Dance Etiquette

[Swinging bee]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

[Andreas]

I consider it rude but perhaps not on the grounds that you do.

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

If I turn somebody down for the reason of getting changed or whatever then I go and find the other person.

[Feelingpink]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

Rude? No. Honest? Don't know. If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.
And most of my favourite dancers are quite choosy about what music they dance to.

[jivecat]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

I think it's only rude when you DON'T go and find the person later. I very rarely turn dances down but I occasionally do on these grounds if I'm tired, say, and don't want to waste energy on music that I won't enjoy. But going back to find that person is essential, otherwise it's just a fob-off. I've had that done to me often enough not to want to do it to someone else.

There's also no point trying to make the other person dance to something they don't like, that's a sure recipe for an unsatisfactory dance. Much better to catch them later.

[Donna]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

Me neither

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

Which tells you he might as well have said, 'Ur, I'm not dancing with you.' Some pretty stupid excuse then blaming the music.

[TiggsTours]

I consider it rude but perhaps not on the grounds that you do.

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

If I turn somebody down for the reason of getting changed or whatever then I go and find the other person.

I do sometimes turn someone down if I don't like the music, because if I don't like what I'm dancing to, my heart won't be in it, and I won't be able to give my all to the dance, so spoiling the dance for my partner, I'm sure they'd rather dance with someone who will enjoy it. But when I do turn someone down for this reason, I nearly always go to find them when something comes on that I do like to see if they fancy that one! I say nearly, because I'm honest, sometimes you don't get back to someone you've turned down, and its not necessarily due to not trying.

[TiggsTours]

Rude? No. Honest? Don't know. If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.
And most of my favourite dancers are quite choosy about what music they dance to.

If my favourite track came on, I'd far rather someone told me they don't want to dance to it, to give me the opportunity to find someone who does. If I were to end up dancing to my favourite track with someone who hated it, and was bored through-out, I'd make the most of it, but to be honest, I'd rather dance on the side of the dance floor on my own!

[Donna]

[QUOTE]

I nearly always go to find them when something comes on that I do like to see if they fancy that one

!


Well at least you're honest.. but what would you do if they turned around and said, ' oh no not this one love, I don't like the music, will catch you on the next one!' You'd be like that all night!!!

[Lynn]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

I don't either. In fact the person could be meaning 'I don't like this track and will therefore have a not as enjoyable dance to it, and I would prefer to dance with you to a track I really enjoy than pretend.'

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

This could be rude, but equally rude is 'I'll come and find you later' and then not doing it. (Easily done too, if the venue is crowded and its near the end of the evening.)

Easiest is 'We'll dance the next track'

[Donna]

This could be rude, but equally rude is 'I'll come and find you later' and then not doing it. (Easily done too, if the venue is crowded and its near the end of the evening.)

Yes I'll hold my hand up to this one. Guilty. But not because I didn't want to dance with someone because of the music. It's usually if i've reserved a dance with someone else, but if it is crowded, like you say, it's easily done. Alllthouuuugh it depends where they are on 'My favourite people' list!!!

[Gus]

If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.

Top point. Was 'forced' to dance to a few really poor club tracks last night at Prestwich (twice grabbed by hand and dragged onto floor). I REALLY would have prefered to prop up the bar, but wasn't given the option to. Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.

[Donna]

Top point. Was 'forced' to dance to a few really poor club tracks last night at Prestwich (twice grabbed by hand and dragged onto floor). I REALLY would have prefered to prop up the bar, but wasn't given the option to. Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.

Now that's rude! Dragging someone on the floor! Did you know her? Actually ignore that question. I know you well, but I still wouldn't drag you on the dance floor! I'd ask.

[Lynn]

Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.

And in taking that option you would have been saying...

'I don't like this track ... and I would prefer to dance with you to a track I really enjoy than pretend.'

I probably wouldn't refuse the dance though, personally, but I would understand if someone did on those grounds.

I always find something to enjoy in almost every dance and if a guy has asked me up for a dance to a song I don't like that much but he likes it, I get pleasure from him having a good dance. If the next track is one I really like, I might suggest staying up.

[Gadget]

Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.

I can't really see how the choice of track would alter that? {But then again, the concept of not dancing is a bit alien to me }

[Gus]

And in taking that option you would have been saying...

To be fair its rare I beg to escape a dance, even if I hate the track. If I do cry off a dance (beacuse its 'undanceable', which happens more than it should) I always make sure I make a suitable excuse and catch the lady for the next dance she's free.

[Donna]

[QUOTE]

Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.

Well said Gadget.

[killingtime]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

I use one track as a chance to go change T-shirts and cool down outside even if I'm not really warm. I will turn people down (normally people I know well enough that I think they'll understand) but if I'm pushed I'll dance anyway (and sometimes have a really good time). I don't see anything too bad in it; it helps if you plan on dancing the next track with the person.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

I not so sure. On a busy night it can be really difficult to get three inches across the dance floor without someone else asking you to dance. Sometimes it's easier if they are looking for you. It's better if you establish that you will attempt to find them as well so both of you can look out for each other.

obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

I'm sure the other person might have loved the track; it doesn't change your opinion of it though.

If it was someone I didn't know I think I'd dance it; if it was someone I've danced with a few times (especially if I've danced with them already that evening) I'd be inclined to do whatever I felt like (normally take that track as a chance to change or something).

On the other hand ducasi (I think) said that it is better to dance to a track you don't like than to just sit out and listen to it and I agree with this.

[MartinHarper]

"I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"

Not rude at all. I know one lady turned me down because she didn't like a track that was playing (too fast to be enjoyable), and asked me to ask her later, and I did, and we danced, and it was good. She genuinely doesn't like dancing to fast music, and I know that now, and now I avoid asking her when a fast track comes on. Why get upset because someone has different musical preferences to me?

I try to avoid saying "I'll come and find you later" myself. My memory and face recognition is fragile enough that there's a decent chance that by doing so I'll cause inadvertant offence, particularly at weekenders. I don't expect the better dancers to say "I'll come and find you later" to me either, simply because they tend to be popular, and if they promise a dance to every random intermediate who wants a piece then they'll spend the entire evening trying to fulfill promises, rather than having a good time.

[Trousers]

So what are we saying here. . . . . .

We know the old Ceroc rule 'No one turns down a dance'
'cept for us lot 'cos
- we know better
- rules are made for breaking
- we want to rebels
- grrrrrrrr
- i'm too good for you boyo!
- euurrrgghhhhh
- this track is rubbish
- i really wanted to dance with ya mate
- you ain't gonna keep up love
- no really! i wanted to dance with ya mate

(please delete as applicable)

shuffles quietly to corner waiting for fallout

[fletch]

Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.

I never refuse someone I have never dance with before, and only refuse if someone keeps asking me and I am feeling a bit uncomfortable with them.

I normally do the asking, and I know how it feels to be turned down.

That's the nice thing about M.J. girls get to ask and its ok.