Condescending leads

[Gojive]

Last week, after I successfully followed a long, complicated move a guy said to me "Well done!"


W****r!

* Thinks: "Did I dance with NG last week? ...no, 'twas the week before thankfully! " *

Being a little more serious, and hopefully near enough on topic , if a partner does something I like, like a sexy wiggle, or multiple spins, or just seems to do a move superbly, I often say things to her like "beautifully done". Is that sort of thing seen as condescending too?

[JoC]

I often say things to her like "beautifully done". Is that sort of thing seen as condescending too?

I don't think I'd find that condescending, can't speak for anyone else. I think comments like that could potentially by quite confidence boosting and complimentary. At least I hope so because I think that's the equivalent of where I say 'nice move' to a partner if they've thrown in a nice new move. Isn't it good to occasionally voice approval?

Don't ask me where the line is drawn though between a condescending comment and an encouraging appreciative one! I think you can probably sense when someone is being condescending through tone of voice and body language rather than choice of words alone. (Or language of voice and body tone, whichever you prefer to examine ).

[David Bailey]

* Thinks: "Did I dance with NG last week? ...no, 'twas the week before thankfully! " *

Me too - and I'm nowhere near you guys. I suspect even Andreas and Yilander had a quick think...

Being a little more serious, and hopefully near enough on topic , if a partner does something I like, like a sexy wiggle, or multiple spins, or just seems to do a move superbly, I often say things to her like "beautifully done". Is that sort of thing seen as condescending too?

God knows - I'm not even sure if I dare compliment anyone ever again now...

[JoC]

God knows - I'm not even sure if I dare compliment anyone ever again now...

Be brave my little soldier, you can do it, you've done sooo well up to now!

Think it's time to get a life and go dancing now isn't it little one!?!?!?! (in patronising voice, to myself!)

[frodo]

Last week, after I successfully followed a long, complicated move a guy said to me "Well done!"


W****r!

Kind of worrying ( unless the guy was relatively inexperienced ).

[Yogi_Bear]

When a guy does that to me going into a 'you thought it was a pretzel but it's not' type move, I tend to make a playground-rude gesture with my other hand when we're facing each other. One of my favourite partners mirrors it. It's fun.

As I recall from Ceroc classes of long ago, a playground rude gesture was taught as an optional extra for moves of the 'false pretzel' type including another that developed out of some kind of pseudo-wurlitzer or other. Or maybe I am misinterpreting the type of gesture. Anyway, this kind of yah-boo approach is not one I normally favour.

[David Bailey]

Be brave my little soldier, you can do it, you've done sooo well up to now!

Actually, I quite liked that, found it nice and encouraging.

Must be the mother-fixation in me

[Gadget]

I never know when complements turn from being complimentory to patronising to creapy to sleasy... so I just shut up and grin lots.

... I hope I don't have a patronising grin

[Ballroom queen]

Yes - one less than the number they find annoying.

I started reading this thread, and instantly thought of those annoying types who lead a move, it doesn't work, for what ever reason (bad lead, bad following, naff move (- tunnels etc), etc) then they try it again and it still doesn't work. I guess the main thing, for me, is when it didn't work did they scowl at me as if it's my fault, or laugh and then try again. Did I say "I hate that move" or did they smile and say "lets try that again" to which I could reply "no" !!! If its made to be fun then its less of a problem / condescending, if its made to be totally the girls fault then I remember the phrase "The guy is in charge, if it goes wrong its his fault, always" ....

Remember, its supposed to be fun.

Of course its totally different in a class / practicing / learning situation - eg nose quins, where we are repeating moving and trying to get them right, perfect them etc, compared to a total freestyle night / freestyle dance.

I hope that makes sense, and of course, as ever, all IMHO

[Lou]

Awlrite Me Luvver
Dees Casn't Do dart even’n Art Cleff

Art Cleff? I darnt gaw darn thar, me lovel.. Sofa the rivel?

[Lory]

I don't like it when someone (usually someone you don't know or who dances with you infrequently) picks a move (that they've usualy lead badly) and repeats it over and over again until you (by some strange coincidence, as they've still not lead it properly) do what they want you to do and then they say something like "See, it's not that difficult is it?!"

You've described that perfectly!

A couple of weeks back I was dancing with a very 'mediocre' dancer, who kept leading 'something' confused, I faltered, smiled but carried on as if nothing had happened. Then he repeated the move again... and again, so I politely asked, am I doing something wrong?

So we stopped dancing and he showed me.

Then next time, even though his lead was completely wrong, I didn't wish to appear rude so I did what he'd showed me and with that, he turned to me, with a contented and smug smile, and proudly said, there you go, you've almost got it now!

After that, I was fortunate enough to have him repeat the move at least 6 times, just to make sure I'd really mastered it! Each time getting a reassuring nod and wink!

[Northants Girly]

* Thinks: "Did I dance with NG last week? ...no, 'twas the week before thankfully! " *

Being a little more serious, and hopefully near enough on topic , if a partner does something I like, like a sexy wiggle, or multiple spins, or just seems to do a move superbly, I often say things to her like "beautifully done". Is that sort of thing seen as condescending too?

No of course it wasn't you Ian

Me too - and I'm nowhere near you guys. I suspect even Andreas and Yilander had a quick think...

God knows - I'm not even sure if I dare compliment anyone ever again now...

This is maybe just a personal thing to me. For some reason I find comments during the dance a little condescending.

However, once the dance is over a "Thanks I REALLY enjoyed that!" or a "Thanks that was great!" are very much appreciated

[David Bailey]

However, once the dance is over a "Thanks I REALLY enjoyed that!" or a "Thanks that was great!" are very much appreciated

Well, of course - I always say that, whew, glad that's not too patronizing

So, are we allowed to compliment (or in Gadgetspeak, "complement") a girl still? Just checking...

[Clive Long]

Last week, after I successfully followed a long, complicated move a guy said to me "Well done!"


W****r!

I do something equally as condescending.

If I am dancing with a woman I feel is a little nervous and has come on to the dance floor saying, "I've only been coming to this a couple of weeks, are you any good?"
I normally say, '"I have been dancing for years, but I'm nowhere near as good as I should be."

All very genuine. All very nice.

However, I tend to spoil it if we carry off a nice dip or drop (sorry, sorry, I know I shouldn't ), a move that involves some degree of trust & the woman following a lead, I tend to say (instinctively) "Good Girl" - as if to a horse that has executed a nice jump.

I do say at the end, if it is true, "Nice Dance. Thank-you."

You can send the hate mail (it will join the pile) just don't put more disturbing things through my letter box please . The neighbours are starting to complain.


Clive (a not very PC flower) (apologies Daisy)

[Northants Girly]

I tend to say (instinctively) "Good Girl" - as if to a horse that has executed a nice jump.

Oh you don't really do you Clive??

[Clive Long]

Oh you don't really do you Clive??

Pay attention next time we dance Miss L. But I reserve the right to frisk you for sharp implements before we start.

Clive

[Northants Girly]

Pay attention next time we dance Miss L. But I reserve the right to frisk you for sharp implements before we start.

Clive

[bigdjiver]

So, are we allowed to compliment (or in Gadgetspeak, "complement") a girl still? Just checking...

Complement: Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.

Well, of course - I always say that, whew, glad that's not too patronizing
...or in Gadgetspeak ...

Dodge one pit, fall into another ...

[Northants Girly]

Dodge one pit, fall into another ...

That's called being a bloke innit?

[Clive Long]

I'm not sure if that response is going to augur well for the next time we are in the same county.

Maybe it's best I don't know

CRL