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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1181
    Registered User Purple Sparkler's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by azande
    FIVE-POINT DARES
    Shamelessly stole this and sent it to some friends, which resulted in the following additions:

    FIVE-POINT DARES:
    When riding on public transport, stand up and introduce yourself as the "Bus Captain" and tell everyone that everything is going to be fine and their journey will be as quick as possible.

    When leaving the New York Public Library, always run down the steps screaming whilst waving your arms in the air like you've just seen a ghost.

    Doing this in any other library is only a 3 point dare, unless you are wearing a ghostbusters t-shirt in which case it is a 4 point dare.

    And finally:
    multidare: form a Turtle Club.

    If you're a member of the Turtle Club and another member asks you "Are you a member of the Turtle Club?" then you have to yell "YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!" no matter where you are or what you're doing.

    So...who wants to take up the last dare? Imagine the fun those of us who are in London could have at the next Freestyle we're all at...

  2. #1182
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    Re: Jokes

    A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

    If she is ovulating, a woman is more likely to be attracted to men with strong masculine features such as a chiselled jaw, strong cheekbones or a prominent nose.

    During the middle of her cycle a woman is likely to find softer facial features more appealing, a round face with wide eyes, and give greater emphasis to facial expressions such as smiling.

    However if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol, set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse.

    Further studies are expected.

  3. #1183
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    Re: Jokes

    A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

    Because both had jobs they found it difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

    Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his error.

    In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived

    You're probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

    P. S. Sure is hot down here!

  4. #1184
    Registered User Lucy Locket's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Ronde!
    An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.
    You would have thought one of them would have ducked.

    why is it the shortest ones are the funniest

  5. #1185
    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Why are blonde jokes so short?

    So everyone else can understand them < select this entire line to see answer

  6. #1186
    Registered User jammy's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Q - Whats Green and wheres oven gloves?

    A - A cookin apple

    i know its really bad but im a chef and i think it was funny

  7. #1187
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the
    Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, and green, yellow and red
    vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy
    lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Walls Ice Cream and
    Cream Doughnuts. And Satan said "You want chocolate with that?" and Man
    said "Yes!" and Woman said "and while you're at it add some sprinkles." And
    they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful
    yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan
    brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and
    combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said "Try my
    fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery
    croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their
    belts following the repast. God then said "I have sent you heart healthy
    vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth
    deep fried fish and chicken and fried steak so big it needed its own
    platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the
    roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Cake"
    and said "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it
    "Devil's Food". God then brought forth running shoes so that His children
    might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote
    control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
    Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
    nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
    centre into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. God then gave
    lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his
    appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its £1 double cheeseburger. Then
    said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes! And super size
    them!" And Satan said "it is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. God
    sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created the
    National Health Service.




    Thought for the day ..........

    There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
    Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large
    elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
    recollection of what to do with them............

  8. #1188
    Meglio del Cioccolato Demo
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    Re: Jokes

    Lots more here
    Attached Images Attached Images

  9. #1189
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    OK, I've got a deathwish...:

    Female Guiness Book of Records
    Below are some extracts taken from the Female Guiness Book of Records.

    Traffic Light Cosmetics

    The longest spell spent oblivious to traffic lights whilst applying makeup was one of 1 hr 51 mins 8 secs by Ms. Janet Dodson (GB) at a road junction in the centre of Preston on 1st August 1975. Ms.Dodson, a piano teacher, beautified herself through 212 cycles of the lights,creating a tailback of irate motorists stretching almost 28 miles towards Leeds.

    Car Parking
    The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing'on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later.There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.

    Incorrect Driving
    The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.

    Shop Dithering
    The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs.Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.

    Jumble Sale Massacre
    The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.

    Talking about Nothing
    Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee,cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs. Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unelightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.

    Gossiping
    On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs. Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur Dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged down and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs.Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.

    Group Toilet Visit
    The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.

    Film Confusion
    The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?"
    .
    Single Breath Sentence
    An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs. Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous jesticulations and indignant spasms.

  10. #1190
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    Re: Jokes

    I rather liked one or two of these.....


    Fourteen Things a Man can do at Asda while his wife is
    taking her time:

    1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's
    trolleys when they aren't looking.

    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Houseware to go off at 5
    minute intervals.

    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    ladies toilet.

    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official
    tone: 'Code 3 in Houseware... and see what happens.

    5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on
    credit.

    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other
    shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from
    the Bedding Department.

    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and
    ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror
    and pick your nose.

    10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask
    the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

    11.Wander around the store suspiciously, while loudly
    humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

    12. Hide in a clothing rack .. . . and when people browse
    through,say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

    13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit
    the floor and assume the fetal position and scream NO!...It's those
    voices again!!!"

    And last but not least:

    14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a
    while... Then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

  11. #1191
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    Re: Jokes

    Some of these aren't bad either....

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we
    know the batteries are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when
    they know there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are
    four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
    is wet?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

    Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
    injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
    ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for
    "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's
    going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it
    be?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?


    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are
    the others doing here?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does
    it only seem longer?

    If someone with a split personality threatens to
    commit suicide, is it a hostage situation

    Do you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are
    considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
    branches?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we
    figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
    luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
    when babies wake up like every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
    called a hearing?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
    money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
    They're going to see you naked anyway.

  12. #1192
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

    The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go

    up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is

    going to cost us."

    So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm

    voice said, "Come on in."

    When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was

    all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side

    near the pieces of window glass.

    A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my

    window?"

    "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

    "Oh, no apology is necessary... Actually I want to thank you. You see,

    I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

    Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll

    give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one

    for myself."

    "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted

    out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

    "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.

    And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

    "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

    "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country

    in the world," she said.

    "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe

    from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

    "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

    "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a

    woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your

    wife."

    The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both

    now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

    She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.

    Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about

    you, honey?"

    "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for

    you!"

    So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of

    the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

    After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over an

    looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your

    husband?"

    "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

    "No kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still

    believe in genies?

  13. #1193
    Registered User Funky Mado's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?

    unique up on it!


    How do you catch a tame rabbit?

    tame way, unique up on it!!!

    I'm SO sorry!!!!!!

    FM xx

  14. #1194
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Legal Monkeys

    A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a trainee solicitor monkey please."

    The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage full of monkeys and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £10,000."

    The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

    Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"

    The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can do legal research and draft documents very fast, no mistakes, well worth the money."

    The tourist looked at the monkeys in another cage. "they're even more expensive! £30,000! What do they do?" "Oh, they're fee earner monkeys; they can answer all legal questions, draft complicated documents from scratch, mark-up agreements, write letters and bill clients. All the difficult, really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

    The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey all by itself in a cage of its own, eating a banana. The price tag around its neck read £200,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

    The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything yet, but it says it's a partner."

  15. #1195
    Registered User Purple Sparkler's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    A child's perspective on relationships:

    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
    1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
    -Alan, age 10
    2. No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry.
    God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
    -Kirsten, age 10

    WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
    -Camille, age 10
    2. No age is good to get married at. You Got to be a fool to get married.
    -Freddie, age 6

    HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
    1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
    -Derrick, age 8

    WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
    1. Both don't want any more kids.
    -Lori, age 8

    WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
    1.Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
    -Lynnette, age 8
    2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
    -Martin, age 10
    WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
    1.I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
    -Craig, age 9

    WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
    1.When they're rich .
    - Pam, age 7
    2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
    -Curt,age 7
    3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
    -Howard, age 8

    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
    1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
    -Theodore, age 8
    2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
    -Anita, age 9
    HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
    1.There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
    -Kelvin, age 8
    "And the #1 Favourite is........"

    HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
    -Ricky, age 10

  16. #1196
    Registered User Baruch's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    BAPTIZING A DRUNK

    A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

    He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

    The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

    So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

    The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

    The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

    He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

    The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

    By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

    The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

    The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

  17. #1197
    Registered User Baruch's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed.

    A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious, underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie."

    Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000 quid. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

    Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the quid as down payment for the dirty deed.

    A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local ASDA. There, he surprised her in the produce department, and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands.

    As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath, and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

    Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

    Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared


    (It's a beauty)

    "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT ASDA."

  18. #1198
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    Ed Zachery Disease
    >> >
    >> >
    >> > A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date
    or
    >> > Any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something
    >>wrong
    >> > with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well
    >> > known
    >> > Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.
    >> > Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off
    all
    >> > your crose."
    >> > The woman did as she was told.
    >> > "Now get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room."
    >> > Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
    >> > Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
    >> > As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy
    bad.
    >> > You haf Ed Zachery Disease. Worse case I ever see.
    >> > Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
    >> > The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed
    Zachary
    >> > disease?"
    >> > Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when
    your
    >> > Face look Ed Zachery like your ass."
    >>

  19. #1199
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    Re: Jokes

    A man walks into a pub with a chunk of tarmac under his arm.

    "A pint of bitter" he says to the barman "and one for the road".

  20. #1200
    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    and did you hear about the polymorphic tractor that drove up the road and turned into a field?

    *gets coat*

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