Agony Smurf

[Stuart M]

See, now people come up with good bylines, a day before the polls close...

Awww, poor wee thing. Don't get so upset. Care for a Hot Pocket?

[David Bailey]

Awww, poor wee thing. Don't get so upset. Care for a Hot Pocket?

That's some weird foreign* thing, innit?

*North of Barnet

[DianaS]

Hello Patients,

Having noticed how laden with woes, troubles, glitches, mental problems, and behavioural difficulties you all are, I thought I would offer my services as a ridicular of the afflicted and ask you all to post any particularly troublesome or JerrySpringerly interesting problems you may have. I'll do my best to solve your problem with the help of optimistic humour.

So post away, Doctor Dreadful Scathe is IN.......

Dear Agony Smurf,
I'm in desperate need of professional help....

I have a overwheling desire to bath naked in my chocolate fountain and am totally obsessed

I'm finding it diffcult to concentrate and wonder if there is milange in hiring a hot tub so that I can be dipped more simply in one go,.Its a size issue really cas the fountain is too small to cover me and I would have to do myself in stages and some bits would dry and crack off before other bits were done. (oh er,I'm coming over all a tremble...)

I think it would be most dramatic to do myself in one (apart from my head), wait for it to harden and then crack myself open.
The products could be pain stakenly reassembled to form a like like chocolate statue to be unveiled at the birthday party.

If I was sucessful I would have cracked a new form of body art.

Can you help my Smurf like friend, we could form a whole new phase in modern art, create a silent and beautiful form of choclate stills of our favourite dancing friends, uniquiely posed and catured in the flavours of their choice.
Ofcourse we would need a Doctor to assist

Could it be sprayed on like an all over tan??
Can we capture dancers in motion, the possibilities are endless and I just cant sleep...

Help me my smurf dream,
We can make poetry in motion

DianaS

[Barry Shnikov]

I have a overwheling desire to bath naked in my chocolate fountain and am totally obsessed

Ok, well, I think it's our duty to help out a fellow forumite.

I figure we need: an inflatable pool, a large room, a large saucepan (one of those two gallon jobs for making jam), a cooking thermometer, and a ladle.

And about £50 worth of Galaxy, if someone's got a Booker card or similar.

Total cost - providing we can borrow everything except the pool - about £75.

At £5 a ticket, we ought to get enough from the male forumites to make Diana's dream a reality.

All she has to do is pretend there aren't (at least) thirteen blokes watching her bathe naked in molten chocolate.

[Chicklet]

Dear Agony Smurf,

I'm really keen to get all Smurfs on the forum to read their PMs
Can you help???

Cxxx

[stewart38]

Dear Agony Smurf,
I'm in desperate need of professional help....

I have a overwheling desire to bath naked in my chocolate fountain and am totally obsessed

I once took some chocolate egg off you

I suggest you share your chocolate and your bath

[Dreadful Scathe]

Dear forumites,

It has come to my attention that a much angrier ruder man has been passing himself of as me - especially on so-called "serious" threads which no smurf should get involved in. We have had him shot and have changed the password so he cannot log in again. This advice line has now been reopened and can be queried by pressing Alt+F4 on your keyboard.

thanks

Dr.Doctor (can you hear it burning burning)

[Barry Shnikov]

Dr.Doctor (can you hear it burning burning)

...is that a UFO I spy?

[Dreadful Scathe]

...is that a UFO I spy?

If its in the air and you don't know what it is. Yes.

[Barry Shnikov]

If its in the air and you don't know what it is. Yes.

Some things are in the air but not flying.

There are UPOs (unidentified plummeting objects) for example, and UBOs (unidentified bouncing objects).

[Dreadful Scathe]

Some things are in the air but not flying.

There are UPOs (unidentified plummeting objects) for example, and UBOs (unidentified bouncing objects).

but until you see them hit the ground and either crash or bounce, you cant be SURE they are not flying

[Barry Shnikov]

but until you see them hit the ground and either crash or bounce, you cant be SURE they are not flying

Sadly true; but yet still important to get the nomenclature correct...

[Stuart M]

Some things are in the air but not flying.

There are UPOs (unidentified plummeting objects) for example, and UBOs (unidentified bouncing objects).

Ah, but at the precise moment an object is bouncing, it's not in the air.