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Thread: Darwin Awards!!

  1. #1
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    Talking Darwin Awards!!

    Just to bring 2002 nicely to a close the Darwin Awards have been released. Had these classics sent to me in an email today and thought I would post it on the forum. Enjoy

    Cheers
    Steven

    P.S. How did the guy in no2 ever get employed??!!

    They're finally out again! You all know about the Darwin Awards -
    the annual honor given to the person who did the gene
    pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
    machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a
    free soda out of it...

    And the 2002 nominees are:

    9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
    getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
    mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and
    he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion
    and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
    died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was tryingtocreate a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to hisfamily very awkward.

    7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
    another plane approached. It appears that they decided
    to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
    aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
    their pants around their ankles.

    6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
    details before arriving, except that someone had reported that
    his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face
    down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse
    and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the
    ambulance arrived and removed the man, who was declared dead on arrival
    at the hospital, the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and
    noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the
    couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the
    man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole
    and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious
    reasons). According to the story, the discharge after his orgasm shorted out
    one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

    5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
    Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger
    and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

    4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
    octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
    County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
    between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
    cause of death was "major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
    friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
    The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
    of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
    all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. Afterthe building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The
    technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright'
    by his peers.

    And now the winner: The top nominee for this year's Darwin Award goes to...

    1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
    tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
    Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle
    was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other
    testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

  2. #2
    Papa Smurf
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    Re: Darwin Awards!!

    Originally posted by Steven
    [B]
    They're finally out again! You all know about the Darwin Awards -
    the annual honor given to the person who did the gene
    pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.
    They dont have to kill themselves - they are also elligible by removing their ability to reproduce - like the golfer who cae first !

  3. #3
    Omnipotent Moderator Tiggerbabe's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Darwin Awards!!

    Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
    like the golfer who came first !
    NO! I think that was the guy in 6th place

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    Sheena!!!

    I do hope that you're not alluding to anything rude!

    Steve

  5. #5
    Omnipotent Moderator Tiggerbabe's Avatar
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    Now what on earth gave you that idea?
    :sorry :sorry

  6. #6
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    That's okie then. I knew it couldn't be....



    Steve

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