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Thread: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

  1. #121
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    I had in mind the DJ saying less than 50 words all evening as voice-over and people think that would be too much ? I should assume that it has been tried and things are the way they are because it did not work. As for the idea of showing the next five tracks, the DJ's I know read the floor and often do not know which track they are plating next until the last few bars. I knew I was asking a lot for them to look two tracks ahead. They only set up that situation when they want to take a break, or dance themselves. Of course, when they want to dance themselves is when they are more likely to play those "special" tracks.

    I think I have just answered my own question! When I see a DJ heading for the dance floor in future I am going to head for a special partner.

  2. #122
    Registered User Yogi_Bear's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by DianaS
    Bit of a dilemna here. I was asked for a dance the other night by somone I have never seen before who strode across the room making a direct bee line for me so I spotted him coming.

    The dance was a slow one and would lend itself to UCP stuff which I'm not too confortable with (do you know the number don't know its name but is punctuated with long breaks and meaningful lyrics such as "fi-re")

    So I avoided eye contact like mad, looked at the floor and hoped he would ask one of the women on either side of me. When I finally saw his shoes in front of me I looked up and accepted the dance.

    Half was through he blew a break I laughed and we enjoyed the dance. But I would rather have had that dance with him, as the first dance ever.

    What would you have done???
    This happened to me a couple of months ago - Stevenage, maybe - I asked someone for a dance, and she explained that she didn't normally dance to that song (Fire) with someone she didn't know, but agreed to give it a go anyway. In the end I think everything went reasonably well.
    As has been said, if you don't go for it from time to time, you could be missing out on some of your best dances

  3. #123
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yogi_Bear
    As has been said, if you don't go for it from time to time, you could be missing out on some of your best dances
    I'd never considered any equivalence between track choice and how well I know my partner. Obviously, the moves I do in a particular track depend on factors such as how well I know my partner, what their style is, what I'm confident about doing, and others. But the choice of partner, no.

    OK, I wouldn't ask someone to dance to that track unless I at least knew they could do it justice, but I might have simply seen that person dance well to another track. And remember, men's egos are fragile things - I'd be gutted if I were refused on the basis of "I don't know you well enough"

    Which is a long-winded way of saying

  4. #124
    Registered User Zebra Woman's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yogi_Bear
    This happened to me a couple of months ago - Stevenage, maybe - I asked someone for a dance, and she explained that she didn't normally dance to that song (Fire) with someone she didn't know, but agreed to give it a go anyway. In the end I think everything went reasonably well.
    As has been said, if you don't go for it from time to time, you could be missing out on some of your best dances

    Oooh errrr.......

    I was at Stevenage a couple of months ago
    , and A guy I had never danced with before asked me to dance to Fire...and I said all that...

    We danced to Fire after a short hesitation, and it was excellent, really musical and we chatted afterwards about Lindy , Tango and Southport a bit....I was undercover that night (no stripes).

    You are absolutely right sometimes you need to go for it. I learned my lesson there. It was a great dance and I'm so glad I didn't miss it. BTW 'Fire' is the only song I would have said that to , and not anymore.

    Was it you Yogi???

    Am I forgiven?

    Alison

  5. #125
    Commercial Operator angelique's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas
    Last night I was at Bar Salsa after a very long time of absence. So I asked the first girl I came across for a dance. She looked at me and asked 'Can you dance? Because I don't want to teach right now.' My slight nod must have been too subtle due to my surprise of such a rude comment that she decided I probably could not dance. And off she walked. I just told here that this was very arrogant and she told me we'd have a dance later. Now this did not make things any better. She had to be a fool (which she obviously is, considering the arrogance) to believe that I would grant her even the hint of a dance.

    This was the second most rude turn down I have ever received, and again it was in Salsa.
    Probably a bit way off track here but feel the need to share a "traumatic" event with you guys .
    Was at one of my fave venues a couple of weeks ago and I asked one of the regulars there for a dance.
    He did the quick "look you up and down" and then said something to me..
    Not getting what he said, I said pardon and he replied " NO THANKS" and walked away

    I just stood there flabbergatsed at such rudeness and when pointing him out to a few mates they made it even worse by saying "surely not, he's lovely" !!!!

    Talk about being gutted....I am still carrying that feeling with me now!

  6. #126
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yogi_Bear
    This happened to me a couple of months ago - Stevenage, maybe - I asked someone for a dance, and she explained that she didn't normally dance to that song (Fire) with someone she didn't know, but agreed to give it a go anyway. In the end I think everything went reasonably well.
    As has been said, if you don't go for it from time to time, you could be missing out on some of your best dances
    I never really have thought of it like that, if I'm asked up, I get up and dance and if the track asks for more bluesy moves, then I go with the music and the lead, even with a total stranger. Maybe I should be a bit more reserved!

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique
    Talk about being gutted....I am still carrying that feeling with me now!

  8. #128
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Zebra Woman
    Oooh errrr.......
    Hah! Exposed!

    Oh yes, and - just goes to show, you should always take a chance.

  9. #129
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique
    Probably a bit way off track here but feel the need to share a "traumatic" event with you guys...
    What a scuzzball. If it's any consolation, it happens to all of us.

    Even if you do refuse a dance, and occasionally it happens, there's an etiquette to it:
    - Give a reason (e.g. tired, shoulder hurts, hate music), preferably a true one
    - Don't dance with someone else ten seconds later
    - Ideally, ask the person to dance later on
    - etc.
    Last edited by David Bailey; 15th-April-2005 at 09:14 AM. Reason: Add more hugs,,,

  10. #130
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique
    Probably a bit way off track here but feel the need to share a "traumatic" event with you guys .
    Was at one of my fave venues a couple of weeks ago and I asked one of the regulars there for a dance.
    He did the quick "look you up and down" and then said something to me..
    Not getting what he said, I said pardon and he replied " NO THANKS" and walked away

    I just stood there flabbergatsed at such rudeness and when pointing him out to a few mates they made it even worse by saying "surely not, he's lovely" !!!!

    Talk about being gutted....I am still carrying that feeling with me now!

    Crickey! That sucks indeed!

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Zebra Woman
    Oooh errrr.......

    I was at Stevenage a couple of months ago
    , and A guy I had never danced with before asked me to dance to Fire...and I said all that...

    We danced to Fire after a short hesitation, and it was excellent, really musical and we chatted afterwards about Lindy , Tango and Southport a bit....I was undercover that night (no stripes).

    You are absolutely right sometimes you need to go for it. I learned my lesson there. It was a great dance and I'm so glad I didn't miss it. BTW 'Fire' is the only song I would have said that to , and not anymore.

    Was it you Yogi???

    Am I forgiven?

    Alison
    where is that icon with the whip when you need it!

  12. #132
    Not a spoon! Lou's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas
    where is that icon with the whip when you need it!


    But don't wear it out....

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    - Give a reason (e.g. tired, shoulder hurts, hate music), preferably a true one
    - Don't dance with someone else ten seconds later
    - Ideally, ask the person to dance later on
    - etc.
    Absolutely. But to give the other side of the coin, I turned down a dance at Hipsters the other night, for all genuine reasons... I'm nursing a nasty tendon injury at the moment which is drastically curtailing comps practice, and I'm trying to get it better... so I'm not dancing to any fast tracks (it was pretty much the only really fast track of the night) with anyone whose dancing I don't know extremely well (which in practice restricts it to one person ), because any yanking is really painful.

    Anyway, I did all that David suggested (except didn't get a chance to ask her later), but she wasn't having any of it - I can only describe her reaction as a dramatic flouncing off.

    Some people seem to insist on reacting badly to a refusal, no matter how apologetically and genuinely it's given.

    But I totally agree, the 'look up and down and say no thanks' in isolation can feel very crushing.

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    Commercial Operator angelique's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Awwwwwwwwwww big hugs to everyone who has given support on here...it's helped loads!!
    However still feel paranoid although trying to contain it.....keep it in conext...put it into the box it needs to be in blah blah blah

    Should anyone know of people out to refuse me, please P.M. me??? Thanks


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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique
    Talk about being gutted....I am still carrying that feeling with me now!
    Yes, it's a horrible feeling. Hope you are feeling better.

    I have had several experiences recently of being turned down for a dance that have upset me to such a degree that I don't really want to dance any more. I know it's out of proportion but it just seems to have caught me on the raw. I'm going dancing tonight for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, and I'm actually scared. I just feel that all my confidence has evaporated, and I know that's a really bad attitude to take along to Ceroc........

    Usually I accept that, for ladies at any rate, a fair amount of being proactive is necessary to get the dances they want, when they want them and I am normally happy to do whatever it takes. And I'm happy to dance with strangers. But at the moment, I'm not coping well with knockbacks.

    I almost never turn anyone down, unless maybe, I have already danced with them 2 or 3 times and feel that I have given them a fair crack of the whip. (Uh oh, where's that icon?) Although if I really, really, really enjoyed dancing with them they could have as many as they liked, of course. So whatever the reason given, it's hard not to take it personally. Obviously if the reason given is personal injury, then it must be accepted, though it does make me wonder why someone is out dancing at all if they are in such a delicate condition. But if the reason given is music, or t-shirt changing, then it is hard not to feel fobbed off, unless, as David James points out, they have the good manners to offer a dance later.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisA
    Some people seem to insist on reacting badly to a refusal, no matter how apologetically and genuinely it's given.

    But I totally agree, the 'look up and down and say no thanks' in isolation can feel very crushing.
    Well, as you say, it's the ones that aren't given apologetically or genuinely that really upset people. And they seem to be on the increase, and getting ruder. Or is that just my insecure imagination?

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    Obviously if the reason given is personal injury, then it must be accepted, though it does make me wonder why someone is out dancing at all if they are in such a delicate condition.
    Two simple reasons:

    1. I love dancing. If I stopped for long enough for it to heal properly I'd probably be out for weeks if not months.

    2. If I'm not yanked about, it doesn't get any worse (and is actually getting better very slowly). So should I deprive myself of the pleasure of dancing with people that don't yank me about (and, hopefully, their pleasure in dancing with me) for the sake of the sensitivities of those that do?

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisA
    Anyway, I did all that David suggested (except didn't get a chance to ask her later), but she wasn't having any of it - I can only describe her reaction as a dramatic flouncing off.
    Well, in that you didn't have much of a chance to follow-up, what can you do? Maybe ask her next time if you're up to it, or if you want to, but it sounds like someone with an atitude. A follow-up dance, or even a chat, IMO, shows very clearly that there's nothing personal in any rejection. Was this a relatively new dancer? Or maybe she had designs on you ...

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    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    Yes, it's a horrible feeling. Hope you are feeling better.
    Obviously if the reason given is personal injury, then it must be accepted, though it does make me wonder why someone is out dancing at all if they are in such a delicate condition.
    Good point. I had a shoulder problem a few months ago - in my case, stupidity can't be ruled out. Injuries need time to heal, I know that, but I guess this demonstrates how addicted I am.

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    But if the reason given is music, or t-shirt changing, then it is hard not to feel fobbed off.
    Oops, I've used both of these, albeit admittedly with a dripping T-shirt as evidence (ewww), or to some weird Bobgadjet track ( ). And I'll confess I don't always follow-up...

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat
    For ladies at any rate, a fair amount of being proactive is necessary to get the dances they want, when they want them.
    FWIW, this is also true for guys.

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