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Thread: Giving etiquette reminders

  1. #41
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    I wish I had the self confidence to do that. Normally I just try to avoid them, or if they do ask then I force them to keep a long lead
    I know, it's very uncomfortable.

    On Saturday night I danced with someone who stank of BO. Problem is he's such a lovely bloke and I know he would be mortified if I said something, so I will be choosing my moment very carefully with him, as I'm not sure yet whether it was a one off or whether he always stinks. I might say something along the lines of "It's hot tonight isn't it? Do you have a change of shirt? I have some deoderant you can use if you like".

    If my subtle approach doesn't work, the inevitable straight talking will follow, something along the lines of "Blimey, XXXXXXXXX, you're kicking up a stink tonight, Love! Come back to me when you've had a shower and get some deoderant for Gawd Sakes!".


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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    "Blimey, XXXXXXXXX, you're kicking up a stink tonight, Love! Come back to me when you've had a shower and get some deoderant for Gawd Sakes!".

  3. #43
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    my subtle approach

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Whoever is doing this needs to learn some respect for you if he's doing something you've said you don't like - that is an appalling way to behave!

    And yes, you need to learn to sabotage. In the meantime, just refuse to do it, or if he does it again, simply walk off the dancefloor as soon as you're upright and leave him standing there like a numpty. He'll soon learn not to do it.

    Dance is a partnership, not one person forcing the other to do something they don't want to do
    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    No, you need to not dance with him.

    Simples.
    I think it was more a case that he never remembered that I didn't like it from one dance to the next. Since he repeatedly did the dip in which I repeatedly hurt his wrists it's unlikely that he was doing it just because he wanted to.

    Anyway, I've broken up with him now so it's easier not to dance with him

    (Also , but nevermind)

  5. #45
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    (Also , but nevermind)
    Hey - if he couldn't even bother to remember what moves his own girlfriend disliked, I think you're not missing much.

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Hey - if he couldn't even bother to remember what moves his own girlfriend disliked, I think you're not missing much.
    Not just 'disliked', it was moves she found painful.

    It leaves me wondering if he remembered moves, on and off the dance floor, that gave his girlfriend pleasure. Or if he cared either way - someone else's pain or pleasure, none of his business?

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    It might just be my insecurity but I often feel that the only recognised valid reason to refuse a dance is because you're better than the person who is asking.
    Did you read that before you posted it?

    Did you write it the wrong way round?
    Last edited by DavidY; 7th-June-2011 at 10:27 PM. Reason: Deleted text reported as breaching Forum rules

  8. #48
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    Did you read that before you posted it?

    Did you write it the wrong way round?

    I just read it again
    Last edited by DavidY; 7th-June-2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: Deleted text from quote (reported as breaching Forum rules)


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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    Did you read that before you posted it?

    Did you write it the wrong way round?
    Umm....I think you might have misunderstood, sorry. I do not think that refusing to dance with someone because you're better than them is a good reason in the slightest.

    I was trying to communicate something that has happened in my experience of asking other people to dance with me. When people do turn me down it's almost always people who I think are better than me. This brings out my insecurities, which are already quite severe sometimes.

    Similarly, new dancers often seem reluctant to ask me to dance (so I do my best to make sure I ask them).

    I was trying to make the point that, from my experience, it would be easy to get the impression that you "shouldn't" (according to some code of etiquette that in reality doesn't, or at least shouldn't, exist) ask people who are better dancers than you. Again, I don't think this is how it should be.

    I'm really sorry that this post upset you, as that wasn't my intention at all. I hope that it was a misunderstanding.
    Last edited by DavidY; 7th-June-2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: Deleted text from quote (reported as breaching Forum rules)

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Hey - if he couldn't even bother to remember what moves his own girlfriend disliked, I think you're not missing much.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Not just 'disliked', it was moves she found painful.

    It leaves me wondering if he remembered moves, on and off the dance floor, that gave his girlfriend pleasure. Or if he cared either way - someone else's pain or pleasure, none of his business?
    In the interests of not naming-and-shaming (if there is anyone who knows me "in real life" reading this, then they will almost certainly know my ex-boyfriend as well), I shan't reply to this. I shall reiterate that I think it was just forgetfulness and leave it at that

  11. #51
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    When people do turn me down it's almost always people who I think are better than me. This brings out my insecurities, which are already quite severe sometimes.
    If I had to pick one single problem which every single dancer experiences, it's insecurities and worries about the whole ask / accept / refuse thing. Literally, everyone goes through it.

    If it helps, no-one in the dance scene is as secure as they may appear. Well, except me of course

    And if I had to pick one single contribution which Ceroc has made to partner dancing, it's in developing a culture which, as much as humanly possible, reduces this insecurity by fostering an atmosphere where everyone can ask, and where people are generally expected to accept a request.

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    I'm really sorry that this post upset you, as that wasn't my intention at all. I hope that it was a misunderstanding.
    If you're not upsetting people, you're not contributing to the Forum

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    I shan't reply to this.
    here's a thread you may be interested in...

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post


    I can't in good conscience say what I want to at this point!

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post


    I can't in good conscience say what I want to at this point!
    Well, here's the plan, send it to me and I'll report it as a hypothetical example - don't worry, no-one will ever know.

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Well, here's the plan, send it to me and I'll report it as a hypothetical example - don't worry, no-one will ever know.
    I can't decide whether to take you seriously or not!

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    an atmosphere where everyone can ask, and where people are generally expected to accept a request.
    There was a chap who was already an intermediate when I started Ceroc, who the last time I saw him in 2008 would still not dance with a girl who asked him. He felt that it was morally wrong and that men must only ask ladies to dance. If Erick sees this he'll know who I'm on about.

    BTW, any ladies here (I know Lory has), ever danced with Viktor? I believe he was an amazing lead. I know he was and is an amazing dancer to watch and some of his drops wow!!!

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    Cool Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Prian View Post
    I know he was and is an amazing dancer to watch and some of his drops wow!!!
    Caveat: I am not discussing anyone in particular here.

    It was a great help to me that I started learning to dance at the same time as my wife. There were occasions when we were both newish dancers when I would watch her dance and when she got back to the table I would say something like "I wish I could lead like that". There were times when she was quite startled by the comment, asking,
    "Why? It was a really boring dance, exactly the same as he did last week"
    "But that drop look great"
    "Same as last week..."
    "That little double steppy things was grea..."
    "Same as last week"
    "What about that super fast pretzel variation?"
    "That hurt my shoulder, same as last week"
    "Was anything different to last week?"
    "Yep.... the track!"

    Although there were other times when she'd just smile a wry little smile and say "Yeah, I wish you could too"

    The point I guess I am making is, unless it's a competition/display dance then don't be too quick to judge content as an outside observer

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by carollloyd View Post
    Does anyone refuse a dance because someone is smelly? If so, do you just refuse without saying why?
    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    I do hope Double Trouble see this... she has a particularly unique and direct approach
    On Friday at Camber, we went into the pub and grabbed a vacant table but needed a couple of extra chairs, so we asked the guys on the table next to us. We just got settled, when another guy arrived at their table.
    2 seconds later, we all went like this The guy absolutely reeked

    We promptly got up and moved, none of us could stand it.

    It must have been so obvious to his mates and I just wondered whether any of them thought to tell him? I almost went over to discretely tell one of his mates but I couldn't bare to get that near again!

    And then I though of you DT
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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by meghann View Post
    In the interests of not naming-and-shaming (if there is anyone who knows me "in real life" reading this, then they will almost certainly know my ex-boyfriend as well), I shan't reply to this. I shall reiterate that I think it was just forgetfulness and leave it at that
    You sound like a very kind and generous ex-girlfriend. In fact, I'm wondering how he can live without someone so kind and undertanding

    .. oh yes, I remember, he can't even remember what hurts his girlfriend! He probably doesn't realise what he's missing.

    Speaking for myself, I still remember those rare times when I've accidentally hurt my wife, Sue. Especially the time I turned over in my sleep and gave her a black eye

    Thankfully that balance was squared some time later as I also remember the time she shoved the cutlery drawer shut with her hip while my hand was still in it

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    Re: Giving etiquette reminders

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I almost went over to discretely tell one of his mates...

    And then I though of you DT
    I can't believe you said nothing, you're such a girl!

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