"Too good to ask"?

[David Bailey]

Has anyone else encountered this one? Where the more experienced you get, and especially if you start teaching, the fewer people ask you to dance?

What's that all about?

[philsmove]

are we talking AT or MJ

[David Bailey]

Well, kind of both, but mainly MJ. The comment was made at Lux, in regard to a teacher, in the Tango room, but I've heard LilyB say something similar. And since I've been doing my ickle teaching thing, I've noticed that I get asked less-frequently now - I just assumed it was me becoming old or needing new aftershave or something, but now that I've heard it from others, I wonder if it's a general thing?

[Lory]

Has anyone else encountered this one? Where the more experienced you get, and especially if you start teaching, the fewer people ask you to dance?

What's that all about?

I think it can go a number of ways.. people can get intimidated and feel that you wouldn't enjoy dancing with someone with less experience and therefore don't like to bother you

They might feel you'll highlight their weaknesses and knock their confidence and they can't face that

Or it can go the oposite way.. they feel that because your a teacher, you're now on permanent duty and a safe bet to ask over and over again

[Franck]

I think it does happen, mostly at first, but once people know you're likely to be approachable when asked, then the impact diminishes greatly.
I get asked plenty, except when I turn up at a venue where I don't know anyone, in which case, I have to do the asking. That would suggest that being a teacher doesn't have that much of an impact.

It could also be that some teachers are more intimidating than others (in perception) and I also think that female teachers and demonstrators have a tougher time as many men might feel their level of dancing is inadequate...

[philsmove]

It's probaly because, at many classes it's the teacher that tends to do the asking
That certainly happened to me last night, when we had a guest lady teacher
In Tango I think its nearly allways the teacher who does the asking, even if she has just told you, its the mans role to ask

[Gerry]

I have found that a lot of people will make a judgement when they see you dancing with certain people and they will become intimidated by you. I asked a follower at Southport who said I can't dance with you as you intimidate me, I asked why and she said you dance up near the bar. I got her to have a dance and asked if she still felt intimidated after the dance and she said she didn't.
I think alot of people have insecurities about their own dance ability, they just need to bite the bullet and just go and enjoy themselves and forget about what they think others may think

[Andy McGregor]

It's probaly because, at many classes it's the teacher that tends to do the asking
That certainly happened to me last night, when we had a guest lady teacher
In Tango I think its nearly allways the teacher who does the asking, even if she has just told you, its the mans role to ask

I think this is the case. Since becoming a teacher I hardly ever get asked to dance and have to do all the asking - I find I can stand at the edge of the floor and take a break - before I started teaching I had to hide outside.

Or maybe I've lost my looks

[DavidY]

As someone who's danced for a while, I sometimes feel that I have to be on good form to dance with the better dancers who know me, as they may expect me to give them a good lead. If I'm having an off day or don't like the track, I may not ask them.

Plus if I am on form there's the temptation to "save" the good followers for a track that I really like, but such tracks don't always turn up.

[jojiver]

If I'm teaching I tend to get asked to dance - I often cover teach at different venues and always encourage people to ask me to dance at the end of the class. If I go to a freestyle - even in a place where I have previously taught and people know that I am approachable - I could spend the whole evening without being asked to dance once. I don't know if people just think 'she's off-duty tonight so I won't bother her' but it would be nice to be asked once in a while - it's not good for the ego to be stood around twiddling your thumbs! I don't see the male teachers having the same problem - often they have a queue waiting for them!

[frodo]

...I don't see the male teachers having the same problem - often they have a queue waiting for them!

That is my observation. Female teachers are much less likely to be asked.

I think lady dancers generally are more likely to want to dance 'up', so being 'too good to ask' isn't nearly such a big issue.

[Kanga]

I’d count myself as a reasonable dancer but still ‘worry’ about asking the really good leads to dance. As a beginner I worried about asking the taxi’s too.

Now I’ve been dancing a few years I find that people who don’t know me are intimidated to ask me. I don’t know that there’s any way around it, some people won’t ever worry about these things,whilst others will always feel intimidated by someone they perceive to be better than them.

Some of the best nights I’ve had have been where I’ve been a demo (hardly got the chance to sit down) so to me that seems to be the ultimate position between the approachable taxi and amazing teacher.

Don’t know that I’ll ever get to a point where I don’t think twice about asking people I don’t know to dance, but as we’ve all been a beginner at some point I’d like to hope that everyone would be courteous enough to dance with me no matter how good or bad I may be and find a way to enjoy the experience – even if it’s just humouring me x

[LilyB]

... If I go to a freestyle - even in a place where I have previously taught and people know that I am approachable - I could spend the whole evening without being asked to dance once. ..... It would be nice to be asked once in a while - it's not good for the ego to be stood around twiddling your thumbs! I don't see the male teachers having the same problem - often they have a queue waiting for them!

So true ..... unfortunately

[whitetiger1518]

As a follower, I love to learn from the good leaders and followers alike, whether it is your styling, or particular moves.

If I manage to catch a dance with you, and our dance styles gel, then consider yourself with a permanently inked bull’s-eye on your back.
I will find you and dance with you whenever I can – be warned.

I love to learn, the fact that it is fun is just complete coincidence. : innocent:

Now if I haunt you any time I see you, now you know the reasons why (which reason applies to you is my secret )

WT

[Hagen]

If I'm teaching I tend to get asked to dance - I often cover teach at different venues and always encourage people to ask me to dance at the end of the class. If I go to a freestyle - even in a place where I have previously taught and people know that I am approachable - I could spend the whole evening without being asked to dance once. I don't know if people just think 'she's off-duty tonight so I won't bother her' but it would be nice to be asked once in a while - it's not good for the ego to be stood around twiddling your thumbs! I don't see the male teachers having the same problem - often they have a queue waiting for them!

I never ask a teacher and seldom a demo. Perhaps it has something to do with what relationships you build with people or expect to build.

[NZ Monkey]

So true ..... unfortunately

Don't worry Lily - I'll always be happy to dance you!

In my experience the better dancers in my hometown don't get asked to dance often by newbies. Or even by people who don't know them very well for that matter. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I get asked by someone I don't know in the space of a month for instance. That changes once I'm outside of Auckland though. At those parties I barely get a chance to sit down, and often get passed around for 45 minutes or so at a time.

I think that when you're at your local a lot of people can consider you too good for them to ask you to dance, whereas when you're in a new environment the people there who would have otherwise found you intimidating instead consider you a special one-time-only treat to be made the most of.

Also, the dreaded clique (never mind that the "clique" in question may involve 40 people of varying ability.....) word can get thrown around at a venue you spend a lot of time at, whereas in other venues there isn't that same perception of exclusivity.

[philsmove]

Teachers don’t just teach, they often have to multi task

Sometime they are do the music, help out on the door, make tea , and have to sort out other issues, So it can be difficult to know if they are free to dance. I always make point of asking a teacher for a dance if they are “playing away”. David, may be you need to “play away” more

but it does look like, we may need a "ask a teacher to dance" campaine. may be they need T shits, like the Taxi dancers

[Maxine]

I really don’t see what the problem is. Most of the teachers and DJ’s are really friendly and happy to dance when ever you ask them. So My advice is – just ask, the worst that can happen is someone says no, not very nice but you’ll live.

If you are a teacher and you have refused someone they are going to remember it if you don't make an effort to dance with them later.

If I was a teacher or involved in a franchise in anyway, I would consider it bad business policy to make myself seem unapproachable as with out my customers I won’t have a job or business.

If I see someone as a paying guest and they seem to be there to dance with their partner, then I would leave them alone.

When I have been refused, or worst had a dance with someone who clearly would rather not be dancing with me and makes that felt, tend to be the more mediocre dancers.

[AmLiBr1803]

Yes, Franck, you are definitely intimidating Naaah, you seem very approachable

[David Bailey]

So true ..... unfortunately

Well if you'd actually came into the Tango room on Sunday...