Refusals - A spin off from the Cerocport review thread

[frodo]

Could not agree more Twirly! Very very very rarely do I ever turn down a dance, regardless of how tired I am, or how sore my feet are etc... I will always do my best to dance with anyone who asks me. Although it does pi55 me off at times when I am clearly taking a break, and trying to make it look as obvious as I can... and I still get asked to dance. 9 out of the 10 times I will still be polite about it and get up and dance. But the dance will not be as good as it could have been with a little bit more rest...

As the ladies don't have much to remember from the classes, perhaps consistent body language could be taught.

In any case, if the music volume is reasonable, you can be polite about it, without getting up to dance.

[Dreadful Scathe]

He refused a request for a dance then got up no more than 30 seconds later when a hardly dressed young lady asked the same question.

Disgusting behaviour one would think BUT and here is the big BUT....

Indeed, you can't judge someone on a single incident. If they don't know you and are tired/drinking or whatever and turn you down, but then get approached by someone they have been trying to dance with all night but who was always busy - it stands to reason they'll say yes. If that person happens to be pretty, it seems a lot of people jump to conclusions about the motivation.

But if I don't go out of my way to upset someone by refusing a dance, yet they are inadvertently and unintentionally upset by my actions, then it's not really my fault. I'm not cold or uncaring, but I can't be blamed for their reaction.

Agreed, people can choose to get to know you or jump to conclusions about you based on the result of a simple dance request - theres little we can do about that. If a refusal causes you to not even want to get to know someone, thats your choice, but don't blame them for it

A good post, and generally I agree. At the last Skeggy though I saw one guy refuse a slightly more rotund lady only to jump up immediately when the PYT came along 30 seconds later. Sure enough, over the course of the afternoon he did this many times. So some of us guys might just be a little thoughtless but some are still clearly arses that are full of themselves

If that sort of pattern emerges then he is going to get asked to dance a lot less, so his loss. No one else should let his apparent bias bother them. We are still guessing at his motivation though, maybe he knows all the PYTs and is a bit shy, or feels he is unattractive and the PYTs make him feel good about himself, who knows - and who are we to judge ?

I've never been refused yet by a lady - but I'm sure that this will happen someday since I'm neither young nor pretty. Probably wouldn't bother me personally too much - but then I am pretty thick-skinned.

In reality I think your looks is one of the last things you'll get turned down for - personality, charisma and of course dance ability rate far far higher. So as you have none of those either... (just kidding, I have never met AS)

[Trouble]

What?

Sorry to be picky but that doesn't even make sense...did you mean to write generics?

genetics?
genitals?
generalisation?
gollox?

DOH !! LOL - Double Gollox - LOL

[nebula]

In reality I think your looks is one of the last things you'll get turned down for - personality, charisma and of course dance ability rate far far higher.

1st dance of the night... You've never seen each other dance, how on earth would you judge their dance ability or they yours? Personality and charisma to convey in a single "would you like to dance" - a bit of tall order, no matter how much you try to smile and be warm, it's only a single sentence. The only thing you can rate each other in this kind of scenario within 2 secs before you have to give a reply - is your LOOKS! As the lady who's been judged on that more than once, it is unfortunately very true.

[Trouble]

The only thing you can rate each other in this kind of scenario within 2 secs before you have to give a reply - is your LOOKS! As the lady who's been judged on that more than once, it is unfortunately very true.

How do you know that though. !! Are you sure its not your lack of confidence in your looks that makes you think that.

BY THE WAY BEFORE I GET SHOT, I THINK YOUR GORGEOUS. XXX

but you get my point.!

[NickC]

I tend not to ask a woman for another dance again if she turns me down, the moment she asks me for a dance herself I forget about it and treat her as before. If a women turns me down and then I see her dance with another guy to the same tune I try very hard to remember not to ask her for a dance ever again. If I do turn do a woman I go and find them as soon as I can, the only reason I would genuinly turn a woman down flat is bad B.O. and I have made the odd mental note but none of the bad smellies have ever asked me again. i did once turn down a friend who is a bit of a PLT cos I was Knackerd and then a beginer asked me for a dance, I could not turn down the begginer as it might have shatterd her self confidence ,she certainly wasn't my type, and got looks that could kill off my friend,- we made up later

[Dreadful Scathe]

1st dance of the night... You've never seen each other dance, how on earth would you judge their dance ability or they yours?

Theres not many people that go straight for a complete stranger at the very beginning of a night, are there? If there are, then yes of course dance ability will be an unknown factor but thats why i put it last before personality and charisma

Personality and charisma to convey in a single "would you like to dance" - a bit of tall order

Not at all, people always make an opinion on people no matter how limited the introduction - theres both the verbal and non-verbal communication; the poise, the facial expression as well as the way you ask and what you actually say. Its far from being a tall order. To go for an exreme point-making example - imagine a well dressed hunchback of notre dam extending a well manicured hand with a news-reader accented "i would be the most honoured gentleman in this room if a beauty such as you would agree to just one dance". If the looks still put you off, you're one hell of a shallow person

Equally, a Brad Pitt-alike barking "DANCE" at you and pointing to a place on the floor where you should go stand. Would everyone run to that spot based on his looks ?

[Dreadful Scathe]

I tend not to ask a woman for another dance again... the moment she asks me for a dance...treat her as before...If a women turns me down ...remember not to ask her ...

There was a lot of thinking going on there, how can you be bothered to be bothered about that ? My attitude is, if i want to dance i'll ask someone, sure i have preferences, but don't we all. If someone asks me, I'll say yes unless i have lost a leg or am actually doing something else that cant wait for 4 minutes (and if i am, what am i doing next to/on the dance floor?).

[Gav]

Equally, a Brad Pitt-alike barking "DANCE" at you and pointing to a place on the floor where you should go stand. Would everyone run to that spot based on his looks ?

I'll try that next time I'm out and let you know how it goes.

[Spartak Lad]

How often do you ask yourself to dance?

Whenever I miss my medication.

Or whenever I get rejected by my third self.

[bigdjiver]

Theres not many people that go straight for a complete stranger at the very beginning of a night, are there? ...

There is me for one. I have no problem with polite refusals, and prefer no explanation to an invented one.

[Dreadful Scathe]

Theres not many people that go straight for a complete stranger at the very beginning of a night, are there? ...

There is me for one.

First on the dance floor huh, get the early birds before they have much choice ? A good strategy

I have no problem with polite refusals, and prefer no explanation to an invented one.

Me too - i have no issue with a no if its polite

[Astro]

I would never turn down a prospective dance partner because she was a virgin or completely asexual. (as a long haired skirt wearer, I'm hardly in the position to be judging anyone on their looks) That's an utterly ridiculous thing to even pass through your head.

I'd find it hard to judge whether someone was asexual, and virtually impossible to know if someone was a virgin.

How can you tell?

[Double Trouble]

virtually impossible to know if someone was a virgin.

How can you tell?

Well....if they've danced with CJ, it's safe to say that, if they were virgins before the dance, they're unlikely to be after.

[Double Trouble]

Equally, a Brad Pitt-alike barking "DANCE" at you and pointing to a place on the floor where you should go stand. Would everyone run to that spot based on his looks ?

Of course! I'd use that spot as a run-up to give him a bltch slap.

[Dreadful Scathe]

I'd find it hard to judge whether someone was asexual, and virtually impossible to know if someone was a virgin.

How can you tell?

in both cases, its all in the way they stand

[Astro]

in both cases, its all in the way they stand

Absolute rubbish old chap.

[Lory]

Very very very rarely do I ever turn down a dance, regardless of how tired I am, or how sore my feet are etc... I will always do my best to dance with anyone who asks me. Although it does pi55 me off at times when I am clearly taking a break, and trying to make it look as obvious as I can... and I still get asked to dance.

At Southport, I'd just sat down, feet up on the bench in the Blues room, drink in one hand, a HUGE mouthful of Beo's cake and the other half was in the other hand. (not a pretty sight ) When some guy I'd never seen before, very pleasantly and humbly offered his hand to ask me for a dance

I didn't get pi55ed off... but more at the fact that he'd forced me into a situation where, I was either going to have to risk being being thought of as some sort of hotshot and refuse or stuff the rest of the cake in my mouth, wipe my fingers on my bum and get on with it but knowing I was doing it begrudgingly and not be able to give him my best, which also doesn't sit well with me

In the end, I gestured with a smile, to my cake and drink and then swallowed hard and said pleadingly, "I'd love to but can you just give me 5 mins? "

He never come back

[JiveLad]

....or stuff the rest of the cake in my mouth, wipe my fingers on my shapely bum and get on with it......

Some alternative responses:

"Yes of course - but first could you be so kind as to get me a napkin (white linen preferably) so I don't have to wipe me fingers on my shapely bum. "

"Why not take a seat first - have a bit of this delicious cake and tell me why you would like to dance with me - apart from getting closer to my shapely bum"

"Can't you see I'm eating this friggin' cake - I may be a multi-tasking wonder woman - but having your cake, eating it and dancing at the same time is taking it beyond my limits"

[batnurse]

Whenever I miss my medication.

Or whenever I get rejected by my third self.

So, the next time we dance, I have to ask "Was it good for you guys too?"