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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    where did the jokes thread go ??

    A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the
    >>> >rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled
    >>> >hello to him.
    >>> >
    >>> >He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him,
    >>> >and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from,
    >>> >so he asks, "sorry do you know me?"
    >>> >
    >>> >She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the
    >>> >father
    >>> >of
    >>> >one of my children"
    >>> >
    >>> >His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been
    >>> >unfaithful...
    >>> >
    >>> >"Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I
    >>> >sha**ed on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your
    >>> >mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my
    >>> >ar*e?!"
    >>> >
    >>> >"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher"
    >>> >

  2. #2
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    Re: Jokes

    Subject: Really Bad Joke

    Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

    The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

    A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is
    granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

    Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

    Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought "Perhaps the mysterious fish could change me back into a prawn." He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

    With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

    Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he
    couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

    Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

    Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........."

    "I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

  3. #3
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    Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by under par
    Subject: Really Bad Joke


    i dont give ngative reps but this came close

  4. #4
    Registered User Phil's Avatar
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    Re: Jokes

    A man goes into a pet shop and says to the assistant,
    "I'd like to buy a wasp please,"
    "I'm sorry but we don't sell wasps," replies the assistant,"
    "Really! But you've got one in the window!"

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