View Poll Results: What is the YOUNGEST woman a 40 year old bloke should date

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  • 16

    2 1.92%
  • 18

    6 5.77%
  • 22

    9 8.65%
  • 24

    9 8.65%
  • 28

    16 15.38%
  • 30

    9 8.65%
  • 35

    3 2.88%
  • 40

    0 0%
  • NONE - Men that old should not be allowed to breed!

    4 3.85%
  • It doesn't matter

    46 44.23%
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Thread: Age Difference matter?

  1. #1
    Commercial Operator Gus's Avatar
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    Age Difference matter?

    After all the furore about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ... about the age difference (about 16 years). I was first shocked by Messr Cruise being referred to in terms that he was practically geriatric at 42 , but then the 'baby snatching' comments. On reflection I didnt think there was an issue here, possible due to the fact that I've been in a relationship with a wider age gap.

    So ... what is an acceptable age difference for a bloke? AND I KNOW it can go the other way ... but I just curious as to what the consensus is.

  2. #2
    Ceroc Teacher Groovy Dancer's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gus
    After all the furore about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ... about the age difference (about 16 years). I was first shocked by Messr Cruise being referred to in terms that he was practically geriatric at 42 , but then the 'baby snatching' comments. On reflection I didnt think there was an issue here, possible due to the fact that I've been in a relationship with a wider age gap.

    So ... what is an acceptable age difference for a bloke? AND I KNOW it can go the other way ... but I just curious as to what the consensus is.

    If the individuals involved are happy,then nothing else matters.

  3. #3
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Groovy Dancer
    If the individuals involved are happy,then nothing else matters.

    I've got no sympathy with the "She's too young / old for him" argument, especially when it's a visual or physical basis being used for such a judgement. That's just sad.

    Medically, you could argue that women should always look for men 5-7 years younger than them, in that their life expectancies are likely to be similar. But hell, you could also make a case for saying women should look for men significantly older than them, in that they are likely to be a better provider for any children.

    In this life, if you find someone who makes you happy, that's the only thing that matters.

    Having said that... age difference is like other differences - if it's too big, it can be one of the factors making relationships difficult. It's like different ethnicities, different nationalities, and other cultural factors - people of the same age are more likely share many of the shame cultural experiences and values, and this can make things easier in relationships.

    On the other hand, you want some differentiators to keep things interesting - the trick is to strike the balance.

    So a large age difference can potentially make relationships difficult - but compared to the many other things that can make relationships difficult, we (and the media) place far far too much emphasis on the age thing.

    Or, to quote Cordelia in an Angel episode "I mean, you're half-demon, that is so far down the list. Way under short... and poor.."

    EDIT: just noticed there's no option for "It doesn't matter", so I'm not voting - addicted though I am to clicking on clicky things.
    Last edited by David Bailey; 29th-October-2005 at 09:30 PM.

  4. #4
    Omnipotent Moderator Tiggerbabe's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    EDIT: just noticed there's no option for "It doesn't matter", so I'm not voting - addicted though I am to clicking on clicky things.
    Now added David, just for you (and everyone else who wants to vote for that option, of course )
    "If you rebel against high heels, take care to do so in a very smart hat.'' George Bernard Shaw

  5. #5
    The Perfect Woman!
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Where's the women dating younger men option then eh ????

    Its a well known fact that, sexually, men peak in their late teens early twenties, and women in their 30's.... So in theory, for sexual compatibility, and nothing else, honest, it should be older women dating younger men... Surely.... come on girls you must agree with me....

    Older men should really be put out to pasture to admire the daisies....
    Last edited by foxylady; 29th-October-2005 at 10:07 PM.

  6. #6
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerbabe
    Now added David, just for you (and everyone else who wants to vote for that option, of course )
    Yay!

    I've clicked

  7. #7
    Registered User Whitebeard's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by foxylady

    Older men should really be put out to pasture to admire the daisies....
    I have no problem with that. It's quite a relief not to be at the mercy of all those 'orrible 'ormones. And if the daisies are light and responsive, that's all that matters.

  8. #8
    The Gobby one! WittyBird's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    IMHO I prefer the older man and I dont mean geriatric but I mean at least 5+ years older than me.
    I find that they have a confidence sort of self assurance with who they are and what they are about, more focused than the average 20 year old.

  9. #9
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by wittybird
    IMHO I prefer the older man and I dont mean geriatric but I mean at least 5+ years older than me.
    I find that they have a confidence sort of self assurance with who they are and what they are about, more focused than the average 20 year old.
    I find that men who are significantly older than me are often far more sexist than younger men because of the era they were brought up in. That illusion of focussed self-assurance tends to diminish in importance the older a woman gets, IMO.

    From the woman's point of view, it might not seem to matter that a man is 20years older when she is 20 and he is 40. But when she is 50, and in the prime of life, he will be a geriatric, impotent, 70 year old. Well, we hope not, but such things do happen! She might also expect to have a long widowhood (though that could be quite fun )
    Also, at 20, a woman still has a lot of growing-up to do and that could destabilise the relationship in the future, especially if the dynamics depend on her taking a diffident, dependent or child-like role.

    Like Foxylady, I think we should have a poll about women dating younger men.
    Not that I advocate this, in my limited experience it would make me even more insecure than I am already!

    I think relationships stand most chance of success when there is a match across a range of values, attitudes & characteristics, and age might be one of these. But not necessarily.

  10. #10
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gus
    After all the furore about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ... about the age difference (about 16 years).
    For a more on-topic example, I just read than Strictly Come Dancing competitor Brendon Cole (29) is allegedly dating a 17 year old. I can't see that ending well, but that's as much a comment on Brendon as anything else...

  11. #11
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin
    ...I just read than Strictly Come Dancing competitor Brendon Cole (29) is allegedly
    allegedly IMHO more like 39


    --ooOoo--
    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
    Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

    Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

  12. #12
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin
    For a more on-topic example, I just read than Strictly Come Dancing competitor Brendon Cole (29) is allegedly dating a 17 year old. I can't see that ending well, but that's as much a comment on Brendon as anything else...
    Just happened to read it, huh, David?

    From that article, this quote made me laugh: "Thanks to Strictly Come Dancing, Brendan is now a big star - and she fell for him."
    Big star? Whoo, the Ego Has Landed.

    Going back to the original point:
    Quote Originally Posted by Gus
    After all the furore about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ... about the age difference (about 16 years).
    I think it's interesting that in both these cases, it's not so much the age difference as the (real or not) power difference.

    Is Brendan exploiting this teenager? Dunno, but you have to wonder, Brendan's got bad-boy form after all, so I'd be worried if I were her parent.

    Is Tom Cruise exploiting Katie Holmes? He's arguably the biggest movie star on the planet, and again you have to wonder, the whole "Have my babies for the sake of Scientology" thing is fairly weird...

    But then, so many of these relationships occur in celeb-land, and some of them do seem to work - look at Brucie and his wife, or Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.

    So age doesn't matter, but power imbalances may do - it's like going out with your boss or your teacher, there's always a potential for exploitation. Not that I'd ever suggest any male MJ teacher would ever use his position to get the hot chicks, oh no.

  13. #13
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    Just happened to read it, huh, David?
    Absolutely officer, I'm no addict. That collection of dance videos? They're not mine, I was just keeping them for a friend. And the Swarovski crystals in little plastic bags? Straight up - I thought I was buying packets of sugar...

  14. #14
    Commercial Operator
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    IMHO it's all down to differences. Be they age, culture, aspirations, etc.

    Differences can make a relationship difficult and they can make a relationship fun. It probably depends on the attitude of both partners. If you have an image of the person you should be with and the person you are with doesn't fit that image you've got a problem

  15. #15
    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    I personally prefer older men....... In my experience, men seem to mature veeeeeery slowly....... And dating younger men sometimes feels more like baby-sitting!

    I also think it's highly unfair that men very often look great as they get older (up to a certain point, anyway!), but women seem to just droop and look old, not distinguished! Grrr....

    I have no real problems with older men dating younger women, or indeed the other way around, unless one of them is indeed so young an inexperienced that they are being taken advantage of by the older partner. I've seen that happen a few times. And I don't think it's just women who like older partners, some men seem quite attracted to more mature women, too. A friend of mine, who's in her 40s, dated a guy about 20 years her junior. She said the sex was great!

    LM

  16. #16
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Monkey
    .........but women seem to just droop and look old, not distinguished! Grrr....


    no hope for me then finding a man 20 years older than me the only one I know that is 20 years + older than me and a dancer is Frankie Manning and he likes MUCH much younger ladies (and why not I ask) - in fact I'd be lucky to find one who can walk undaided, let alone do anything else


    --ooOoo--
    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
    Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

    Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

  17. #17
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    I think relationships stand most chance of success when there is a match across a range of values, attitudes & characteristics, and age might be one of these. But not necessarily.

  18. #18
    Taxi Dancer Night Owl's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    ok if 5 year gap seems to be favoured , any 40 ish gals out there looking for a dance partner ,lol

  19. #19
    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M
    in fact I'd be lucky to find one who can walk undaided, let alone do anything else


    Why don't you just do like my friend did, and get a toyboy 20 years your junior??

  20. #20
    Registered User Daisy Chain's Avatar
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    Re: Age Difference matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gus
    After all the furore about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ... about the age difference (about 16 years). I was first shocked by Messr Cruise being referred to in terms that he was practically geriatric at 42 , but then the 'baby snatching' comments. On reflection I didnt think there was an issue here, possible due to the fact that I've been in a relationship with a wider age gap.

    So ... what is an acceptable age difference for a bloke? AND I KNOW it can go the other way ... but I just curious as to what the consensus is.
    Thanks Gus. My Dad was 18 years older than my Mum. So, are you saying that I shouldn't be here?

    Daisy

    (A Planned Little flower)

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