View Poll Results: Is it ok to say no to someone who:

Voters
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  • Boring to dance with

    15 10.27%
  • Exhausting to dance with

    26 17.81%
  • Wrong type of dancer

    16 10.96%
  • Far too good/intimidating for me

    7 4.79%
  • Sleazy/ smelly

    112 76.71%
  • Often leaves me feeling battered or dizzy

    62 42.47%
  • Often leaves me feeling depressed

    38 26.03%
  • Once caused me a serious injury

    82 56.16%
  • I don’t know him/her

    4 2.74%
  • I ‘just don’t get’ him/her

    19 13.01%
  • Special song for someone else

    64 43.84%
  • Other

    32 21.92%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

  1. #41
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I got groped last night! It was the Christmas "do" and one lady, who I think has been coming to MJ for about 4 months, got rather too relaxed in the bar. She kept asking me for a dance and I finally submitted, against my better judgement. At one point we did a rather engaging unintentional curved, backward basket walk as she lost her balance and fell against me with sufficient force to move me a few steps (I was trying to use 2 handed moves as much as possible). After the dance she grabbed my inner, upper thigh - fortunately, it was the thigh. I nearly jumped out of my skin. It's only ever happened to me once before (I'm not one of those attractive dancers). Not nice.

    Two good reasons for refusing a dance; a pissed and lecherous partner. I doubt I'll refuse her in future though as I suspect she'll be mortified this morning and horribly embarrassed when we next meet. Isn't it wonderful that so few dancers drink, even at the Christmas bash?!

  2. #42
    Basically lazy robd's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by JonD
    I got groped last night! ..... Not nice.
    Snap. Happened to me last week. In fairness I had just ended up with my hand brushing this lady's breast as a lead I was trying went awry. I apologised in an embarassed laughing it off sort of way only for her then to grab my pair of vegetables so to speak I was quite shocked. I know this woman moderately well and her reasoning was along the lines of an 'eye for an eye'. To my mind there's a world of difference between a move going wrong and an accidental embarassment and a deliberate grope. For this reason I have very deliberately avoided her at the two classes I attended this week at which she was present and will probably continue to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by JonD
    Two good reasons for refusing a dance; a pissed and lecherous partner.
    Had one of these last night and couldn't wait for the 3 minutes to end though she did make some rather amusing comments which, I am sure, she'll not have remembered this morning.

    Robert

  3. #43
    Registered User Whitebeard's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat

    Anything I've posted.
    I'm mortified to find that I cannot PM you as you've reached your limit. Obviously you're as popular with the forum at large as you are with me. Have a go at clearing the backlog so that we can continue to bombard you with admiration and praise.

  4. #44
    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Jon, Rob - PLEASE report these women.

    I can't help thinking that if the genders of the participants were reversed then you would already have been encouraged to do so in the strongest possible terms.

    Being drunk is not an acceptable excuse - in a social situation, people should know their limits and retain self-control. And I can't help thinking that if some guy had grabbed my breasts in "revenge" for me inadvertently brushing his nether regions (and I have done that once or twice coming out of a spin 'too close' - mortifying, couldn't apologise enough) then I would call the police.

    Groping is just not on. Sorry that you have both had such unpleasant experiences.

  5. #45
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    Groping is just not on. Sorry that you have both had such unpleasant experiences.

  6. #46
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee
    I would politely say ‘no’ to a dance request with the below points:

    If I’ve already danced with them that night and feel there are so many people to dance with I should limit the 2nd dances.

    If I’m on the way to the bathroom, need a cool down period, change my top or get a drink.

    If I want to dance with a particular person to the song that has just started.

    I will always make an effort to look for that person once I was ready to dance.

    However, there are some people I hate dancing with, so yes, I admit, I avoid them, make excuses or say I’d just promised someone else a dance, over time these people spot the trend and stop asking.
    So sometimes people refuse for what they feel as good reasons, and sometimes with an excuse to avoid dancing with someone. I presume that the 'excuse' will be along the same lines as one of the 'reasons'. Therefore the only difference to the person asking is that if its a genuine reason rather than an excuse to avoid them, is that you find them later on. If you don't get to find them and ask them later in the evening, are you sending the message that they are someone you want to avoid dancing with?

    Not specific to you Lee, I know that other people follow these patterns as well, but this is one of the reasons why I'm hesitant about asking people to dance. How do you know the person has a valid reason and how do you know if its an 'I really don't want to dance with her, what excuse can I give'? (Again not specific to myself, as much based on comments from other ladies much braver than myself who do ask.)

  7. #47
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    Therefore the only difference to the person asking is that if its a genuine reason rather than an excuse to avoid them, is that you find them later on. If you don't get to find them and ask them later in the evening, are you sending the message that they are someone you want to avoid dancing with?
    That's how I read it. If I get a turndown I don't ask again unless there's some reason to believe that such a request would be welcome. Or there's some pressing reason to dance with that person, i.e. I'm hoping it's going to enhance my dance development in some way - fairly rare, this one.
    Sometimes I forget who's turned me down and what reason they gave, but others I have an extremely long memory for!

  8. #48
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    AH but sometimes i just don't get time to ask everyone i turned down so i end up playing catch up the following week, and then have to turn people down that week.

    Does that mean i'm always upsetting people, or does it just come down to how honest you look when you turn someone down.

    It's in the eyes!!!!!!!!

    Lee

  9. #49
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee
    Does that mean i'm always upsetting people, or does it just come down to how honest you look when you turn someone down.
    It depends on how well you know the person. I do ask the guys I know here in Belfast, if they turned me down I would know it was for a valid reason and even if we didn't get to dance that evening I would understand.

  10. #50
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I just turned down man number 2 last night and he said "OK" so I guess the answer to the original Tessalicious question is

    YES!

    a THOROUGHLY HAPPY PIGLET
    (and possibly nasty, but I think I can live with it)

  11. #51
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I felt really bad last night.

    I got asked to dance by one of the beginners that I've been working with as a taxi dancer, on my night off, just as I met up with a good friend of mine, and a birthday dance was just starting. My friend has had a difficult week, so I wanted to chat to her for a while, so I said to him yes, but did he mind if we danced in a minute, and he said that was fine. I didn't feel at all bad about that, but the next song to come on was one of my absolute favourites! My friend I was talking to asked me to dance with her, and do a bit of steal the lead, so I said yes. Straight after that I left the floor to go over to ask this guy to dance to the next one, and he'd left! I had every intention of dancing with him, but now I feel really bad.

  12. #52
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by TiggsTours
    I felt really bad last night.

    I got asked to dance by one of the beginners that I've been working with as a taxi dancer, on my night off, just as I met up with a good friend of mine, and a birthday dance was just starting. My friend has had a difficult week, so I wanted to chat to her for a while, so I said to him yes, but did he mind if we danced in a minute, and he said that was fine. I didn't feel at all bad about that, but the next song to come on was one of my absolute favourites! My friend I was talking to asked me to dance with her, and do a bit of steal the lead, so I said yes. Straight after that I left the floor to go over to ask this guy to dance to the next one, and he'd left! I had every intention of dancing with him, but now I feel really bad.
    Oh no, he'll probably never come back, one less man to dance with each week.

    Lee

  13. #53
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Piglet
    The one guy I don't dance with - used to have difficulty finding my hip but not my butt cheek, he stares all the time with a silly look on his face
    Damn. Busted.

  14. #54
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by JamesGeary
    Damn. Busted.
    Oh no! There are two?

  15. #55
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Piglet
    Oh no! There are two?
    Only two?

  16. #56
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I got refused 3 dances at Funky lush i thought two excuses were pretty poor

    Hey its their right

  17. #57
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38
    I got refused 3 dances at Funky lush i thought two excuses were pretty poor

    Hey its their right

    Actually it's a particular group who go to there and to Jango who are so far up there own butt they refuse most people.


    so don't worry

    I asked three times as was given a blank No!

    so do not take it to heart they are a very small minority

    Hope you had a good time anyway

  18. #58
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38
    I got refused 3 dances at Funky lush i thought two excuses were pretty poor
    Go on then - what were they?

    (Yes, I could indeed do with a laugh... )

  19. #59
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by robd
    {JonD stuff about being groped}
    Snap. Happened to me last week. In fairness I had just ended up with my hand brushing this lady's breast as a lead I was trying went awry. I apologised in an embarassed laughing it off sort of way only for her then to grab my pair of vegetables so to speak I was quite shocked. I know this woman moderately well and her reasoning was along the lines of an 'eye for an eye'. To my mind there's a world of difference between a move going wrong and an accidental embarassment and a deliberate grope. For this reason I have very deliberately avoided her at the two classes I attended this week at which she was present and will probably continue to do so.
    Just to update on the above - the lady in question asked me to dance on Friday. Having not taken her offered hand she asked if I was ignoring her. I said yes. She asked why. I said 'Because you grabbed my b***ocks'. She said 'Well, you grabbed my T*ts.' I then tried to explain the difference in context of our contacts, she shrugged, said 'fine' and walked off.

    One less person to dance with - unless her friends get all cliquey with her. We'll see.

    Robert

  20. #60
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by robd
    One less person to dance with - unless her friends get all cliquey with her. We'll see.
    You've probably earned the name "Evil Grope-y Man" now

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