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Thread: Inappropriate Touching

  1. #121
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    It really does depend on your relationship with the lady you are dancing with at the time.For ladies inappropriate touching equates with sleaze and pervs but for men it is different,they will either enjoy it and respond to it or cope with it by ignoring it.For myself, if a lady ,young (oh yes I have had my moments) or not so young feels the need then I say BRING IT ON!!!
    In fact as I type this I am just recalling an incident at last nights freestyle dance at Thetford Carnegie Rooms (a brilliant night).
    I was asked to dance by a middle aged lady who I hadnt seen for some time and when we were doing the move where the lady is behind,with her arms around you,both facing the same way,boy was she close.A Rizla cigarette paper couldnt have got between us-but I just ignored it and quickly moved on to another move.
    I try to treat it as harmless fun but i do agree from a ladies point of view it is a whole lot different
    Last edited by djtrev; 17th-December-2004 at 11:30 AM. Reason: adding an experince

  2. #122
    Registered User latinlover's Avatar
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by djtrev
    It really does depend on your relationship with the lady you are dancing with at the time.For ladies inappropriate touching equates with sleaze and pervs but for men it is different,they will either enjoy it and respond to it or cope with it by ignoring it.For myself, if a lady ,young (oh yes I have had my moments) or not so young feels the need then I say BRING IT ON!!!
    In fact as I type this I am just recalling an incident at last nights freestyle dance at Thetford Carnegie Rooms (a brilliant night).
    I was asked to dance by a middle aged lady who I hadnt seen for some time and when we were doing the move where the lady is behind,with her arms around you,both facing the same way,boy was she close.A Rizla cigarette paper couldnt have got between us-but I just ignored it and quickly moved on to another move.
    I try to treat it as harmless fun but i do agree from a ladies point of view it is a whole lot different
    I agree
    it happens to me occasionally and I can't say I ever feel threatened(except with one person she knows who she is )
    as Joe Jackson said way back in 1979 or 1980(or something)

    "...it's different for girls"

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    from the darker side of dance thread :-
    Quote Originally Posted by drathzel
    I know when some guys get drunk ( and just in the interest of fairness women too) they feel like they have the right to do what they want to any one!Which is why there are also other things that hapen ie drugging etc! But is there actually anything we can do about it? Apart from watch our own behaviour! I generally just put up with it but i know no should have to!

    I also have to note this as it is appropriate for this thread as well and if anyone wants to go to that thread, it is worth while, especially some of the comments made by sheepman!

    I would also like to comment its not always the drunk people and also not all drunk people act like this (just incase people think this is what i am getting at)!

  4. #124
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by drathzel
    I think this applies to dancing in general B& M and you do make a good point. I change the way i dance with different partners,. Ie with some i dance more elegantly, with some its just fun, with some it very very inappropriate (but permission has been given) and the rest i just dance as me!
    Hmm. I wonder which category I'm in. Haven't noticed you dancing elegantly, so it must be one of the others.....

    I also change the way I dance with each partner, and adjust to their comfort zone. As I've said elsewhere on the forum (but can't be bothered finding a link to), it's essential to start off by assuming your partner has a very limited comfort zone, and only to build up slowly as a rapport between you develops (and obviously a rapport doesn't develop with every single partner).

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Graham
    Hmm. I wonder which category I'm in. Haven't noticed you dancing elegantly, so it must be one of the others.....
    Now where is that Fcuk off smiley, oh there isn't one so i shall just say Fcuk off!!!!!!!!!!


  6. #126
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    I also change the way I dance with each partner, and adjust to their comfort zone. As I've said elsewhere on the forum (but can't be bothered finding a link to), it's essential to start off by assuming your partner has a very limited comfort zone, and only to build up slowly as a rapport between you develops (and obviously a rapport doesn't develop with every single partner).

    I would agree with this, comfort zone does play a big part and no-one should think they want the touch or closeness.
    I always remember dancing with a guy once who put me too close and it made me feel so violated it took the wind out of me. But on the other hand I have a good friend I love to dance with because he respects zone and you can have that closeness without feeling odd or uncomfortable.

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by skippy

    I would agree with this, comfort zone does play a big part and no-one should think they want the touch or closeness.
    I always remember dancing with a guy once who put me too close and it made me feel so violated it took the wind out of me. But on the other hand I have a good friend I love to dance with because he respects zone and you can have that closeness without feeling odd or uncomfortable.

    I know that there are people you can dance with like this, but these people do tend to be people that you have started dancing with that have repected your comfort zone!!!

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Graham
    Start off by assuming your partner has a very limited comfort zone.
    When I think of someone with a very limited comfort zone, I think of someone who doesn't like to be touched at all, and I doubt that's what you mean. Perhaps you could give some examples of the kind of things that aren't appropriate until you've built up some rapport?

  9. #129
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    I have danced with newcomers for whom the First Move is beyond their comfort zone, involving, as it does, contact between the mans hand and the ladies waist.

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver
    I have danced with newcomers for whom the First Move is beyond their comfort zone, involving, as it does, contact between the mans hand and the ladies waist.
    me too - but I would never go into a dance with someone new assuming that a first move is beyond their comfort zone.

  11. #131
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by bigjiver

    I have danced with newcomers for whom the First Move is beyond their comfort zone, involving, as it does, contact between the mans hand and the ladies waist.
    Can't say I've come across this even with my clumsy efforts (perhaps I'm just too insensitive) but such a lady would soon have to become more relaxed about this contact or quickly decide that dancing wasn't for her.

    Is there any significance in using the word waist (?) since we are encouraged to place the hand on the hip to avoid possible discomfort when swinging the lady out.

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Whitebeard
    Can't say I've come across this even with my clumsy efforts (perhaps I'm just too insensitive) but such a lady would soon have to become more relaxed about this contact or quickly decide that dancing wasn't for her.

    Is there any significance in using the word waist (?) since we are encouraged to place the hand on the hip to avoid possible discomfort when swinging the lady out.
    As the lady is drawn towards the man his hand is heading towards her waist. The ladies in question batted my hand away before it made contact at all. The first time completly threw me, and I went into auto "keep moving, keep smiling" mode and automatically attempted my recovery move of first choice, the First Move and then, in a panic, again I explained that this was all part of the dance, but all three took up the "dancing not for me" option, hopefully only temporarily, after finding out that it was the same with other guys, and girl taxis.

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Bangers & Mash
    Dancing can be a very intimate thing but only with the right partner. I find that different people I dance with have different comfort zones and so I change my dance accordingly depending upon the person.
    Agreed
    As I get to know people better then I might introduce a couple more intimate moves but this is nearly always followed with "were you comfortable with that?"
    Ok, now for the part which will probably go against what everyone else thinks (did I hear a sharp intake of breath? Lory is going to be controversial )

    If someone did a move on me, THEN posed the question, were you comfortable with that? The very fact they questioned me about it, would make me feel uncomfortable. weird but true! when I read that line, it actually made me cringe.

    E.g. if a man stands close behind and instigates a body roll, if it's in keeping with the music, that would be fine. If he then asked, was I comfortable with that, I'd think YUK! (the moment ruined) This is because I now know, in his mind, HE considers it seedy, enough to have to ask! And i'd then feel he was taking liberties!

    Does anyone know what I mean

    Dancing to me is meant to be totally instinctive and natural, I know it's hard for some to interpret but the answer is alway's in the body language.
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver
    As the lady is drawn towards the man his hand is heading towards her waist. The ladies in question batted my hand away before it made contact at all. The first time completly threw me, and I went into auto "keep moving, keep smiling" mode and automatically attempted my recovery move of first choice, the First Move and then, in a panic, again I explained that this was all part of the dance, but all three took up the "dancing not for me" option, hopefully only temporarily, after finding out that it was the same with other guys, and girl taxis.
    I had a friend who started dancing around the same time as me but gave up soon after, as she said, she couldn't bare men feeling her fat!
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory
    If someone did a move on me, THEN posed the question, were you comfortable with that? The very fact they questioned me about it, would make me feel uncomfortable. weird but true! when I read that line, it actually made me cringe.

    ...snip..

    Does anyone know what I mean
    I know exactly what you mean.

    Guys, the task is this:

    We are required to have an instinctive understanding of what the girls want and don't want. Each girl is different. So we need to have an instinctive understanding of what every girl wants.

    We are to have the said understanding without instruction, no, not even a hint. If we get it wrong in one direction, we're sleazy; in the other direction, we're boring. If we get it right, they still talk to us (or in the MJ world, dance with us), but that's about it as far as actual feedback goes. If we get it wrong, we're history.

    Think of it as evolution in action

    Chris

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisA
    Think of it as evolution in action

    Chris
    Congratulations Chris, you're no longer an ape!
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory
    Congratulations Chris, your no longer an ape!

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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory
    If someone did a move on me, THEN posed the question, were you comfortable with that? The very fact they questioned me about it, would make me feel uncomfortable. weird but true! when I read that line, it actually made me cringe. ...
    I know exactly what you mean. Us guys are in a no-win situation.

    I try to be different, and try to use my strength and experience to let larger ladies try moves usually limited to the lighter ladies, which might include lifts, dips, whirl-arounds, laybacks, Lambada, pull through the legs, "Fallen Angel" (one of my own), a rear to rear move, shaking, sitting on knee. laying across thighs. There are ladies that love and hate all of these.

    I usually ask new partners at the end of the dance if there were any moves that they did not like - and some ladies do not like that. Perhaps I should first ask if they have time for a customer satisfaction survey?

    I can only suggest that teachers tell their ladies to give us more feedback during the dance. A lot of encouragng "yeses" would be good, with silence meaning one thing, and "no-no" meaning just that. In Judo two quick taps of the hand are considered a no-more signal. We could introduce that.

  19. #139
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver
    I know exactly what you mean. Us guys are in a no-win situation.
    Wrong. Only some are.

  20. #140
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    Re: Inappropriate Touching

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory
    Agreed

    Ok, now for the part which will probably go against what everyone else thinks (did I hear a sharp intake of breath? Lory is going to be controversial )

    If someone did a move on me, THEN posed the question, were you comfortable with that? The very fact they questioned me about it, would make me feel uncomfortable. weird but true! when I read that line, it actually made me cringe.

    E.g. if a man stands close behind and instigates a body roll, if it's in keeping with the music, that would be fine. If he then asked, was I comfortable with that, I'd think YUK! (the moment ruined) This is because I now know, in his mind, HE considers it seedy, enough to have to ask! And i'd then feel he was taking liberties!

    Does anyone know what I mean

    Dancing to me is meant to be totally instinctive and natural, I know it's hard for some to interpret but the answer is alway's in the body language.

    Interesting point and I never thought of looking at it from that angle.
    but I think it is a very good point and I will certainly take your comments on board.

    I've only ever once been told by a girl that she didn't like a move, but I knew her quite well and it was not a problem. In fact she got me to change it slightly and it was ok.

    I do try to be considerate and think of these things when I go into a move but you never know when you will misjudge what a girl feels comfortable with.

    what alternative would you suggest.

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