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Thread: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

  1. #141
    Commercial Operator Swinging bee's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Franck
    As I read the above from snoopy, I thought that this question deserved its own thread...
    I tend to agree with Snoopy in that, up to a point, it is good etiquette to ask all the ladies in a group for a dance if possible
    In fact, ideally, we would dance with everyone present on the night (in an ideal world )

    So girls, how do you feel? Do you feel slighted if your friend (s) get asked and you do not, do you not notice, or are you just too busy doing the asking to pay attention to such nonsense ???

    I wonder...

    Franck.
    Asking for a Dance

    "May I have this dance?" "Would you like to dance?"

    It believed that traditionally the man is expected to ask the women to dance. This is merely derived from observation rather than by knowing the rules on the subject.
    When asking for a dance do not ask from a distance as it can make for an awkward moment if a number of people think they have been asked to dance, and you have to tell them that they were not.
    Make eye contact when asking for a dance. If your partner says yes, smile, offer your hand, and escort him or her onto the dance floor and into dance position.
    If someone is sitting closely with their significant other, talking quietly to each other, then it is probably not a good time to ask him/her for a dance.
    If someone appears to be in a normal conversation with another, approach, standing close and interested. When your intended partner makes eye contact, smile and ask "Dance?"
    If two men ask the same lady to dance at the same moment, neither men should stand down, the lady must choose one or the other. It is often most appropriate to offer the next dance to the man who was turned down. The same applies when the genders are reversed.
    Accepting a dance

    Yes, thank you, I'd love to dance.

    When someone asks you to dance, your response should nearly always be, "Yes, thank you, I'd love to." It is never acceptable to say "no" to one person and then "yes" to another, "better" dancer on the same dance. Few experiences are more demoralizing to the rejected partner, and your three minutes of fun are not worth ruining someone else's entire evening.
    When and how to decline a dance

    Dance etiquette requires that one should avoid declining a dance unless you absolutely have to. However, a social dance is not an endurance marathon where you must dance until you drop.

    You can decline a dance if you need to take a rest. You must be consistent, if you tell one person you are too tired to dance, you should not then dance with another.
    You can also decline a dance if you have promised the dance to someone else.
    When declining a dance, one should ask for a later dance instead: "No, thank you, I'm taking a break. Would you like to do another dance later?"
    Being declined can be difficult, especially for beginners and shy individuals, who may be discouraged from social dancing.
    Etiquette allows an out from the rules so that one does not become oppressed by the inconsiderate. If such a situation arises one is allowed to say: "No, thank you." without further explanation.
    Being declined

    When turned down, one should at first take it at face-value. When a dance can last for hours, there are not many people who can keep dancing non-stop and therefore will need to take a break from time to time.

    Increasing your chances of being asked for a dance

    The most effective way of becoming popular in the dancing circles is to be a good dancer so practice to improve your dancing. You don't need to know a hundreds of moves but must have a good lead/folow.

    Dancers are more likely to ask those they see dancing on the floor. Do your best to get the first few dances once you arrive at a dance event; it gets easier afterwards.
    Dancers look for dancers: At a dance event where people don't know each other, you will see experienced dancers scan the crowd, not looking at faces, but looking at the feet! Making an investment in a pair of dance shoes is a sign of enthusiasm for dancing. Dancers know that, so wearing dance shoes will increase your chances of getting asked to dance.
    Dancers seek those who say "yes". Being turned down for a dance is never fun. If you decline dances, or if you look hard to please, your chances of being asked to dance will be reduced.
    Stand close to the edge of the dance floor. Watch the dancers on the floor; tap your foot to the music. Smile. Dancers will be attracted to you if they feel you want to dance.
    A great way to increase one's circle of dance acquaintances is to ask beginners to dance - today's beginners will be the good dancers of tomorrow, so be nice to them and dance with them.

  2. #142
    Commercial Operator angelique's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    [QUOTE=jivecat]Yes, it's a horrible feeling. Hope you are feeling better.

    I have had several experiences recently of being turned down for a dance that have upset me to such a degree that I don't really want to dance any more. I know it's out of proportion but it just seems to have caught me on the raw. I'm going dancing tonight for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, and I'm actually scared. I just feel that all my confidence has evaporated, and I know that's a really bad attitude to take along to Ceroc........

    Usually I accept that, for ladies at any rate, a fair amount of being proactive is necessary to get the dances they want, when they want them and I am normally happy to do whatever it takes. And I'm happy to dance with strangers. But at the moment, I'm not coping well with knockbacks.




    Know exactly what you are saying!
    Don't know where you dance Jivecat but if we ever meet, I'll dance with ya! Used to be a taxi dancer so have a very rough idea of how to lead even if only a limited range of mainly beginner moves ! But you know what? I'd be delighted and I'd smile and make eye contact and thoroughly enjoy it! Wouldn't that be great??

  3. #143
    The Dashing Moderator
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique
    Don't know where you dance Jivecat but if we ever meet, I'll dance with ya!
    I believe you live fairly close to each other so that could easily happen.
    Love dance, will travel

  4. #144
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I never really have thought of it like that, if I'm asked up, I get up and dance and if the track asks for more bluesy moves, then I go with the music and the lead, even with a total stranger. Maybe I should be a bit more reserved!
    Naahh! Go with it!

  5. #145
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Nice list and good guidelines, however I would recommend that you try not to use "never" or "always" or define "this is the way it should be done" - there will always be exceptions to just about everything said in it...{<- with the exclusion of this one perhaps }
    To pick a few out...
    Quote Originally Posted by Swinging bee
    When asking for a dance do not ask from a distance as it can make for an awkward moment if a number of people think they have been asked to dance, and you have to tell them that they were not.
    except it's quicker and you get on the dance floor sooner, stake your claim of floor space and get more time dancing: you can always go back and grab the next person who you had to decline.
    If someone appears to be in a normal conversation with another, approach, standing close and interested. When your intended partner makes eye contact, smile and ask "Dance?"
    It is also legitemate to touch a shoulder or distract them enough to ask for a dance instead of just standing close and waiting to be noticed - dragging a prospective partner onto the dance floor without giving them a chance to wrap up the conversation is a nono however.
    If two men ask the same lady to dance at the same moment, neither men should stand down, the lady must choose one or the other.
    It's very rarely exactly synchronous - normally I go by the closest person wins rule unless my partner immediatly expresses a preference. Alternitivly I may pass on the lady to the other lead depending on who they are, what song is being played and what my night has been like up till then.

    When someone asks you to dance, your response should nearly always be, "Yes, thank you, I'd love to."
    A smile and taking the hand also works.
    It is never acceptable to say "no" to one person and then "yes" to another, "better" dancer on the same dance.
    ...except if you have a sore limb/joint that you are looking after and know that the next person won't strain it even more. {Not my philosophy, but a valid argument}
    You can decline a dance if you need to take a rest. You must be consistent, if you tell one person you are too tired to dance, you should not then dance with another.
    ...unless you know that they can do blues, is a good dancer and you like the track; they won't tire you even further. Or they have to leave after this track and they are a favourite dancer you haven't danced with yet; after all, you are there to have a good time yourself. Or they don't like/dance to that particular track normally, but a really fabby dancer just asked them.{Not my philosophies, but valid arguments}
    When declining a dance, one should ask for a later dance instead: "No, thank you, I'm taking a break. Would you like to do another dance later?"
    Unless you simply don't want to dance with them for whatever reason.
    [/quote]When turned down, one should at first take it at face-value.[/quote]I disagree: one should not take it at all - it should slide off: their loss - find someone else and dance.
    Dancers are more likely to ask those they see dancing on the floor.
    Really? I honestly wouldn't know what the mjority of dancers would look for when selecting their next partner, but I am more likley to ask someone not dancing and who is not just off the floor.
    Dancers look for dancers: At a dance event where people don't know each other, you will see experienced dancers scan the crowd, not looking at faces, but looking at the feet! Making an investment in a pair of dance shoes is a sign of enthusiasm for dancing.
    is this true? (not that buying a pair of shoes shows enthusiasm: the other bit ) I look at faces and try to remember who I have danced with and who I havn't - those I havn't are more likley to attract my attention.
    Dancers seek those who say "yes". Being turned down for a dance is never fun. If you decline dances, or if you look hard to please, your chances of being asked to dance will be reduced.
    this I don't get. Someone point out a dancer that looks "hard to please" next time they see me so i know what to look for.
    Stand close to the edge of the dance floor.
    no- don't; especially holding drinks and in a position that can be jostled from the floor. Standing watching and eager to me looks like you are waiting for someone in particular so you can ask them to dance - I would normally pass over someone like that for someone seated.
    Dancers will be attracted to you if they feel you want to dance.
    You are at a dance venue. Call it a hunch, but I assume that you want to dance

    I don't want to rip everything appart; they were good guidelines - just full of holes and assumptions.

    My advice;
    Asking for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Accepting a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Increasing your chances of being asked for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.

  6. #146
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    there will always be exceptions to just about everything said in it...{<- with the exclusion of this one perhaps }
    Where's all these "You wish" icons gone....

    (asking from a distance)
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    except it's quicker and you get on the dance floor sooner, stake your claim of floor space and get more time dancing: you can always go back and grab the next person who you had to decline.
    Yeah, but it's also a bit rude - it's much more courteous to ask up close, especially if you don't know the person well. Even if you do know them, it's nice to ask up close and personal I think. So I'd argue for direct asking every time, simply on courtesy grounds.

    (attracting attention)
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    It is also legitemate to touch a shoulder or distract them enough to ask for a dance instead of just standing close and waiting to be noticed
    As always, it's judgement - I'd rarely / never interrupt someone in conversation, but it's certainly OK to grab their attention if, for example, they're looking at something else. Usually standing directly in front of their line of sight is enough to grab attention


    (two dancers going for one partner)
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    normally I go by the closest person wins rule unless my partner immediatly expresses a preference.
    I usually automatically defer to the other person unless the lady expresses an immediate preference for me (need an "I wish" icon now ). Also worth noting that this happens both ways, I've been double-tapped on the shoulder a few times, and I usually take the wuss way out of letting the ladies decide the dance order with me...

    (rejecting one dancer, then accepting another on the same dance)
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    ...except if you have a sore limb/joint that you are looking after and know that the next person won't strain it even more. {Not my philosophy, but a valid argument}
    Dangerous ground - technically it's a valid argument, but I wouldn't like to justify it. Safest to say, if you refuse a dance, sit it out. Again, courtesy.

    I agree with other comments about choosing dancers, and shoes - the advice is a little too dogmatic there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    I don't want to rip everything appart; they were good guidelines - just full of holes and assumptions.

    My advice;
    Asking for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Accepting a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Increasing your chances of being asked for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    And nice piece of work there, Swinging Bee, caveats aside.

  7. #147
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    this I don't get. Someone point out a dancer that looks "hard to please" next time they see me so i know what to look for.
    A dancer who tends to refuse dances with the less good dancers? Or who rarely smiles when someone dances with them? Or who gets annoyed if their partner gets a move wrong? I think that would be 'hard to please' and that attitude gets noticed. You don't even have to dance with them to become aware of these things - it can be observed or even commented on by other dancers. I know several guys who won't ask specific women up for some of these reasons, especially the last one and I don't blame them - who wants to dance with someone who clearly gets irritated if a move goes wrong?
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget
    My advice;
    Asking for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Accepting a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    Increasing your chances of being asked for a dance; be polite, smile, do it often.
    A smile goes a long way in expressing how you feel about accepting a dance, during the dance and as a 'thanks' at the end!

  8. #148
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Deciding that I needed to overcome the 'being too shy to ask someone up' for a dance I decided to just go for it at a salsa dance. A visiting teacher from England did a 'Dancing on 2' workshop and I decided to ask him up and at a suitable point I did. Of course it was the usual brain going to sleep because I know I'm up with a much better dancer, and I was all over the place, but had a lot of fun.

    But... I knew from his attitude when teaching the class and seeing him dance with others, that he would probably say yes and wouldn't worry if I got moves wrong and that was why I asked him. And I was glad I did, as if I hadn't I would have missed out!

  9. #149
    Registered User Clive Long's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    Deciding that I needed to overcome the 'being too shy to ask someone up' for a dance I decided to just go for it at a salsa dance. << snip >> he would probably say yes and wouldn't worry if I got moves wrong and that was why I asked him. And I was glad I did, as if I hadn't I would have missed out!
    Go girl !!

    Asking at a salsa lesson. From what I have read that was a brave act indeed !!

    Clive

  10. #150
    Registered User Zuhal's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Being Asked

    Salsa

    This is causing me some embarassment at the moment.

    I can absorb the class and lead it. I can also lead what I learnt the week before but I do not really have sufficient muscle memory to freestyle Salsa.

    Thus I get asked to dance by ladies from the rotation who mistakenly think that they are gonna get a good dance only for it all to dissolve after 90 seconds of routine.

    Some of these tracks last for 6 minutes plus and I can not maintain the pretence for that long.
    Heh maybe I should enter a reality dance show


    Zuhal

  11. #151
    Registered User spindr's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Being Asked

    Quote Originally Posted by Zuhal
    Salsa

    This is causing me some embarassment at the moment.

    I can absorb the class and lead it. I can also lead what I learnt the week before but I do not really have sufficient muscle memory to freestyle Salsa.

    Thus I get asked to dance by ladies from the rotation who mistakenly think that they are gonna get a good dance only for it all to dissolve after 90 seconds of routine.

    Some of these tracks last for 6 minutes plus and I can not maintain the pretence for that long.
    Heh maybe I should enter a reality dance show
    I am battling with this a bit at the moment -- the only way that works for me is simply to do as much salsa freestyle as possible -- and just dance through it (I'm sure I probably did this with MJ too, but I've probably blocked out those painful memories now).

    Of course, for a six minute track you can probably drop holds and do shines for a while -- which should help reduce any problem.

    If your partner starts looking bored -- lead a couple of double turns -- they'll probably be quite grateful to do some basic moves after that

    SpinDr.

    P.S. Now if only I could find a reliable way to work out which is beat 1 and which is beat 5 -- that's what's tripping me up at the moment. Guess it's back to listening to the salsa CD collection again

  12. #152
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Being Asked

    Quote Originally Posted by spindr
    P.S. Now if only I could find a reliable way to work out which is beat 1 and which is beat 5 -- that's what's tripping me up at the moment. Guess it's back to listening to the salsa CD collection again
    Try learning 'on 2' - its lovely and is really easy to hear. (Learnt it this weekend) I'm fortunate in that I seem to just 'hear' the right place without even thinking about it. And getting back on thread - it was the visiting teacher that I asked up - wouldn't have asked the 'regulars' because I'm not a 'good enough' dancer - yet the teacher was the best dancer there - but he was so approachable and friendly.

  13. #153
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Being Asked

    Quote Originally Posted by Zuhal
    I can absorb the class and lead it. I can also lead what I learnt the week before but I do not really have sufficient muscle memory to freestyle Salsa.
    I wouldn't try to judge your level of salsa freestyle by your level of MJ freestyle. Most salsa freestylers, up until you get to at least proper intermediate level, won't even be aware they're repeating moves too much. Although it's a good thing you know where it's going wrong, that's one benefit of the MJ dancing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zuhal
    Thus I get asked to dance by ladies from the rotation who mistakenly think that they are gonna get a good dance only for it all to dissolve after 90 seconds of routine.
    Hey, at least you're getting asked - not a small thing in many salsa venues!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zuhal
    Some of these tracks last for 6 minutes plus and I can not maintain the pretence for that long.
    Zuhal
    Yes, salsa tracks do tend to go on and on and on and on... don't they? Still, some bands playing live MJ tracks often seem to like the 10-minute mixes...

    All I'd recommend is practise, write the moves down, practise more, etc. - same stuff we all did when learning MJ. Oh yes, and don't forget to practise.

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