When we say "Im not good enough for you" (dance)

[Pammy]

Stuart. My feelings are, and I reiterate them, that you was put off by the ladies admission of being "crap", and in turn she could read your feelings of being "put off" through your body language, and so kept on feeling the need to admit to her short falls. What Chris is suggesting is that you change your approach so as to encourage, as opposed to being put off, and as such she would feel more confident and would no longer feel the need to say she's "crap".

Chris is a person who is to the point. He never says things behind peoples backs, which is something I admire. He's not being rude, just up front. There is a huge difference. Knowing Chris personally I can say that he always does his best to make those around him feel good; beginners & experts alike. Rudeness isn't in his nature.

I think the problem lies in that you was hoping for total agreement on the "being put off" feelings you had, but he (and I must say, so am I) were opposed to them, and offered an alternative. Perhaps you do not like the suggestions put forward; that is your choice, but please don't be insulted by them, or take those suggestions as being personal insults. They are, as I said, purely suggestions that could help both you and the ladies your dancing with. It's not something you should take personally, or is something worth falling out over, or reading too much into. Chris was just trying to help, and indeed answer the initial points raised in your original post, which is what I thought you wanted addressing.

Pamster

[stewart38]

Stuart. My feelings are, and I reiterate them, that you was put off by the ladies admission of being "crap", and in turn she could read your feelings of being "put off" through your body language, and so kept on feeling the need to admit to her short falls. What Chris is suggesting is that you change your approach so as to encourage, as opposed to being put off, and as such she would feel more confident and would no longer feel the need to say she's "crap".

Pamster

First Chris apologies re PM way out of order

2nd 'put off' is a wrong word I shouldn’t have used. I encouraged and danced with her later on. I hope my body language (and she thanked me on 2nd dance) would never suggest I was anyway disinterested in her concerns


The point of the Thread is some people maybe selling themselves short some don’t. Many beginners have told me what I’m doing wrong and that’s fine

[bigdjiver]

I often get the self-depreciating remark as soon as I ask a beginner to dance. I do not put this down to my "body language", but to the fact that the beginners have been watching the experienced dancers, and are full of the "Wow, they're all so good, I'll never be able to do that" factor.
It is a common occurance, and I am glad he gave us the chance to discuss it. This forum should be a place where we can seek help and share views. We are learners at different levels. I saw Stuart's post as a sign of sensitivity, not as a lack of it, and I see no cause whatsoever for anybody to reproach him.

[ChrisA]

First Chris apologies re PM way out of order

Thank you. No probs.

2nd 'put off' is a wrong word I shouldn’t have used. I encouraged and danced with her later on. I hope my body language (and she thanked me on 2nd dance) would never suggest I was anyway disinterested in her concerns

Fair enough.

The point of the Thread is some people may be selling themselves short some don’t.

Indeed, and this variation is very common. Some beginners just seem to get on with it, some are much more sensitive.

For the experienced dancer dancing with the more sensitive ones, it's especially important not to be phased by anything they do, but just to take it all in one's stride and ensure they have fun and are not challenged beyond where their confidence and ability allow. I can't comment on whether Pammy's points about body language apply to you, but they're very well worth bearing in mind. And not just with beginners, as I've learned to my cost - there are plenty of sensitive non-beginners out there

Chris

[Sparkles]

Does this mean we can all have a big group hug now?

[under par]

Does this mean we can all have a big group hug now?

[Sparkles]

Mmmm, hugs from Under Par