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Thread: Self imposed dance policy's

  1. #21
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Some leads on here can tell you better than I.. I have no problem with eye contact, and I have been told off for this - so I suppose I can come across as a bit intimidating...


    So this is now my (so far only) dance policy... Don't frighten leaders off !

    So saying.. I have noticed lately that in the Blues room I have been quite happily been staring into lead's collars, as I have my head on their shoulder most of the time

    But maybe that is just me

    WT
    Last edited by whitetiger1518; 15th-April-2010 at 12:25 PM.

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil_dB View Post
    Did you lose count on me?!
    I reckon so

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil_dB View Post
    For the record, it wasn't because I didnt want to - I was simply slightly (probably stupidly) intimidated!
    I'll second that............

    Quote Originally Posted by rtwwpad View Post

    1) Dance with Lory as many times as I can before she gets fed up of me.
    awww

    5) Try to stop singing when dancing
    No, don't do that, I like a good laugh!
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by rtwwpad View Post
    .. Not that I think anyone wants to watch a stout balding welshman dance ...
    You've not seen Tramp then?

    Re Policies:
    • I tend only to ask people to dance when there is music playing (although that's pretty flexible.)
    • I don't think I've refused anyone a dance unless I am already committed to dancing with someone or have to do something.
    • I'm sure I've been refused a few times (everyone has), but it's generally forgotten as soon as I take someone else's hand. I certainly won't expend any energy in trying to remember who.
    • I try and ask folk I've never danced with before I will ask someone I know.
    • I will ask folk I've not seen for a long time before I ask someone I see every week.
    • I leave my work and home life at the door and enjoy every moment I can.
    • I dance to the best of my ability with every partner and enjoy every dance.
    • I try and lead every partner with clarity and push them (& myself) to be as good as we can together.
    • I will dance to any music, any tempo, any genre.
    • I don't assume anyone else has the same policies as I do or try and second guess what they may be. (and don't try to explain or impose mine on anyone else)

  4. #24
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Gadget, your like a Saint

    Can't say I'm as saintly
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post

    [*]I don't think I've refused anyone a dance unless I am already committed to dancing with someone or have to do something.
    There's been a couple of occasions where I've made a conscious decision to say no coldly, as I never ever want to dance with that person again and I wanted them to get that message very clearly.
    Once was after several months of being stalked and made to feel extremely uncomfortable and I'd reached the end of my tether and the other was when I guy repeatedly did dangerous drops on me, after I'd specifically requested that I didn't want to do any drops!
    [*]I'm sure I've been refused a few times (everyone has), but it's generally forgotten as soon as I take someone else's hand. I certainly won't expend any energy in trying to remember who.
    Sadly, I'm like an Elephant and NEVER forget
    [*]I try and ask folk I've never danced with before I will ask someone I know.
    I'm guilty of not noticing the new faces very much, its only when I've danced with them, that they stick in my mind


    [*]I leave my work and home life at the door and enjoy every moment I can.
    That's my 'aim', I don't always succeed though

    [*]I will dance to any music, any tempo, any genre.
    I try to hide, if its something I hate


    I don't assume anyone else has the same policies as I do or try and second guess what they may be.
    I assume everyone's normal like 'me'
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by rtwwpad View Post
    3) Remember who has previously asked me and who I might have had to say no to and seek them out at the next opportunity.
    4) Raid the teachers, demos and good dancers as often as possible at weekenders
    5) Try to stop singing when dancing
    I'm with you on these ones.

    Additionally I need to remember to try and keep my eyes open when I'm dancing (several people always laugh at me saying I spin with my eyes shut on certain moves, and in photos I always seem to have my eyes closed!)

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by NickC View Post
    if I had an ask three times and wait for request back policy I'd never get a dance
    That's what i think as well. I seem to do all the asking, and unfortunately I think it makes a lot of the guys at our venues lazy because the ladies tend to be the assertive ones. Maybe one week, we should all just sit there chatting and wait to be asked. Unfortunately we'd probably still be sat there while the guys we wanted to dance with were grabbed by other people

  7. #27
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by rtwwpad View Post
    One of the easiest ways to improve your dancing is to dance with better dancers.
    No. It makes you dance better with that person; they're effectively lending you some of their skill. But it doesn't improve your dancing.

    Working on your dancing makes you improve your dancing.

    Quote Originally Posted by rtwwpad View Post
    To save me the effort of prowling the floor etc. simply head for where the teachers are.
    Modern Jive Teachers and demos are not usually the best social dancers; they'll usually be competent of course, but not exceptional.

    In fact I can only think of a half-dozen MJ teachers in the London area who are also exceptional social dancers.

    As for policies:

    • I'll choose to dance if I like the music and have a suitable partner.
    • I'll generally accept most invitations to dance, unless it's horrible music.
    • I guess I pretty much have a "don't ask twice" policy if refused, but it's fairly academic.

  8. #28
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    [*]I guess I pretty much have a "don't ask twice" policy if refused, but it's fairly academic.[/LIST]
    Me too. I have the same "don't ask twice" policy if refused, and also, I if I ask someone and I get the "raised eyebrow - what you want to dance with ME!" look. If, however, I am asked back on another occasion they cancel each other out and I would ask again.

    Refusals aside - and to be honest it hasn't happened to me many times thankfully. If I did find myself doing all the asking I would take that as a big hint and probably stop asking.

    I do find it difficult to ask some guys - maybe because I am intimidated by them and also because this then makes me more shy.

    I have rarely refused a dance but like Lory have done it in a situation where I never want to be asked by that person again, for a similar reason.

    Music - there are songs I prefer not to dance to and often would take that opportunity to get a drink or something but if asked I will dance to the best of my ability to it.

    Oh , and I prefer dancing in the middle of the dancefloor. This isn't always practical on a crowded floor dancing WCS though.
    Last edited by Dottie; 15th-April-2010 at 04:19 PM.

  9. #29
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    I've never enjoyed dancing with people who don't smile.


    I know it's not quite in the spirit of the thread but once a long long time ago I had danced non-stop for an hour (when I still could), and came off the dance floor thinking I need a beer and a fag. I bought my beer, sat down, lit my fag and was about to drink when someone tapped me on the shoulder. An extremely attractive lady asked if I was Prian. It was her first class and she was told to dance with me if she wanted a dance with a considerate intermediate dancer. I looked at her, then at my beer and back at her and asked her to come back in 5mins as I really needed to have a drink. WHAT A PILLOCK!!!!!!!

    She did come back and we danced. But I still can't believe what an idiot I was.

    Prian

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Prian View Post
    I've never enjoyed dancing with people who don't smile.


    I know it's not quite in the spirit of the thread but once a long long time ago I had danced non-stop for an hour (when I still could), and came off the dance floor thinking I need a beer and a fag. I bought my beer, sat down, lit my fag and was about to drink when someone tapped me on the shoulder. An extremely attractive lady asked if I was Prian. It was her first class and she was told to dance with me if she wanted a dance with a considerate intermediate dancer. I looked at her, then at my beer and back at her and asked her to come back in 5mins as I really needed to have a drink. WHAT A PILLOCK!!!!!!!

    She did come back and we danced. But I still can't believe what an idiot I was.

    Prian
    Why idiot?

    She could see you had a fresh beer, fag in hand and had probably been waiting 30 mins for you to get off the floor to ask you. So what difference did 5 mins make?

    My policies are rather fluid as rules can be broken ..

    - happy to refuse a friend if I am tired or not wanting to dance at the time, as friends understand and will ask again later or I will ask them later.

    - always dance with someone who asks me that I have never danced with before, even if I just refused a friend. ( as friends understand ) [the exception being prian's case above, where a request for 5 mins is fine]

    - be honest and do not make excuses.

    - If I get refused, so what. I was not offering an engagement ring, just a dance.

    Yes, I often dance at the edge of the floor if the venue is crowded , easier to protect me and my partner. As to who is looking at me dancing, I really do not care, my focus is dancing with my partner and having Fun.

  11. #31
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    Re: Self imposed dance policies

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Joking aside, I don't dance at the edge of the floor to show off. I dance there for the same reasons as rt. That and the fact it's the first bit of dance floor you get to. Why look for another bit of floor when you're there already?
    Because everyone else does the same thing.

    People will (apparently) much rather squeeze themselves into a nearby part of the dancefloor where there isn't really room for them, than go and use a perfectly adequate space elsewhere that requires them to walk a few more metres.

    So even if the "nearest" area is empty when you start dancing, it will often be too crowded for comfort by the end of the track.
    Love dance, will travel

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil_dB View Post
    I've re-read your post a couple of times, - it's probably just me being stoopid again, - but I don't quite understand what you're saying?


    My fear was a result of my own dancing insecurities.

    I was merely agreeing with you regarding having stupid dancing insecurities.

  13. #33
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    Gadget, your like a Saint
    yeah read my syg

    I really don't understand music snobs who just won't dance to tracks they haven't heard, or tracks they have had a bad dance to in the past, or tracks that remind them of a past life, or tracks they don't like...
    I know it's a three way thing between lead, follow and music; but this is what is playing here and now - it will be different because it is a different partner and there has been different music played before hand and there are different people about to inspire. this may be the dance that makes you like the tracks again.

    Trying to make someone smile who looks serious while dancing (or looks like they are not paying too much attention) is part of the fun in a dance, and such a pleasant reward

    I imagine refusals are slightly different for a lead than for a follower - leads are highly unlikely to complain about leaching or over-amorous attentions from their partners: that's flirting.
    They are also (normally) the ones asking or at least used to asking: a refusal shouldn't be as devastating as it would be for a follower asking & being refused. (Although rumour has it that egos are much easier dented. )

  14. #34
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    I really don't understand music snobs who just won't dance to tracks they haven't heard, or tracks they have had a bad dance to in the past, or tracks that remind them of a past life, or tracks they don't like...
    I don't think it's snobbery.

    There are some tracks that I've heard a thousand times and they're just dull now.

    There's "Fire", that Temptations song about fish (My Lady Sole? ), and a few others which will see me running to the nearest corner to hide and try to look invisible.

    If someone is unfortunate enough to catch me (some of these songs are annoyingly popular with followers) then I will dance with them, but I probably won't give them a very good dance because I'm busily disliking the music so much and not sufficiently inspired in my dancing.
    Love dance, will travel

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidY View Post
    because I'm busily disliking the music
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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidY View Post
    I don't think it's snobbery.
    I don't think it's snobbery either. I actually think it's mainly due to narrow vision. It's a pretty rare thing to hear a track that you love after the first time of hearing it. Why do you think tracks are repeated so much on main stream radio... So we have familiarity to deal with - "What's this? I've not heard this before!" yes, mate, that right, and once apon a time you hadn't ever heard of your "fovorites" too. And we have the Genre & Age Blinkers to deal with - "OMG this must be from the 50's or something!" or "If it's not pop [or what ever genre they are blinkered by] then I absolutley refuse to listen or dance to it, just in case I catch myself enjoying it". Hmmm, your loss mate.

    Anyway, rant over!

    Policies:

    I used to take the stance of not asking a 2nd time when refused. I'm much more relaxed about it now. I still do employ a similar tack - when I'm given an arrogant and unnecesarilly rude refusal; I'll stay away after that, which they are probably quite happy about

    Also, if they have begrugingly accepted a dance to then take no part in that dance - vacant, no follow, even sabotaging in terms of not being present in any way shape or form even though I know they are really good (when dancing with their favorites), then I'll not ask again as they abviously didn't want to dance with me in the first place.

    Not that it happens very often - in fact, only at weekenders when I've tried to ask the "I'm amazing and totally up my own A**e" brigade. Over time I learnt to spot these types easier and ignore them.

    Where on the floor? Anywhere there's space.

    I won't refuse a dance unless I really need to - loo break or what-not. I do struggle if I really don't like the track, but do still try to give a good dance...

    I'll always try to dance with new faces - in no particular order.

    I'll try to work out quickly at what level the follower is at to adjust my own dance (or rather moves) to suit her so that I'm not tieing up a newbie in knots - IE I try to raise and lower my dancing according to who I'm with, which is difficult when she's way better than me!

    I try to respect the fact the the teachers and demos are having a night off when I see them at a freestyle (or weekender) outside of their regular night/venue.

    And.... Oh, I could probably go on and on and on!!!

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by todd View Post
    And.... Oh, I could probably go on and on and on!!!
    Good policies

    And don't worry about going "on and on". That's what the Forum's for

    I still think that we can worry too much about refusals. I know it used to bother me. Nowadays I take the view that I should ask everyone at the dance - no matter how many times they've refused me in the past. My concern is that I don't come across as a pest and ask them again too soon. Therefore my policy is to ask the next nearest person I've not danced with yet. If I've been refused a dance with a lady I mark that in my head as if I've interacted with that lady. If I get around all the women I will ask that refuser on my second lap of the room. Often they will say "yes" as if the earlier refusal never existed. My guess is that it was of no consequence to them at all - even though it is such a large thing to us.

    How do I handle requests for a dance when I don't want to dance? Never happens, I always want to dance when I'm in the dance hall. If I don't want to dance because I need a break I find somewhere to hide.

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    yeah read my syg

    I really don't understand music snobs who just won't dance to tracks they haven't heard, or tracks they have had a bad dance to in the past, or tracks that remind them of a past life, or tracks they don't like...
    Tracks I haven't heard - if they're good, I love 'em, and I'll jump at the chance to dance to one. Consider - you only get the chance to do that once per track....

    Tracks with baggage attached - I wouldn't be so quick to judge. What might sound silly to you might be very serious to someone else.

    But tracks I don't like... well... yes, I am a music snob. I'm comfortable with that. I've sat out for nearly an entire evening before now, only dancing to one track, purely because I disliked the music so intensely.

    If I really cannot stand a track, I see nothing wrong with not asking anyone to dance, or, if asked, requesting a postponement until the next one.

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie View Post
    Me too. I have the same "don't ask twice" policy if refused, and also, I if I ask someone and I get the "raised eyebrow - what you want to dance with ME!" look. If, however, I am asked back on another occasion they cancel each other out and I would ask again.
    I know this is slightly off track but I sometimes think it’s better to be refused than have to dance with someone that makes it very clear through their body language, that they are only being polite in dancing with you and show absolutely no interest or acknowledgement – not fun
    Last edited by DavidY; 16th-April-2010 at 05:29 PM. Reason: Fixing quote

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    Re: Self imposed dance policy's

    Quote Originally Posted by straycat View Post
    Tracks I haven't heard - if they're good, I love 'em, and I'll jump at the chance to dance to one. Consider - you only get the chance to do that once per track....
    Absolutely! The very first hearing of a good track is always special.

    Tracks with baggage attached - I wouldn't be so quick to judge. What might sound silly to you might be very serious to someone else.
    Agree! There are the odd couple of tracks that I really struggle to dance to, since they were a favourite of my ex-husband, or ones he used to play to me, etc. And, while our separation was reasonably amicable and we're friends now, that was a different life with memories that I don't want to be reminded of on the dance floor. Music's a powerful thing!

    But tracks I don't like... well... yes, I am a music snob. I'm comfortable with that. I've sat out for nearly an entire evening before now, only dancing to one track, purely because I disliked the music so intensely.

    If I really cannot stand a track, I see nothing wrong with not asking anyone to dance, or, if asked, requesting a postponement until the next one.
    If I'm labelled a music snob for not dancing to tracks I don't like, then so be it. My whole reason for dancing is because of the music, and, if it's a track I seriously dislike, I'll try and get away from the dance floor altogether.

    If I am asked, however, by someone I know, I will see if we can dance the next one instead. If I'm asked by someone new, I will dance with them, but don't like feeling as if I'm just going through the motions.

    Re. refusals - I'd love to never again ask people who refused me. Unfortunately, my memory is so bad, I'd just forget who they were!

    Rachel

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