View Poll Results: Reasons I don't like dancing with certain people are...

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  • New or Inexperienced

    10 11.90%
  • Limited repertoire

    8 9.52%
  • You don't know them

    1 1.19%
  • BO/smelly breath

    69 82.14%
  • Rough

    71 84.52%
  • Too Flash for your liking

    17 20.24%
  • Doesn't smile

    27 32.14%
  • Doesn't make eye contact

    33 39.29%
  • Makes YOU feel inadequate

    39 46.43%
  • Gives unwanted criticism

    42 50.00%
  • Sings out loud!

    4 4.76%
  • Dances too close

    8 9.52%
  • Says nice things but it makes you feel uncomfortable

    7 8.33%
  • Gives the impression they're doing you a favour

    44 52.38%
  • They're wearing shorts and black shoes and socks

    19 22.62%
  • They're dressed too sexily.. very short skirt/low top etc

    5 5.95%
  • You feel they're too young, for you to ask

    10 11.90%
  • They're too old for you

    1 1.19%
  • Talks during the dance

    7 8.33%
  • Nosey

    8 9.52%
  • Their hair whips you in the face

    5 5.95%
  • Long nails

    14 16.67%
  • You think they're too good for you

    14 16.67%
  • You think 'they think' they're too good for you

    35 41.67%
  • They don't take it seriously enough!

    7 8.33%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: An experiment

  1. #41
    Registered User martingold's Avatar
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by ducasi View Post
    Anyhow, here are my "Reasons I don't like dancing with certain people":

    1) I don't find their dance style compatible with mine.
    2) They hurt me.
    3) They smell.
    4) They don't appear to enjoy it when I dance with them.
    just about sums mine up too
    although i do remember a certain forumite who was a number four on the list and only when i spoke to her did i find out she did enjoy it really but i just didnt see that lol

  2. #42
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by martingold View Post
    ... although i do remember a certain forumite who was a number four on the list and only when i spoke to her did i find out she did enjoy it really but i just didnt see that lol
    Yep, I know that there are folks who don't appear to enjoy dancing (with me), but actually do. However it makes the dance much less enjoyable for me. So I don't like those dancing with those dancers.
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

  3. #43
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by CheesyRobMan View Post
    2) Rude, up their own bum, or makes no effort to even acknowledge your existence let alone make eye contact or say hello.
    The funny thing is that I used to find a number of women were like this. However, I've not met anyone who meets this description for years.

    Have women at dancing changed? No, I think I've changed and this has changed how I think of my partners.

    However, smelly women still stink, there's been no change to my sense of smell

  4. #44
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    The funny thing is that I used to find a number of women were like this. However, I've not met anyone who meets this description for years.

    Have women at dancing changed? No, I think I've changed and this has changed how I think of my partners.

    However, smelly women still stink, there's been no change to my sense of smell
    I suppose smell is a rather objective thing, either someone stinks or they don't! But I can see how the others would be more subjective. As I said it is very rare to find someone who is definitely being rude and/or not acknowledging you where you can say with certainty that it's not just the way you're seeing it.

  5. #45
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    Re: An experiment

    I marked 'rough' to cover people who squeeze or pull harder than I like, even though it might not be that 'rough'.

    Apart from that, what doesn't seem to be covered in the list and prevents me enjoying a dance is when someone is too stiff or tense. It feels so restrictive. Spaghetti arms I don't mind. I prefer alphabet soup, but you know, noodle arms gives you the perfect opening to quote dirty dancing and pull a Swayze, so who’s complaining?

    The other thing not on the list is when someone is nervous, or seems anxious about not ‘missing’ leads. Maybe it’s a ‘they think they aren’t good enough.’ I hate that. What are you gonna quote, ghost busters?

    If someone is relaxed in their body and attitude, I’ll probably have a good time, as long as the music is good.

  6. #46
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    Re: An experiment

    I'm surprised 'doesn't make eye contact' is voted so much. I suspect this is because of the meaning people attach to eye contact - like you think if someone doesn't look at you they don't care, or aren't enjoying the dance.

    I may make eye contact with people I know really well, but I can be loving the dance and feel very connected, and make little or no eye contact.

    I know lots of girls who I assume like dancing with me, since they keep asking, but they never or rarely make eye contact. I don't think it means anything than shyness, I can still love the dance.

    Its common not to smile or make eye contact when kissing, or during a massage, so dancing doesn't need to be different.
    You might not smile even when enjoying great food, and there is probably little eye contact. Actually, I try avoid it. I just feel guilty, that bloody fish staring at me whilst I'm eating it. Why don't they have eyelids damn it?

    I don't dance with fish.

  7. #47
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Amir View Post
    I'm surprised 'doesn't make eye contact' is voted so much.
    Eye contact is as important to me while dancing as it is when someone is having a conversation with me. It feels rude and impersonal if eye contact isn't made and I can't stand it. I've refused dances from folk if they don't make eye contact.

    edit: Just wanted to add that I'm learning to lead at the moment and I accept that eye contact is the last thing on your mind when you're trying to remember what you're supposed to be doing, so I do cut beginners some slack.
    Last edited by Double Trouble; 30th-July-2010 at 05:30 PM.

  8. #48
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: An experiment

    IMO there's different kinds of lack of eye contact.. Some are OK and some aren't!

    - 'I'm dancing with you but I've deliberately detached myself from you and I want you to know that!

    -I'm dancing with you - but I'm looking around, eyeing up my next dance

    - I'm too 'shy' excuse, which can come across as rude or arrogant and I'm never sure which (so for that reason, I can't personally be doing with shy people)

    There can be a lack of eye contact due to being in a dream state, which is very 'obvious' and very acceptable AFAIC

    - 'I can't look at you, cos your breath stinks and everytime I turn to face you, I 'm in danger of passing out or throwing up

    I fancy you so much, I can't even look at you cos it makes me go all stupid!
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  10. #49
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I fancy you so much, I can't even look at you cos it makes me go all stupid!
    You've been reading too many Jackie Collins novels.

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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    You've been reading too many Jackie Collins novels.
    You obviously don't read enough of them!
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  12. #51
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Amir View Post
    I'm surprised 'doesn't make eye contact' is voted so much. I suspect this is because of the meaning people attach to eye contact - like you think if someone doesn't look at you they don't care, or aren't enjoying the dance.

    I may make eye contact with people I know really well, but I can be loving the dance and feel very connected, and make little or no eye contact.

    I know lots of girls who I assume like dancing with me, since they keep asking, but they never or rarely make eye contact. I don't think it means anything than shyness, I can still love the dance.

    Its common not to smile or make eye contact when kissing, or during a massage, so dancing doesn't need to be different.
    You might not smile even when enjoying great food, and there is probably little eye contact. Actually, I try avoid it. I just feel guilty, that bloody fish staring at me whilst I'm eating it. Why don't they have eyelids damn it?

    I don't dance with fish.
    Glad to hear it!

    I think part of the reason eye contact is valued so much is not that it has to mean anything in itself, but that when someone isn't even looking at you, chances are they're not paying much attention in any other sense to what you're doing either. I like to keep a good amount of eye contact with a partner unless it is obviously putting them off or making them uncomfortable in which case I'll suddenly do a lot more looking around to avoid other dancers, or looking upwards in a "thinking of what to do next" way! A quick look and a smile is enough to let most people know that you are still engaged with them and still focusing your dancing on them.

    I realise that there can be an awesome, intimate connection to every move your partner is making without ever having to look at them (and I hear it can come in handy when dancing, too) but as a leader I will always give eye contact unless it's troubling my partner or unless she lets me know that she doesn't require any - maybe we're snuggled into close hold, maybe her eyes are closed, maybe she's too busy singing along to the music or whatever. If she doesn't want it, that's fine. If she does, also fine. I find that most follows do want at least some, and the ones that don't are either dancing blues, connected well enough not to need it, or (worst case) are completely ignoring what I'm doing and probably wouldn't notice if I walked off and left them to boogie by themselves. This last, and thankfully small, group are the ones who prompted my comment about not making eye contact.

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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I fancy you so much, I can't even look at you cos it makes me go all stupid!
    I just used to stare anyway, and go all stupid. And hope close hold isn't required for the next few minutes...

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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Eye contact is as important to me while dancing as it is when someone is having a conversation with me.
    Some people make eye contact, some people don't. Some people touch you when talking, and some don't. Some people gesticulate, others stay very still. Some people like to stand real close, whilst others feel this is invading their space.

    People are different. It isn't necessarily disrespectful.

  15. #54
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    Re: An experiment

    Only ticked one.... Rough

    That is, rough to dance with, not looks rough

    That is, not rough round the edges, or constrantly calls out "rough rough".

    Just too rough for me...

    I am very delicate.

  16. #55
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    Re: An experiment

    If the floor is very crowded it isnt always possible to make eye contact as much as you can be constantly trying to avoid others!

  17. #56
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Amir View Post
    Some people make eye contact, some people don't. Some people touch you when talking, and some don't. Some people gesticulate, others stay very still. Some people like to stand real close, whilst others feel this is invading their space.

    People are different. It isn't necessarily disrespectful.
    The science of human interaction has been intensively studied for many years. Although there will always be exceptions, most people make at least occasional eye contact while talking to someone else, it lubricates the conversation by enabling the person currently in listening-mode to convey their continued interest in the subject matter, and their gut-reaction to what is being said.

    If dancing is also a form of communication (and I think it is) then looking at your partner at least from time to time would seem logical. If nothing else, to determine if, or how much your partner is enjoying the dance, and the connection.

  18. #57
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    Re: An experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by CheesyRobMan View Post
    they're rubbish.
    That would certainly cover it, but more specifically one that would be on my list would be "they don't dance to the music." I'm not talking about lack of musicality, which can be subjective, but someone who only dances to their own tempo, despite being experienced dancers. For (the few) people I know who dance like this, I will try to only dance with them to a track that I think is "their" tempo.

    Being smelly isn't entirely subjective, I know several people who've lost their sense of smell, are these also the ones that smell?

    Sweatiness is always off putting, but brings to mind a couple of great dances from years ago. The first was a lady who was dripping with sweat, wet bare shoulders that I'd slip from, long wet hair that sprayed sweat each time she span, I needed towelling down after the dance, but at least she didn't smell and was great fun.
    The second one was a partner who'd got soaked in sweat by dancing with a previous man, despite drying off for a track before we danced, she was still damp enough for it to rub off on me. Definitely not something I'd choose, but she's such a brilliant dancer that it was worth it.

    Greg

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