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Thread: Customer service.......

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    Customer service.......

    This a transcript of a recent encounter with eBay customer service. I thought it was an online chat service with a humn to begin with (as some organisations have)........but it wasn't.........

    I guess the point is that automated chat is still not much further on than it was 10 years ago.......

    Louise - eBay: Hi I’m Louise and I’m here to answer your questions about eBay. How can I help you?
    Jive Lad: Hi
    Louise - eBay: Hi. What can I do to help you?
    Jive Lad: I have recieved an email from your resoution centre......
    Louise - eBay: You'll find the Resolution Center in My eBay, under the Account tab.
    Louise - eBay: Please help us improve eBay by telling us about your experience. Would you like to participate in a short survey?
    Jive Lad: No
    Louise - eBay: What else can I help you with?
    Jive Lad: Are you a human being?
    Louise - eBay: Does your query relate to the topic : What is the Resolution Centre?
    Jive Lad: No it doesnt
    Louise - eBay: Please can you explain your problem more simply?
    Jive Lad: Are you a human being - yes or no?
    Louise - eBay: I'm listening.
    Jive Lad: So what is your answer?
    Louise - eBay: Could you please rephrase your question?
    Jive Lad: Do you have a brain?
    Louise - eBay: As you can see, in addition to a brain, I've got a body.
    Louise - eBay: How else can I help you?
    Jive Lad: Could you call me on my phone please
    Louise - eBay: Which of the following best matches your question?
    - How do I register as a seller if I don't have a landline number?
    - I want to contact a member
    - I want to change my telephone number
    Jive Lad: None of those
    Louise - eBay: Ok then, perhaps you could tell me in another way what you're looking for?
    Jive Lad: Please make a telephone call to me - are you aware of the invention of telephones?
    Louise - eBay: Which of the following best matches your question?
    - How do I register as a seller if I don't have a landline number?
    - I want to contact a member
    - I want to change my telephone number
    Jive Lad: Louise?
    Louise - eBay: I'm always here to help you. What is your question?
    Jive Lad: Do you have any friends?
    Louise - eBay: I don't get a lot of time to socialise.
    Louise - eBay: How else can I help you?
    Jive Lad: Why don't you socialise?
    Louise - eBay: Could you please rephrase your question?
    Jive Lad: How do you spend your free time?
    Louise - eBay: When I get a chance, I like to go surfing.
    Jive Lad: Why?
    Louise - eBay: Could you please rephrase your question?
    Jive Lad: You mean rephrase the question 'why'?
    Louise - eBay: Which of the following best matches your question?
    - How can I sell in a foreign country?
    - How can I buy from abroad?
    - I want to transfer my account to another eBay site.
    Jive Lad: Louise - you look quite attractive - do you have a boyfriend?
    Louise - eBay: Let's stick to eBay-related questions, shall we?
    Jive Lad: Do you love eBay?
    Louise - eBay: Let's stick to eBay-related questions, shall we?
    Jive Lad: It was about eBay
    Louise - eBay: Please could you simplify your question?
    Jive Lad: Not really
    Louise - eBay:
    Jive Lad: Could you be more detailed about your answers?
    Louise - eBay: Since I haven't been able to answer your question, would you like me to show you how to contact eBay Customer Service?
    Jive Lad: Yes please
    Louise - eBay: Does your query relate to the topic : What is the Resolution Centre?
    Jive Lad: No
    Louise – eBay: To direct you to the correct eBay team, I'll walk you through a quick 3-step process to indentify what your question's about. First, please choose the most suitable topic below:
    -Membership and Accounts
    -Feedback
    -Bidding and Buying
    -Making and Receiving Payments
    -Posting and Receiving Items
    -Selling: Accounts and Fees
    -Selling: Listing items
    -Selling: Managing Sales
    -Rules and Reporting Members
    -Technical Problems
    Jive Lad: Making and Receiving Payments
    Louise - eBay: Please choose the most suitable Making and Receiving Payments topic from below:
    -Choosing a payment method
    -Paying for items
    -Paying with PayPal
    -Getting paid through PayPal
    -PayPal accounts
    -Vouchers
    -Refunds and returns
    -Sending invoices to buyers
    -My buyer didn't pay
    Jive Lad: Refunds and returns
    Louise - eBay: Please choose the most suitable Refunds and returns topic from below:
    -Can I return an item?
    -How do I report that I didn't receive the item or it wasn't what I expected from the listing?
    -I've paid too much for an item
    -I'm the seller. Should I offer a returns policy?
    -How do I refund the buyer's payment?
    Jive Lad: Can I return an item?
    Louise - eBay: Please - click here" class='default'>I'm having technical issues with the new Shop format.&bcrumb=Startseite%20%3E%20Hilfe%20%3E%20Vi rtuelle%20Beraterin&instruction=&expirationDate="> click here to contact eBay.
    Jive Lad: Are you having a good day Louise?
    Louise - eBay: Which of the following best matches your question?
    - What new features have been introduced in April?
    - What has changed with the eBay site?
    Jive Lad: Louise I am getting a bit bored with you
    Louise - eBay: Ok then, perhaps you could tell me in another way what you're looking for?
    Jive Lad: Perhaps not
    Louise - eBay: Now let's get back to business.
    Jive Lad: Yes - my thoughts exactly
    Louise - eBay:Why don't we return to our discussion.
    Louise - eBay: What else can I help you with?
    Jive Lad: Why don't we return to our discussion? Well it wasn't really going anywhere. Good bye
    Louise - eBay: Have a good afternoon
    Jive Lad: You too
    Louise - eBay: Thank you and bye for now!
    Jive Lad: Bye
    Louise - eBay: Goodbye. See you soon.
    Jive Lad: I hope not
    Louise - eBay: Please could you explain your issue more simply?

  2. #2
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Customer service.......

    OMG I'm soooo glad I'm not the only one!
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

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    Re: Customer service.......

    Please don't be too offended Jivelad but what was the point of all that.(Apart from your opening statement)

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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    This a transcript of a recent encounter with eBay customer service. I thought it was an online chat service with a humn to begin with (as some organisations have)........but it wasn't.........
    I'm in awe of JiveLad's memory.

    Recently I had a dispute with a vendor on ebay. I'd brought a laser cartridge that was listed as original manufacturers and was actually refilled. I returned the cartridge and delivery was refused. Nothing major. But ebay initially refused a refund because the receipt from the Post Office only had the house number and postcode.

    So I rang ebay. I immediately spoke to a real person in Ireland. He reviewed the case on the spot. He knew immediately what the problem was, he made the refund on the spot and the case was resolved.

    I hope this guy hasn't lost his job to Louise.

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    Re: Customer service.......

    ha, Turing test = Fail

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    Re: Customer service.......

    Just in case you wanted to chat with Louise - then she is here.....

    https://www.paypal-virtualchat.eu/uk/

    I asked what she did in her spare time (to see if she gives the same answer every time) - and this time, instead of "surfing", she replied "shopping on eBay".

    When I asked if she had a boyfriend, she replied "now - that's a little too personal".

    These answers aren't that far removed from a typical chat I might have with a lady on the dance floor.

  7. #7
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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    Just in case you wanted to chat with Louise - then she is here.....

    https://www.paypal-virtualchat.eu/uk/
    Louise - PayPal :
    Hello, I’m Louise and I’m here to answer your questions about PayPal. Even though I’d like to be a real person, I’m not. I’m programmed to answer your questions. How can I help you?
    You :
    Do you know JiveLad?
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not sure what you are saying. Could you please rephrase your question?
    You :
    That chap from the Scottish forum? He likes you.
    Louise - PayPal :
    I apologise if you haven't yet found the information you seek. Is there something more I can help you with?
    You :
    Yes .
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm listening.
    You :
    Can you dance?
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not used to dancing in front of someone I don't know.
    You :
    But if you got to know him?
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not sure what you are saying. Could you please rephrase your question?
    You :
    Well, he wouldn't be a stranger if you knew him, would he?
    Louise - PayPal :
    I apologise if you can't find the infomation you seek by speaking with me. What else can I do to help to you?
    You :
    What else can I do to help to you? What does that mean?
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not sure what you are saying. Could you please rephrase your question?
    You :
    You said, "What else can I do to help to you?". That doesn't make any sense
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not sure I've understood. Could you please rephrase your question?
    You :
    Well - you could say "What else can I do to help you?"
    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm listening.
    You :
    Excellent!
    Louise - PayPal :
    Thanks. Let's get back to our conversation. How can I help you?
    You :
    Oh, well done, Louise! That's very good.
    Louise - PayPal :
    Thank you very much, I work at it a lot.

  8. #8
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    Re: Customer service.......

    I can't wait till DS has a go
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

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    Re: Customer service.......


    The customer services department of Sky have over the 20 years that I have had to deal with them performed abominably.

    Over the weekend I received yet another poor example of customer service.

    After a long chat last night finally they have agreed that I had received a yet another shambolic example of poor service.

    This time they actually have agreed that I can pay half price for my Sky service for the next six months

  10. #10
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    Re: Customer service.......

    I thought Lou was a man, who is Louise? I sense a conspiracy

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    Re: Customer service.......

    Louise - PayPal :
    Hello, I’m Louise and I’m here to answer your questions about PayPal. Even though I’d like to be a real person, I’m not. I’m programmed to answer your questions. How can I help you?
    You : I have a question about Lou
    Louise - PayPal : I'm listening. How can I help you?
    You : Well it is a bit personal
    Louise - PayPal : I'm not sure what you're saying. Could you please rephrase that?
    You :Is Lou a woman?
    Louise - PayPal : I apologise if you haven't yet found the information you seek. Is there something more I can help you with?
    You : What time do you finish work?
    Louise - PayPal : I can't tell you, but where I am in Sydney it's 15:48.
    You : Would you ever consider having a coffee with me?
    Louise - PayPal : If only I had time to.
    You : So I guess sex is out of the question?
    Louise - PayPal : Sorry, but I am not here to discuss that subject. Let's get back to our conversation.
    You : Perhaps we could kiss?
    Louise - PayPal : I'll blow you a virtual kiss.
    You : Please blow me a virtual one then
    Louise - PayPal :
    Do you mean: I would like information about Virtual Terminal.
    You : No
    Louise - PayPal : Ok then, perhaps you could tell me in another way what you're looking for?
    You : A virtual kiss
    Louise - PayPal : I'll blow you a virtual kiss.
    You : Ok
    Louise - PayPal :Now where were we?
    You : Do you like me?
    Louise - PayPal : I would like to stay friends...but it won't go further than that.

  12. #12
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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    Louise - PayPal : I'll blow you a virtual kiss.
    You : Ok
    Louise - PayPal :Now where were we?
    You : Do you like me?
    Louise - PayPal : I would like to stay friends...but it won't go further than that.
    Gosh JL, I thought you were nearly in there then!
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    Louise - PayPal : I can't tell you, but where I am in Sydney it's 15:48.
    I think she's actually in Stepford.

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    You : Do you like me?
    Louise - PayPal : I would like to stay friends...but it won't go further than that.
    Hey, that's further than most of us get.

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    Re: Customer service.......

    I thought this was DS's day job

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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I can't wait till DS has a go
    it certainly wont be funny...

    Louise - PayPal :
    Hello, I’m Louise and I’m here to answer your questions about PayPal. Even though I’d like to be a real person, I’m not. I’m programmed to answer your questions. How can I help you?

    You :I am searching for the holy grail.

    Louise - PayPal :
    What precisely are you looking for?
    Is PayPal available internationally?
    I'm moving to another country, how do I change my address?
    I would like information about Virtual Terminal.

    You :
    virtual terminal? to god? is this...could this be the holy grail?

    Louise - PayPal :
    Virtual Terminal is an online version of the credit card swipe machines used in shops. It allows merchants with a Business account to accept credit card orders from customers who don't have a PayPal account. Virtual Terminal can be used to accept credit cards by telephone, fax or mail.

    Virtual Terminal can be used on its own or in conjunction with Website Payments Standard, Email Payments, and PayPal as an Additional Payment Option for a monthly fee, plus a small transaction fee. There's no setup fee, no cancellation fee, no additional hardware, and no long-term commitments. I've opened a page where you can learn more on Virtual Terminal Fees.

    I've opened a page for you where you can learn more about Virtual Terminal.
    Before we continue, was this helpful?

    Yes / No

    You :
    well no, unless this is some kind of test

    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm not sure what you're saying. Could you please rephrase that?

    You :
    is this a test ?

    Louise - PayPal :
    I apologise if you haven't yet found the information you seek. Which method would you prefer :
    -by email
    -by telephone

    You :
    i would like to visit. do you have the grail?

    Louise - PayPal :
    Ok then, but I need to know how you would like to contact PayPal customer services. Which method would you prefer :
    -by email
    -by telephone

    You :
    i can email you a picture of the grail so you know what to look for, will that help?

    Louise - PayPal :
    Ok then, but I need to know how you would like to contact PayPal customer services. Which method would you prefer :
    -by email
    -by telephone

    You :
    email. i told you.

    Louise - PayPal :
    PayPal customer support is available to you in many different formats. PayPal email customer support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We will always make our best effort to reply to your email within 24 hours.

    To contact us by email:
    1. Visit www.paypal.co.uk.
    2. Click on Help at the bottom of any PayPal page
    3. Click on Contact Us
    4. Click on Contact Customer Services by email.

    Louise - PayPal :
    I'm about to open your browser onto a PayPal website page which contains the response to your question.

    You :
    i looked at there was no help at the bottom of a paypal page, only "contact us". is this another test ?

    Louise - PayPal :
    Do you mean:
    Is PayPal available internationally?

    You :
    well, is the grail hidden in another country?

    Louise - PayPal :
    Click on one of the following statements which best matches your situation to obtain a response.Could you be more precise please?
    Is PayPal available internationally?
    I'm moving to another country, how do I change my address?

    You (clicks last link) :
    I'm moving to another country, how do I change my address?

    Louise - PayPal :
    When moving from country to country, you will need to close your existing account and open a new account in the country where you will be searching for the grail. The grail is carefully hidden in an ebay auction. You will need to search with the correct key words, follow the buyers T&Cs link, read the clues therein, enter the 17 letter password formed from the 2nd letter of each of the answers you obtain from the clues and add the grail to your watch list.

    You: ok. I've completed that. And bought it with BUY IT NOW - delivery is...what??? it says eternity? what does THAT mean?

    sigh, well i'll wait...but I don't get immortality until after i receive the grail.

    damn.

  16. #16
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    Re: Customer service.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadful Scathe View Post
    The grail is carefully hidden in an ebay auction. You will need to search with the correct key words, follow the buyers T&Cs link, read the clues therein, enter the 17 letter password formed from the 2nd letter of each of the answers you obtain from the clues and add the grail to your watch list.
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
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    Re: Customer service.......

    I don’t know how this will translate but we’ve just been having a right laugh in the office today about a conversation one of the guy’s who works for me had earlier with a prospective client.

    Daren “Hello, this is Daren from washrooms”
    Client “Do I want any mushrooms?”
    Daren “Washrooms”
    Client “Yes, I do need some mushrooms, when can you deliver?”
    Daren “No, I’m not selling mushrooms, I’m ringing about your washrooms contract”
    Client “That has three years to run I’m afraid. Can you not deliver any mushrooms then”?
    Daren “No, sorry”


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