"He's not the Messiah: he's a very naughty boy."
"Come back, it's only a flesh wound." (or something close)
Following on from here
I go for "Bigguth Dickuth"
I couldn;t stop laughing at that seen - had tears in my eyes !
"He's not the Messiah: he's a very naughty boy."
"Come back, it's only a flesh wound." (or something close)
"Come back. I'll bite your ankles"Originally Posted by Ceroc Jock
" No one expects the spanish inquisition"
Not Python, but equally surreal in the context of the film. I don't know why I find it so funny every time, but there it is...
'if you're really us, what number are we thinking of?'
'69, dudes!'
Excellent!Originally Posted by Divissima
He's a king.
.
How can you tell?
.
He's not covered in sh1t
"What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?"
snip percussive Latin grammar lesson snip
"Now write it out a hundred times by morning or I'll cut your balls off"
I learned Latin just like that at school
"its not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy produce"
"Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?"
"F%&# off! We're the People's Front of Judea!"
"He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks."
Welease Wodger!
He wanks as high as any man in WomeOriginally Posted by Robin
ARTHUR
How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...
can you tell me who lives in that castle?
OLD WOMAN
King of the WHO?
ARTHUR
The Britons.
OLD WOMAN
Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR
All of us are ... we are all Britons.
DENNIS winks at the OLD WOMAN.
... and I am your king ....
OLD WOMAN
Ooooh! I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were
an autonomous collective ...
DENNIS
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship,
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...
OLD WOMAN
There you are, bringing class into it again ...
DENNIS
That's what it's all about ... If only -
ARTHUR
Please, please good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in
that castle?
OLD WOMAN
No one live there.
ARTHUR
Well, who is your lord?
OLD WOMAN
We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR
What?
DENNIS
I told you, We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take
it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR
Yes.
DENNIS
... But all the decision of that officer ...
ARTHUR
Yes, I see.
DENNIS
... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority
in the case of purely internal affairs.
ARTHUR
Be quiet!
DENNIS
... but a two-thirds majority ...
ARTHUR
Be quiet! I order you to shut up.
OLD WOMAN
Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR
I am your king!
OLD WOMAN
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR
You don't vote for kings.
OLD WOMAN
Well, how did you become king, then?
ARTHUR
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,
held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by
Divine Providence ... that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...
That is why I am your king!
OLD WOMAN
Is Frank in? He'd be able to deal with this one
DENNIS
Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out
swords ... that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme
executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from
some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR
Be quiet!
DENNIS
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR
Shut up!
DENNIS
I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would
put me away!
ARTHUR
(Grabbing him by the collar)
Shut up, will you. Shut up!
DENNIS
Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR
Shut up!
PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.
DENNIS
(calling)
Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
Help, help, I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR
(aware that people are now coming out and watching)
Bloody peasant!
(pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)
On that vein, I love the "3 questions" scene:
---------------
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
---------------
Not LOB, but from my favourite Python sketch:
"If it hadn't been nailed to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies by now!"
S. x
"There are no women here, are there??"
Basil and Manuel are staring at the wall where the door to the dining room used to be. The Major walks downstairs and stops next to them.
"Something wrong, Fawlty?"
"We appear to have lost the door to the dining room, Major."
The Major examines the wall in silence.
"So you have. Well, never mind; it's bound to turn up sooner or later!"
Exit Major.
Have to say re Sparkles' quote, I prefer:
-If it wasn't nailed down it would muscle out of them bars and VOOM!
-VOOM? That parrot couldn't VOOM if you put 4,000 volts through it!
Love the three questions. But also:
"I wave my private parts at your aunties, you filthy English kerrrniggetts!"
And the one I've used most often at balls, parties etc...
"Ah, go on, it's only wafferrr thin!"
I'm not.
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