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Thread: Dancing with Lady Leaders

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    Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by me on another thread
    I always find it especially flattering to be asked to dance by a lady leader who is herself a lovely follower.
    It's a bit embarrassing to quote yourself, but I started thinking about this after I posted this comment.

    I'm a woman who follows as my main role, and I love dancing with men. However I've never had any hang-ups about dancing with women, and I've had many enjoyable dances with women leading me over the years. I think I can safely say I've never had a disappointing dance with a lady leader; I suspect at least part of the reason for that is that most women who lead are fairly experienced and accomplished dancers.

    It's always nice to be asked to dance, whoever is doing the asking. Somehow though, I find it even more flattering when a woman asks me to follow them in freestyle, especially as it's usually someone whom I've watched and admired when they themselves were following. Perhaps subconsciously I see it as a compliment to my following skills?

    I did do a search to see if this had been discussed before, but though there was a thread on lady leaders in the class line-up, I couldn't find anything on this particular topic. Apologies though if I've missed an old discussion. I'm really just interested in what other people's thoughts are; I'd especially like to hear from other women on following a lady leader, but men are welcome to contribute too


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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I totally agree with you Firefly..


    I too see it as a compliment, and I haven't ever had a bad dance from a female lead either.

    I think it is partly because these ladies are experienced dancers as followers themselves, and can judge on what they like or dislike as followers, and I think that they adjust their leading style to take account of this..

    I'm sure there are other factors too, but this is one area where female leads have the edge over most male leads (I can think of at least 4 exceptions)

    Cheers WT

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    The Original Scooby Dave Hancock's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Does this have to be solely from the ladies point of view or can we go off to the men asking men for a dance and how people feel about that?

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    The Original Scooby Dave Hancock's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by whitetiger1518 View Post
    I'm sure there are other factors too, but this is one area where female leads have the edge over most male leads (I can think of at least 4 exceptions)

    Cheers WT
    Not sure if i agree with this statememnt - Female leads have the edge over most male leads - surely it depends what style you're dancing and what is being led??

    However agree with the theory that by doing the lead/follow part if this isn't your usual role leads to a greater appreciation of what one is doing and can make a dancer more considerate to their partners needs.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Hancock View Post
    Does this have to be solely from the ladies point of view or can we go off to the men asking men for a dance and how people feel about that?
    Not at all; I had wondered about bringing that in too but thought it might spread the topic of discussion too wide, and also it's not something of which I have personal experience.

    However if men would also like to use the thread to talk about their thoughts on being asked by another man to lead them, or vice versa, then feel free

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    Registered User The Little 'un's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I follow first and foremost but I also enjoy leading...(Doesn't mean I can lead...)

    But when I lead, I tend to dance with the same circle of people...as I have found that a lot of women don't actually like dancing with other women...I'm not sure of the reasoning behind this, but each to their own I guess...

    I also find it fun more than technically pleasing... (??) I love having a laugh and being able to STICK IT TO THA MAN with the girlies...however, I find it very difficult to watch two women lost in blues together...

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I am a female that obviously follows but also loves to lead both females and males - however thats not to say that i would go and ask any lady in the room to dance. "Some" women do have an issue with being led by another female - which i learnt when taking part in the lesson as a man!

    I love to lead and follow and myself and my dance partner Paul also compete reversed for certain catagories-not sure if the judges like it but we have always done well and made finals at least.

    So ladies and gents if you every see me at a venue come give me a shout for a dance

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    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I also like being asked by female leads, they tend to be experienced dancers, with good musicality, good connection etc. I used to dance every week with Drathzel, who is an excellent lead.

    I would very rarely ask a woman to lead me though, because she may want to follow that evening/for that track. (If there are no spare men about, I might ask, or else say 'can I have a dance sometime this evening' and leave it to her when she wants to ask.)

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    Registered User Zuhal's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    A slightly different point.

    At a recent workshop I was flanked by two lady leaders.

    They hectored and lectured each sucessive follow to such an extent that I rarely had anyone to practice with. My partner was still being "taught" by the previous lead.

    The level of approbation we males would receive, under these circumstances, would be wide; which is incidently the berth I will give lady leaders in future.

    Z

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by whitetiger1518 View Post
    I think it is partly because these ladies are experienced dancers as followers themselves, and can judge on what they like or dislike as followers, and I think that they adjust their leading style to take account of this..


    Cheers WT
    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Hancock View Post
    Not sure if i agree with this statememnt - Female leads have the edge over most male leads - surely it depends what style you're dancing and what is being led??

    However agree with the theory that by doing the lead/follow part if this isn't your usual role leads to a greater appreciation of what one is doing and can make a dancer more considerate to their partners needs.
    hmm, OK I suppose. One thing that won't change with the style of dance is eyeline, eye contact, smiles, and gentleness of lead - also awareness that not every follow has a liking for dips and drops (had a couple of alarming dips done on me in freestyle before I learned to be strong and discourage it - apart from not liking them, my right side just isn't strong enough! Ask first leads - please! )


    Hope that makes it a bit clearer what I'm waffling about, but feel free to disagree again - I know what I mean

    WT

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by Zuhal View Post

    The level of approbation we males would receive, under these circumstances, would be wide; which is incidently the berth I will give lady leaders in future.

    Z
    What a shame to limit yourself because of one (I hope it was just one?) bad experience - There are some really lovely female leads in Scotland.

    Cheers WT

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    Registered User The Little 'un's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by whitetiger1518 View Post
    What a shame to limit yourself because of one (I hope it was just one?) bad experience - There are some really lovely female leads in Scotland.

    Cheers WT


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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by whitetiger1518 View Post
    What a shame to limit yourself because of one (I hope it was just one?) bad experience - There are some really lovely female leads in Scotland.


    Can think of at least 3 I've had the pleasure of following, plus Drathzel (honorary Scot?) and others from Norn Iron.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I am happy to either lead or follow (although some might dispute the follow bit) I don’t mind leading male or females and have done dips and drops on men.

    I tend to only lead people I know and don’t go and ask unknown ladies because I know some ladies don’t like be led by another female but if anyone grabs me I am always happy to lead them.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I am always hugely flattered to be asked by a female lead, although I am quite tall and this can be issue when dancing with petite ladies. However, I have found the ladies who lead to be very good indeed and much more readily complimentary than male leads immediately after the dance - which is nice . I have had what I have felt to be fantastic dances with men and then nothing said at the end - so I assume all their dances are that good or it wasn't as good as I thought (for them).

    Anyway special mentions for Sara White, Trouble, Georgious Dancer, Plum, Caz, Lisa and a mysterious woman in Darlington - all of whom are exceptional !

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    As a female who likes to lead and follow, more recently am loving leading again, I am flattered when a fellow lady asks me to dance. I don't make a habit of asking ladies to dance - unless of course I know them well - but that is my policy for male dancers as well (when following). I have become rather shy of late and don't actually like to ask people to dance.. have become a bit of a wallflower of late... confidence not allowing me to ask others to dance (whether it be as a lead or follow).. anyway I digress.. I love to lead other ladies and men (and anyone who can follow really!) and do take it as a huge compliment if a lady asks me to lead them having seen me dancing with another lady etc. Happened to me on Sunday at the engine shed in wetherby actually.. huge compliment when a young lady asked me to lead her - she hadn't been dancing long so it prob took a lot of courage for her to ask me .. I did ask a friend of a friend to dance towards the end tho.. the men seemed to have all disappeared at that point! I did make a point of saying "you don't mind dancing with a lady do you?" giving them the opportunity to say yay or nay


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    Registered User emmylou25's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I lead, but tends only to be in a class situation/freestyle on a class night when we're short on men. I enjoy the challenge of learning to lead and am happy to help out with numbers.

    However out of choice I wouldn't ask another lady to dance (either for me to lead or to follow), because I prefer dancing with a man. I do sometimes get asked to lead by ladies (in class freestyle) which I find odd as I wouldn't choose to do this when there's men available, but maybe newer ladies find female leaders less scary to ask.

    The only females I would dance with as a lead or follow are a couple of really good friends, when we just want to have a mess around/try out some moves/sabotage each other.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Quote Originally Posted by firefly View Post
    I'm a woman who follows as my main role, and I love dancing with men. However I've never had any hang-ups about dancing with women, and I've had many enjoyable dances with women leading me over the years. I think I can safely say I've never had a disappointing dance with a lady leader; I suspect at least part of the reason for that is that most women who lead are fairly experienced and accomplished dancers.
    Quote Originally Posted by firefly View Post
    I'm really just interested in what other people's thoughts are; I'd especially like to hear from other women on following a lady leader, but men are welcome to contribute too
    Following a lady leader who leads is great, and they are among the best leads for the reasons you've given.


    However from the other side of the coin:-

    There are exceptions, but my experience has been that (relative to their experience/interest level) ladies who frequently lead tend to be less pleasant to dance with (when they follow*) than those who rarely or never lead.


    *As in dance in that role.

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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    Good thread firefly. As a lady leader I tend to only ask women I know to dance, like others have said before me not all women are happy to dance with another woman.

    I have found that my experiences as a follower have informed my leading: I lead as I like to be led - hopefully connected, clear, gentle and smooth.

    I find it a huge compliment if a woman asks me for a dance, as either a lead or as a follow. But I find it a particular compliment if a woman asks me to lead them - I have not lead as much as I have followed, therefore my skills are not so great in leading. To be asked to dance as a lead is a huge compliment! (More particularly if I've lead them before and they've come back for more! )

    I am one of those people who will happily blues with women (sorry little 'un), though would never force that on a follower as not everyone will be comfortable with it. There are women who I will dance very UCP, down'n'dirty blues with, and I guess that looks very, well, down'n'dirty. It doesn't feel anything like that though, just a connected, musical dance. (And it can feel 'safer' than doing the same thing with a guy.)

    I would love to feel more free to ask women to dance - there are so many tracks I would love to dance to, but often not enough men to dance with. (Or at least men you want to dance with... ) I know I can't do a track as much justice as a more experienced lead could, but at least we'd be dancing!

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    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with Lady Leaders

    I agree - good thread.

    I've recently been learning to lead - but very slowly. Probably because I do the classes, but never lead in freestyle as I don't feel comfortable asking other ladies to dance, and I know that my friend I go with doesn't like dancing with women (although, funnily enough, a few weeks after I started learning, she started demanding to be led - but just the once, so wonder if I was that bad ). So the moves are not really sticking very well, and I'm not very good at stringing the moves together in freestyle yet either. And I like to be led too - so the freestyle is my chance to revert to normal.

    However, I love it when a lady asks me to dance, as I know that many only ask their friends. Most are also good leads - clear, gentle, good floorcraft, etc. I wish that some guys could be this good!

    Seems like we need little badges, that let each other know "happy to dance with other ladies"

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