Here's some musings on what (I think) I do, and things that have helped me...
I engage my frame by pulling my shoulders back slightly. I don't know if this actually does anything or if it just makes me feel ready, but I've heard a couple of good teachers mention it.
I contact my partner's hand by pressing very gently against it. There's no (noticable) tensing of muscles, so the arms feel totally relaxed. Here's an exercise I've been playing with while thinking about this (it'd be like the martial arts "sticky hands" exercise if you had a partner): try touching your hands together without any pressure and waving them around with one hand "leading". It's difficult to keep the hands in constant contact. Now try applying a bit of pressure - there's no problem keeping contact and you still move freely. Now try pressing quite hard - the motion becomes sluggish because your arms aren't relaxed.
If your partner's hand changes direction too quickly you can't keep contact, but that might be intentional (e.g. to get you into a free spin).
A genuine tip I got from a (fab) teacher is to keep as much of the hands in contact as possible (i.e. fingers completely overlapping). It does make the connection feel more secure.
A simple tip I liked as a beginner was "Keep your hand in front of your belly button". Not literally, perhaps, (and obviously not all of the time) but I found it a good picture to keep in mind to get my body following my hand. Now I tend to keep a forklift-truck sort of pose, so the lead can manoeuvre me around with whichever arm he likes, or both.
A good leader will gradually (but quite quickly) build up tension prior to a move. This is kind of like falling against a wall and bringing yourself to a stop with your arms - you gradually build up tension to stop yourself. Your elbows naturally move a bit, but always stay in front of you - I have a similar sort of flexibility in my frame. There's a point at which it feels natural to come to a stop - you can go further, but it feels like a press-up because you've got too much tension (akin to resisting a lead too much), and you can stop yourself sooner, but with a jolt because you're too rigid. I feel a similar natural "tension threshold" in the lead, above which I start moving (or stop, or whatever) because it would involve effort not to.
If you're relaxed enough I don't think you should need to think about when to break your frame (if you've got a good leader!). As an example, when you turn your hand to check your watch your elbow naturally goes out to the side. It's a similar movement when a guy turns your hand to break your frame for a half-nelson - if you're not fighting it, you should do it automatically. Otherwise, just break your frame as soon as it becomes at all uncomfortable not to!
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