Inappropriate Touching

[drathzel]

Ok, just a quick thread and i am sorry but i am going to mainly aim this thread at women.

Hello women. Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that men touch/brush/stroke you in ways (on the dance floor) that is not neccessary!

Last tuesday night i saw something that shocked me. There was a gentleman dancing with a young woman (who i know to say hi to) and half way through the dance he spun her round and felt her ass. Not in a move and completely on purpose. This girl is not friendly with this gentleman, so therefore it was not in a jokey way. It was done on purpose, now this yound lady is quite shy and would not have said to this man. I have found also that when he dances with me the same things tend to happen. I dont let him get away with it though, however while there is ladies who are to afraid to say anything he will continue to get away with it. I have also had a problem with another man who i now avoid and i wonder how man women out there actually have to deal with this.

I know there is the occasional brush or touch that is completely by accident and i acknowledge this but i thought i would put a thread for anyone who wants to rant about the same situation or who has any advise for getting out of situations or what to say to men who do get over friendly!

[Gadget]

The slease thing thread goes into it in some detail.

[DianaS]

Ok, just a quick thread and i am sorry but i am going to mainly aim this thread at women.

Hello women. Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that men touch/brush/stroke you in ways (on the dance floor) that is not neccessary!

Last tuesday night i saw something that shocked me. There was a gentleman dancing with a young woman (who i know to say hi to) and half way through the dance he spun her round and felt her ass. Not in a move and completely on purpose. This girl is not friendly with this gentleman, so therefore it was not in a jokey way. It was done on purpose, now this yound lady is quite shy and would not have said to this man. I have found also that when he dances with me the same things tend to happen. I dont let him get away with it though, however while there is ladies who are to afraid to say anything he will continue to get away with it. I have also had a problem with another man who i now avoid and i wonder how man women out there actually have to deal with this.

I know there is the occasional brush or touch that is completely by accident and i acknowledge this but i thought i would put a thread for anyone who wants to rant about the same situation or who has any advise for getting out of situations or what to say to men who do get over friendly!

I once said to a guy, sort of joking, if you do that again you'll end up on the floor with my foot across your throat, he's never troubled me again!
But I felt that I knew him well enough,
and I also felt angry enough!

[latinlover]

I once said to a guy, sort of joking, if you do that again you'll end up on the floor with my foot across your throat, he's never troubled me again!
But I felt that I knew him well enough,
and I also felt angry enough!

.......and you knew could if you wanted to!!!

[Andy McGregor]

Tell the guy that you believe that he's just sexually assaulted you and that you will call the police if he ever does it again or if you ever see him doing it again. Might be a bit of an over-reaction but I'll bet he'd stop - probably give up dancing too if we're lucky

[CJ]

Last tuesday night i saw something that shocked me. There was a gentleman dancing with a young woman (who i know to say hi to) and half way through the dance he spun her round and felt her ass.

Not sure what you mean... U want to show me tonight?!?

[drathzel]

Tell the guy that you believe that he's just sexually assaulted you and that you will call the police if he ever does it again or if you ever see him doing it again. Might be a bit of an over-reaction but I'll bet he'd stop - probably give up dancing too if we're lucky

I would hate to force someone to leave, he may not realise he is doing it. I am not so concerned for me cuz i can handle myself, its the other girls that can't i am worried about!

[drathzel]

Not sure what you mean... U want to show me tonight?!?

Only if you are a good boy

[Andy McGregor]

I would hate to force someone to leave, he may not realise he is doing it. I am not so concerned for me cuz i can handle myself, its the other girls that can't i am worried about!

Take my word for it. If a man touches your bottom he knows he's done it

[drathzel]

Take my word for it. If a man touches your bottom he knows he's done it

Ok you may be right but when he sees it going on around him, ok it may be amoungst friends/partners, does he really know its wrong... and am i just sticking up for the silly man.. stop it danielle stop it!!!

[Pammy]

Tell the guy that you believe that he's just sexually assaulted you and that you will call the police if he ever does it again or if you ever see him doing it again. Might be a bit of an over-reaction but I'll bet he'd stop - probably give up dancing too if we're lucky

Unless she'd touched his bum first Seriously though, we must be careful when we start to observe an incident, e.g. we saw him touch her, but what if he was responding to being touched first. For example: Many people may have seen Andy McGregor shamelessly try and show the entire Hipsters crowd my knickers by repeatedly spinning me in my snow queen outfit, however, they may or may not have seen me try and knock him off the floor previously with one of those dangerous little hip sways.

[drathzel]

Unless she'd touched his bum first Seriously though, we must be careful when we start to observe an incident, e.g. we saw him touch her, but what if he was responding to being touched first. For example: Many people may have seen Andy McGregor shamelessly try and show the entire Hipsters crowd my knickers by repeatedly spinning me in my snow queen outfit, however, they may or may not have seen me try and knock him off the floor previously with one of those dangerous little hip sways.

I know this girl well enough to know she wouldn't have done it first!

[Andy McGregor]

Ok you may be right but when he sees it going on around him, ok it may be amoungst friends/partners, does he really know its wrong... and am i just sticking up for the silly man.. stop it danielle stop it!!!

This argument doesn't stand up. I've seen women being French kissed at dance classes - it never crossed my mind that I might be allowed to do the same thing.

[drathzel]

This argument doesn't stand up. I've seen women being French kissed at dance classes - it never crossed my mind that I might be allowed to do the same thing.

Really? hmmm quite fancy trying that one.. if i can remember how to... oh sorry!

I know but some guys are impressionable! I am not saying what he did was excusable by this but i do think he has just pushed things a bit far!

The other man i spoke about however made even me feel really uncomfotable and that was not from seeing others doing it, i have never seen anyone dance like that in my life, except in sleazy movies!

At what level do you deal with things and to what degree!

[Andy McGregor]

At what level do you deal with things and to what degree!

You have a comfort zone the the guy should stay within, the difficulty is that different women have different comfort zones and this zone may change its geography depending on the guy they're with - and their mood, the weather, chocolate received as gifts, compliments about hair/clothes/dancing, etc.

But you also have a discomfort zone. Once a guy strays into your discomfort zone you must tell him - then nobody is in any doubt.

[drathzel]

You have a comfort zone the the guy should stay within, the difficulty is that different women have different comfort zones and this zone may change its geography depending on the guy they're with - and their mood, the weather, chocolate received as gifts, compliments about hair/clothes/dancing, etc.

But you also have a discomfort zone. Once a guy strays into your discomfort zone you must tell him - then nobody is in any doubt.

But how do you tell a guy that you have been dancing with regularly before that you are uncomfortable!

[latinlover]

But how do you tell a guy that you have been dancing with regularly before that you are uncomfortable!

Hmm tricky, but you have to bite the bullet or at best he will carry on in his ignorance,or things could even get worse

[David Franklin]

But how do you tell a guy that you have been dancing with regularly before that you are uncomfortable!

I don't think there's anything wrong (or particularly accusatory) in saying "that's a little too close for comfort", or "I'd prefer your hand a bit higher, so it's on my hip", etc... If the guy has no "bad" intent, he may be slightly embarrassed, but he knows he didn't mean harm, you're not making a big thing of it, and it's just feedback like anything else. Of course, if he was trying to cop a feel, he may be more embarrassed, but is that really a problem?

If it's someone you're dance with regularly, it seems it's more likely a technique issue, or possibly somewhat inept "testing the water". Either way, I bet you'll be a lot happier nipping the problem in the bud, so to speak...

Dave

[Sheepman]

But how do you tell a guy that you have been dancing with regularly before that you are uncomfortable!

Of course it's not easy, but if you don't tell him, he's not going to change, (except maybe for the worse, because he'll take a lack of negative feedback as a sign you are OK with it.) And don't wait till it happens again before you tell him, once you are dancing, it never feels like the right moment to say anything, (at least that's how I felt, on the (very rare) occasions when a woman did something that went too far for me.) When he asks you to dance, say right then, that you'll dance but not if he's going to do those moves which make you feel uncomfortable.

As it's Tuesday today, can we look forward to a progress report tomorrow?

Greg

[drathzel]

Of course it's not easy, but if you don't tell him, he's not going to change, (except maybe for the worse, because he'll take a lack of negative feedback as a sign you are OK with it.) And don't wait till it happens again before you tell him, once you are dancing, it never feels like the right moment to say anything, (at least that's how I felt, on the (very rare) occasions when a woman did something that went too far for me.) When he asks you to dance, say right then, that you'll dance but not if he's going to do those moves which make you feel uncomfortable.

As it's Tuesday today, can we look forward to a progress report tomorrow?

Greg

Yes you can!!

I shall also keep an eye on this other young girl because if she is feeling the same way then maybe i could be nice and help everyone out!!

Thank you everyone!