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Thread: Mutual breakups

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    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Mutual breakups

    A 'friend of mine' was dumped this morning. He however feels it was for the best and its mutual as the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

    Can it however be totally mutual is one party always going to be a bit more upset then the other ?


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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Mutual breakups

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38
    A 'friend of mine' was dumped this morning. He however feels it was for the best and its mutual as the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

    Can it however be totally mutual is one party always going to be a bit more upset then the other ?

    Both parties could be mutually upset. It will never be exactly equal as people will react differently. Never a pleasant experience though even when it is mutual.

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    Registered User DianaS's Avatar
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    Re: Mutual breakups

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38
    A 'friend of mine' was dumped this morning. He however feels it was for the best and its mutual as the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

    Can it however be totally mutual is one party always going to be a bit more upset then the other ?

    Sorry to hear of your friend, its somethimes tricky to know what to say when they seem quite upset, but the other one's getting on with things.

    Sometimes thats the way it is, and when the one who is down starts to feel better, the one that was up starts to feel worse..

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    Registered User Forte's Avatar
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    Re: Mutual breakups

    I am consoling a friend at the moment and it is so not mutual. She won't let go of him - to the point where she might be accused of stalking if she is not careful. She is so unhappy but he had been dropping hints for months that he wanted out. It really was case of everyone could see it but her. I am just trying to be there for her but what I really want to say is: "Wake up, Girl! Walk away and reclaim your dignity." She is my dear friend but I actually feel sorry for him because he is after all entitled to end it but she won't let him.

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    Registered User DangerousCurves's Avatar
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    Re: Mutual breakups

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38
    Can it however be totally mutual is one party always going to be a bit more upset then the other ?

    I think it can be.... when both parties like each other and no-one has behaved badly, but you both recognise that it isn't going anywhere.

    I've had one break-up like that. I was absolutely relieved that it was over, and that he wasn't hurt (but felt exactly the same way....right down to worrying that I might be hurt)... and yes, we are now very good pals!

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    Re: Mutual breakups

    Quote Originally Posted by Forte
    I am consoling a friend at the moment and it is so not mutual. She won't let go of him - to the point where she might be accused of stalking if she is not careful. She is so unhappy but he had been dropping hints for months that he wanted out. It really was case of everyone could see it but her. I am just trying to be there for her but what I really want to say is: "Wake up, Girl! Walk away and reclaim your dignity." She is my dear friend but I actually feel sorry for him because he is after all entitled to end it but she won't let him.
    This is an incredibly difficult situation, but is also one that a lot of people experience. It must be a weakness we all have that letting go can be, at times, very hard indeed. I have a friend who has been in a similar situation and even though, I believe, they can see that it is going nowhere, are unhappy in the situation and know there is no future, they cannot break away from it. The worst someone treats them, and the more someone outwardly displays that they are not interested in them, the more they want it. I think it's a rejection thing. If you're the one doing the rejecting, it's a lot easier to get on and move on, but I do believe that even if you was planning on doing the rejecting but the other person beat you to it, you end up feeling at a complete loss and like you've missed out on something and feel the need to win that person back in order that if nothing else, you can do the rejecting yourself. It's hard to explain and it's something, that like you I hate seeing a friend go through and I really feel sometimes like shaking her and shouting "Wakeeeeee Uppppp!" It's just awful watching someone you care about being humiliated and often its very hard to take a step back and not get involved when you also know the person doing the humiliating....

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