When No means No?

[murphy]

I had a dance with someone over the weekend which at the time, I laughed about but I've been brooding over it ever since wondering what would have been the 'right' response.

He started the dance by talking about a dip, but said he wouldn't do it with me cos of my size. Ok so I'm overweight, but would you really mention it before a dance? I shrugged off the remark and made a comment that I don't do dips or leans with anyone anyway. (I am aware of my size and would never do any dip/lean that I couldn't fully support myself in).

Then during the dance, despite what I'd said, he tried to dip/lean me. As I had no way of supporting myself I blocked it and said "no" and we carried on. He then tried the move another two times which I blocked each time.

Apart from that, he was a good lead and I enjoyed the dance, but should I have carried on the dance after he had blatantly ignored my wishes?

[Northants Girly]

Apart from that, he was a good lead and I enjoyed the dance, but should I have carried on the dance after he had blatantly ignored my wishes?

If you were enjoying the dance then I think you were right to carry on - easier than walking off and making a scene I guess

I just wouldn't bother asking him for any more dances in future!

[Cruella]

Hi Murphy, try this thread for an answer. Spookily, has the same title.
When no means no

[David Bailey]

He started the dance by talking about a dip, but said he wouldn't do it with me cos of my size. Ok so I'm overweight, but would you really mention it before a dance?

I'd never mention a lady's weight, it's tactless in the extreme. None of us are perfect Adonis-like beings anyway, ***.

Sure, there's technical height / weight factors involved in some moves, but so what? That still leaves 500+ moves you can do with a lady, none of which depend on those factors.

Don't brood over it, and in my opinion, you're best not to dance with him again. Tactlessness is one thing, but combined with his then attempting to do something he specifically raised the subject of not doing - not worth the effort.

Apart from that, he was a good lead

To me, that's like saying "Apart from hitting the iceberg, the Titanic's maiden voyage was a great success".

Seriously, how can he possibly be a good lead if he made those two mistakes, and if he's got you brooding?

[Donna]

None of us are perfect Adonis-like beings anyway, ***.

That still leaves 500+ moves you can do with a lady, none of which depend on those factors

.

you're best not to dance with him again.

I certainly wouldn't dance with him again either!

To me, that's like saying "Apart from hitting the iceberg, the Titanic's maiden voyage was a great success".

[Bop]

I've met him too!!

I hate it when men I don't know try to do dips and drops with me. I love doing them, but have to feel confident in my partner, so if I say NO, I mean it. Almost as bad are the guys that don't even ask, but just expect you to go.

Saying that I've only been droped once and that was by my husband!! I couldn't sit down for a week.

Bop

[KMH]

I've never had a complete stranger try to do a dip or drop with me, which suits me fine. I do like doing them, but I'd rather know that I feel comfortable with that person than end up on my backside looking like a complete wally!! This said, you obviously did the right thing by saying no, I'm just a bit confused as to why he said about not doing it, but then went ahead and tried anyway. I wouldn't bother dancing with him again.

[Donna]

[QUOTE=Bop]I've met him too!!

I hate it when men I don't know try to do dips and drops with me.

How long have you been dancing for? Usually, if it is new to you, you are obviously going to feel a little uncomforable with dips or drops to start with but as you really begin to get a feel for them, you start becoming confident doing them with anybody.(Even then, you don't know if you trust them or not as you feel yourself going into the first one!) If they do it right and it feels comfortable and they are strong enough the chances of anything serious happening is very small. However, they should always ask how your back is AND if you want to do any small dips/drops. If they don't, then it's the ladies job to do that and should be anyway if she has any health problems.

Saying that I've only been droped once and that was by my husband!!

I have only been dropped once when being flipped over somebodys back....(it never happened before though but hey these things happen sometimes )

Still it doesn't put me off considering I had two swollen and bruised feet, ankles, knees and thighs after!

[jacksondonut]

Hiya!

The only drops, leans, etc., I do are with guys I have known many years and trust!! I am not small!! Have been dancing for over 8 years and when I am dancing with a new person, I tend to mention this fact as soon as the right moment comes up.. I truly am only comfortable in these moves with people I know very well, so in order to avoid injury, I confront the issue straight away.

On the rare occasion I come across anyone who has made me feel uncomfortable in any way, I tend to avoid them really for the sake of my own well-being. Its no fun being hurt and out of action and not worth taking any risks you can avoid.

I have been knocked senseless and dropped, so I know how awful that feels, so self-preservation is important. Hopefully, you wont come across too many characters that make you feel unsafe, or uncomfortable.

Best of luck.