Things that frustrate

[Lory]

Follows, even if you're dancing with someone who isn't challenging you in any way, even if you're not enjoying the dance and thinking "what a waste of 4 minutes this is", even if you really wanted to dance with someone else for that track, even if your partner is (or is dancing like) a clumsy beginner with a repertoire of one and a half moves, could you at least just be polite about it?!

Everyone has off nights, when they're tired etc - problem is that people 'judge' based on that dance and don't know you are tired etc.

I think we're all susceptible to reading into things too much and taking stuff too personally.
I said it before but when my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer, I went dancing, very selfishly, as a form of distraction. Sometime's it worked and sometimes it didn't but I still went though the motions.
Obviously people who knew me well, had some comprehension of what I was going through but I'm sure there were quite a few, who will have misinterpreted the fact I couldn't be more engaging, as me being bored 'with them' and for that, I feel terrible

[Lynn]

Sad to say but maybe his actions, achieved his goal

I'd not have asked him anyway, I don't tend to ask much when I'm away at weekenders etc. me being so shy... And I don't think he'd have refused me - he has actually asked me to dance since - probably just thought my dancing had improved!

I didn't mention that my shoes were wet, I maybe would have at the end of the dance, what annoyed me was that he 'switched off' after less than a minute, so he didn't even give me the benefit of the track.

The good thing is that as a result I am more aware that someone may be having an 'off' night or dance.

Not so long ago, I came into a nearly empty room to be greeted by the sounds of a beautiful Tango track, wearing for the very first time, a brand new pair of shoes and was instantly asked to dance by a guy who I regard as a very good Tango dancer, I was thrilled.
But then horror of horror's, my shoes felt like they were glued to the floor I tried to explain and he said he understood but I know he didn't believe me and just thought I was a totally crap follow

Its so frustrating, isn't it?!

[ant]

I'd not have asked him anyway...And I don't think he'd have refused me - he has actually asked me to dance since - probably just thought my dancing had improved!

I didn't mention that my shoes were wet, I maybe would have at the end of the dance, what annoyed me was that he 'switched off' after less than a minute, so he didn't even give me the benefit of the track.

Maybe you should also consider his position based upon the way you were dancing

and was distracted and probably unbalanced.

It seems that your actions may have initiated the way the guy came across to you and without the benefit of your explanation, avoidable. It appears he has given you the benefit by asking again but you have not seen it that way.

[Lynn]

It seems that your actions may have initiated the way the guy came across to you and without the benefit of your explanation, avoidable.

So if I'd been an inexperienced dancer and not very good at spinning (which is what he maybe thought) then its acceptable to look bored, make no effort in the dance and generally give the impression that dancing with the person is an unpleasant chore?

Because that's my point - it wasn't that he 'danced down' to what he might have thought was my level, I wouldn't have minded that - it was that he clearly just couldn't be bothered dancing with me. Sorry but I don't think that's a great attitude no matter what the skill level - real or perceived.

[ant]

So if I'd been an inexperienced dancer and not very good at spinning (which is what he maybe thought) then its acceptable to look bored, make no effort in the dance and generally give the impression that dancing with the person is an unpleasant chore?

You are experienced and he probabally knew that and you have already said you looked distracted and unbalanced. The distracted bit being what you objected to about him.

[Lynn]

You are experienced and he probabally knew that and you have already said you looked distracted and unbalanced. The distracted bit being what you objected to about him.

He'd never danced with me before, so I'm guessing he just assumed I couldn't spin very well. No, he didn't look distracted, he just totally 'switched off' - maybe you've never had that happen to you, hard to describe.

I understand someone being distracted, not completely concentrating, maybe thinking about something else - we've all experienced that both in ourselves and in someone we're dancing with, it happens.

I hadn't wanted to dissect it in such detail, I just wanted to make the point that its not just followers who do the disdainful look of 'you're not good enough' - that leads can do it too.

[rtwwpad]

Sometimes you just get the feeling I can't be arsed if you can't. I danced with a Ceroc teacher at Camber and it was one of the worst dances I've ever had. The person in question seemed unsure when I asked them and I gave them a polite exit out of the request upon seeing their facial expression. They agreed to a dance but it was obvious inside a minute that they were obviously not at all interested in ay sort of dance with me, no eye contact, starign around the room or watching her partner dance - i admit i switched off myself and went through the motions, one of the few times I've contemplated walking off the floor from my partner.

Which is a shame as I loved the class that was taught by them.

[ant]

I hadn't wanted to dissect it in such detail, I just wanted to make the point that its not just followers who do the disdainful look of 'you're not good enough' - that leads can do it too.

I understand the point you were trying to make but I don't think this was an example of a lead doing what was suggested, he seemed to be reacting to you. Based upon the limited information he had he seemed to be rather polite in the circumstances. When someone appears distracted and unbalanced there can be a whole multitute of things causing that and being a beginner would be low down on the list.

If I was the lead in the same position as you and the follow acted according to your lead, based on the information you have given I would have put the whole thing down to me and if the follow asked me or I saw her again I would certainly have danced with her again.

[gamebird]

I go to the blues room because I prefer the music, not because I think the quality of dancing is better and I don't like the notion that you need to be "good enough" to dance in a blues room, it sounds so elitist.

Sorry...a bit off topic, but I could say that the whole "good enough for the blues room" thing is one of the things that frustrates me so back on topic again.

I agree - I prefer the music too and the ability to express and play a little more (when I'm in the right mood / frame of mind). I don't think there's a different skill level between blues and faster rooms, not better dancers - just different skills full-stop.

[gamebird]

He's

I imagine so...just waiting for him to come back over to Scotland so he can prove it

No pressure CRM

[Phil_dB]

Sometimes you just get the feeling I can't be arsed if you can't. I danced with a Ceroc teacher at Camber and it was one of the worst dances I've ever had. The person in question seemed unsure when I asked them and I gave them a polite exit out of the request upon seeing their facial expression.

I'm sure i've given this impression before when asked, - but my puzzlement wasn't at the person who asked me, - but at the music which was being played at the time..

..I didnt realise at first what impression I gave as i was trying to work out the "music" - the girl said something to me after i accepted the dance, like "are you sure?" -- i'm glad she did, as I realised what she must have thought, - so which gave me the opportunity to tell her it wasn't her I was unsure of! It was the music!

They agreed to a dance but it was obvious inside a minute that they were obviously not at all interested in ay sort of dance with me, no eye contact, starign around the room or watching her partner dance

That's always awful.

In her case - given her actions during the dance, - maybe something else was on her mind....

Sometimes if I get that, I'll say something to snap them out of it, - just in case they're off in a world of their own and don't realise how they're making you feel.. - like "are you okay?". Or if feeling cheekier, i've said before "are you looking for someone?".

Some people don't mean to be rude, and by saying something to them can snap them out of it, - and you're closer to finding out whether they really are bored or not....

I remember dancing with someone who was constantly looking around the room at Camber, & I did use the "are you looking for someone?". I was pretty certain she wasn't totally enjoying the dance, - but i was proved wrong at the end, as she immediately asked me for a second! During the second, she done the looking around thing, again! So there you are, - maybe they're not always as bored as they look

[robd]

The teacher isn't going to be there to copy when we going to freestyle are they.

Plus, if they're just copying, and not following, - why not stand at the side and act out the moves on their own?!

Bit harsh on the followers this (and the other posts in similar vein). If I'd paid for a class I think I would want to see how the teacher and the demo perform a move in order to see how I might also do it (and maybe pick up pointers on where to put my spare arm, etc). Yes, they will not have them up there in freestyle but nor will the leads and I'd think it applied equally.

And as for the 'wishing they were somewhere else' brigade I just operate a one strike policy. If it happens I never ask that person again. I can probably count on one hand the times I have applied this (though I suppose I don't do the asking very often) - sometimes they have subsequently asked me, sometimes not. There are plenty of people to dance with who do want to dance with me to bother worring about those who don't.

[Lory]

a one strike policy.

I wonder how many people feel paranoid now?

[robd]

I wonder how many people feel paranoid now?

Probably those who don't share this sentiment....

There are plenty of people to dance with who do want to dance with me to bother worrying about those who don't.

[Phil_dB]

Bit harsh on the followers this (and the other posts in similar vein). If I'd paid for a class I think I would want to see how the teacher and the demo perform a move in order to see how I might also do it (and maybe pick up pointers on where to put my spare arm, etc). Yes, they will not have them up there in freestyle but nor will the leads and I'd think it applied equally.

I think you've mis-understood.

I am not saying they shouldn't look at how a move is performed, i'm saying they should wait to be led, - and then consequently follow, a lead.

Even if a follower is not looking at me, she can still feel a lead and respond to it.

What I am talking about is follows who copy/act out a move on their own, - without waiting to be led.

I've danced with blind folded followers with no trouble, and I can lead without looking at my partner, so I dont accept that just because she wants to see what to do with her spare arm (for eg) she should stop following my lead.

And as for the 'wishing they were somewhere else' brigade I just operate a one strike policy. If it happens I never ask that person again. I can probably count on one hand the times I have applied this (though I suppose I don't do the asking very often) - sometimes they have subsequently asked me, sometimes not. There are plenty of people to dance with who do want to dance with me to bother worring about those who don't.

I think that can be a little harsh on followers

I'm glad the girl I mentioned above asked me for a second, as I've got to know her better now and always enjoy dancing with her

Sometimes people give out the completely wrong impression. I'm pretty sure I have on occasions; being distracted by a packed & manic floor, concentrating on something new or whatever.. - sometimes you just dont realise the impression you're giving at the time

[robd]

I think that can be a little harsh on followers

I'm glad the girl I mentioned above asked me for a second, as I've got to know her better now and always enjoy dancing with her

Sometimes people give out the completely wrong impression. I'm pretty sure I have on occasions; being distracted by a packed & manic floor, concentrating on something new or whatever.. - sometimes you just dont realise the impression you're giving at the time

But you re-inforce my point. If she hadn't subsequently asked you would you have asked her again? I am not saying I will never dance with these people again, just that I'll not be the one doing the asking unless and until they have asked me.

I agree that sometimes the impression you think you are giving to your partner may be far removed from the one they are receiving though.

[Phil_dB]

But you re-inforce my point. If she hadn't subsequently asked you would you have asked her again? I am not saying I will never dance with these people again, just that I'll not be the one doing the asking unless and until they have asked me.

I agree that sometimes the impression you think you are giving to your partner may be far removed from the one they are receiving though.

Despite what I have said, and, what I believe to be true (about unknowingly giving off the wrong impression) - the answer to your question is no. And actually I have an identical policy to yourself.

My black list is about the same size as yours.



As for the girl (above) asking for the second dance... - my mate had a dance with her (and she didnt ask him for a second for whatever reason) that same night - when i bumped into him he started moaning "i've just danced with this awful woman! Looking around the room - looked completely uninterested blah blah!" - I said "it wasn't so & so, with the such & such, was it?" -...turned out to be the same girl

I managed to persuade him that actually she's alright, and told him i'm sure she wasn't bored at all, - she's just giving out the wrong impression. As i say i've danced with her since, and there was plenty of eye contact etc, - can't say what was going through her mind that particular night

I think some girls who do this are just plain shy.

Whatever the reason is, - it doesn't make for an enjoyable dance, and for all I know, this stranger may well BE completely bored - which is why I operate your same policy!

[rtwwpad]

One of the reasons I mention to the follows in the review class that sometimes it helps to keep eye contact with your lead and you will find the following a little easier, of course avoiding the staring scary eyes .

Had a huge hug after our dance off a lady from the review class on Monday when I reminded her about this a minute or so into our freestyle dance and she put it into practice and I think her words at the end were Thank you Thank you Thank you, its so much easier, OMG thank you.

She was right, her dancing improved tenfold when she looked at me not her feet and she went off wonderfully happy, feeling really good about herself and had a whale of a rest of a night.

[CheesyRobMan]

I imagine so...just waiting for him to come back over to Scotland so he can prove it

We're in Edinburgh and the vicinity in July - may be able to get to the Glasgow party and possibly one of the Beach Ballroom nights if we're lucky! So you've no excuse if you avoid me

[whitetiger1518]

We're in Edinburgh and the vicinity in July - may be able to get to the Glasgow party and possibly one of the Beach Ballroom nights if we're lucky! So you've no excuse if you avoid me

Are you changing your weekend to the 10th / 11th July then?? (That is when BB is on, in July)

I thought you were heading across at the end of the month?

Cheers WT