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Thread: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

  1. #21
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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    I quite often have one dance. Don't see why that would be considered rude (unless you were used to something else, but then, when in Rome.....(if I get over there in the summer Julie, then you'll have to take time to instruct me in the ways of Australia )).

    Indeed, looking at it from the other PoV, if you usually get around 20-25 songs in the freestyle, and there's 50+ followers there, you're only going to get to dance with 1/2 of them anyhow. With 2 dances with each, you'll get to 1/4 of them. Surely the other 3/4 of people might think it's rude that you didn't dance with them....?

    (BTW, I'm not saying that either option is right, or indeed, that there is even a right option. I don't think that it's rude in either case, personally. And I certainly don't feel any insufficiency, when I ask someone to dance, we have a good 3.5 minutes, and then she moves onto the next partner).

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTramp
    I quite often have one dance. Don't see why that would be considered rude (unless you were used to something else, but then, when in Rome.....(if I get over there in the summer Julie, then you'll have to take time to instruct me in the ways of Australia )).

    Indeed, looking at it from the other PoV, if you usually get around 20-25 songs in the freestyle, and there's 50+ followers there, you're only going to get to dance with 1/2 of them anyhow. With 2 dances with each, you'll get to 1/4 of them. Surely the other 3/4 of people might think it's rude that you didn't dance with them....?

    (BTW, I'm not saying that either option is right, or indeed, that there is even a right option. I don't think that it's rude in either case, personally. And I certainly don't feel any insufficiency, when I ask someone to dance, we have a good 3.5 minutes, and then she moves onto the next partner).
    I'm with the Tramp on this one. I'd stand no chance of dancing with every woman in the room if I danced with them to more than one track. If I get round everyone I just do another lap and have those 2nd dances - probably mopping up the few I missed on my first time around. And, I wouldn't want to subject a woman to my same old 4 moves* for more than one track in a row

    *Especially as two of them are a travelling return ...

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTramp

    BTW, I'm not saying that either option is right, or indeed, that there is even a right option
    Nice disclaimer, what it it you're studying again...?

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor
    probably mopping up the few I missed on my first time around
    Flattery will get you everywhere...

    I love it when occasionally I get offered a second dance from someone I've just had a great dance with, and I do suggest it occasionally myself if the moment seems right. Have decided lately it's maybe a good idea now and then especially if it's someone I'm not likely to get the chance to dance with again for some time (say not at one's usual venue). I don't get offended at all if someone asks another person at my table to dance then doesn't come back to ask me. I'm with the go get yourself a dance if you want one team (not always at a table anyway although tables do seem better places for being asked to dance than the dark corners that I'm drawn to).

    Its Friday, I really should go home and let the weekend begin!

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Has anyone seen these queues? Maybe at weekenders...?
    Oh yes, they do exist. A particular demo in Bedford has always got a line of ladies waiting to pounce on him. He is very good at dancing with as many ladies as possible and doesn't ever seem to get a break!! ZW you know who i mean!! I personally can't see the point of wasting time waiting for a particular guy when i could be dancing with lots of others!

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by JoC
    Flattery will get you everywhere...

    I love it when occasionally I get offered a second dance from someone I've just had a great dance with, and I do suggest it occasionally myself if the moment seems right.
    Oh yes, me too - let's not be dogmatic about this

    Although I think it's even nicer to be asked (or ask) for a second dance an hour or so later - clearly shows they remember you, had a good time the first time round, and want seconds. And then there's the whole "exchanging names" thing, but that's way off-topic...

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by JoC
    Nice disclaimer, what it it you're studying again...?
    Home economics.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Swinging bee
    So girls, how do you feel? Do you feel slighted if your friend (s) get asked and you do not, do you not notice, or are you just too busy doing the asking to pay attention to such nonsense ???
    I remember going to the first 'proper' ceroc night (as opposed to the small class we had here where you knew everyone else) in London. My friend and I were discussing who would get most dances. I thought she would, as she is prettier than me (not difficult ) - but I did, because she went and sat behind a table while I stayed nearer the dance floor!

    At the last weekender I was at, one on evening my friend got more dances, and the next evening I did! We thought it was funny (we were both shy and waiting to be asked rather than asking, though I think as I get a bit more confident I will ask more). I don't feel at all slighted if a friend is asked up, and I'm not, in fact I think its good that she is enjoying herself. I would actually feel worse if it kept happening the other way round and she was left sitting while I was asked up a lot.

    And I am going to make real effort to ask the guys up more (outside of NI that is, here I do it all the time!)

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I thought she would, as she is prettier than me (not difficult ) -
    I will always put "dancing ability" before looks when asking for dances. IN fact, looks would be, I dunno, third of fourth on my list (because I'm ugly ), after attitude and probably after general height / weight considerations (because I'm small and imperfectly formed )

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    And I am going to make real effort to ask the guys up more (outside of NI that is, here I do it all the time!)
    Please do - especially short ugly ones
    We men always love to be asked, it's one of the lovely things about MJ, it makes the scene so much mo re friendly and differentiates is from (as far as I know) all other dance scenes.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Slightly off topic, but thought it worth mentioning.

    A new Tuesday night venue opened in London this week. There were not too many there and probably a few more women than men. The teacher was a man and after his lesson he hardly asked anybody to dance. He sat on the stage looking glum and chatting to the DJ, then he stood at the door talking to the girl taking the money. Then went outside for a bit. I did leave a couple of dances before the end so he might have come back inside and danced the last two dances.

    It's not unique in my experience in London to find teachers who hardly dance after the lesson, but it sounds as if, certainly in Scotland, this would not be the norm, and I think it would be really nice here if the teachers could be bothered to dance with a few beginners at the very least.

    We have just had a new Aussie teacher, Simon join the ranks in London and he spends the entire night trying to dance with every girl in the room and what a difference it makes to the night when you have a dance with the teacher.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    We men always love to be asked, it's one of the lovely things about MJ, it makes the scene so much mo re friendly and differentiates is from (as far as I know) all other dance scenes.
    Women sometimes ask in Lindy too. Can't speak for other dance scenes.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by MartinHarper
    Women sometimes ask in Lindy too. Can't speak for other dance scenes.
    I can only compare MJ to the salsa scene locally - and I wouldn't ask most of the guys for a dance. Not that they would always refuse - but they would dance with a pained expression on their face at having to dance with someone not as good as them or outside of their 'group'. (I know, I have got this reaction going round the rotation in classes!) I think that sort of reaction here is one of the things that has made me hesitant in asking guys in MJ because I was at several social salsa events before I was at any MJ ones. Unless you 'get in' with the crowd, you don't get asked. (Of course there is the 2 women for every man thing, so the men can be choosey). In MJ complete strangers will ask me to dance, and will dance if I ask them (seem happy enough about it). Very different scene, and much prefered.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I can only compare MJ to the salsa scene locally - and I wouldn't ask most of the guys for a dance. Not that they would always refuse - but they would dance with a pained expression on their face at having to dance with someone not as good as them or outside of their 'group'. (I know, I have got this reaction going round the rotation in classes!) I think that sort of reaction here is one of the things that has made me hesitant in asking guys in MJ because I was at several social salsa events before I was at any MJ ones. Unless you 'get in' with the crowd, you don't get asked. (Of course there is the 2 women for every man thing, so the men can be choosey). In MJ complete strangers will ask me to dance, and will dance if I ask them (seem happy enough about it). Very different scene, and much prefered.
    That is quite sad but true. The Salsa scene is really bad in these regards. Often, however, the sort of arrogance people display is not even founded on particularly high skills. Not that arrogance is ever justified anyway.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas
    That is quite sad but true. The Salsa scene is really bad in these regards. Often, however, the sort of arrogance people display is not even founded on particularly high skills. Not that arrogance is ever justified anyway.
    I haven't been to salsa events outside of Belfast so I can only comment on locally. I have only seen one really fab salsa dancer here (there are others who are good but one guy stands out) and I danced with him in a class once and he had a lovely attitude, smiled when I got something right etc. It does tend to be the 'average but dancing for a while' types who are most 'arrogant'. I do think that has had an influence on me not feeling my dancing is 'good enough' to ask a better dancer up. And I know you can get those types in MJ too, but I do think there is a different culture in dancing with people you don't know or you know are less advanced than you.

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I can only compare MJ to the salsa scene locally - and I wouldn't ask most of the guys for a dance. Not that they would always refuse - but they would dance with a pained expression on their face at having to dance with someone not as good as them or outside of their 'group'.
    Totally agree - in several years of dancing salsa, I doubt if I got asked by a stranger in a London club more than 3-4 times. It's much more of a lcub culture...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    It does tend to be the 'average but dancing for a while' types who are most 'arrogant'.
    Totally agree again - we're soulmates
    Having said that, that's not just salsa, some MJ-ers have that attitude I think. Don't dance with them

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn
    I do think that has had an influence on me not feeling my dancing is 'good enough' to ask a better dancer up.
    It is not about feeling that you are good or not. It is about you knowing that there is still more to learn and pursuing this that counts. That counts for all levels and people who are aware of that will not be arrogant and also should not feel 'unworthy'

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas
    It is not about feeling that you are good or not. It is about you knowing that there is still more to learn and pursuing this that counts. That counts for all levels and people who are aware of that will not be arrogant and also should not feel 'unworthy'
    I'm repeating myself, but this is something I feel very strongly about. To me, what marks a really good dancer is if, for any dance with any partner, they can ensure that both partners enjoy the dance and learn something from the dance - no matter what the level of their partner. A willingness to learn - generosity of spirit, if you want to be poetic - and to teach, without being patronising, is the attitude that sorts out the superb dancers from the ones who just look good to outsiders.
    I've seen quite a few superb-looking dances, but then I may talk to one of the partners after, and it'll be something like "It was such hard work, he really yanked me around", or "She just did her own thing all the time" - either way, it's "I didn't enjoy it".
    Anyone, at any level, can always learn, and really good dancers, I think, should always be able to adapt their dance to their partners level - raising their game, or simplyfying their routine, as needed. If you can but won't do that, you're just being arrogant. MJ, salsa, both have these type of people, good enough to think they're great, but not good enough to adapt. Grrr
    OK, rant mode off, I think I'll go and watch Dr Who to cool me down

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames
    Anyone, at any level, can always learn, and really good dancers, I think, should always be able to adapt their dance to their partners level - raising their game, or simplyfying their routine, as needed.


    Quote Originally Posted by David
    If you can but won't do that, you're just being arrogant. MJ, salsa, both have these type of people, good enough to think they're great, but not good enough to adapt. Grrr
    Quite frankly I think every person who CAN WILL adapt. Those people that react with arrogance simply CAN'T adapt. The reason why I think this way is because it makes the job much easier, not just for the other person, no, for BOTH. So why wouldn't you? A harmonic simple dance will always look much better than a disharmonic dance with moves that are way beyond one person's abilities. So not even vanity could make you want to do this. It is simply lack of ability.


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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by JoC
    I'm with the go get yourself a dance if you want one team.
    I'm with you on that one Jo!

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    Re: Dance etiquette: Asking for a dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas
    <snip> So why wouldn't you?
    You (they, not you of course ) wouldn't because it's too much effort, and they think they're the dogs whatsits - i.e. it's an honour for you to dance with them, you should be grateful, and you should just do what they want without daring to have a style of your own. Alas, there are MJ dancers like that - I agree that they're not very good, but unfortunately they don't know that...

    I'm getting hacked-off again, I should probably go and practise my compliments somewhere

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