing while dancing

  1. #21
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Thanks for all the tips folks.

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    No daydreaming and mentally floating away, it's a dance, not a smear test.
    JC- the day I can liken Ceroc to a smear test I’ll be giving it up – rapidly!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I know what you mean because I do this and its nothing to do with trust (for me anyway). Its that I can get into a downward spiral of realising I made a mistake and thinking about that mistake and therefore being distracted and more likely to make another, then realising that and getting even more anxious and doing something else wrong, then feeling the whole dance is getting worse...
    Lynn, I understand exactly what you are saying, and I think that is part of the problem, although when dancing with a new partner (or one I’ve danced with infrequently or not for ages), I think my initial problem does come from not being able to trust sufficiently and therefore relax, and that’s when I make the mistake/miss the lead and head off into my downward spiral if I do it more than a couple of times. And my downward spiral is usually accompanied by copious apologising, which is irritating to the guy as well as me, but seems to be instinctive (though I’m working on breaking that habit).

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    Try closing your eyes, even if it's just for a bit of the dance
    I think I’ll try the eyes closed thing, but not with one of these dancers till I’ve tried it with someone I already trust – don’t want to wind up a gibbering wreck. Could be a bit tricky if they’re waving their hand behind their back at you though…

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    Just sing along to the music or go "la-la-la" or count the beats and try to work out where the next break is coming. The more you listen, the more you may find that some of the moves actually tie in with what's going on in it - then you may find that you are listening/hearing the same things as the leader is, then you may both be able to come together more and have more chance of 'clicking'.
    I do this with the guys that I trust. I’ve actually become conscious recently that I probably look like I’m talking to myself whilst dancing. I shall try and do this next time I’m in this situation, but be aware of doing it.

    I do like it when I get moves that I don’t know in a dance or get challenged – love it in fact. I’ve often picked out partners whom I’ve grown to trust who I know will stretch me that way, and I’m sure that my dancing has come on much faster as a consequence. And I know I’ve seen elsewhere that you shouldn’t worry too much about whether your partner is having a good time, but I can’t help it – I want to dance well so that he’ll ask me again! And so that I’ll continue to improve and enjoy it even more. Sounds like it’s down to an experience thing – maybe I’m at the “little knowledge is a dangerous thing” stage.

    Really appreciate your input - off to class again tonight, so will try and remember and put it into practice.

  2. #22
    Registered User spindr's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    Agree that a really good lead will be aware of where your balance is, which means that you should be able to follow anything.
    Being aware of where it is may be true -- but if the follower's balance is shifting about randomly then that doesn't really help.

    SpinDr

  3. #23
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    [snip] Best advice I was given, which I try to put into practice is "follow the hand" - watching the lead's chest also helps with your balance as there may well be clues to their 'intention' (direction) there (yet another tango 'technique', but may be not one to use excessively if a woman is leading you...)
    Good advice!

    However, being more flippant, I find that if a guy is doing lots & lots of complex moves which you don't really want to do, just start talking to them .... Almost inevitably they will simplify things. Men rarely do their most ambitious moves while trying to hold a conversation. Of course, you might get told to shut up (don't blame me )!

    Rachel

  4. #24
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Hmm, asking a man to multi-task...

    *ducks and runs away*

  5. #25
    TiggsTours
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    A good dancer dances to their partners capability, and the same goes for leading and following. If a guy is leading you into all sorts of complicated stuff and you are not following it, then he is the one that is wrong, as he should adjust his lead accordingly. I'd say that you are a better dancer than him, as you are at least trying to keep up, and therefore are at least trying to dance to their capability!

    The same goes when you're following, if I'm dancing with a good dancer I will put in far more of my own interpretations and styling, and backleading than I would with a beginner, I wouldn't even attempt backleading with a beginner! If I had manage to guage by about half way through the dance that they could handle it, I would simply add a little more styling in, nothing more than that.

    You see plenty of "good" leads dancing with beginners, throwing them everywhere, then hitting breaks in the music, they look fab and their partner is left standing there looking a bit lost and not knowing what to do, that's not a good lead, a good lead would adjust, keep the moves simple and enjoyable, and make sure their partner is having a good time! If you watch the best dancers dancing socially, you'll usually see that the moves they are using are generally very simple, no matter who they're dancing with, its the way they do them that makes them look good!

  6. #26
    Registered User Dreamer's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Looking at the respective lengths of the woman's list of desirable tango man attributes versus the man's list reminds me of that joke about what makes an ideal man/woman:

    Ideal man is:
    1) strong
    2) sensitive
    3) practical
    4) empathetic
    5) heroic
    6) faithful
    7) blah blah blah you get the idea....
    ....
    ....
    200) ....

    Ideal woman:
    1) Turns up naked
    2) Brings beer

  7. #27
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by BigHeadedBeginner
    .........Ideal woman:
    1) Turns up naked
    2) Brings beer
    or if not ideal
    change the order
    1) Brings beer
    2) Gets naked

    sorry girls..... I shouldn't encourage them it's all this footie going to my head


    --ooOoo--
    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
    Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

    Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

  8. #28
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    hi,
    I hope you have sorted out the problem with the "following". I am a male dancer and suck at following myself, but I have heared about some of my friends having the same problem as you have had. Hope what i have to say makes sense and helps?
    If you are dancing with someone for the first time, you are naturally going to see how good they are and how well or how bad there lead is? If you feel the guy leads you well, your instincts should help you gradually trust the guy and help you follow the lead properly.
    However, if you feel less confident about your ability to perform as good as your partner, you will end up thinking about it too much and miss the dance flow. First thing, have faith in yourself, easier said than done! Next time when you are on the dance floor and you feel nervous, try humming the tune of the song in your mind, this might help you relax your mind.
    Keep on dancing and have fun

    regards
    abhi

  9. #29
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    Watching the lead's chest also helps .... but may be not one to use excessively if a woman is leading you...
    I can't see a single problem with that.
    In seriousness, watching the collarbone or the top of the rib cage works well in that case.

  10. #30
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Hi!

    I've only been dancing for 6 weeks, but managed to dance with so many different partners - from beginners to amazing dancers and I found that when the partner's knowledge is much greater, it just adds to the experinece and I learn so much.

    Not so keen on the men that would try a complicated move on me and when it doesn't work, they stick to very simple routines - how am I supposed to learn (in classes, I know, but there should be more to this!)?

    A few of the great dancers that I've danced with would try more advanced moves (and miraculously I managed to follow most of them!) and if any of them confuse me, they would try them again later in the dance and after a few tries I get the hang of them - very subtle way of teaching I find and extremely rewarding!!! It really speeds up the learning process and boosts your confidence!

    As for making mistakes... One great teacher once said to me BE LIKE A FISH - as soon as the mistake is made, it's gone, forget it and move on! Nobody's perfect anyway - and just as well, they would be very boring!

  11. #31
    Registered User Jhutch's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post

    Maybe what's happening then is that I'm dancing/following quite well, so they think that I'm more experienced than I am, so try stuff out on me thinking that I'll know how to do it?
    Well, its a bit late to answer this but i think that this may apply to some women. I went to one London venue a while back. The best dance of the evening was with a girl i spoke to later. I imagined that she had been dancing for ages but it turned out that it was only 3 or 4 months I saw her a week or so later at a different venue that she hadn't been to before. During freestyle she spent a lot of time sitting down looking unhappy. When i asked her what was wrong, she said that she couldn't seem to follow what the men were leading. However, when i had danced with her doing my limited range of moves she seemed fine. I can only think that her good following meant that the leaders were thinking she was more experienced than she was and tried harder stuff (i know that they shouldn't, etc, but if it only happens once in every dance and you're not used to it, then i suppose it would get you down).


    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn View Post
    I can get into a downward spiral of realising I made a mistake and thinking about that mistake and therefore being distracted and more likely to make another, then realising that and getting even more anxious and doing something else wrong, then feeling the whole dance is getting worse


    Normally calls for a complete back to basics

  12. #32
    Registered User Ghost's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    On the trust issue;

    If I'm leading a move they don't know, it's like a little sandtimer appears and the sand starts trickling through. As long as I'm finished and back onto recognisable territory before I run out of sand (and I've led it properly ) everything's fine. If I go past the point where I run out of sand (trust) and they start trying to think through what i'm trying to lead and it all goes rapidly wrong. How much sand there is depends largely on how well I've led the previous moves, and how well I've led other unknown moves (and whether I kept within the sand-timer). You can build up sand throughout a dance.

    I'm currently unconvinced of the wisdom of leading an experienced Cerocer through a dance consisting only of moves she doesn't recognise, no matter how well they're led.

    The flip-side of this is important though - there's probably valid reasons why you only have so much trust in a lead, and these can include stopping you from getting hurt and hurting others, so I'd be cautious of trying to ignore this aspect and following anything they lead

  13. #33
    Registered User killingtime's Avatar
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    Re: Relaxing while dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    If I'm leading a move they don't know, it's like a little sandtimer appears and the sand starts trickling through. As long as I'm finished and back onto recognisable territory before I run out of sand (and I've led it properly ) everything's fine.
    Have you been playing Sands of Time or something ?

    Anyway I get what you mean. I find sometimes when I lead relative beginners into walk moves or such they'll start following just fine but I'll sense a point where they begin to try and think about what they are doing, where their feet should be and what they should be doing. I'll feel them tense up and pretty much at that point I know that I won't be able to lead that move any more (often I'll try and exit the move at that stage).

    Saying that a while back I followed a guy who is known for his walking moves and such. It was interesting, despite what I know what I look for when leading, that I fell into trying to think about what he wanted me to do. He told me to relax, keep my frame and not think of my feet. Sure enough he had moving around the floor in no time then. It was wonderful to be glide around a floor actually. I can definitely see the appeal .

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