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Thread: So what is worse?

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    So what is worse?

    After a discussion on the journey home from dancing regarding what is worse being refused or having a dance with someone who clearly does not want to dance with you and is just going through the motions, I thought I'd bring the dicussion to the forum.

    I actually find it most unpleasant dancing with someone who you can just tell just wants the record to end so they can dance with someone of their choice; they have already made a judgement about you and are not going to give it a go.

    So do men and women have the same experience or is this something more gender specific? I do know that if you make judgements on someone before you give the dance a try, you can miss on some fantastic dancing.

    So come on please tell me how you feel about this.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    So come on please tell me how you feel about this
    Worst of all is when you see a bloke giving someone an amazing dance, then when you ask him he does 20 arm jives and a half arsed basket.

    You want to ask "Why?", but never do...then your insecurities get the better of you and you feel it's because they just couldn't be bothered to make the effort because the didn't want to dance with you in the first place, which in some/most or all cases is probably true.

    In these cases, I wished they'd just been honest and said "No thanks, I don't like the look of you or the way you dance".

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    Re: So what is worse?

    If i'm asked I'll pretty much always say yes, especially for someone i've never danced with before because you never know - people always look different compared to how they dance with one person vs another.

    Sometimes I, like everyone else, end up dancing with someone I'd rather not dance with but I'll try to get something out of it (maybe try some styling, or just enjoy the music if it's a good track) and try to look like I was enjoying it. And I'd say thank you afterwards. If it's someone i don't know it's unusual to find them that horrendous, and quite often it can be an enjoyable surprising dance.

    The hard thing is when you get asked to dance by someone and then after you start, you find that person is rough, or smelly or really quite grusome and you just wish you'd realised in advance. I've not found most of the people who I'd put in these categories are aware of their off putting characteristics...but I've found other people who I've been having a perfectly ok dance with ask if I'm ok - obviously I was concentrating too much and not smiling.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Worst of all is when you see a bloke giving someone an amazing dance, then when you ask him he does 20 arm jives and a half arsed basket.
    So true. Totally winds me up.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    [After a discussion on the journey home from dancing regarding what is worse being refused or having a dance with someone who clearly does not want to dance with you and is just going through the motions
    Mostly, I'd prefer the refusal.

    If only because dancing with an "unwilling" partner can create some weird time-dilation effect (minutes become hours), and I wouldn't want to strain the fabric of the space-time continuum.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    In these cases, I wished they'd just been honest and said "No thanks, I don't like the look of you or the way you dance".
    But... I tried that with you...

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    So do men and women have the same experience or is this something more gender specific?
    I am with you. I would prefer an excuse, rather than one of those "God I am bored " dances

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Let's no forget that sometimes we get asked to dance by people that scare the crap out of us..! So much so that we can sometimes leave our brains behind and forget almost everything. The more we dance the less this effects us, but it is still there.... Or am I the only one who gets this?!

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    After a discussion on the journey home from dancing regarding what is worse being refused or having a dance with someone who clearly does not want to dance with you and is just going through the motions, I thought I'd bring the dicussion to the forum.

    I actually find it most unpleasant dancing with someone who you can just tell just wants the record to end so they can dance with someone of their choice; they have already made a judgement about you and are not going to give it a go.

    So do men and women have the same experience or is this something more gender specific? I do know that if you make judgements on someone before you give the dance a try, you can miss on some fantastic dancing.

    So come on please tell me how you feel about this.
    Looking bored, lack of eye contact not smiling maybe just the way that person looks it doesn’t always reflect their ‘inner self’

    However if we assume its beyond that, ie their eyeing the women in the corner for the next dance and have taken you across the whole dance floor to get there. When the song ends they leave you quicker then my 4th wife left me then its not good

    I would prefer not to have to dance then someone who is bored with my 8 moves

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    I would prefer not to have to dance then someone who is bored with my 8 moves
    8? Have you been practising Stewart?

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by todd View Post
    .. Or am I the only one who gets this?!
    Absolutly not

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by todd View Post
    Let's no forget that sometimes we get asked to dance by people that scare the crap out of us..! So much so that we can sometimes leave our brains behind and forget almost everything. The more we dance the less this effects us, but it is still there.... Or am I the only one who gets this?!
    OR...
    U accept an invitation to dance, get on the floor then realise how spectacularly crap the song is... and wonder what the hell U are going to produce of any interest at all in dance terms to such bland nonsense...

    It isn't always a reflection on U, it could be internal stuff for ur partner.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    OR...
    U accept an invitation to dance, get on the floor then realise how spectacularly crap the song is... and wonder what the hell U are going to produce of any interest at all in dance terms to such bland nonsense...
    Or even worse, if the song goes on for over 8 minutes 'cos the DJ played the long version................

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Worst of all is when you see a bloke giving someone an amazing dance, then when you ask him he does 20 arm jives and a half arsed basket.

    You want to ask "Why?"
    If I end up doing that, it's usually because she's not actually following anything I lead - so I figure, "why bother?"
    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    Looking bored, lack of eye contact not smiling maybe just the way that person looks it doesn’t always reflect their ‘inner self’
    Very much so - I don't make a lot of eye contact when I'm dancing, even with people I know well. It's not because I'm not interested.
    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    U accept an invitation to dance, get on the floor then realise how spectacularly crap the song is... and wonder what the hell U are going to produce of any interest at all in dance terms to such bland nonsense...
    I'm having whole nights with spectacularly bland songs lately. They're not interesting enough to be crap.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    I actually find it most unpleasant dancing with someone who you can just tell just wants the record to end so they can dance with someone of their choice; they have already made a judgement about you and are not going to give it a go.
    I have 'bad' dances with people for four reasons - each one inspires a different response:
    1. They're new and still learning - in which case I start with basic moves and build up as I see how they're reacting. I don't mind these at all, but I wouldn't want a whole night of this.
    2. They've been dancing for a while but don't dance very well (usually, they're not following). These dances I really don't enjoy.
    3. They're good dancers, but we don't dance well together. These dances can be the most frustrating - they should be better than they are. Sometimes it's worth trying to figure it out; sometimes it's not.
    4. Something just isn't working with that dance. It could be one or both of us is having an off night; it could be the song; it could be almost anything. If it's me having an off night, I might nip off to the pub early...
    I'm sure there are people that would put me in the #2 category as well. That's their prerogative. And they may well be right.

    None of these are excuses for being rude to the person you're dancing with. And you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt. But I'm also not a big fan of pretending to enjoy something when I really don't.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    The dance is the worse, its totally gut wrenching, made worse if they are good dancers who obviously cant be arsed, followed by a very ingenuine thank you for the dance, at least with a rejection its quick

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    regarding what is worse being refused or having a dance with someone who clearly does not want to dance with you and is just going through the motions, I thought I'd bring the dicussion to the forum.
    I've changed my mind about it. Depending on the quality of the track / alternative people to ask, going though the motions can be good.

    They've achieved their objective, at the cost of a track. I'm unlikely to ask them again.


    In the mean time I might as well have some fun.

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    Re: So what is worse?

    I had a strange experience on Saturday - I asked a nice looking young guy to dance and he flatly refused but he did reply to say he couldn't dance ?? I said "Really not dance at all" - he replied "No"

    I thought, aaaahhhh, a shy raw beginner I was a little disappointed he didn't try.

    A little later I spoke to his WCS teacher who told me he was one of his star pupils (in so many words) - he said he refused me because he doesn't dance MJ ???????????

    Hmmm......... me thinks, more like doesn't like dancing with fat old ladies so I suppose a dance with him with that attitude I would have NOT enjoyed, so a refusal would possibly be the better option

    The teacher spoke to the young man and I did have a dance later with him AND he is a really really nice lead - no apologies from him though


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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    OR...
    U accept an invitation to dance, get on the floor then realise how spectacularly crap the song is... and wonder what the hell U are going to produce of any interest at all in dance terms to such bland nonsense...

    It isn't always a reflection on U, it could be internal stuff for ur partner.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    I actually find it most unpleasant dancing with someone who you can just tell just wants the record to end so they can dance with someone of their choice; they have already made a judgement about you and are not going to give it a go.
    Maybe they "want the record to end" because they want to dance to a better one - it may just be the music and not you at all.

    I know that I struggle with some tracks that really don't inspire me. You could argue that I should do better, but either way, as CJ says it's not necessarily a reflection on my partner.
    Love dance, will travel

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    Re: So what is worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Worst of all is when you see a bloke giving someone an amazing dance, then when you ask him he does 20 arm jives and a half arsed basket. .


    Quote Originally Posted by todd View Post
    Let's no forget that sometimes we get asked to dance by people that scare the crap out of us..! So much so that we can sometimes leave our brains behind and forget almost everything. The more we dance the less this effects us, but it is still there.... Or am I the only one who gets this?!

    I have been told by a couple of guys (or more) that I scare them – I really not, honest

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidY View Post
    Maybe they "want the record to end" because they want to dance to a better one - it may just be the music and not you at all.

    I know that I struggle with some tracks that really don't inspire me. You could argue that I should do better, but either way, as CJ says it's not necessarily a reflection on my partner.
    I’d agree with that to some degree but when it is coupled with the up and down look of disapproval before the dance; I can’t put it down to personal paranoia.

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