Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

[Msfab]

Is there a video?? (And if so, will it ever be delivered?? )

Go make your own, Tramp!

[TheTramp]

Go make your own, Tramp!

Already did.

I'm sure that yours will be better though

[Keith J]

Yes - definitely!

The one guy I don't dance with - used to have difficulty finding my hip but not my butt cheek, he stares all the time with a silly look on his face, he has no idea of how unenjoyable dancing with him was becoming to me and after a night of running away from him, my friend suggested I say no to him. So I did and have absolutely no regrets - it took two no's for him to leave me well alone. I know I said I would probably get around to dancing with him again, but I've still not reached that place. (Oh and by the by - some other women are really uncomfortable with him too, but they feel too sorry for him to say no.)

There's one other guy I'm not going to dance with again as well - for probably the stupidest reason going (so I'm not going to post it on here - sorry) - let's just say I'm well upset with him.

Very worrying, but absolutely solid reason for saying 'no' to this guy. Good for you. I saw a 'older man' in a very well known Surrey venue obviously getting his jollies by this and other underhand methods. I had some serious words with him, he did not even bother denying it. I barred him from the venue.
I would seriously consider speaking to the event managers as one bad apple ruins it for a lot of female dancers.

[Piglet]

I would seriously consider speaking to the event managers as one bad apple ruins it for a lot of female dancers.

Done! Got to say everyone has been very, very supportive!
Couldn't ask for better. So thanks, Franck, Lorna, Linda and rest of the team xx

[Anna]

I feel awfully guilty and "elitist" confessing this but the real reasons I have said no to people are..

• Because there are others I would rather dance with and I know that if I wait like 2 seconds longer then I may get to dance with them instead.
  
• The guy asking me has no timing/body movement/rhythm/do the same 3 moves the whole way through the song
  
• My feet hurt like they are about to fall off
  
• Because they are of the group belonging to the studio of my LOSER ex-boss
  
• Because they irritate me to the point of wanting to throw myself out the window just to avoid even standing next to them
  
• Because I know they quite like me and its definitely not reciprocated so I therefore don't feel like putting up with them staring dreamily at me and slyly touching my bum for a whole song
  
• Because I don't know them
  
• Because I've seen them dance with other girls and the look on their faces was a mix of and and and
  
• *gulp* because they were.. really really old

That's not so bad though right?!

I've only turned someone down with a flat "no" once..

and that was on New Years Eve to this latino guy who had been pestering me all night (he really is the most annoying person alive).. I had been drinking a bit because of the occasion (my friend Yama and I who are usually the two "too cool to drink" sober people were the "merriest" in the club, but still only roughly a 6 on the intoxication scale) and this latino would bug me and I'd say something about needing to catch my breath..

then he'd come back and bother me again and I'd come up with a different excuse..

and then eventually when it got to approx the 10th time he'd came up to me and he began dragging my drunken self onto the floor, I could not take it anymore.. I let out a whiney "NOOOOO!!! Just leave me aloooone!! *hides face with hands*" and ran off to the safety of my Salsa Clique.


Btw: Post is in reference to dancing Salsa not Ceroc but meh, same difference

[Gadget]

Btw: Post is in reference to dancing Salsa not Ceroc but meh, same difference

:phew:
no - not "same difference"

[LMC]

Am I allowed to turn down leaders who are more than a head shorter than me? It's just not comfortable dancing with some leaders who are that much shorter. Or is that just me? I don't want to have to dance with my knees bent the whole time (or ruin my balance and knacker my back by bending awkwardly).

I don't have a problem dancing with much shorter followers, and even as a beginner lead, think I adapt reasonably well - but then I'm not having to turn so much.

[JonD]

Am I allowed to turn down leaders who are more than a head shorter than me?

I think that would be a bit mean. It'd be like me turning down fat women on the grounds that it can be difficult and awkward to dance with them. I can see the knee bending thing when you're doing turns & returns but if you "think down" you can get that lovely grounded "jazz" feel to them - that's what I try to do when I'm following women who are shorter than me.

(I'm 5' 11" and 12.5 stone so I don't have an axe to grind on either count - but I am a lousy follower)

[Msfab]

Am I allowed to turn down leaders who are more than a head shorter than me? It's just not comfortable dancing with some leaders who are that much shorter. Or is that just me? I don't want to have to dance with my knees bent the whole time (or ruin my balance and knacker my back by bending awkwardly).

I don't have a problem dancing with much shorter followers, and even as a beginner lead, think I adapt reasonably well - but then I'm not having to turn so much.

Im not sure height does matter. There used to be a much shorter guy than me at a guildford venue i used to go to, I always enjoyed our dances (his only trouble was that he was the duracel bunny - really fast but good). I never had my head knocked by him in fact he was one of the only ones id do anything pretzely with.
There were some taller guys that would without fail always hit me on the head, not raise their arm enough for even a return without burying their knuckles in my head.
If you really feel uncomfortable with shorter leads, then Id try my best to avoid being asked, hide under a table!

[Lee]

If, and for what ever reason, you refuse a dance (and of course there may be genuine reasons to do so) - the way to stop offence - is just seek out that person later and ask her/him to dance - it's no big deal and the dance only lasts a couple of minutes

I agree. I try to unless it's that 'nasty' Wittybird.

Lee

[WittyBird]

I agree. I try to unless it's that 'nasty' Wittybird.

You obviously know me really well

[Lee]

You obviously know me really well

thank god you thought it was funny, else i'd be dead.

[LMC]

Im not sure height does matter.

If someone is a yanker, I find it's much more painful if he's shorter - so to be fair, it would actually be the yanking that makes me reluctant to dance with them - I'll dance with anyone once!

The rest I guess is just me. I don't feel good and don't think I look good dancing with bent knees - practice I suppose.

[Northants Girly]

I asked a guy for a dance in the Blues Room at Bognor last Sunday.
He said no because he wasn't very experienced in dancing Blues (and he did look abit nervous)
so I thought, well thats OK

but abit later on he was dancing - and his dancing looked OK to me

[dee]

I agree. I try to unless it's that 'nasty' Wittybird.

Lee

[senorita]

I asked a guy for a dance in the Blues Room at Bognor last Sunday.
He said no because he wasn't very experienced in dancing Blues (and he did look abit nervous)
so I thought, well thats OK

but abit later on he was dancing - and his dancing looked OK to me

His lost!!...another gained

[Msfab]

If someone is a yanker, I find it's much more painful if he's shorter - so to be fair, it would actually be the yanking that makes me reluctant to dance with them - I'll dance with anyone once!

The rest I guess is just me. I don't feel good and don't think I look good dancing with bent knees - practice I suppose.

Yankers are most definetly not good short or tall!
If I dont feel comfortable going into a move that may mean i have my arms torn off. I usually try not to off my hand, like in a pretzel (which is probably the move I most dislike for fear of my arms being pulled off) I ignore the hand. Now some guys will try redoing the move, in which case I still do not give my hand and hopefully by then theyve figured out I dont do/like/know that move.

In modern jive I dont thing the really bent legs look looks good either. But if its just for a moment to help the move along, then ok!

[robd]

I asked a guy for a dance in the Blues Room at Bognor last Sunday.
He said no because he wasn't very experienced in dancing Blues (and he did look abit nervous)
so I thought, well thats OK

but abit later on he was dancing - and his dancing looked OK to me

In fairness to this unknown leader, he may well have seen you dancing some lovely blues (as I am sure you do ), thought 'that's outta my league' and then asked/ been asked by someone he felt more confident about dancing with. I am not saying this is the right or wrong approach but it's one I have taken in the past.

Robert

[Northants Girly]

In fairness to this unknown leader, he may well have seen you dancing some lovely blues (as I am sure you do ), thought 'that's outta my league' and then asked/ been asked by someone he felt more confident about dancing with. I am not saying this is the right or wrong approach but it's one I have taken in the past.

Maybe (but theres no way that my dancing is out of anyone's league).

But I guess Blues isn't something you always want to dance with someone you don't know.

It wasn't a great big deal really. I was just saying that that was a reason that someone had used on me.

[Msfab]

Maybe (but theres no way that my dancing is out of anyone's league).

You couldnt be more wrong NG, Your dancing was way out of my league on sunday morning!