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Thread: Dancing with Lady Leaders

  1. #61
    Commercial Operator StokeBloke's Avatar
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    Cool Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    That's the point - men and women are different. Fundamentally so. Why should dancing with them be the same?

    Am I lacking in intellect because I find women more attractive than men?
    No, you're not lacking in intellect for working that one out mate - but that's actually called a sexual preference, we all have one of those. It's just that my sexual preference doesn't play a part in my dancing, or decision to ask someone to dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    I didn't say it had to be sexual - just that to be a 'good' dance, you have to inject some emotion: When you're in close tactile proximity to someone; when you are trying to communicate the movements of the music; when you are trying to make your bodies move as one to the rhythm... the easiest emotions to draw upon are sexual. That's much easier to do with someone of the opposite sex. It's not the only emotion to draw upon and it's not the only way to generate a great connection, but it's the one that comes easiest.
    OK. I can't argue with your personal experience Gadget. It's your experience after all. I can only contrast it with my own - I prefer to work with the emotion contained within the track, rather than try to inject my own emotion into it. It is simple enough connecting with someone and it not be on a sexual level that I find your comment about it being the easy route a bit confusing. But, you know your own feelings better than me, maybe I just didn't comprehend the explanation too well. Maybe you approach dancing from a different angle that I do *shrug* I dunno

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    I would guess that your relationship with your wife helps give you a solid core of "self" where other's opinions and superficial views of you have little impact - you are comfortable in your own skin. Your experience in dancing would give you the confidence of your own abilities on the floor and enough self-belief that any outsider's views of your actions (ie not your current partner) will have little impact.
    I would imagine that you can have a great connection with the music and convey it through to your partner with a finesse and clarity that makes a great dance... but I think that your dances with your wife would be better: you do not have part of you 'holding' that inner core during the dance: you can be free-er.
    You're right, my dances with my wife are uncomparably better than the dances I have with anyone else. But, she's my wife. It's perfectly natural for me to connect with her on every level; including some levels that I don't connect to anybody else with. Perfectly natural. I don't feel less free when I dance with other people. When I am in the supermarket checkout queue I don't feel the urge to grab other women's boobs or butts, when I am at the station platform I don't feel these urges or anywhere else. It doesn't mean I am less free! It means I am civilised enough to be able to control my thoughts and actions, I feel no need to grope people, so I don't feel that I am missing out because I am not. The same is true on the dance floor. I feel no need to engage my partner in foreplay, so I don't miss doing that with them. Doesn't even cross my mind. However, when I look into Twirlie Bird's eyes she turns me on. So, yep, our dances have an extra dimension, a layer of sexuality at times. This isn't something that I would be willing to share with anyone else, so.... I don't. It's not thought out, it's just the way it is. Perhaps it's that fact that means I do view dances with others (men and women) to be the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    Question: What are you doing/ what is your partner doing when they are (in your words) "playing"? This "playfulness" - isn't it a tease? A flirtation? A sense of foreplay?
    Nope! Weird you should even think of it as such. Playful dancing consists of leading movements rather than moves. That way you are leading something open ended, and the follow can react to that in a multitude of ways, you pick up on their response and lead off of that, and who knows where you'll go or end up. We all hear different things in musical music, it's great to play with what your follow is feeling. Playfulness has nothing to do with foreplay. Of course I am sure you could make it about that if you so desired *shrug* But I'm not sure why you'd want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    You seem to be confusing sexual gratification and foreplay
    You seem to be confusing foreplay and connection.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    I'm just pointing out the main emotional content for a dance will normally be sexual. And this does not automatically translate into "getting your rocks off": that's where slease starts. If you can't be sexual without being sleasy, then you shouldn't be dancing blues.
    Not automatically!! WoW!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    I would say that the communication (& emotion) within a dance has it's roots in the desire to connect with someone. To find someone that hears things like you do. That moves with you as you move with them. Is that sexual?
    No - that's connection.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    To find this connection in a dance we are one to one with another person. We use tactile senses to tell out partners where we are, where we are going and where we would like them to be. We use the most dexterous, agile and sensitive parts of our anatomy against each other; skin to skin. Is that sexual?
    No - that's connection.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    We try and time our movements with our partners so we can move as one. We blot out the rest of the world and focus on our partner exclusively. We feel their weight, their movements, their motion through our own bodies. We react to them and for them. Is that sexual?
    No - that's connection.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    No, it doesn't have to be.
    That's what I said
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    But it is very easy to make it sexual. And the easiest route to emotion is through this sexual connection. And it's emotion that makes a good dance "great".
    No - it's connection that makes a good dance great. Connection that you can get through all the means you listed above without needing it to be sexual, let alone needing it to be foreplay!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    Nor me.

    It's about foreplay
    Compared to the foreplay, sex is over way too soon - you can have days of foreplay for only an hours worth of sex.
    *cough* OK matey! But we're talking about dancing.

    Because Blues is an 'up close and personal' dance I can see that there will be some people who may get what's going on confused. It's why when Twirlie and me teach Blues we take care to explain what it is and what it isn't. We also show the lady's how to make sure that they are completely comfortable with the space they have between themselves and their partners, every week, as part of our opening to each class. We also teach them how to control that space. We call it "The Creepy Guy Guard". I'll leave you and your foreplay to ponder the reason why it's called that. I'm going to go back to your comments about sexual connection being the easiest and try to get my head around it...

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I don't have a vast experience of dancing with women, but on the few occasions I have, it's almost as if being female makes them want to over-compensate in the aggressive, heavy handed nature of their lead. I understand that some people like a "strong lead", but I personally don't like being thrown around and I cannot stand dancing with anyone (man or woman) with long nails and jewellery.

    Maybe I've just been unlucky with the few female leads I've danced with but in my experience, I've always come away thinking "That was unpleasant".

  3. #63
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    I don't have a vast experience of dancing with women, but on the few occasions I have, it's almost as if being female makes them want to over-compensate in the aggressive, heavy handed nature of their lead. I understand that some people like a "strong lead", but I personally don't like being thrown around and I cannot stand dancing with anyone (man or woman) with long nails and jewellery.

    Maybe I've just been unlucky with the few female leads I've danced with but in my experience, I've always come away thinking "That was unpleasant".
    Have these been experienced leads or people still learning? I started off trying to lead as I like to be lead - very lightly. It was hopeless as the beginner women simply weren't getting it. I was shown by the female taxis how to sort it out, and now I can adjust to the level of experience of the follow to a limited degree - though I do notice quite a bit of backleading from some! If those women you've danced with haven't yet learnt to adjust, this could be why you find them a bit heavy duty? This might also go part way to explain some of the issues when they're following too.

    There are many female leads I've danced with who are the equal of any good, light male lead. So it's not universal.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Have these been experienced leads or people still learning?
    The worst one was with an experienced female teacher!


    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    There are many female leads I've danced with who are the equal of any good, light male lead. So it's not universal.
    I'm sure that's right, like I said, my experience is limited.

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