View Poll Results: Is it ok to say no to someone who:

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  • Boring to dance with

    15 10.27%
  • Exhausting to dance with

    26 17.81%
  • Wrong type of dancer

    16 10.96%
  • Far too good/intimidating for me

    7 4.79%
  • Sleazy/ smelly

    112 76.71%
  • Often leaves me feeling battered or dizzy

    62 42.47%
  • Often leaves me feeling depressed

    38 26.03%
  • Once caused me a serious injury

    82 56.16%
  • I don’t know him/her

    4 2.74%
  • I ‘just don’t get’ him/her

    19 13.01%
  • Special song for someone else

    64 43.84%
  • Other

    32 21.92%
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Thread: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

  1. #161
    Registered User BeeBee's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I dunno Minnie but it sure made us all laugh!

    It was a real Kodak moment - the look on his face, and the look on those at the table around you!

  2. #162
    Registered User Yogi_Bear's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    So who was the spurned deity, then? Don't leave us in suspense!
    Too right, I'm curious too...can't have been me, 'cos i wasn't there

  3. #163
    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post
    I refused a megastar this weekend because I was tired and my feet hurt - I was told I was the first female to turn him down ever I am now wondering if I did the right thing
    It was probably very good for him to be treated as normal - guess you would have refused anyone else for the same reasons (tired and hurting feet)...

    (Lory told me on the way home, wish I'd been there to see his face )

  4. #164
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    So who was the spurned deity, then? Don't leave us in suspense!
    clue .........


    --ooOoo--
    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
    Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

    Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

  5. #165
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post
    I refused a megastar this weekend because I was tired and my feet hurt - I was told I was the first female to turn him down ever I am now wondering if I did the right thing
    No worries ill catch up with you next time

  6. #166
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post
    clue .........
    Ooyah! Double I think my feet might have made a miraculous recovery, though, under the circumstances!

  7. #167
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I got refused last night. There was a surplus of men. There were a couple of ladies leading other ladies. I have no problem with that, its their evening too.

    One particularly curvacious blonde was leading two ladies, which increased the lack of partners. I saw her free and decided to do my bit for the other guys and asked her to dance. She refused. None of this is worth mentioning, except for very curvaceous blonde's "reason".

    "I'm a man"

  8. #168
    Registered User Miss Flicts's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I struggle with this because I'm naturally polite and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I do sometimes think we've all gotten a bit precious about this. Why is it SO taboo to say no?

    If you really hate dancing with someone, then why should you have to go through that unpleasant experience again and again - just for the sake of politeness? If you went for a drink with someone and hated every minute of it, you wouldn't say yes if they asked you out again, would you?

    Also, if people felt more able to say 'no' then maybe the stinky/rough/dangerous people might get the idea that they need to change something. I don't think anybody would refuse someone nice/gentle/fresh just because they were less experienced, so I can only see benefits in losing this taboo.

  9. #169
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Hi Miss Flicts, and welcome!
    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Flicts View Post
    I struggle with this because I'm naturally polite and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I do sometimes think we've all gotten a bit precious about this. Why is it SO taboo to say no?
    For the same reason that it's a good idea to say "It's always the leader's fault" - it's simplistic and not totally correct, but it helps to create a culture with the right mindset.

    A weaker-but-more-accurate statement ("It's OK to refuse a dance if you're tired, if you're worried about injury, if it's a perv, etc.") might lead to a culture where refusals are more common, leading to more hotshotism, elitism and cliquey-ism. God knows, everyone gets upset enough already after refusals.

    Yes, of course it's acceptable to refuse in any of those circumstances - but how can you explain all that in a single sentence during a busy class? You can't, of course. So you adopt easy-to-understand-and-remember approximations which you hope will do the most good.

  10. #170
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Flicts View Post
    I struggle with this because I'm naturally polite and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I do sometimes think we've all gotten a bit precious about this. Why is it SO taboo to say no?

    If you really hate dancing with someone, then why should you have to go through that unpleasant experience again and again - just for the sake of politeness? If you went for a drink with someone and hated every minute of it, you wouldn't say yes if they asked you out again, would you?

    Also, if people felt more able to say 'no' then maybe the stinky/rough/dangerous people might get the idea that they need to change something. I don't think anybody would refuse someone nice/gentle/fresh just because they were less experienced, so I can only see benefits in losing this taboo.
    Welcome to the forum. I am sure this "no refusing" idea does deter some beginners, and agree that it should be downgraded to accepting as often as you feel comfortable with.

  11. #171
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver View Post
    Welcome to the forum. I am sure this "no refusing" idea does deter some beginners, and agree that it should be downgraded to accepting as often as you feel comfortable with.
    Having just started, I'm somewhat relieved to find under certain circumstances you can say no. I'm in the dilemma on how to say no to someone who has caused me some rather painful hip muscle spasms after his dancing. I don't want to cause offence if he asks as I can dance perfectly well (& happily) with other dancers....it's just his 'unique' style

  12. #172
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jeanag View Post
    Having just started, I'm somewhat relieved to find under certain circumstances you can say no. I'm in the dilemma on how to say no to someone who has caused me some rather painful hip muscle spasms after his dancing. I don't want to cause offence if he asks as I can dance perfectly well (& happily) with other dancers....it's just his 'unique' style
    there you go you have said it

  13. #173
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    there you go you have said it
    thanks, it's just after being told - it's rude to say no - I did wonder if there were exceptions besides the 'i'm going to the toilet' excuse. I did request less of the old hip movements which was received with a ' how dare you say that you're a beginner' look

    oops....

  14. #174
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jeanag View Post
    thanks, it's just after being told - it's rude to say no - I did wonder if there were exceptions besides the 'i'm going to the toilet' excuse. I did request less of the old hip movements which was received with a ' how dare you say that you're a beginner' look

    oops....
    nope i don't do them excuses. he will come back and I think people deserve to be told the truth, sort of , without been hutfull.

    last Sunday my daughter told me she wasn't comfertable with dancing with a guy, and could she say no to him.

    so I pulled him to one side and said she was having confedence issues and would he let her do the asking untill she was more comfertable with her dancing,and that there were a few people she would prefer to do the asking with and he was one of them.....and then I immediately followed it with 'thanks for than I new you would understand' he hadn't had chance to reply, and then I walked off, leaving him to think it over.


    I have also had a conversation with Richard (the copse) at Ealing, Halloween, and explained that there were some people that had issues, he had no idea. i'm not one of them

  15. #175
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Well I did really need a wee so it wasn't a total fib . Just don't want to cause offence as I'm in my first month but I kinda need pain free hips

  16. #176
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jeanag View Post
    I'm in the dilemma on how to say no to someone who has caused me some rather painful hip muscle spasms after his dancing. :
    You say, loudly and clearly, "Sorry, but you injured me last time". If he then asks further, you can explain why, of course.

    Simple.

  17. #177
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jeanag View Post
    Having just started, I'm somewhat relieved to find under certain circumstances you can say no. I'm in the dilemma on how to say no to someone who has caused me some rather painful hip muscle spasms after his dancing. I don't want to cause offence if he asks as I can dance perfectly well (& happily) with other dancers....it's just his 'unique' style
    That is worrying me. I am fond of ocassional hip movements, and the possibility that that could cause pain has never ocuured to me. Can you be more explicit how he is causing the problem?

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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver View Post
    That is worrying me. I am fond of ocassional hip movements, and the possibility that that could cause pain has never ocuured to me. Can you be more explicit how he is causing the problem?
    I probably won't explain it very well but I'll give it a bash.

    Side by side and 'bumping' each other - I haven't had this move with anyone else

    I would like to say I do suffer from bad hips its in the family genes, so it could just be me, but I have suffered from a rather sore spasm since dancing with him I haven't seen him since so haven't had the chance to say anything.

  19. #179
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames View Post
    Hi Miss Flicts, and welcome!

    For the same reason that it's a good idea to say "It's always the leader's fault" - it's simplistic and not totally correct, but it helps to create a culture with the right mindset.

    A weaker-but-more-accurate statement ("It's OK to refuse a dance if you're tired, if you're worried about injury, if it's a perv, etc.") might lead to a culture where refusals are more common, leading to more hotshotism, elitism and cliquey-ism. God knows, everyone gets upset enough already after refusals.

    Yes, of course it's acceptable to refuse in any of those circumstances - but how can you explain all that in a single sentence during a busy class? You can't, of course. So you adopt easy-to-understand-and-remember approximations which you hope will do the most good.
    i couldnt agree more with your statement
    so you dont refuse.
    generally i look out for my wife and if one of our two local sleazes (if she has to dance with them she feels like they have made love to her on the dance floor) comes to dance with her before they get to her i will (if i am there) take her onto the floor myself this solves the problem

  20. #180
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I've been to 2 ceroc classes, and been refused 3 times.

    1) Lady was about to leave- fair enough, and I kept an eye on her and she did leave.

    2) Lady needed to get some water- fair enough, and I saw that she did go and get some.

    3) Not the typical refusal, but still... After the beginners' lesson, we go straight into freestyle with whoever we've ended up with after rotating partners throughout the lesson. I ended up with a lady who seems like she's been going for a while, and takes part in the intermediate lessons. When the freestyle started, she said "we'll just do the beginners' routine 4 times" we did that, and she walked away, leaving me feeling awkward, as everyone else (literally) in the venue was still dancing, and I just had to hang around at the edges waiting for the song to finish...

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