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Thread: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

  1. #41
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn


    OK I have another question - what's the ettiquette for passing on someone else's number?
    Give it to me, I'll pass it on for you

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    (*Another thing - he had seemed pretty keen the night I met him, but didn't ring me till about 3 months later - what was all that about?)
    "Subs bench", obviously. Although you'd always be in the A-team for me

    (No, not that A-team, )

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn

    He then got my number from his friend and rang to ask me out.* I wasn't entirely happy about my number being passed on like that.

    MAybe he was just too shy to ask you? What if he was worried that you might just have thought him a sleeze?

    I would be kinda flattered that he asked a friend for my number. Your friend may have only passed on your number coz he it would be ok with you. Or more probably like it was being a typical Bloke and didn't think twice!

    It kinda cuts down on the scaryness of asking someone for their phone number.

    I've got myself into a few uncomfortable situations where I asked a guy for his number coz I had danced with him for a few weeks and thought we were having a laugh and it would be cool to keep in touch outwith ceroc nights - am always looking for people up for a dance! He now doesn't talk to me!!! Ooops. Hasn't stopped me asking though!

    xXx

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Clive Long
    I wish to point out I have started this thread on behalf of a friend.
    In the interests of clarity - what are your friend's intentions? If they’re just after one-night stands, then frankly carpet bombing seems to be the most effective approach from what I've seen. Ask out as many women as possible and as quickly as possible. I know a guy very successful at this whose line is "Get your coat, you've pulled".

    For mid-term relationships ESG’s suggestion of just ask the girl, but by the numbers can work well.

    If they’re more interested in long term relationships, then from what I’ve seen, Taz’s advice is the way to go.

    It also depends on whether your friend wants to dance with them again and are concerned about them feeling weirded out if they’re not interested. Get a friend to subtly enquire on their behalf (you for example ), or go with Stewart’s “want to meet up somewhere" idea or anniehb’s “want a drink”.

    Ultimately to each their own. To answer the original question as to the etiquette, it appears from the range of replies so far that there isn’t one.

    Hope that helps,
    Christopher

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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    "Subs bench", obviously.
    (Alas probably too true!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Freya
    MAybe he was just too shy to ask you?
    I like this answer better.

    DJ is probably more accurate (again ) - but the evening this guy phoned me he had just had a great day out and was feeling really upbeat so maybe he was shy and had worked up the confidence to ring.
    Quote Originally Posted by Freya
    I would be kinda flattered that he asked a friend for my number. Your friend may have only passed on your number coz he it would be ok with you. Or more probably like it was being a typical Bloke and didn't think twice!

    It kinda cuts down on the scaryness of asking someone for their phone number.
    Me? Ask a guy for his phone number? I'm usually too shy even to ask them to dance!

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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost
    In the interests of clarity - what are your friend's intentions? If they’re just after one-night stands, then frankly carpet bombing seems to be the most effective approach from what I've seen. Ask out as many women as possible and as quickly as possible. I know a guy very successful at this whose line is "Get your coat, you've pulled".
    Yes, but if he dances regularly in the same venues... I know someone who always seems to leave a party with a different woman each time. Surely eventually the women catch on?

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    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    (Alas probably too true!)
    With men, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Failing that, the explanation that assumes zero morality is usually correct.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    ... I know someone who always seems to leave a party with a different woman each time.
    That's like the song, isn't it? Who was that - Sister Sledge?

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    OK I have another question - what's the ettiquette for passing on someone else's number? I was once chatted up at a dance (a rare occurance - the being chatted up bit, not the dance) by a friend of an accquaintance. He then got my number from his friend and rang to ask me out.* I wasn't entirely happy about my number being passed on like that.

    (*Another thing - he had seemed pretty keen the night I met him, but didn't ring me till about 3 months later - what was all that about?)
    I've asked a common friend for a number before... I expect that friend to go to the other person and ask if it's ok to pass on the number (this of course means that if I get a number I take it as a good sign... hey it has worked every time so far ).

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    what's the ettiquette for passing on someone else's number?
    IMO you should never pass on your friend's phone number to someone without their permission first, unless it's a mutual friend you both know really well.
    The response to a request for a friend's phone number should always be "I'm sorry, won't give you their number, but if you would like to you can give me yours and I'll pass it on to them for you?".
    It's also another way to make a good impression on the object of your desires - if their friend thinks you're a nice person and passes on nice things about you along with your number then you're even closer to a 'yes' in response to your offer of a date .

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    Yes, but if he dances regularly in the same venues... I know someone who always seems to leave a party with a different woman each time. Surely eventually the women catch on?
    I remember a guy in 6th form who dated two best friends consequetively on the same night and well, bases were involved. It never occurred to him that the first thing they'd do the next day was tell the other what a great night they'd had. The combined wrath of all the 6th form girls (and quite a few guys) promptly descended on him.

    Take care,
    Christopher

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    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Tessalicious
    Was this in London? - if so, I'm sure I've met the guy that asks like that...
    Nope, but a guy in London did say to me: "If I asked you for a dance, would your big scary boyfriend come and beat the sh*t out of me?" Maybe the same guy you've met?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    what's the ettiquette for passing on someone else's number
    It depends........ If my friend knew I really fancied the guy, but was too shy to approach him or ask for his number, I might be grateful if he / she gave him my number! But if it was to someone I didn't really know, I wouldn't be too happy at all! I really wouldn't like my friends to just give my number to anyone who asks for it, unless there's a damn good reason to do so. I've experienced having a stalker, and he had my mobile number, and would text me several times a day. At first it was love poems, in the end it was abusive messages!

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparkles
    IMO you should never pass on your friend's phone number to someone without their permission first, unless it's a mutual friend you both know really well.
    He didn't ask, just passed it on. I think he may have mentioned it though, after he had done it.

    I never would pass on a friend's number without asking them first.

    Anyway, we're getting too sidetracked from Clive's question. Sorry, I mean Clive's friend's question.

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    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparkles
    IMO you should never pass on your friend's phone number to someone without their permission first, unless it's a mutual friend you both know really well.
    The response to a request for a friend's phone number should always be "I'm sorry, won't give you their number, but if you would like to you can give me yours and I'll pass it on to them for you?".
    Couldn't agree more! And in the above situation, your friend can decide herself, if she wants to call him, or to ignore him by not calling. If the latter is the case, the guy should hopefully get the hint that the girl isn't interested... Hopefully without feeling too gutted!

  13. #53
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Clive Long
    You are dancing with someone. All is syncing up. You are not thinking too much, just moving. You have a second dance. Then the end of the second track.

    Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

    So is it considered bad form to ask for someone's (*) phone number at the end of a dance? Is that behaviour considered to breach "acceptable" behaviour and no-one could consider a "dance is just a dance"? Would it spoil the "dance bubble"?

    (*) Note: Male may ask female, female may ask male and any other combination is considered equivalent.

    Edit: There is supposed to be a poll attached to this but I can't write short
    questions.
    Depends....if you like them, why not? No harm in doing so.

    I think rather than say no at the time and create an awkward situation, just exchange numbers. It may be totally innocent. If you feel they want more than 'just friends' then take the number but don't contact them. If one was to text the one who ain't interested then reply but keep it short and don't reply back too soon. That way, at least some contact won't make you feel awkward the next time you bump into them.

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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    ...long answer with many convolutions, possible interpretations and room for misunderstandings...all true..


    Grrr. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't a person just say 'I like you and would like to get to know you better, lets spend some time together.'? All this flippin reading situations and 'does he/she like me' and 'what does it mean if they say/do/dance like this'? (No, I'm not going even start on the dancing thing - those dances).

    Very sorry, rant over.
    Last edited by Lynn; 7th-March-2006 at 03:32 PM.

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    Grrr. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't a person just say 'I like you and would like to get to know you better, lets spend some time together.'
    Errr, because that doesn't work? Because women, generally, react better to a sideways approach than a head-on one? Because men discover this, and adjust their tactics accordingly?

    Or so I've heard - I wouldn't know, and I don't think I've ever "chatted anyone up" in my life...

    Blimey, this is feeling like the Singleton's Sofa

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Clive, sorry to be so slow on the uptake! My "friends" telephone number is 07770 756 408 just pass it on to your "friend" and tell him she is expecting his call.
    You just had to ask

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by DianaS
    Clive, sorry to be so slow on the uptake! My "friends" telephone number is xxxxxxxxxxx just pass it on to your "friend" and tell him she is expecting his call.
    You just had to ask
    Ummmm..... Did you just post your friend's number on a public forum? Possibly not a very good idea, my dear, as anyone can read it / use it!

    One thing is to pas it on to your mate, another thing entirely to pass it on to the whole world!

    LM

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etique

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    Errr, because that doesn't work?
    Right - and all the guessing and trying to work out what the other person means does??
    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    Because women, generally, react better to a sideways approach than a head-on one?
    Yeah well most might, but some prefer a more direct approach.

    I'm sorry, but I get grumpy and fed up about all this from time to time. I'm going to go now and sit in a cupboard in SofaLand. With the door locked. Not another word out of me.*



    *I mean just on this thread, obviously.

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Monkey
    Ummmm..... Did you just post your friend's number on a public forum? Possibly not a very good idea, my dear, as anyone can read it / use it!

    One thing is to pas it on to your mate, another thing entirely to pass it on to the whole world!

    LM
    Unless of course this is the flirt divert number????

    XX

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    Re: Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn


    OK I have another question - what's the ettiquette for passing on someone else's number? I was once chatted up at a dance (a rare occurance - the being chatted up bit, not the dance) by a friend of an accquaintance. He then got my number from his friend and rang to ask me out.* I wasn't entirely happy about my number being passed on like that.

    (*Another thing - he had seemed pretty keen the night I met him, but didn't ring me till about 3 months later - what was all that about?)
    i can only comment that he knew i had asked, but i know what you mean, i am not sure i would like my number passed on by a friend without being asked first.

    The keen thing, i have no idea, maybe when someone told him about the 3 day rule, he thought he said "months"

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