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Thread: Hey, look! No, don't look!

  1. #61
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    Re: Hey, look! No, don't look!

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    DT, maybe it's not a 'bloke' thing but a 'me' thing...

    One of the great things about dance (as I've noted is often remarked on here) is that you can dance with someone without raising issues of 'do I/does she fancy me'.

    As far as I'm concerned if I make happy remarks to someone (either at checkout or anywhere else) it's NOT about fancying or lusting after, but simply trying to interact with another human being..... what changes is that as I've got older (now the ripe old age of 56 for goodness sake!) it's become apparent that my innocent remarks have taken on other connotations which never crossed my mind...but now it's starting to .

    As for fancying (a totally separate subject, IMHO), when I was 20 I fancied girls between about 18 and 25, then at 30 it was between 18 and 35.... now I'm 56 it's girls between 18 and 65. That's NOT the same as being a perv, but simply the pleasure of seeing ladies who take pride in their appearance and are actively welcoming some sort of attention, to which I respond with what I hope are appropriate levels of reaction (e.g. "Good evening, you're looking good tonight, are you well?" as her hand drops into mine on the dance floor. It's this level of comment, not "phwoooaar", and for the most part it's reciprocated and all is well, but every now and then there's a non-verbal reaction which shouts "What are you after?"

    The answer is "Absolutely nothing, other than trying to notice you as a person and appreciate the effort you have put in to show a happy face to the world in general and me in particular, please don't assume there's anything more than what I just said" ...

    I'm beginning to wish I'd not opened this box now, but I honestly don't think I'm the only bloke who has noticed that the world seems to have changed, in the same way as I now dare not come to the aid of a 2 year-old who grazes his/her knee in the street, but am forced to stand aside and lamely call for a lady to come and help, in case I'm accused of mis-intent - even my step-daughter who is a trained nursery nurse is no longer allowed to give a miserable child in her care a cuddle in case an accusation is made of inappropriate behaviour.

    We middle-aged chaps are damned if we do and damned if we don't and it's all very sad, especially because our heads are still 24, just like I said at the top

    Sorry, soap-box put away now.... I'll just stand quietly over here, if that's alright....
    trying to notice you as a person and appreciate the effort you have put in to show a happy face to the world in general and me in particular, please don't assume there's anything more than what I just said" ...

    This cuts both ways Steve, this very thing happened to me when i first started dancing about 8 years ago. On one of my early weekenders a bloke who must have been about your age, who i knew though a friend of a friend had a couple of dances with me. I said to him i was going upstairs for a fast dance and was he coming, he said yes. On the way up to the floor he said to me, by the way, i am married, (very seriously) I was so gobsmacked and found it truely insulting. Not only was he a lot older than me but he was as ugly as hell. Some men do get the wrong impression especially at dance weekenders as do women.

    I'm beginning to wish I'd not opened this box now, but I honestly don't think I'm the only bloke who has noticed that the world seems to have changed, in the same way as I now dare not come to the aid of a 2 year-old who grazes his/her knee in the street, but am forced to stand aside and lamely call for a lady to come and help, in case I'm accused of mis-intent - even my step-daughter who is a trained nursery nurse is no longer allowed to give a miserable child in her care a cuddle in case an accusation is made of inappropriate behaviour

    Again, this is nothing to do with you being a middle aged bloke, this seems to apply to male, female, young and old these days.

    We middle-aged chaps are damned if we do and damned if we don't and it's all very sad, especially because our heads are still 24, just like I said at the top :tantrum:

    You keep it that way Steve, why should you not. Just because everything is going south and ya mush dont quite come up to what it used too, doesn't mean you cant be young at heart. I tell myself that every day.

  2. #62
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    Re: Hey, look! No, don't look!

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    One of the great things about dance is that you can dance with someone without raising issues of 'do I/does she fancy me'.
    Can you?

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    as I've got older (now the ripe old age of 56 for goodness sake!) it's become apparent that my innocent remarks have taken on other connotations which never crossed my mind
    I don’t think it’s to do with your age, I think it more to do with the way you word things. For example, saying…

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    "Good evening, you're looking good tonight, are you well?"
    …the bit I’ve hi-lighted sounds…well…a bit like you’re trying it on. I’m sure there are other more charming ways of giving a girl a complement without making it sound like a come-on.

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    I honestly don't think I'm the only bloke who has noticed that the world seems to have changed, in the same way as I now dare not come to the aid of a 2 year-old who grazes his/her knee in the street, but am forced to stand aside and lamely call for a lady to come and help, in case I'm accused of mis-intent
    I know…it’s sad isn’t it. Although I wouldn’t let that stand in the way if a child needed my assistance. I appreciate it’s different for a woman (although it shouldn’t be)

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    Sorry, soap-box put away now.... I'll just stand quietly over here, if that's alright....

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    Re: Hey, look! No, don't look!

    "I don’t think it’s to do with your age, I think it more to do with the way you word things."

    Yeah, I guess this just illustrates the trickiness of trying to explain something in type which has been said face-to-face. I hope I could say those words to you in such a way that you didn't get the wrong idea, 'cos a smile works wonders - trust me, if I was trying it on with any lady she'd know, because my confidence level would plummet and I'd be all shy and shifty, whereas when I'm just being friendly there's nothing to prove and everything relaxes (maybe I could tap into that when I'm all tense on the floor?).

    I can understand why anyone would be upset with a heavy-handed "BTW I'm married", and there are many more subtle ways of conveying that info (whether it's necessary is another topic) - even down to (e.g.) "I'd love another dance but my better half is waiting for me"

    I like to think you wouldn't think badly of me if we met, but it's hard to put across a point of view without risking it all getting far heavier than a simple response to a thread.

    I'm harmless and quite nice really - just ask my better half - (slinks away, shaking head)

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    Re: Hey, look! No, don't look!

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    I like to think you wouldn't think badly of me if we met, but it's hard to put across a point of view without risking it all getting far heavier than a simple response to a thread.
    On the contrary…you sound harmless and quite nice really.

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveL View Post
    I'm harmless and quite nice really
    I know! I just said that!!

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    Re: Hey, look! No, don't look!

    Yeah, but I said it first! See above

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