Difficult people in the Workplace

[Andy McGregor]

That reminds me -- any chance I can have my "How To Make Friends And Influence People" CDs back

It's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Probably not by correcting them

[Andy McGregor]

Leave.

I've been there. This is the best advice you will get. Start looking around. Don't be desperate, but don't put up with this crap either. You're at work a lot. Make sure you enjoy it

[under par]

I've been there. This is the best advice you will get. Start looking around. Don't be desperate, but don't put up with this crap either. You're at work a lot. Make sure you enjoy it

Yes good advice.


Just like...you spend a third of your life in bed so make sure its a good comfortable one.

[WittyBird]

I've been there. This is the best advice you will get. Start looking around. Don't be desperate, but don't put up with this crap either. You're at work a lot. Make sure you enjoy it

That really is the best advice you can get. Some people will not change and its best that you dont lower yourself to their level. Some people go out of their way to make others lives a misery.

I left a perfectly good job because of 2 office bullies they would play mind games and manipulate the boss (unfortunately the boss was the same)
they were all 2 faced and if anyone in the office was out for the day they would talk and b17ch about them.

They tried to take credit for deals etc that had been done. In the end I decided that I wouldnt lower myself to their level and I didn't want to work for a company that condoned that sort of behaviour.

Treat people how you would expect them to treat you, If you have something to say dont bottle it up, if you say your piece once it is out in the opinion work thru the differences and then forget it. The past is the past dont dwell on it. The futures important start it as you mean to go on.

[Clive Long]

Sorry this is going to sound very "directive". It's something I feel strongly about so please "turn the volume down" on some of my wording.

<< snip >>
I'm trying - the only reason I'm sticking it out at present is the Company are paying for me to get a qualification, which will significantly increase my marketability and job prospects. hopefully I should be finished mid next year.

I break my Forum embargo to say

1. Lots of good advice so far, but ultimately you must "own" the solution. However, I think it is always very helpful to get different points of view.

2. I was trying to think of a way that I would "manage" the situation. DJ cut through all that with clarity, and others agreed, if the culture of the organisation condones or creates that behaviour you won't be able to change it.

3. I was deeply unhappy in a job and it took me 3.5 years to summon up the guts to leave.
Of course when I left within 5 minutes I knew I had made the right decision and wondered why I hadn't done it years before.

4. Do you really, really need them exclusively to provide this training? Can you get a training loan to pick the cost or some other way to achieve this admirable goal?

4A Think wider than your current situation. Do you know the working culture in similar organisations? Do they have similar antagonistic working environments? Are you a trainee accountant or lawyer? I know someone who qualified as a solicitor and left private practice to work in industry because she found the culture poisonous and back-stabbing. I don't know if that was only in her firm - but I think she had enough contact with other local firms to know the culture was quite pervasive - and she didn't want to become that kind of person. She gets far less money than if she had stayed at the firm but is now happy and nice to have around.

5. If it is so appalling how about confronting your manager in private? He / she must make the time - his /her only function is to support you in you delivering to them and the organisation (OK reality is usually about using you to further their career goals). Do it in an adult way (as mentioned before) and point out how damaging all of this is to the company. Show the effect of the behaviour in an objective way (they will know, they will know) otherwise they will try to suggest it is your reaction that is the problem. Try not to cry during the confrontation - that will be hard. The meeting may not change anything but you may feel tremendously empowered by this and know you did everything you could to achieve a positive outcome. Where are Personnel Staff in all this chaos?

6. How much do you depend on them for money? If you couldn't bear it and had to leave quickly could you get sick cover from a sympathetic GP while you had space to find another job - even if it was temp work - while you settled down and rediscovered what you want?

No I'm not the MD just a lowly ant.

I read that as the MD is a lowly ant - that is what he is if he lets this go on.

If that is true, and I don't doubt it is, the company won't be around for long - and then the decision whether to stay with them will be taken out of your hands.

It's probably just the area I'm working in at present - with a bit of luck this project will be finished by Christmas

"probably", "should", "luck"
Crap companies will run crap projects. Have they been late already on this project? What is their track record on delivery on other projects? Do people who have worked on projects get black-mailed into support because although the project delivered on time, they delivered a pile of cr*p? The list goes on and on. I know nothing about your company or project - they will be late or it will be cancelled.

(here's me hoping) and I should be able to transfer to a better area/team etc.

should suggests you have doubt. What could obstruct a transfer? What is so good or special about this company that means they can be useless in one area and excellent in others? If the cancer is at the top the problems will express themselves, if differently, in all departments. What is so good or special about this company that you couldn't get elsewhere?

I have been making it known I want to move and into which areas - including networking with several more senior people who I know have vacancies for which I would be suitable in the near future,

Get a firm commitment about an offer and tell them that is what is going to happen. Try and get it in writing. IF they won't write it, you write it and say that's what is the understanding. If they vassilate they have no intention of delivering against that promise. If you get something in writing or they renege on the deal at a later date or try to pressurise you not to move, they won't deliver anything to you and you have complete justification to leave.

it just doesn't help me now and getting over that I want to strangle somebody moods that keep overtaking me.

Be careful how these black moods can spill over into your "real life". I fell victim to that. It can damage your self-esteem and make it more difficult to leave. Ask your friends to be really honest with you and ask if they slightly dread seeing you because you will always be complaining about work. Think really, really hard what is important to you: money, status, friends, happiness and let that be your measure.

Good luck. Make your own luck.

Clive

[ChrisA]

Good luck. Make your own luck.

Good post. This is the best bit.

[Gadget]

OK, so how would you start to look: job sites, agencies, local papers, ...?
What about getting together a CV - any good templates or advice?

Problem is that I need to have another job in place (that would pay the mortgage) before even hinting that I am leaving.

[WittyBird]

OK, so how would you start to look: job sites, agencies, local papers, ...?
What about getting together a CV - any good templates or advice?

Problem is that I need to have another job in place (that would pay the mortgage) before even hinting that I am leaving.

Depending on what Industry you are in. Make sure you have a good CV first of all. Get salary surveys from Recruitment Agys to find out what you are worth. Get a pro to look at CV and suggest changes. Check out jobsites to see whats about. Find a recruitment consultant that you like ( thats important) and tells you that they want exclusivity on you. If they are any good they will explain how it works, dont register with them all,most agy's (high st ) get the same jobs on and it looks unprofessional if the recruiter receives the same CV. a good consultant will spend about 30 mins on telephone interview with you, then a further hour getting you in to meet with them, they will also make calls to specific companies on your behalf not just sit on their ass waiting for the jobs to come in. A good consultant will also take you step by step thru vacancies and wont force you to an interview you have no interest in -dont let them bully you. They will also take you step by step through the interview and give you interview technique tips and advise you with answering and asking questions.

Also dont be afraid to ask questions either they are there to help you -just make sure you find a good one!

Hope that helps

[bigdjiver]

... As you asked for horror stories, just yesterday my boss completely flew off the handle at me ...

I sat through an industrial tribunal. A lady was suing for constructive dismissal after her boss accused her of doing something she had not done, and then accusing her of lying. It was obvious that employer and employee were both convinced that they were right. A witness was called to testify. In passing, and obviously not recognising the significance, she mentioned an incident just prior to the argument. It suddenly became clear that both had been in "I was right, don't confuse me with the facts." mode, The boss had been talking about that incident,which the employee did not know about, and the employee had thought he was talking about something else. Such was the bad feeling between them that in all of the months that it had taken them to get to the tribunal neither had realised that it was all a big misunderstanding.

In my experience if you are not getting on with your workmates, bad things are going to happen. One thing I have learned, too often, is not to walk through the minefields, carryi9ng a very large magnet.

[Minnie M]

...She said, I don't know who they are but they're telling me...Go on Denise, you sit down and let everyone else do the work!

Hmm... there was no answer to that really, was there?

At the interview, she did tell me that her middle name was Elvis and that her dad had also renamed him self Elvis.. maybe that should have been enough of a warning?

loved that ...gave me a laugh before going to work

BTW wanted to rep you for it, but have given you some recently, can't I put it in the 'pot'

[Missy D]

My boss is so unorganised and forgetful this drives me crazy. A few weeks ago she said "someone rang on saturday, we owe them something, can you send it"? "who was that" i asked! "I dont know! just send it! she gets very cross with me and i land up feeling like i am going mad as i dont know what she is going on about. The studio is within her house and her 96 year old mother in law lives there. Last week my boss went away on holiday leaving me with this old woman, no food and also Kosher (I am not Jewish). The only reason i work there is that its right opposite my house and the money is good. She is also reaching the menopause so every morning i walk in not knowing if she will be Jekyl or Hyde. I think i either need to look for other work, win the lottery or find a rich man that doesnt squeak

[ducasi]

... find a rich man that doesnt squeak

Is this a common problem for rich men?

[Almost an Angel]

I've been there. This is the best advice you will get. Start looking around. Don't be desperate, but don't put up with this crap either. You're at work a lot. Make sure you enjoy it

I'm looking around I just need to find something. Another Company are having a recruitment fair in 2 weeks just up the road from my house so I'm going to head to that as I know they are recruiting in my field.

Treat people how you would expect them to treat you, If you have something to say dont bottle it up, if you say your piece once it is out in the opinion work thru the differences and then forget it. The past is the past dont dwell on it. The futures important start it as you mean to go on.

Been doing that - it works to a point. The guys I work with are great and we chat and vent at each other - it's just sometimes it all gets too much and I just need an outlet for anger otherwise I risk becoming 'unproffessional' at work. Even just typing it out or writing it down normally helps.

[El Salsero Gringo]

Is this a common problem for rich men?

At Whetstone, in the gents, there's a tin of WD40 next to the deodorant.

[Almost an Angel]

~snip lots of good advice ~snip

Be careful how these black moods can spill over into your "real life". I fell victim to that. It can damage your self-esteem and make it more difficult to leave. Ask your friends to be really honest with you and ask if they slightly dread seeing you because you will always be complaining about work. Think really, really hard what is important to you: money, status, friends, happiness and let that be your measure.

Luckily I can normally manage to leave work at work - that's not to say I don't look tired at times but there is nothing better than having a very bad day made a whole load better by going out and dancing it away.

I have some really good friends who are great and who normally ask me how's work and 'cr*p' is a normal response and we move onto far more interesting topics. There are a few close friends who I might on occasion vent a little more to and for whom I'm very grateful but I try to limit that as far as possible, but sometimes you just need somone to say you're not alone in feeling like this.

[David Bailey]

I just found that our company has put people on a course called "Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People", so you're far from alone.

To quote:
Course Objectives:
Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People is designed to develop your assertive communication skills and acquire the tools to handle tricky situations, aggression and varying personality types, capably and effectively.

Course Prerequisites:
This course is designed to help managers develop their personal effectiveness through building inner resources and authentic assertive communication skills. Managers will discover how to maximise the results of their colleagues and create a constructive working environment - even in difficult situations!

Of course, this is mainly a "how to dealing with difficult minons who won't do what they're told" course, rather than a "how to deal with ars&holes to the left, right, up and down" course - but the latter course would IMO comprise of the advice "Don't work there".

[El Salsero Gringo]

I just found that our company has put people on a course called "Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People", so you're far from alone.

To quote:
Course Objectives:
Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People is designed to develop your assertive communication skills and acquire the tools to handle tricky situations, aggression and varying personality types, capably and effectively.

Course Prerequisites:
This course is designed to help managers develop their personal effectiveness through building inner resources and authentic assertive communication skills. Managers will discover how to maximise the results of their colleagues and create a constructive working environment - even in difficult situations!

Of course, this is mainly a "how to dealing with difficult minons who won't do what they're told" course, rather than a "how to deal with ars&holes to the left, right, up and down" course - but the latter course would IMO comprise of the advice "Don't work there".

If you're a manager and you have stroppy minions then you really are in the sh*t, since it's your job to fix things. And if you quit your job because your staff were too much grief, how does that sound at interview?

[Lynn]

Think really, really hard what is important to you: money, status, friends, happiness and let that be your measure.

Good post. I need to do some re-evaluating job wise too. I'm in a part time job with enjoyable enough work, nice people, though really poor wages. It has allowed me time to spend with family, to study and to lecture part time. But I really need to move on. And maybe I need to have a radical rethink about what I want to be doing.

[stewart38]

If you're a manager and you have stroppy minions then you really are in the sh*t, since it's your job to fix things. And if you quit your job because your staff were too much grief, how does that sound at interview?

Ok lets think

At interview for Prime Minster , you are interviewing Tony Blair for a Third term

-----------------------------------------------

So why do you think you would make a good Prime Minster again, can you or are a good manager ?

Blairs response

Id be a great prime minster as I didnt like /couldnt cope with the s**** that worked under me before . In fact they always did their own thing and resigned came back resigned etc and got paid shed loads in the process


Interviewer

Sounds ok to me , the job is yours

[senorita]

I just found that our company has put people on a course called "Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People", so you're far from alone.

To quote:
Course Objectives:
Dealing with Conflict & Difficult People is designed to develop your assertive communication skills and acquire the tools to handle tricky situations, aggression and varying personality types, capably and effectively.

Course Prerequisites:
This course is designed to help managers develop their personal effectiveness through building inner resources and authentic assertive communication skills. Managers will discover how to maximise the results of their colleagues and create a constructive working environment - even in difficult situations!
Of course, this is mainly a "how to dealing with difficult minons who won't do what they're told" course, rather than a "how to deal with ars&holes to the left, right, up and down" course - but the latter course would IMO comprise of the advice "Don't work there".

I'm starting this course on Monday for 7 weeks.


So....after this course.. I want NO ars/bums going up,down,left,right etc etc except for only on the dance floor!..u got that!!?