Dancing insecurities?

**Mythical** · 18th-February-2007, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by Chicklet

I have read all the threads on this and related subjects with interest and more than a little dismay.

I'm never going to be a brilliant dancer, I can't spin, I'm pudgy and I'm a tictac justincase breath fanatic but I HONESTLY DON'T CARE!!!!

If someone doesn't want to dance with me, I don't care why and neither need nor want to know, it just does not bother me, I will NEVER worry about it, there are plenty of people who will dance with me.

I don't feel I'm particularly big headed, I know I have "faults" but that's life.

SURELY I'm not alone here??Speak up the "comfortables" of the forum!!!!

I have my insecurities. If I don't get asked for a dance, it's because (in my head) I'm not good enough - it must be a good song for which everyone is seeking out the great dancers, everyone's found better people to dance with, honestly, most ceroc nights I've been to so far, I'm far, far less than 'comfortable'.

But once I get home and think about it, I AM cr*p at it - but Ceroc, fortunately, is one of those things in life that don't matter. If no-one asks me, I'll ask someone. Most of the time, it's a case of 'just ask anyone' - unless a favourite track is on, then I'll find the nearest of my favourites

and grab him before anyone else does! (cause they're all awesome and probably everyone elses faves, too!) Only occasionally, it's "I like the way he dances

....wonder if he'll dance with me"

If someone DOES ask me, then YAY

but no biggie of they don't!

**SeriouslyAddicted** · 19th-February-2007, 09:45 AM

Thanks to a comment that was made to me on Saturday I now have the return of an old dancing insecurity. In my trampoline days you only ever have to twist in one direction and you spend a while when you first start out finding out which is your natural twisting direction. Mine is to the left - anti - clockwise.

OK so after 10 years of twisting to the left I take up Salsa where nearly every beginner spin is to the right. I really struggled, but spent a while learning the techniques which I then could also put into practice at Ceroc. I had thought I had got it sorted and that my spinning was going OK until one dance at Funky Lush which I had thought had gone well. The man in question said to me at the end of the dance "Thank you - you are coming along well - you follow nicely- now all you need to do is sort your spinning out". I couldn't believe it - the old ghost comes back to haunt me, and this time I hadn't even realised I had a problem

***Lee Bartholomew*** · 19th-February-2007, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by SeriouslyAddicted

{snip}

I wouldn't worry about it. I've never noticed it and I doubt anyone else has. (and if it's any consolation I once had almost an entire forum telling me the same thing )

**TurboTomato** · 19th-February-2007, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by woodface

I wouldn't worry about it. I've never noticed it and I doubt anyone else has. (and if it's any consolation I once had almost an entire forum telling me the same thing )

Your spinning is absolutely fine

**David Bailey** · 19th-February-2007, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by SeriouslyAddicted

I had thought I had got it sorted and that my spinning was going OK until one dance at Funky Lush which I had thought had gone well. The man in question said to me at the end of the dance "Thank you - you are coming along well - you follow nicely- now all you need to do is sort your spinning out".

Why on Earth do people make these "helpful" comments?

What's wrong with just saying "Thanks, that was lovely"? - it's worked for me for years...

I only ever give feedback if asked. And even then I try to beg off - I'm not a teacher, my opinion is just my opinion and could be wildly wrong.

Still, at least he didn't pat you on the head and say "Well done"

**Jhutch** · 19th-February-2007, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by DavidJames

Why on Earth do people make these "helpful" comments?

What's wrong with just saying "Thanks, that was lovely"? - it's worked for me for years...

I only ever give feedback if asked. And even then I try to beg off - I'm not a teacher, my opinion is just my opinion and could be wildly wrong.

Still, at least he didn't pat you on the head and say "Well done"

From what i have seen the people who give out these comments normally do it to a lot of people and i sometimes wonder if they are as good as they think they are. I once had the misfortune to stand next to a guy in an intermediate class when it was one woman on. When it was time for the women to move he spent a while telling them what they had done wrong, etc. From my personal point of view this was annoying because it meant that the woman was always late for the start of the next move and they were all looking a bit p*ssed off (one woman looked like she was about to cry

). I did think about walking over and telling him that the constant in the equation was him and that maybe, as he was supposed to be leading, that he was at fault. But i didn't

as i hadnt long started the intermediate class - i just settled for trying to explain to the women that he was telling everyone off.

**Gav** · 19th-February-2007, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by Jhutch

From what i have seen the people who give out these comments normally do it to a lot of people and i sometimes wonder if they are as good as they think they are. I once had the misfortune to stand next to a guy in an intermediate class when it was one woman on. When it was time for the women to move he spent a while telling them what they had done wrong, etc. From my personal point of view this was annoying because it meant that the woman was always late for the start of the next move and they were all looking a bit p*ssed off (one woman looked like she was about to cry

). I did think about walking over and telling him that the constant in the equation was him and that maybe, as he was supposed to be leading, that he was at fault. But i didn't

as i hadnt long started the intermediate class - i just settled for trying to explain to the women that he was telling everyone off.

First, SA. I've seen nothing wrong with your spinning so

to him.

Second, I hope I don't come across the way Jhutch has described someone. My local venue is relatively new, out in the sticks and full of beginners and I quite often find myself helping some of the ladies that are clearly doing things wrong/struggling. Yes, sometimes it slows down the class, but I hope I'm not negative when I do it and I hope the rest of the class is understanding. Would other leaders prefer that I just hand over a lady who's struggling, or help her to understand so she can do it better with her next partner?

**Jhutch** · 19th-February-2007, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by Gav

First, SA. I've seen nothing wrong with your spinning so

to him.

Second, I hope I don't come across the way Jhutch has described someone. My local venue is relatively new, out in the sticks and full of beginners and I quite often find myself helping some of the ladies that are clearly doing things wrong/struggling. Yes, sometimes it slows down the class, but I hope I'm not negative when I do it and I hope the rest of the class is understanding. Would other leaders prefer that I just hand over a lady who's struggling, or help her to understand so she can do it better with her next partner?

This was a case of him criticising everyone though and i couldn't help wondering what he was finding fault with each and every time. As for her doing it better, well, most of the women were fairly annoyed and their focus had been distracted so from a straight away, selfish point of view then they weren't doing it better

I am sure you would be much more diplomatic

**SeriouslyAddicted** · 19th-February-2007, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Gav

First, SA. I've seen nothing wrong with your spinning so

to him.

Second, I hope I don't come across the way Jhutch has described someone. My local venue is relatively new, out in the sticks and full of beginners and I quite often find myself helping some of the ladies that are clearly doing things wrong/struggling. Yes, sometimes it slows down the class, but I hope I'm not negative when I do it and I hope the rest of the class is understanding. Would other leaders prefer that I just hand over a lady who's struggling, or help her to understand so she can do it better with her next partner?

Thanks

From a followers point of view I have no problems with helpful comments from somebody that I know is clearly more experienced than me and/or who I have danced with before, but I think you have to be careful giving advice based on one dance with a person you have never met before - can come across as a bit patronising and maybe that person was just having an off moment. Also think it is much more acceptable in a lesson environment rather that at a freestyle.

**Chef** · 19th-February-2007, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by SeriouslyAddicted

I really struggled, but spent a while learning the techniques which I then could also put into practice at Ceroc. I had thought I had got it sorted and that my spinning was going OK until one dance at Funky Lush which I had thought had gone well. The man in question said to me at the end of the dance "Thank you - you are coming along well - you follow nicely- now all you need to do is sort your spinning out". I couldn't believe it - the old ghost comes back to haunt me, and this time I hadn't even realised I had a problem

You have done what you can. You understood, when you started salsa that foudn spinning in one direction was easier than the other and you tried to do something about it. That is much better than realising that an area needed work and NOT doing something about it.

Leaving aside the question of wether this person should have said anything at all regarding your dancing after dancing with you (he might have got the impression some how that you were interested in feedback or he was just someone that always offers an unsolicited opinions) it comes down to,

a) He is wrong and doesn't know what he is talking about.

b) he is right and an aspect of your dancing could be improved.

In the meantime your feelings are hurt even though his one negative comment was preceeded by two positive comments and it looks like it has seriously hit your motivation.

How you sort out the truth of options a and b above and what, if anything, you choose to do is down to you. Woodface and TurboTomato say there is nothing that can be improved so it look like the current vote is 2 to 1.

I have rarely met a dancer that couldn't improve something. I used to get hurt about things but now I meet the comments by asking what I can do to improve things.

Try to not let it get you down - hard I know - but don't dismiss it without thought.

**SimonW** · 19th-February-2007, 04:01 PM

I selected 'not in the clique'. That, I find, is the biggest hurdle when visiting a new venue.

I don't often get refused dances, but when I do it's normally from the 'clique', and quite often when I've been spotted dancing with someone who has accepted (or when I've accepted) a dance with someone not in the 'clique', the situation changes and those in the 'clique' accept a dance.

It doesn't bother me one iota how good anyone is, I can adjust my dancing to suit my partner, and I hope when I dance with those ladies who are more experienced than me, adapt to my lead.

I don't care if you're short, I'll dance my 6'5" frame on my knees is I have to! As long as we both have a good time on the dancefloor that's all that matters.

The last venue I visited I had dances with ladies of all shapes, sizes and abilities and had a great time, and I hope they did too. I tried some moves which confused at first, but bought smiles and laughter, and I made mistakes, sure, but then managed to find my way round them with out spoiling the dance.

There should be no insecurities from anyone on the dance floor, and no reasons to have any.

Sye

**MartinHarper** · 19th-February-2007, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by DavidJames

I only ever give feedback if asked. And even then I try to beg off - I'm not a teacher, my opinion is just my opinion and could be wildly wrong.

Heh, like teachers never have wildly wrong opinions.

**David Bailey** · 19th-February-2007, 04:44 PM