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Thread: Best put downs (dancing and others)

  1. #21
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    Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
    I agree. No matter how confident you are its always a blow to be turned down with no reason. A reason is all you need for it not to bother you, unless the reason turns out to be a lie! I defy anyone at a dance night to NOT take a 'no, thankyou' as a personal slight, even if said in the most charming way.
    If I make an unsolicited invitatation it is I that am intruding into the ladies personal space and time. I have no need to intrude into her motivations as well. "No, thank you", or "Perhaps later" is enough. Sometimes I just smile, a little (polite) hand gesture, and leave as they are struggling to find an excuse.

    The last thing I think we would want is the truth. You're ugly? You dance like a cement mixer?

  2. #22
    Registered User ChrisA's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Lynn
    If someone did this with me I probably would think they didn’t think much of my dancing.
    The point is, since you're not inside their head, you have no idea whether it is what they're thinking.

    Most of the time, people are not thinking what we think they're thinking

    Probably all of us that are enthusiastic about dancing care about what others think of our dancing - and so we should.

    But if we think we're not good enough, the answer is to get better and better, not to worry about whether people think we're crap. Cos if they do think we're crap and they're right, we can cure it by improving, and if they're wrong, they're muppets and have their own issues.

    For myself, I feel very differently about the whole hotshot issue these days - I've got to know the people I thought were hotshots, and I was wrong in every case.

    Best just to concentrate on improving, not agonising about what people are (probably not) thinking.

    Chris

  3. #23
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Originally posted by bigdjiver
    The last thing I think we would want is the truth. You're ugly? You dance like a cement mixer?
    Maybe I got off lightly then??
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  4. #24
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Originally posted by ChrisA
    The point is, since you're not inside their head, you have no idea whether it is what they're thinking.
    I would only think that because I am aware my dancing is maybe not as good as it could be - the 'more I learn the more I realise I still have to learn' sort of thing.
    Most of the time, people are not thinking what we think they're thinking
    That was why I went on to use an example of a time when I did it, and it had no reflection on the person's dancing but it was a combination of circumstances.

    Before I get offended by something someone says or does, I stop and think - 'are they intending to offend me?' if not, then why get annoyed? If they are, then forget about them - that's their problem. Makes for an easier life! Could be applied to dancing 'put downs' as well - might not really be 'put downs' at all!

  5. #25
    Registered User ChrisA's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Lynn
    the 'more I learn the more I realise I still have to learn' sort of thing.
    Yep, me too. Fantastic isn't it - always more to learn. Thank god there are no limits, it would be so boring if there were.
    Before I get offended by something someone says or does, I stop and think - 'are they intending to offend me?' if not, then why get annoyed? If they are, then forget about them - that's their problem. Makes for an easier life! Could be applied to dancing 'put downs' as well - might not really be 'put downs' at all!
    ...........

    Exactly.

    Chris

  6. #26
    Registered User JamesGeary's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
    I defy anyone at a dance night to NOT take a 'no, thankyou' as a personal slight, even if said in the most charming way.
    To bartender - "Can I pay for these drinks?"

  7. #27
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    “the dance card”

    The polite solution is “the dance card”

    No one can complain if you have promised the next dance to X

    A bit old fashioned may be

    But then so is partner dancing

    I think we need to look at how the previous generation solved this problem

    They are used at The Weston Super mare Christmas Ball

    One can also use the personal message system to arrange dances

    (Thank you Clare)


  8. #28
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    Originally posted by ChrisA
    For myself, I feel very differently about the whole hotshot issue these days - I've got to know the people I thought were hotshots, and I was wrong in every case.
    Or maybe you're not very good at spotting true Hotshots. They do exist, they're just not usually as good dancers as they think they are

  9. #29
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    Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
    I agree. No matter how confident you are its always a blow to be turned down with no reason. A reason is all you need for it not to bother you, unless the reason turns out to be a lie! I defy anyone at a dance night to NOT take a 'no, thankyou' as a personal slight, even if said in the most charming way.
    Well I guess I'm much more thick-skinned than I thought, because I've been turned down on several occasions and not been very bothered by it. There's plenty of other follows around the dance floor. If I even noticed someone who'd turned me down dancing with someone else, I'd guess that they were friends or something, which is cool.

    I understand, though, that most folks are very bugged by it, and pretty much the only time I refuse an invitation to dance is when I don't have enough breath or energy to say much more than "sorry, can't dance, collapsing". Usually when I'm at that point I wander outside the dance area to avoid being asked.

  10. #30
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    Originally posted by bigdjiver
    If I make an unsolicited invitatation it is I that am intruding into the ladies personal space and time. I have no need to intrude into her motivations as well. ...



    The last thing I think we would want is the truth. You're ugly? You dance like a cement mixer?
    The truth I fear is "Damn! You're so sweaty it'd be like dancing with a wet sheepdog" (Occasionally I don't keep up with my T-shirt-changing regimen).

  11. #31
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Originally posted by bigdjiver
    The last thing I think we would want is the truth.
    The truth? You can't handle the truth.

    We live in a world full of wannabees, and those wannabees need to be guarded by hotshots. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for your missed dance and curse the hotshots; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that turning you down, while tragic, probably saved the dance, and that my arrogance, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves dances.

    You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at dances you want me on that floor, you need me on that floor. We use words like footwork, drops, musicality. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who rises and bounces under the beat of the very music I dance to and then questions the way in which I dance it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you take some lessons and get some style. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

    Did you turn me down and dance with Nina?

    You're damn right I did!

    [with apologies to Jack Nicholson...]

  12. #32
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    Originally posted by David Franklin
    The truth? You can't handle the truth.

    [and the rest]


  13. #33
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    Originally posted by David Franklin
    The truth? You can't handle the truth.

    snip

    [with apologies to Jack Nicholson...]
    I don't think that you need to apologise to anyone. Very funny

    Trampy

  14. #34
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    Originally posted by David Franklin
    The truth? You can't handle the truth.

    Did you turn me down and dance with Nina?

    You're damn right I did!


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