"Giving" a dance

[David Bailey]

A friend heard a girl say thank you to a guy on Wednesday, she said "Thank you for giving me two lovely dances".

My friend got a little worked up over this - her view was that he didn't give her a dance; they danced together, it was of course a joint activity. For what it's worth, I agree with her.

The girl kept on insisting that the guy gave her the dances.

So, do other people feel that followers are there to receive? Or to participate?

[Lory]

I can't see what the problem is at all...

it would be just as appropriate if he were to say to her, 'And thank YOU for giving ME a lovely dance too!'

[Dreadful Scathe]

I can't see what the problem is at all...

it would be just as appropriate if he were to say to her, 'And thank YOU for giving ME a lovely dance too!'

Lory, I'd give you one anyday

[David Bailey]

I can't see what the problem is at all...

I dunno, but I think the "problem" is that "giving" was seen as a favour, by my friend at least - sort of a grovelly "Oh you're so wondeful, thank you for deigning to dance with me".

I'm not that bothered, but I thought it was interesting and wondered what other people thought...

[MartinHarper]

So, do other people feel that followers are there to receive? Or to participate?

They're not mutually exclusive.
I think it's reasonable to talk about a guy "giving" the girl a dance. It's similar to the expressive "give me a hug" - both people participate in the hug, and the huggee will hug back, but the person who makes the first move is considered to "give" the hug.

With all this talk of hugging, I feel this is an appropriate time to mention that fluffy bunnies are nice.

[Lou]

I'm not that bothered, but I thought it was interesting and wondered what other people thought...

Isn't it a commonly held belief that it's better to give than to receive?

Anyway - doesn't it depend on the dancers? Some followers prefer their leads to be more controlling and assertive, and some like to be given an opportunity to play. Some leaders prefer an active follower, and some prefer a passive one.

Does it really matter, so long as the two people in the dance enjoy it?

(ETA - Grrrrr. Bunnies. )

[Msfab]

Good question!

This is how it works for me - there are 2 types of dances.
The basic lead follow dance. I just follow was ever is being led, which is fine when I’m not that bothered or inspired by the music or the leader .

Then there is the much more enjoyable participation dance . The lead directs something and then allows me to follow the way I choose. The best bit, if it doesn’t go according to 'his' plan he will change! Now I much prefer these dances where we're communicating with each other.


This all make sense to me

[Graham]

I have to agree with Martin - your friend is taking a figure of speech too literally. If I said to my partner, which is not unknown, "Thanks for a lovely dance", then I don't mean that she did all the work.

But to pursue the literal meaning, since it's a lead-follow dance, wouldn't it be reasonable to say that the lead was "given" to the follower? That doesn't imply any "deigning", it's just describing the transaction.

I think DS has a point too

[David Bailey]

If I said to my partner, which is not unknown, "Thanks for a lovely dance", then I don't mean that she did all the work.

Sure, but would you say "Thanks for giving me a lovely dance"? That phrasing does seem a little weird to me too. But I'm not losing sleep over it.

[bigdjiver]

I recognise that there are ladies that are gifted dancers who are in tremendous demand. I also recognise that there are people there that she would rather be dancing with. Nevertheless I do give myself a "treat" by asking them for a dance from time to time, and I do feel that I am receiving more than I am giving. If I am not in best form, like last night, I do feel bad about it.

[Graham]

Sure, but would you say "Thanks for giving me a lovely dance"? That phrasing does seem a little weird to me too. But I'm not losing sleep over it.

I expect I probably have said that on occasion. I would be more likely to use it in the circumstance where I felt we had had a really good connection, so it felt as if she was giving of herself to me, rather than contributing to the dance partnership in a more abstract way. Does that make any sense?

[David Bailey]

I expect I probably have said that on occasion. I would be more likely to use it in the circumstance where I felt we had had a really good connection, so it felt as if she was giving of herself to me, rather than contributing to the dance partnership in a more abstract way. Does that make any sense?

Err.... not immediately...

[TiggsTours]

Good question!

This is how it works for me - there are 2 types of dances.
The basic lead follow dance. I just follow was ever is being led, which is fine when I’m not that bothered or inspired by the music or the leader .

Then there is the much more enjoyable participation dance . The lead directs something and then allows me to follow the way I choose. The best bit, if it doesn’t go according to 'his' plan he will change! Now I much prefer these dances where we're communicating with each other.


This all make sense to me

I think the participation dance is far more enjoyable for both parties than the lead & follow dance. I would always thank someone for dancing with me, but never for giving me a dance, as I would really have been bored stiff!

[Graham]

Err.... not immediately...

Okay, to approach it from another angle, would you agree that someone can give you eye-contact, or give you attention, or give you some "love"? So if I said "thanks for giving me a dance", what I would REALLY be saying is "thanks for giving me some eye-contact/attention/love during our dance".

Interestingly this seems to put me in the opposite corner to Tiggs, as I am using "giving" for the participation dance, and not for the lead-follow dance.

[TiggsTours]

Okay, to approach it from another angle, would you agree that someone can give you eye-contact, or give you attention, or give you some "love"? So if I said "thanks for giving me a dance", what I would REALLY be saying is "thanks for giving me some eye-contact/attention/love during our dance".

Interestingly this seems to put me in the opposite corner to Tiggs, as I am using "giving" for the participation dance, and not for the lead-follow dance.

Yes, I can see that you have given attention/eye-contact/love during a participation dance, but you haven't "given" the dance. Where someone gives, someone receives, with a participation dance, both parties give and receive, therefore who should thank who for giving? I'd say "thank you for dancing with me, for communicating with me, and for giving the attention, and the space I need in order to give just as much back to you", but if I said that to someone at the end of the dance, they'd be expecting to come home and find the cute fluffy bunny on the stove! So I'd shorten it to "thank you for dancing with me"

[ducasi]

With all this talk of hugging, I feel this is an appropriate time to mention that fluffy bunnies are nice.

And how about fuzzy bunnies?

I think in every dance both participants give and receive. Maybe not equally, but that's the nature of dancing and variety.

Even in the most straight-forward lead-and-follow dance, I am (hopefully) giving my partner some enjoyment, and I am hopefully receiving some back.

Certainly you'll have seen plenty of complaints around here (some even from me ) about dancers who didn't give you the connection/eye contact/smiles/general pleasure you were hoping for, and that goes both ways.

In my mind, when I'm with someone I like, or enjoy dancing with, every moment they want to share in my company is a gift to me, and if I'm lucky, it's also a gift back.

[Donna]

Sure, but would you say "Thanks for giving me a lovely dance"? That phrasing does seem a little weird to me too. But I'm not losing sleep over it.

yeah, that's something I wouldn't say either. I just say 'thank you' for the dance and leave it at that.

[TiggsTours]

And how about fuzzy bunnies?

I think in every dance both participants give and receive. Maybe not equally, but that's the nature of dancing and variety.

Even in the most straight-forward lead-and-follow dance, I am (hopefully) giving my partner some enjoyment, and I am hopefully receiving some back.

Certainly you'll have seen plenty of complaints around here (some even from me ) about dancers who didn't give you the connection/eye contact/smiles/general pleasure you were hoping for, and that goes both ways.

In my mind, when I'm with someone I like, or enjoy dancing with, every moment they want to share in my company is a gift to me, and if I'm lucky, it's also a gift back.

I don't know if I've ever danced with you, but I'm sure that a dance with you is like this, however, trust me, some guys don't allow you to give anything at all! They just throw you around like an old rag.

[CJ]

Lory, I'd give you one anyday

Ye see, DS??

You always set your standards too low!!!!

Lory deserves one. AT least three times.

(I think that's how often we usually dance)

[Donna]

I don't know if I've ever danced with you, but I'm sure that a dance with you is like this, however, trust me, some guys don't allow you to give anything at all! They just throw you around like an old rag.

That winds me up sometimes. I have danced with a few guys that just want to be the centre of attention and so they rather be dancing around a pole......this is when he might as well be saying...thank you for giving me that dance (in other words..thanks for letting me use you to dance around)

Jive was designed for TWO people to dance it TOGETHER. That way, both can enjoy it equally and it is all about giving as well as recieving.

E.G

MAN (GIVING) = could be a man stance which GIVES the women some time to strut her stuff....then woman GIVES the man some time to strut his stuff.

Basically every couple should really give each other that bit of space to do something in turns - instead of one getting all the fun (being greedy) I wouldn't necessarily call that a dance at all. That goes for women too although I think men are more guilty of this. I have seen some women look as though they are fighting the men on the floor to stay still once they're in a certain position to do a bit of solo dancing....then he looks completely lost!!!