How to get a look in ??

[Saxylady]

And miss the beginning of the next track; miss finding a space, therefore having to "make" one; and what if she dosn't want to go back to her seat?

OK OK OK ... it was only a suggestion....

[Minnie M]

Yep, there is that too! Which I guess is why we're back to using the "if you can't beat them, join them" approach.........

Hmmmm.....

Not sure if I could change to that sort of dancer

I suggest that if we ask a guy to dance, leave it as one dance, thus giving the rest of us a look-in. Some of these ladees are greedy as well as pushy and usually go back for second helpings This will give the guy a bit of breathing space, and if he enjoyed the dance you might get lucky and he will ask you

[LMC]

I suggest that if we ask a guy to dance, leave it as one dance, thus giving the rest of us a look-in.

Sorry Minnie, but I feel you're being a bit unfair just picking out that bit of what I said, when I wasn't talking about second dances, I was talking about asking men on the dance floor. I also said earlier:

I do sometimes stay on the floor and 'grab' men before they leave - but I also sometimes sit out for 2 or 3 tracks - unless I'm asked. I'm not a good enough dancer to be highly in demand, so I feel that to practise/get better, I have to 'get out there'. I never ask for a second dance in a row because I'm not confident that I'm good enough for my partner to want one

During the second half of last night, standing or sitting at the edge of the floor was hopeless - after sitting out at least 6 tracks, I went out onto the floor and 'caught' guys, with a preference for those who seemed to be milling around aimlessly than for those who were determinedly heading towards someone else or the side of the floor for a drink/break. Being on the floor meant I got asked a couple of times as well. After about 6 dances, I went to sit down again. And didn't get asked again. So I went home.

I find it interesting that everyone seems to be blaming the women still - I persist in thinking that a guy *should* notice if he has had more than 2 or 3 dances with the same woman (excluding dance or life partners, obviously ) - especially if they are consecutive - and maybe be a bit unselfish himself and gently tell a "partner hog" that he has enjoyed dancing with her but needs to go and dance with someone else now.

[ChrisA]

I went out onto the floor and 'caught' guys, with a preference for those who seemed to be milling around aimlessly than for those who were determinedly heading towards someone else or the side of the floor for a drink/break. Being on the floor meant I got asked a couple of times as well. After about 6 dances, I went to sit down again. And didn't get asked again. So I went home.

I think there's an element of cutting your nose off to spite your face here... going home cos nobody's asking you to dance for a period of time is rather self-destructive.

I had exactly the same problem on Friday night - I had to practically rugby tackle some that I wanted to dance with, before they got snapped up by someone else, and if I hadn't been lurking close by towards the end of the previous track I'd have stood no chance.

It's just like that - sometimes I have to ask all the time, other times I have to hide on another continent if I want a rest.

You know my recommendations in these circumstances, so I won't bang on about them again

[Lynn]

Even though I didn't stalk, pounce or grab anyone, so hopefully was not in any way contributing to the 'over asked men' problem, I'm thinking maybe I should retreat back into my 'waiting to be asked' method.

[LMC]

I think there's an element of cutting your nose off to spite your face here... going home cos nobody's asking you to dance for a period of time is rather self-destructive.

It was 1.15 am (only another 45 minutes to go and I'd had a good night, thought I'd quit while I was ahead ).

The point I was trying to make is that if you want to be dancing, sometimes it's necessary to 'get out there' - i.e. ask men on the floor.

Even with excessive 'lurking' , I was just too polite to get a dance someone promised me last night - maybe I'll try the rugby tackle next time

EDIT: I know what you mean Lynn - but I keep telling myself that as long as I'm not insisting on dancing *every* track (I don't) and as long as I'm not hanging onto men (I don't) then I'm not being Evil - and I'm sure you're even less Evil than me

[CeeCee]

Originally posted by Lily B
I have always believed that dancing is a chivalrous activity (why else should men get to do the leading?) and as such, the expectation is for the men to do the asking.

quite agree Lily, well put.

Originally posted by Martin Harper
Like most dancers, I want to dance with people who want to dance with me, and I have no desire to inflict myself on those who would rather not.

absolutely

[ChrisA]

It was 1.15 am (only another 45 minutes to go and I'd had a good night, thought I'd quit while I was ahead ).

Sorry, misunderstood. And you didn't miss much, musically speaking, in the last hour or so...

The point I was trying to make is that if you want to be dancing, sometimes it's necessary to 'get out there' - i.e. ask men on the floor.

Definitely agree.

[DavidY]

And you didn't miss much, musically speaking, in the last hour or so...

Were you at Daventry then Chris? I thought the last hour of Rob's set included some of the best tracks.

[ChrisA]

Were you at Daventry then Chris? I thought the last hour of Rob's set included some of the best tracks.

No, sadly, I wasn't... I was talking about Ashtons on Friday, where it was very up-tempo most of the night, and for almost all the last hour - I thought LMC was too, since I saw her there... sorry if I've caused any confusion!!

[MartinHarper]

I'm thinking maybe I should retreat back into my 'waiting to be asked' method.

I suggest that if we ask a guy to dance, leave it as one dance

Well, ok, you girls will no doubt have to figure out some highly complex system for fairly sharing out the dance gods. However, this problem only applies to the dance gods and other highly desirable dancers. I do hope that, for beginners and mere mortals, y'all will carry on as normal. Or, for those women for whom asking for a dance is an uncomfortable and unwelcome reminder of what millenium it is, as close to normal as yous get.

[ducasi]

I find it interesting that everyone seems to be blaming the women still - I persist in thinking that a guy *should* notice ...

I think it's not so much about who's fault it is (though I'm pretty sure it's the women's fault ,) as how it can be fixed, which I think is a shared responsibility.

First, the girls who tend to monopolise should stop to think a bit.

Also, the other ladies who want to get the dances but don't, should somehow convey this to the popular guys. (Perhaps at the beginning of the night... "Save me a couple of dances later tonight? ")

The guys should make sure they are being fair, and not allowing themselves to be monopolised. (And they now have an excuse... "I promised a dance to ...")

Really, it's sort-of like an informal dance-card arrangement.

How does that sound? Maybe a bit too simplistic a solution?

[LMC]

I think it's not so much about who's fault it is (though I'm pretty sure it's the women's fault ,) as how it can be fixed, which I think is a shared responsibility.

Exactly, the 'shared responsibility' was the point I was trying to make - thanks for being more positive than I was

The suggestion is similar to mine, above - if women are confident enough to "hog" someone and have had more than 2 dances with them, then surely a really nice kind "thank you, now I'm going to dance with someone else" wouldn't be *that* crushing to their egos

[Lynn]

Well, ok, you girls will no doubt have to figure out some highly complex system for fairly sharing out the dance gods. However, this problem only applies to the dance gods and other highly desirable dancers. I do hope that, for beginners and mere mortals, y'all will carry on as normal. Or, for those women for whom asking for a dance is an uncomfortable and unwelcome reminder of what millenium it is, as close to normal as yous get.

I only would ask 'mere mortals' anyway, until a short while ago I was too shy to ask at large events at all (other than maybe some forumites - like yourself )

And for me the reluctance to ask isn't about me sitting back like a helpless female - I don't need 'rescued' by an offer to dance (mostly) - its more a case of realistic judging of ability levels. I wouldn't wait to be asked up a beginner man - I would ask them. But in general being asked for me starts the dance off from the point that this person wants to dance with me, and therefore I am more relaxed and enjoy the dance more.

[Lory]

I agree with everyone's sentiments but what happens, if the man in question 'wants' to have more than 1 or 2 dances with you too

The lady could be seen as 'hogging' but in reality, they're hogging eachother!

It's a difficult one

[Lynn]

I agree with everyone's sentiments but what happens, if the man in question 'wants' to have more than 1 or 2 dances with you too

The lady could be seen as 'hogging' but in reality, they're hogging eachother!

If a guy asks me to stay up for a second dance, I would always say yes.*

*One exception was recently when it would have been my 6th dance with the same guy in less than an hour - I reckoned since I had danced 5 dances with him already he knew it wasn't that I hadn't enjoyed the dances.

[LilyB]

..........

Lily ... you're always welcome to grab me for a dance - even if I am "working" hehe

I shall remember that!

[Minnie M]

Gosh, haven't we gone round in circles

IMHO if you are in the mood to dance dance dance ......... and .... there are still men off the floor, be it sitting or standing ..... Go and ask them to dance that is why you are there don't try and pounce, hog or grab the good dancers/dance gods before they get a chance to get off the floor

I make it a mental rule, try to dance with at least one complete stranger per dance - I usually get lovely surprises

And NO, in most cases I do not blame the fellas - in general our dancing men are very considerate and do not like to say no fearing to offend. I know when I have been refused a dance (even when it is a completely genuine refusal) I still felt uncomfortable.

Sorry Minnie, but I feel you're being a bit unfair just picking out that bit of what I said, when I wasn't talking about second dances, I was talking about asking men on the dance floor. I also said earlier:

Your posts have been a little confusing - I am not sure if you are agreeing or disagreeing with what is being said, not surprisingly I had taken something out of context - didn't mean to offend

Was not looking for excuses by starting this thread, was hoping for a solution - doesn't look as if there is one - unless there is such a thing as a dance lobotomy

[drathzel]

After reading this i am now worried if i am pushy and inconsiderate! I do tend to do all the asking, and if there is a person i have been wanting to dancing with for a while i will make a bee line towards them when they are finished dancing. But the reason for this is that i am very seldom asked to dance and like lilyb i know times where i have gone to classes and all night only had two male led dances and two dances that i have led! It make you think y do i bother. But i dont always hog the best dancers, i really enjoy dancing with beginners (i am a taxi after all) and i will dance with anyone who asks me, i just dont get asked very often (except when i am in northern ireland at a freestyle, i cant seem to get off the floor there )

[drathzel]

I make it a mental rule, try to dance with at least one complete stranger per dance - I usually get lovely surprises

I did this at southport, each night i made an effort for an hour and a half to not dance with anyone i knew or had danced with more than once. On the friday night, in this time i managed to find Dazzle and Silverfox and had fab dances!