Hey, look! No, don't look!

[StokeBloke]

I have enjoyed flicking through this Month's Jive Magazine. There was something in it that stuck out a little as odd though. I wonder if you agree. This month's Letters to the Editor includes this exchange:

"I have a persistent problem with men looking down my top when I am dancing. Now the novelty has worn off I wonder if you have any suggestions as to how to solve this problem. I realise that this may be a bigger issue than just my dancing style, but it's getting very difficult to maintain eye contact."

The Editor replies:

"You are writing about a problem that many women have to deal with. unfortunately as we are all individuals it appears that there are some (men) who are more interested in your body than your dancing. You can try the obvious 'covering up more' but I can hear your reply immediately of 'why should I cover up'.... and I quite agree. The problem is generated by the guy not you. As a man it's human nature to look once, but more than that can be construed as rude. Eye contact is the most obvious thing and if you can maintain that then your partner may find it more difficult (or embarrassing) to look down. If you are looking around the room then perhaps he will have more 'opportunity' to have an oggle [sic] and the situation is perpetuated. If your partner is a consistent offender on the dancefloor then you have the option to decline his dances in the future - but sometimes a disapproving look is all that is needed to correct his gaze. Please keep us informed of your progress - as I am sure its [sic] not a problem which will be solved overnight."

This exchange raised a couple of questions with me. Firstly she says "Now the novelty has worn off...", suggesting that she was - at some point - enjoying the extra attention her cleavage was getting her, but now she's changed her mind. Talk about mixing your signals? She also asks for suggestions to "solve this problem". The Editor dismisses the most obvious solution to this problem - wear a slightly higher neckline - by suggesting that she would reply "why should I". You should, I would imagine, because you don't like people looking down your top (anymore), which is why you've bothered to write into a magazine and ask for a solution.

The Editor goes on to say "The problem is generated by the guy not you." which is odd, because from the letter it would seem that she is the one with the problem here, that's why she's written in! The guys don't have a problem at all. There's a lady who doesn't mind you looking down her skimpy top and she's asking you to dance (only she's changed her mind about the looking at her tatters part now the novelty has worn off but she's neglected to mention that to anyone). I would challenge the Editor's summary of the situation by asking ladies who wear roll neck tops if they have this sort of major problem with guys.

It just doesn't add up - some (men) who are more interested in your body and then a few lines later - As a man it's human nature to look...

The Editor then neatly covers his tail in case at some point he gets seen in the future looking at some half exposed boobies by saying one look is "human nature". So one ogle is OK but two ogles turns you into a cad. With reasoning like - you don't have to accept ANY responsibility for your own actions effecting your situation, and it's all the fault of someone else (men) and you shouldn't look.... but one look is fine! I am thinking that this Editor guy would make a great member of Parliament

I know this is a new magazine, and I am sure that they're doing their best not to say the wrong thing... but this is political correctness driven past the edge of reason and out onto the vast grassy plains of lunacy isn't it?

[Gadget]

"I have a persistent problem with men looking down my top when I am dancing. Now the novelty has worn off I wonder if you have any suggestions as to how to solve this problem. I realise that this may be a bigger issue than just my dancing style, but it's getting very difficult to maintain eye contact."

To me, this sounds like a "made up" problem by a bloke - the language used and structure just does not sound feminine or personal enough and it feels composed or 'edited' for dramatic effect... Not that any magazine would bake up the letters on the letter page

If it is genuine, then I don't get how someone's style would make their cleavage more prevalent? (unless it is blatant, which kinna defeats the object.)

I agree that "...now the novelty..." implies that clothing was initially worn to attract attention and "...it's getting very difficult..." implies that it's only now eye contact is difficult to maintain: when it was designed to attract attention, eye contact was easier than it is now

Personally I would advise that only about half the attention is actually real, and only a small amount of that is deliberate.


I do know of one man who actually did have a problem with being distracted by cleavage and had to actually learn how to dance without 'stalker eyes' or 'pervy eyes'. :shrug: at least he acknowledged it as something he wanted to change. (Or at least be less distracted )

[spindr]

SpinDr

[Trouble]

Men staring at breasts when revealed or showing a cleavage is something that women get all of their lives. Its not just dance related and she should know that.

Its simple really, dont want them stared at, cover up. Men cant help it, or women come to that, even i stare at a nice pair of breasts and this is no different to staring at a woman with a lovely bum or great legs, its just nice to look at.

I love getting my cleavage out, it takes away from my large ass. !!!!

[whitetiger1518]

Trouble - I agree... If I didn't like the attention I was getting then I would cover up more.. Alternatively if it was just one lead giving me the problem then I would consult higher authority if subtle hints didn't get through.

I dress up or down depending on how I'm feeling and what is going on in my life. If I dress with shorter skirt and / or lower neckline then I'm feeling confident and can cope with the attention, if I'm tired, fed up or feeling shy / off colour then I dress down :shrug:

No real thought involved (certainly not for me! )

WT

[Ickle Sue]

I also agree with Trouble & WT

[Rachel]

I dress up or down depending on how I'm feeling and what is going on in my life. If I dress with shorter skirt and / or lower neckline then I'm feeling confident and can cope with the attention, if I'm tired, fed up or feeling shy / off colour then I dress down :shrug:

No real thought involved (certainly not for me! )

WT

Now isn't that strange, cos I'm just about the opposite! The more happy and confident I'm feeling, the less I worry about what I'm wearing or what people think of me, and the longer the skirt. If I'm super confident, I might even put on trousers!

But if I'm feeling shy or nervous (I guess it's feeling like I need to make a decent impression) the more of an effort I make, which means more make-up, shorter skirts ...

Aren't we funny - no wonder men claim never to understand us!

Rachel

[gamebird]

Trouble - I agree... If I didn't like the attention I was getting then I would cover up more.. Alternatively if it was just one lead giving me the problem then I would consult higher authority if subtle hints didn't get through.

I dress up or down depending on how I'm feeling and what is going on in my life. If I dress with shorter skirt and / or lower neckline then I'm feeling confident and can cope with the attention, if I'm tired, fed up or feeling shy / off colour then I dress down :shrug:

No real thought involved (certainly not for me! )

WT

I'm similar, but do have slightly Rachel tendencies too (sometimes I'll dress up to make myself feel better - a bit of reverse self-psychology).

But there is looking and admiring (hopefully) relatively discreetly - and then there is commenting on a girls 'puppies' (yes, it happened and yes, that was the word he used but no, I haven't worn that top to that venue again!)

It can also make a difference depending on who it is that's looking. If it's someone I like or know well enough, that's fine. If it's already someone who makes me uncomfortable - then blatant attention isn't welcomed.

Aren't we funny - no wonder men claim never to understand us!

It's true - I don't get myself most of the time

[zimbabwean]

I love getting my cleavage out, it takes away from my large ass. !!!!

Will have to make more of an effort next time on the dance floor to see your Derrier as have always been mesmerised by your Cleavage

[StokeBloke]

Its simple really, dont want them stared at, cover up. Men cant help it, or women come to that

And I thought it was my necklace that was catching your eye

[Trouble]

And I thought it was my necklace that was catching your eye

oh stoke you do make me laugh xxx