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Thread: E-mail dilemma

  1. #1
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    E-mail dilemma

    What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line -
    There isn't one! Read it anyway.
    The question is: Would you have made the same choice?

    At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.
    After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
    "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
    Where is the natural order of things in my son?" The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."
    Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
    Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
    Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and a few boys nodded approval, why not? So he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
    Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted.
    In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
    In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
    At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
    Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.
    The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay as the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
    The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base.
    He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base.
    By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
    Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"
    Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third"
    As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home!"
    Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
    That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."
    Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
    NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY:
    We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.
    If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.
    Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things."
    So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?
    A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats its least fortunate amongst them.
    You now have two choices:
    1. Delete
    2. Forward
    May your day be a Shay Day sunny today & always!





    I received this today and it brought a tear to my eye

  2. #2
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Thanks for posting this. Part of me is sceptical of it's veracity, but to paraphrase Terry Pratchett: "If it isn't true, it ought to be."

  3. #3
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    I was wondering what the point the guy at the fundraiser was trying to make...

    Then I found the original version of this tale.

    It is an inspirational story though, and I hope we could all make the right decision in these circumstances.

    EDIT: Oh, and it appears to be true – at least the original version...
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    I'm glad it is a true story, but the tear was there before I knew it was!!!!!

    Without wanting to over emotionalise anything, reading it made me feel slightly inadequate somehow in my dealings with disability.

    Will try harder.

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    Registered User Whitebeard's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    The following is in no way a reflection on UPs post, but it has brought to mind something I have idly speculated upon from time to time. Going back some time email spam was a real problem and I was receiving enough for it to really annoy me. Now, however, I rarely receive an email which looks suspicious enough for me to hit the 'report spam' button. This despite the fact that the website I created, and subsequently lost the motivation to maintain and update, is still out there and contains my one and only email address. Is this happy state of affairs due to the steps taken by my particular ISP or is everybody else also enjoying a virtually spam free existence?

  6. #6
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by under par
    I'm glad it is a true story, but the tear was there before I knew it was!!!!!
    The original story about "Shaya" is true. This version has had a few cynical changes...

    The person who "adapted" it for email, changed the boy's name and removing all religious references presumably to make it more universal, and less likely to upset people who don't want to hear about God stuff... (I really didn't get the bit that said "everything nature does is done with perfection" when it quite clearly isn't, but if you replace "nature" with the original "God", it makes much more sense.)

    Worse, he also killed the poor lad off, just to tug a little more on our heartstrings.

    That I do find a touch too cynical for my tastes.

    But, yeah, we probably all need to try harder...
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

  7. #7
    Registered User DianaS's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Would you have made the same choice?

    Its a very very human tale. People do all the time make this kind of choice and others don't

    I've got a story as well to tell about a woman who I trained with in martial arts.

    We both entered for the Bristol national championships to perform our patterns and travelled down together.

    When I finished my pattern and watched my sons pattern and fight I came to watch her perform hers and as we waited I saw them go onto the higher belt. She burst into tears when she realised as somehow she had missed her turn.

    We enquired why she hadn't been called they explained she had and that she hadn't come forward. She had waited four hours to compete and was devasted. I took her over to one our senior to see what we could do on her behalf and his response was that she had missed her turn and should have been listening!

    There was almost a scrap as Lucy called Dave a dickhead and shouted out that she was deaf and couldn't hear. None of us knew.

    Dave stormed off, he was competing in the black belt events and couldn't cope with female histrionics. I was angry with Dave, shocked that he didn't give a damn and felt powerless. The protocal in a dojang and in competitions is so strict that you bow before entering the room, you bow on exit you never approach a senior without permission and address then always as Sir or Ma-am.

    I approached the refereees who were still judging, bowed and asked for a few moments of their time after the next competitor. Wearing my yellow belt I felt small and insignificant. They granted me some time and I explained the situation she had missed her turn was deaf no one had known but could she perform her pattern. She had travelled from 6am and it was now 2pm.
    The response was that it wouldn't count. The competition for her grading was over. I explained that to her it would count she had trainied hard for the event and had mental as well as phyical disabilites. They were persuaded, graded her, and as she bowed she was applauded.

    When she received her grades the referee approached her later to ask how she felt "Not good enough was it" with an angry look. Her grading had been top, way above anyone elses.

    My thoughts were
    how patronising and disrepectful every one had been to her.
    the senior didn't care
    the referee oblidged because I insisted
    and only after I explained her mental as well as hearing disability
    the gradings were evidently adjusted (if it had of counted they would have graded her lower)

    and she isn't thick, at some level she knew it. Seems to me that we are too happy to make an effort so long as it shows we are but not just to accept and be alongside. Just let them play ball and treat them like another player, just let them compete and not make an issue if they miss their turn.
    More respectful don't you think?
    more real..
    and far less patronising

  8. #8
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    I don't know or care if the Shay story is true or not. But it did make me cry because it made me think of my brother and others I know who are mentally handicapped. And, unfortunately, I see very little evidence of such human compassion.

    I see my brother who is very painfully aware that he is 'different' from other people, though he is not sure how. He is desperate to be 'normal', to do what other people do, to be accepted and belong. Yes, he is difficult, illogical, and frustrating, but he is also adorable, funny, extremely outgoing, loves people and will talk for hours to anyone who has the heart to listen. Yet he has been beaten up, laughed at, mocked and stared at. How on earth can I tell him that he shouldn't stare at people when they do the same to him every single day, every single time he goes out?

    Now, we all like to think we can do better – God knows, I can. Perhaps I could bring this discussion from the hypothetical to a potential reality and ask how you would respond to the following:

    Some time ago I met a dancer with a mentally handicapped son who lived a long way from him and who he didn't get to see very much. He had taken his son out Ceroc dancing a couple of times and his son absolutely loved it. Ok, he couldn't really dance properly, but could manage an armjive with some of the ladies who would dance with him.

    This son happened to live in Northampton, in a care home just a few miles away from us. So I told the father that I would be more than happy to take his son out to our local Ceroc venue every now and again. The father, however, got in touch with the son's carers and contacted me to say they wouldn't allow him to go out dancing. It was 'too sexual and would excite him too much'. I'm sorry but my thoughts were, *******s! Nobody can prevent someone from having sexual thoughts and I believe that this son is no more likely to get sexually excited from dancing than he is from one of his female carers or talking to a lady at a bus stop.

    Anyway, the dancing never came about (and I must accept that maybe his carers did know better than me) but that's an aside. What it really made me wonder was – if I had brought him along to a Ceroc venue, would any ladies be prepared to have a dance with him?

    Is it actually reasonable of me to hope that people who have come along for a social night out, paid their money, perhaps on the only one night of the week when they could get a babysitter and have the chance to let their hair down and relax for a bit, might spare the time to dance with him? They have not come out to a charity night, they probably do loads of good deeds/charitable work elsewhere. This is their night off. Perhaps they wouldn't quite know how to relate to someone who was mentally handicapped? All fair enough and quite understandable. And I was prepared to accept that, if I had brought along this boy, I might be the only one dancing with him all night.

    But my question still remains (it's not loaded - I'm genuinely curious) – would you have a dance with someone who is mentally handicapped? Or would you be offended if someone bought along a mentally handicapped adult to actively participate at a Ceroc event?

    Rachel

  9. #9
    Registered User ChrisA's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel
    But my question still remains (it's not loaded - I'm genuinely curious) – would you have a dance with someone who is mentally handicapped? Or would you be offended if someone bought along a mentally handicapped adult to actively participate at a Ceroc event?
    I think the answer to this has to be "it depends".

    It would be a cold-hearted individual that couldn't find it in themselves to give a little pleasure to someone less fortunate in any way. Similarly, I think anyone that was "offended" just by the presence of such a person, wouldn't deserve a great deal of respect for their views, let's put it that way.

    However, "mentally handicapped" is an extremely broad term, ranging from "slightly strange but otherwise completely harmless" to the sort of guy we read about that knifes random people shortly after release from a secure institution.

    Particularly in the case of a woman dancing with a potentially much bigger and stronger mentally-handicapped guy, there is a risk, or at least a fear of risk, in cases where the non-handicapped person doesn't already know the handicapped person to pose no threat.

    I think if the level of handicap is mild enough that participation is possible; if the person is accompanied by someone that knows them well; if their partners are introduced beforehand, and the situation explained; and most importantly if there is no physical risk to the participants, then I hope any of us would be up for it.

    The closest I came to this was at Ashtons a while back. I was dancing with someone, and there was a guy that was clearly mentally handicapped in some way, wandering randomly round the dance floor, picking couples dancing to watch at very close range, and then looking at them very closely while they danced. That's all he did, but it felt very creepy. He seemed perfectly harmless - I stopped dancing and escorted him gently to the side of the floor. He came willingly and then watched from the side, which was fine.

    But there was no one with him, at least not close by, taking responsibility for him, which I thought was quite a dereliction of duty, assuming he hadn't come on his own.

    But if it was done properly, with the caveats I mentioned taken into consideration, then I wouldn't have a problem.

  10. #10
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisA
    I
    ......But there was no one with him,.....
    But why should someone come with him

    Some people with “disabilities ” are quite capable of looking after themselves

    And its up to us to help them, if indeed they need our help

    As you say, you kindly guided him to the edge of the floor and that, was all that was needed

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisA
    ...However, "mentally handicapped" is an extremely broad term, ranging from "slightly strange but otherwise completely harmless" to the sort of guy we read about that knifes random people shortly after release from a secure institution....

    Thanks, Chris for answering – and I absolutely agree with everything you say. I did realise, just after posting, that I had made huge, awful, generalisations by just saying 'mentally handicapped'. I was trying to be brief, but probably ended up being incredibly offensive.

    What I was actually imagining was someone like the 'son' I referred to, or my brother. I probably wouldn't bring my brother to a Ceroc night, for reasons I won't go into here. But, as an example, he is very mobile but lacks the co-ordination and mental ability to be able to learn and piece together different moves. Certainly couldn't do the class. But could do an armjive and be back-led through a dance. He is a great conversationalist - if rather random - with an incredible sense of humour, but some people find his speech hard to understand.

    He would adore being out at a dance and having the chance to talk to different people. He absolutely loves females and it would make his life to be able to dance with some. He has never, to my knowledge, um, 'crossed the boundary' and physically tried to get too close to a lady. And he doesn't stare at their legs or boobs or anything. More than anything, he'd just love to talk to them.

    But obviously some ladies would see find his attention creepy and quite understandably, wouldn't wish to have any physical contact with him. I think that, for someone like him, there would definitely need to be an escort or carer with him who would keep a very very close eye on things. I.e., just introduce him to one or two ladies who had already given their consent to talk or dance with him, not let him monopolise anyone for more than a few minutes, make sure he doesn't give undue attention to any unsuspecting ladies, and leave with him if anyone has justifiable reason to be disturbed by his presence. Yes, it would be very difficult, but the rewards would be unimaginable.

    Rachel

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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel
    But, as an example, he is very mobile but lacks the co-ordination and mental ability to be able to learn and piece together different moves. Certainly couldn't do the class. But could do an armjive and be back-led through a dance.
    A big part of partner dancing is the pleasure the other person gets from the dance. If a guy was only able to armjive and be backlead but still was having a great time and had a big smile on his face, then it not only would be 'kind' to dance with him, but enjoyable. So while it wouldn't be a good dance for a woman as a follower, it would still be a good dance as 'two people enjoying the music'. And that's what its all about - at whatever 'level'.

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by philsmove
    Some people with “disabilities ” are quite capable of looking after themselves
    I know that, but I don't think it's relevant here.

    I was answering Rachel's quite specific question, hopefully in context, so I'm a little disappointed that you felt a need to make this point.

    The guy I referred to was interfering with people's dancing, he was so "in their face". It was not appropriate behaviour in that context.

    He was clearly unaware of this, so I don't think he was in the category of being "quite capable of looking after himself". I think in that particular context, he should have been being supervised. Watching the dancing, fine. But not on the dance floor at a range measured in inches.

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    One of my memorable moments from dancing was a huge unequivocal smile I got from a Down's syndrome lady.
    I know that there are many Ceroc ladies that would have no problem at all dancing with "handicapped" partners. Apart from the fact that I know several that work in that area, there is little difference between the dancing skills needed with some clumsy or drunk partners.

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    Registered User ChrisU's Avatar
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Take a look at this and get inspired to help people. It certainly made me think about peoples possibilities and potential.

    http://snipurl.com/nild

    Interesting thread this.

    DJ Chris Uren

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    I received this email some time ago and, even though it made me shed a tear, I decided not to forward it to anyone. It is, of course, a chain letter, and chain letters are fundamentally wrong. The reason I think that forwarding this one, in particular, is wrong is that it would be received unsolicited. Who knows what mood or situation the recipient would be in when they received this emotive story? It is certainly something which I do not presume to prejudge.

    If you want to read moving stories of this nature buy yourself a copy of any of the Chicken Soup series of books: they're full of inspirational stories. And some of them are probably true or based on truth.

    On the other hand, I have no problem with Mr Par posting his story on a Forum. It is non-invasive and you choose what you read.

    And, of course we should all show more compassion to people less fortunate than ourselves. But where do we draw the line and how do we decide between causes. My own rule of thumb is to keep it local but donate for international disaster relief. And always, always, always, dance with every single woman in the room if you possibly can - irrespective if beauty, age, weight, dancing skill, friendlyness, gratitude, etc.

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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor
    I received this email some time ago and, even though it made me shed a tear, I decided not to forward it to anyone. It is, of course, a chain letter, and chain letters are fundamentally wrong.


    ...And, of course we should all show more compassion to people less fortunate than ourselves. But where do we draw the line and how do we decide between causes. My own rule of thumb is to keep it local but donate for international disaster relief. And always, always, always, dance with every single woman in the room if you possibly can - irrespective if beauty, age, weight, dancing skill, friendlyness, gratitude, etc.
    snidey comment removed - sorry

  18. #18
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    Re: E-mail dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor
    I received this email some time ago and, even though it made me shed a tear, I decided not to forward it to anyone.
    Indeed. Chain letters are evil - Ive never seen one that is close to being 100% true (including this one as pointed out by Ducasi above) and most are utter nonsense.

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