View Poll Results: Is it ok to say no to someone who:

Voters
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  • Boring to dance with

    15 10.27%
  • Exhausting to dance with

    26 17.81%
  • Wrong type of dancer

    16 10.96%
  • Far too good/intimidating for me

    7 4.79%
  • Sleazy/ smelly

    112 76.71%
  • Often leaves me feeling battered or dizzy

    62 42.47%
  • Often leaves me feeling depressed

    38 26.03%
  • Once caused me a serious injury

    82 56.16%
  • I don’t know him/her

    4 2.74%
  • I ‘just don’t get’ him/her

    19 13.01%
  • Special song for someone else

    64 43.84%
  • Other

    32 21.92%
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Thread: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

  1. #1
    Registered User Tessalicious's Avatar
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    Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I’m curious what you guys really do in these situations, having seen lots of contradictions over the last few months regarding the ‘never say no’ ethos – both in type on the forum and in person at various venues. I’m not going to mention names, partly because it didn’t bother me, and partly because I don’t remember them all.

    So, for those of you who are prepared to admit occasionally refusing a dance (with whatever non-personal excuse) – what are your real reasons, and do you think any person-specific reason is sufficient justification for refusing to dance with that person?

    Although I know loads of you say you never refuse a dance, I want you all to include those occasions when you have crossed the room or gone to the bar/loo to avoid having to refuse someone you really didn’t want to dance with – and what your reason was for doing so (you see, I know your secrets).

    Here would probably be a good time to ‘fess up to having refused dances for at least some, but not all, of these reasons – but [disclaimer] I am never rude about it, and I try to strike the right balance between enjoying my evening and dancing even with the guys that make me uncomfortable for various reasons.[/disclaimer]

  2. #2
    Registered User Piglet's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Yes - definitely!

    The one guy I don't dance with - used to have difficulty finding my hip but not my butt cheek, he stares all the time with a silly look on his face, he has no idea of how unenjoyable dancing with him was becoming to me and after a night of running away from him, my friend suggested I say no to him. So I did and have absolutely no regrets - it took two no's for him to leave me well alone. I know I said I would probably get around to dancing with him again, but I've still not reached that place. (Oh and by the by - some other women are really uncomfortable with him too, but they feel too sorry for him to say no.)

    There's one other guy I'm not going to dance with again as well - for probably the stupidest reason going (so I'm not going to post it on here - sorry) - let's just say I'm well upset with him.

  3. #3
    TiggsTours
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Another "other" is that I already have an injury, or am recovering from surgery, or similar, and am only dancing with people I know at the moment. I would always accept this as a reasonable reason to say no.

  4. #4
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    My other is "looks like she's chewing a wasp all the way through the track".

  5. #5
    Basically lazy robd's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    What about "Far too good looking for me"?

    Can make the lead a bit difficult to concentrate on from time to time.

    And the drool makes spinning difficult

  6. #6
    Registered User Daisy's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by TiggsTours
    Another "other" is that I already have an injury, or am recovering from surgery, or similar, and am only dancing with people I know at the moment. I would always accept this as a reasonable reason to say no.
    Thank goodness you put that one in cos that's exactly what my reason will be when I begin dancing again in the NY

  7. #7
    B.O.G.O.F. fletch's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Only if you have danced with them before THAT evening and they are coming back for more and you aren't happy.

    If I am not happy with the man for any of the above reasons I warn them before the dance.

  8. #8
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I think the 'never say no' idea can be taken too far - we dance because we enjoy it, and if someone doesn't want to dance with me for any reason, I think I'd rather dance with someone who does want to dance with me!

    Excepting the 'I don't want to dance with you because I don't know you' most of the reasons can be valid excuses in certain scenarios - so long as it's not overdone!

    I don't think I've ever avoided anyone untill after several dances which have all been uninspiring - with people who'd been dancing longer than me...

    Sean

  9. #9
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I have ticked "did cause injury" and "smelly".

    Though, I have not turned down a dance for either of those but I'd accept them as being totally legit.

    On the rare occasion I have turned down dances for the following reasons (as far as I can remember):

    1) On the way to the bathroom
    2) On the way to change shirt
    3) Leaving venue

    In the first two cases, however, I have also made an effort of looking for that person once I got back; mostly successfully.

    As a guy it is easier to have a dance with a person who did injur you previously as one just has to restrict the range of moves. As a follower I'd most likely not dance with that person again, if the injury was due to the followers recklessness.

  10. #10
    Registered User jacksondonut's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I guess the only reason for me would be the 'smelly/sleazy option... I can cope with all the others, but personal hygiene is a MUST...

    I just cannot understand how anyone could not know they were offensive...
    All the other options i could just laugh off, and sometimes i can have really good conversations AND get to know people throughout a dance!! It just takes a bit of effort to get people smiling.. (apart from the occasional disaster..) for me, its all about having fun.

    Its a bit harder to laugh, when you are holding your breath......

  11. #11
    Registered User DianaS's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I turned a guy down last night and didn't think twice about it It was Fire and I wasn't in the mood
    Shouold have danced with him later but just thought why ask a total stranger to dance that intimately with you?

  12. #12
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by DianaS
    I turned a guy down last night and didn't think twice about it It was Fire and I wasn't in the mood
    Shouold have danced with him later but just thought why ask a total stranger to dance that intimately with you?
    Most of the times I get asked to dance to Fire, it's business as usual with a brisk procession of pretzelly things, side to sides and wurlitzers, so it's about as intimate as buying a ticket on the Number 24 bus.

    Having had all concept of musicality screened out of their DNA pre-conception still isn't a good enough reason for me to turn them down, though.

  13. #13
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I was going to tick the "Special song" option, but then I thought s*d it, no-one ever saves me a special song, dammit!

    I also nearly ticked the "makes me depressed" option but decided that no single dancer was able to make me depressed and if they did, I should be dancing with them to face it down. I think the only ones who might make me feel a bit depressed are the ones who WON'T dance with me. So I try to concede to all requests to avoid visiting this upon anyone else. But for those who ticked that option, I would be interested to know how how a dance might be able to make you feel depressed.

  14. #14
    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Someone who doesn't look at me for an entire dance makes me feel depressed - however good a dancer they are otherwise. I don't turn them down - but I don't ask them either, I wait for them to ask me, at least that way I can tell myself that they do actually want to dance with me...

    The horrid man who yanked my back during the last few bars of a track the other week depressed me as well - not just because he injured me: it was the increasingly complicated moves throughout a fairly slow track with the *obvious* intention of trying to "catch me out" (the smug condescending smile the couple of occasions I missed the lead gave it away). I won't be dancing with him again (and yes, I did tell him that he had hurt me - he didn't seem to care ) I thought you were supposed to co-operate with your partner, not "compete" with them.

    Dancing with someone much shorter than me is always depressing too. Even if they are a good dancer. No good reason, it just is.

  15. #15
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC
    Someone who doesn't look at me for an entire dance makes me feel depressed - however good a dancer they are otherwise. I don't turn them down - but I don't ask them either, I wait for them to ask me, at least that way I can tell myself that they do actually want to dance with me...
    I guess I don't take lack of eye contact personally, though I do play the "waiting to be asked" game. In some cases I'm still waiting......
    If they don't give good eye contact they aren't an especially good dancer IMO.

    Dancing with someone much shorter than me is always depressing too. Even if they are a good dancer. No good reason, it just is.
    Fair enough. At 5'2" it doesn't happen to me very often, though even so, I have danced with at least one bloke whose nose was poised just above my cleavage. He made me feel like a fairy-tale princess.

  16. #16
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I'd add - "If you've already danced with them that night".

  17. #17
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tessalicious
    Although I know loads of you say you never refuse a dance, I want you all to include those occasions when you have crossed the room or gone to the bar/loo to avoid having to refuse someone you really didn’t want to dance with – and what your reason was for doing so (you see, I know your secrets).
    I'd tick many as reasons why I'd avoid someone, but I don't think I've ever actually said "no" for any of them.

    OK, in my first few weeks as a beginner I turned down one or two people as they were too good, but at that time everyone was too good.
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

  18. #18
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Quote Originally Posted by DianaS
    I turned a guy down last night and didn't think twice about it It was Fire and I wasn't in the mood
    Shouold have danced with him later but just thought why ask a total stranger to dance that intimately with you?
    I have turned down dances because the track was so unispiring, it would be such "hard work" to dance with anyone to it - but I ALWAYS go back later and ask them and hope they have forgiven me


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  19. #19
    Registered User doc martin's Avatar
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    Although I ticked "Often leaves me feeling battered and dizzy" I still don't refuse requests from my other half.

    She has made a good attempt to slash my wrists with a metal hair clasp and, for some reason, seems to think my nose would look better spread more randomly over my face.

    But when any song comes on that she considers to be special, I know it would not be in my best interests to come up with any excuses.

  20. #20
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    Re: Refusing a dance - is there ever a good reason?

    I have ticked Sleazy/smelly, Once caused me an injury, and Just don't get him.

    I have refused danced with some sleazy men, or avoided them as they make me feel uncomfortable, but actually there are a couple of men I know who don't smell particularly nice, but are nice blokes/pretty good dancers and I will dance with. Perhaps that makes me strange!

    The Caused me an Injury bit isn't a general thing. There are several blokes who caused me injuries (including a broken blood vessel in my foot that swelled like a golf ball), bruised me or knocked my glasses off, who I do dance with. These in my opinion were just accidents. There is one bloke who consistantly yanked me and hurt my shoulders, who I warned several times and I don't dance with now (and I'm not sorry about it either!)

    There are a couple of guys who I just don't get - they don't get me either I don't think - so it's better that we avoid each other (by mutual understanding) than argue! If they asked me to dance though I wouldn't say no, but I would hope my/their dancing had improved/changed to a point where I did "get" them.

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