Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 24

Thread: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Wirral
    Posts
    162
    Rep Power
    8

    What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Guess this is the otherside of the refusal thread

    I went to a class last night where I didn't know anyone, as I put my shoes on I was scanning round figuring who I was going to ask. It made me wonder what were the main factors that would contribute to me asking someone to dance...

    I did have more, but have forgotten now, but some of my thoughts were:
    If they did a move I liked, if they had a style I thought was quite me, height, confidence, if they looked like a good/challenging dancer, if they were a beginner and watching the type of lead / follow.

    I think I actually danced with most of the men there in the end most of whom I asked and one or two that asked me.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Cruden Bay (Aberde
    Posts
    7,053
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    My selection process...

    - Is someone asking me or looking to ask me? Yes kind of ends that thought.
    - Have I promised them a dance? Yes ends the selection process too.
    - Have I danced with them yet? No is a + point to asking
    - Do I recognise them? No is a + point to asking
    - Are they deeply engaged in conversation? No is a +
    - Have they been sitting down a while? Yes is a +
    - Am I likely to ever get another chance to dance with them? No is a +
    - If I know them, and the song, would they dance well to it? Yes is a +
    and
    - are they close?

    And that's about it for me: Ability or style doesn't come into it.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    London, United Kin
    Posts
    3,896
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    For me to ask someone I don’t know simple:

    1. Are they are smiling
    2. If they don’t look too up themselves (could well be a misjudgement on my part I know)
    3. The poor victim is just leaving the dance floor as I am entering and they are trapped
    4. I really like their style of dancing

    I do love dancing with new dancers as you never know what to expect

  4. #4
    Registered User Phil_dB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    535
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    I don’t give it a huge amount of thought… - probably something like:

    Are they standing/sitting near the dance floor?

    If yes…

    Have I danced with them before and:

    ..had my arm yanked all over the place, or, had a miserable dance (with zero eye contact for eg)?

    No..?

    Then I’ll ask.

    If there’s more than one option, I’ll go for the one who looks the happiest.

    If they’re not much in that, I’ll go for the closest.


    Actually, to add, - although I don't stand around watching that much, if I notice someone who looks like a nice happy smiling dancer, taking nice small steps with nice posture etc, - & I'll see them standing around later on, I'd probably rush over there....

  5. #5
    Commercial Operator
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Northeastern Parts
    Posts
    5,221
    Rep Power
    14

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    What makes me decide?

    I could name a lot of factors which might influence me in one way or another, but generally it just boils down to what the little voices are telling me to do.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Hidden in a forest
    Posts
    3,633
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    If someone is looking like they are really enjoying what they are doing does it for me. If I am watching a couple dance and they seem totally disinterested in each other and just going through the motions it doesn't make it very appealing to want to dance with them.

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Bristol
    Posts
    3,166
    Rep Power
    11

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    and
    - are they close?


    a smile helps, but I am not a fussy man

  8. #8
    Registered User gamebird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    750
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    And that's about it for me: Ability or style doesn't come into it.
    Yours or theirs?

  9. #9
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    North London
    Posts
    9,918
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    17

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    I go for the best looking, sexiest mover, with the biggest smile, the fittest body, the sleekest hair, dressed to kill, that smells gorgeous.....

    ...failing that, anyone who's got bit of rhythm will do!

    Seriously though, I'm always attracted to a smiley face
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

  10. #10
    Registered User sunnybunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    East London/Essex
    Posts
    420
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I go for the best looking, sexiest mover, with the biggest smile, the fittest body, the sleekest hair, dressed to kill, that smells gorgeous.....

    ...failing that, anyone who's got bit of rhythm will do!

    Seriously though, I'm always attracted to a smiley face


    One other factor, of course, is provided Lory hasn't grabbed them first !

  11. #11
    Registered User Danny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    54
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I go for the best looking, sexiest mover, with the biggest smile, the fittest body, the sleekest hair, dressed to kill, that smells gorgeous.....
    ...failing that, anyone who's got bit of rhythm will do!
    I'm amazed you and I have ever danced.

    I don't tend to ask anybody to dance at my local venue for the very pretentious reason that I don't really need to. In just about every other song someone approaches me for a dance and inbetween songs I can rest.

    I've repeatedly thought to myself I need to do more about asking people (especially beginners) but it easy to create a 'list' of people you have to dance with and that list is almost always going to have people who are better dancers.

  12. #12
    Not a spoon! Lou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Holby
    Posts
    3,772
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    12

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    I look at their shoes...

  13. #13
    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Rugby
    Posts
    6,159
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Quote Originally Posted by Lou View Post
    I look at their shoes...
    Size or quality?

  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    St. Albans
    Posts
    2,388
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Proximity

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    bedford
    Posts
    4,899
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Tried everyone else?

  16. #16
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Oxford
    Posts
    677
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    I'm very selective when asking people to dance (for various reasons, only some of which will get voiced here). At my local venues, I probably ask once for every three times someone asks me.

    The first thing I look for are people I enjoy dancing with (this isn't as arrogant or egocentric as it might seem: I expect if I enjoy dancing with them, they will also enjoy dancing with me). This might be people who I find very good (by which I mean compatible with me) dancers. Or people who I like and want to sort of chat with when dancing.

    The second thing I look for are people who I think I'd enjoy dancing with, usually based on watching them dance with other people, talking or dancing with them in the class (or the pub). And, yes, I'll be honest: if a woman's good looking, I'm far more likely to ask her (once: if I don't enjoy the dance, that might be it).

    I tend to avoid - ie not ask - people that I don't enjoy dancing with or people that don't seem to enjoy dancing with me. If someone's previously refused me for a dance, it's likely to be a while before I ask them again (there are so many variables on this - but I'm really talking about the blank refusals, rather than the many more polite alternatives).

    All of the above applies to me asking; if someone asks me, I rarely say no (the three major reasons are I'm having a break, I've already said I'd dance with someone else, or they are really no fun to dance with: the hand grippers or arm jerking type of follow).

    It is curious to see that beginner women often hunt in pairs. If one of the pair is more attractive than the other, guess who gets asked to dance more? I think the same applies to guys - so this is a prejudice that crosses over gender boundaries...

  17. #17
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Crewe, Cheshire
    Posts
    1,681
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    I like to ask people who refuse me.

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    2,119
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    OK then, I've given this a bit of thought and here are my lists - I'm sure there is more to add though

    New venue / knowing nobody:

    • Smile
    • Moves
    • Rhythm
    • Proximity to me and/or dancefloor

      No particular order for the list above, but there is a rough order to this next list


    Knowing people / choosing who to ask first:

    All of above plus extra points for:

    1. Musicality
    2. Patience for letting me practice moves or sequences on them
    3. Knowing my stregths and weaknesses. Especially that I don't like / can't cope with most dips and drops
    4. Talent for providing me with MY Left hand moves
    5. Letting me play - particularly if I know a track well.
    6. Blues dancer


    If you have all of these qualities (There are definitely a few dancers out there who do - and I'm sure I will meet more) Give up - You have a target painted on your back and I have hidden a homing device on you so that I can tell where you are

    Cheers Whitetiger
    Last edited by whitetiger1518; 5th-August-2009 at 01:57 PM.

  19. #19
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Wessex
    Posts
    8
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    In no particular order (now 3 years into dancing),

    If she's a beginner looking hopeful but still fighting shy of asking men to dance then YES, I've been there (beginner, not shy of asking men ...).
    If she's a beginner and avoiding eye contact with any males - YES - or she'll never learn!
    If she was a good follower in the lesson (i.e. not just a person occupying the "follower" space in front of me) then YES!
    If she showed promise in being able to follow in the lesson, YES - 'cos I'm a good, gentle, smooth leader and happy to oblige.
    If she's one of those elite experts from my beginner days, oooerr, still scary. Maybe.
    If she is one of those mad, over-head arm-wrestling champions who wouldn't know a beat if it hit her between the eyes, only if she asks me and only once. Unless I had head for the gents before she asks.
    If I know her and like dancing with her and the music is suitable for the two of us then yes, of course.
    If she's one of those ladies that "follow" in the lesson the moves as taught JUST that annoying millisecond before I & every other man leads her, generally in a direction she decides, then yes if she asks, but boy is she going to follow this time (or suffer the pleasant surprises of being returned smoothly to the start point and doing it again!) If she never dances with me again, I do not care. But if she comes back then she's learnt a lesson.
    If she's standing or sitting looking vaguely interested and none of the above apply, Yes why not.
    If she can lindy and Jon Brett is DJ - YES YES YES.
    Last edited by saxon-ack; 7th-August-2009 at 01:15 AM. Reason: typo

  20. #20
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    10,015
    Rep Power
    14

    Re: What makes you decide, I'm going to dance with them..

    Being a shy wee thing, I normally only ask people I know. When I choose to step out of my comfort zone, I'll usually ask people who...

    • look like they'll give me a fun dance.
    • I recognise as having asked me before.
    • seem keen.
    • are cute.
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Dance shoe shops in Glasgow
    By batnurse in forum Let's talk about dance
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 22nd-January-2009, 01:17 AM
  2. Wetherbys Chill Dance
    By Gerry in forum Social events
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 3rd-January-2009, 05:55 PM
  3. 'fess up guys - How do you decide who to ask for a dance?
    By Chris in forum Let's talk about dance
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 8th-November-2004, 11:05 AM
  4. What makes music challenging to dance to?
    By ChrisA in forum Let's talk about dance
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 22nd-March-2004, 01:07 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •