Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 161

Thread: Refusals - A spin off from the Cerocport review thread

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    London, United Kin
    Posts
    3,896
    Rep Power
    9

    Refusals - A spin off from the Cerocport review thread

    Moved from the Cerocport May 09 thread

    Lory xx


    Quote Originally Posted by Tiger Pants View Post

    Only down side was the existance of rude refusers. I find this particularily difficult as its really not someting I have experience or knowlege of in Scotland. I accept that people have every right to refuse a dance but when a man refuses to dance with a woman because he's on a break and then almost immediately dances with a younger slimmer model I find that unforgiveable. Do these idiots have any idea what they do to people's self confidence or is that perhaps the kick they get from it. If I am refused a dance I simply do not ask that person again but will wait to be asked - and I would accept, but for some people a refusal can ruin the whole weekend
    I have thought about it since the weekend and have noticed that the refusers are not usually the best dancers - well at least outside their own heads. A certain Mr. Warden turned up on Sunday night and danced himself silly even accepting an invitation to dance with this mere jiver like me, and I believe that he is quite a good dancer - perhaps a lesson to be learnt there for some.

    .

    You have just hit on my pet hate and especially when someone gives you the excuse of being too tired , need a drink but only until someone much more gorgeous comes along and they are suddenly revitalised, it’s just plain rude. I try never to say no to a dance but if I do I will always go and find the person for the next dance. It’s 3 minutes out of your life possibly 5 in the blues room and it can make all the difference to someone’s confidence.

    Maybe we should all move to Scotland if it does not happen there because I’m afraid I know it goes on in London and I agree with you about how good the dancers are because in my experience the really good dancers don't behave like this.

    I must say everyone from all over was really friendly and I did not get one refusal the whole weekend, which all helps to make it a great weekend
    Last edited by Lory; 3rd-June-2009 at 01:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Southampton
    Posts
    6,709
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    [FONT=Verdana]You have just hit on my pet hate and especially when someone gives you the excuse of being too tired , need a drink but only until someone much more gorgeous comes along...
    Not possible!

  3. #3
    Basically lazy robd's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Nr Cambridge
    Posts
    3,696
    Rep Power
    12

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    I agree with you about how good the dancers are because in my experience the really good dancers don't behave like this.[/FONT]
    But presumably still good dancers otherwise why would their behaviour concern anybody?

  4. #4
    Registered User Tiger Pants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Dundee
    Posts
    637
    Rep Power
    10

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by robd View Post
    But presumably still good dancers otherwise why would their behaviour concern anybody?
    The thing is Rob, they are decent enough dancers but not as has been said really good. Their behaviour is awful simply because of the effect that they have on some people. I'm thick enough skinned but I know from others that being refused by someone who then dances with someone else within the time the same track is being played can ruin the night/weekend for the 'asker'. The 'reason' given be it on a break or whatever is just $hit.

    I suppose as Lory says there are arses everywhere but is it really necessary to hurt people so much.

    I'm just not aware of this problem being so common in Scotland - perhaps that's why Scottish dancers are made to feel so welcome when they come down south.

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    London, United Kin
    Posts
    3,896
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    Not possible!


    Quote Originally Posted by robd View Post
    But presumably still good dancers otherwise why would their behaviour concern anybody?
    The hurt factor has nothing to do with the quality of dancer, it’s about the negative feelings that are internalised and in some cases I know of girls who will not ask men to dance because of fear of further rejection

  6. #6
    Commercial Operator
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Fife.
    Posts
    5,701
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post




    The hurt factor has nothing to do with the quality of dancer, it’s about the negative feelings that are internalised and in some cases I know of girls who will not ask men to dance because of fear of further rejection
    As someone who turned down at least 5 dances (though I swear Mr Pants only asked me cos he saw I had my shoes off), I managed to get back to them all bar 2: said Mr Pants and another girl who asked me at the same time... And irrespective of how young and attractive she was (and she was), I just couldn't get my shoes back on... However, I didn't manage to find either person at the right time, despite lookng. Those failures aside, I managed to come back to everyone else I turned down.

    Sometimes a refusal is because U are just too tired, out of breath or U've been asked to dance a truly horrendously crap song. I try to refuse as politely as possible, with good reason, and go seek out the person as soon as possible thereafter.

    Asking someone to dance is still a brave thing to do, no matter how blaze some of us are about it. Even as an occasional refuser, I would encourage respect, manners and a littler empathy for anyone who asks U to dance.

    As an aside... Do people really turn other dancers down on aesthetics?!?!!? Man, I thought we'd gotten past this...

    Another aside... When one goes back and finds someone else, it's states a message of intent. This isn't a charity dance, or an obligation. I have come to U becasue I am ready to dance and choose to do so with you to this song. If I did dance when asked, being tired or out of puff, the dance I give my partner would be less... after a quick breather and a drink, the dance I give my partner would be better... That feels important to me. Also, in being honest and saying I choose not to now (for these reasons), it brings an honesty to when U go back and ask them to dance again.

    OK, I'll admit I haven't really woken up yet, and maybe I'm looking too deep into this... If the person about whom Mr Pants is talking reads this... come and get me for a dance: any time!!!!!!
    Last edited by CJ; 3rd-June-2009 at 10:42 AM.

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Waltham Abbey
    Posts
    5,534
    Rep Power
    12

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    As an aside... Do people really turn other dancers down on aesthetics?!?!!? Man, I thought we'd be past this...
    Hell yeah! A certain forumite I knew well at one point would never ever dance with anyone at Cheshunt, or anywhere else for that matter unless they were young and slim (apart from me, my sister and a small handful of our lady friends).

    Why? - "Oh dear God no....they're all old and fat".

    Charming!

    I wouldn't mind, but he was a crap dancer anyway.

    As far as I know, he doesn't do MJ anymore - Thank goodness!

  8. #8
    Registered User Feelingpink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Greenwich, UK
    Posts
    1,782
    Rep Power
    11

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Hell yeah! A certain forumite I knew well at one point would never ever dance with anyone at Cheshunt, or anywhere else for that matter unless they were young and slim (apart from me, my sister and a small handful of our lady friends).

    Why? - "Oh dear God no....they're all old and fat".

    Charming!

    I wouldn't mind, but he was a crap dancer anyway. ...
    Oooh - an upside to being 'old and fat'!

  9. #9
    Registered User Tiger Pants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Dundee
    Posts
    637
    Rep Power
    10

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    ......though I swear Mr Pants only asked me cos he saw I had my shoes off..
    Yeah, you're right CJ, and I pleaded for the dance for the sake or everyone else in the room before you took the rest of your clothes off.

    You are an example of what I encounter most in Scotland, the polite refuser. I was with you at the weekend while you were genuinely on a break and the first thing you did when refreshed was seek out the woman you had refused

  10. #10
    Registered User gamebird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    750
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiger Pants View Post
    Yeah, you're right CJ, and I pleaded for the dance for the sake or everyone else in the room before you took the rest of your clothes off.

    You are an example of what I encounter most in Scotland, the polite refuser. I was with you at the weekend while you were genuinely on a break and the first thing you did when refreshed was seek out the woman you had refused

    He is indeed a very polite refuser.
    I was completely caught out when I approached him at the end of the night with his shoes already changed, when accused (in a light-hearted way) that he never danced with me CJ managed to list the times and venues where we've danced before - much to my amazement and embarassment!

  11. #11
    Registered User Magic Hans's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Nottingham - for n
    Posts
    825
    Rep Power
    10

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    ...
    As an aside... Do people really turn other dancers down on aesthetics?!?!!? Man, I thought we'd gotten past this
    ...
    With respect, I detect some sense of:
    a) denial
    b) holier than thou
    c) politically correct or idealist 'niceness'

    The physical appearance is aesthetic. Right?
    Physical appearance is associated with sexuality, especially in conjunction with partner dancing. Right?
    We are (most of us .... certainly me, and I would strongly hazard a guess, you) amongst other things, sexual beings. Right?

    If all the above hold logical sense, then, surely, our behaviour and decision making is (at least in some way) affected by aesthetics? No?

    For some ... this may be primary (and maybe that is the source of your exasperation). For others, it may have less of an influence on our decision making).

    Other elements, of course, also come into those decisions:
    sense of decency,
    liking of the track,
    familiarity and previous dance history of asker.

    I can certainly imagine how my sense of expectation might differ between:
    a) an 'almost stalker' + average/mediocre dancing history + unimaginative boring track + bad mood from a crap day and
    b) an angelic vision + almost hypnotic/dreamy dance history + Wowing fab track + best day of my life.

    Can you??

    [Of course, I am totally exaggerating for effect .... but isn't the point made a good one?? .... Unless, of course, you're DTS .......... who's selflessness would outshine any mere messiah's in the vicinity]

  12. #12
    Commercial Operator
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Fife.
    Posts
    5,701
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Hans View Post
    With respect, I detect some sense of:
    a) denial
    b) holier than thou
    c) politically correct or idealist 'niceness'
    With respect, it wouldn't be the first time your powers of detection have let you down in terms of accuracy and what I may or may not be thinking.

    I would never turn down a prospective dance partner because she looked like a sack o' tatties, had dysmorphia, was a virgin or completely asexual. (as a long haired skirt wearer, I'm hardly in the position to be judging anyone on their looks) That's an utterly ridiculous thing to even pass through your head.

    My expectations of a dance with a curvacious 30 something in a nice dress would differ from my expectations of a frumpy 40 something or a dressed up to the nines skimpily dressed 20 something in impractical shoes...

    I don't remember mentioning expectations. I was talking about refusing a dance with someone purely on aesthetics.

    I appreciate you were exaggerating but no. Your point wasn't a good one. In fact, I'm struggling to see the relevance to the words you quoted...

  13. #13
    Registered User Batgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    happily :)
    Posts
    308
    Rep Power
    9

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    As someone who turned down at least 5 dances (though I swear Mr Pants only asked me cos he saw I had my shoes off), I managed to get back to them all bar 2: said Mr Pants and another girl who asked me at the same time...

    ... Those failures aside, I managed to come back to everyone else I turned down.
    You refused me a dance this weekend and never came back to ask me

    Rachel
    x

  14. #14
    Commercial Operator
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Fife.
    Posts
    5,701
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Batgirl View Post
    You refused me a dance this weekend and never came back to ask me

    Rachel
    x
    Ouch.

    Good point. However, as I made my way back to the dancing room, U were telling me U were working and not dancing....

  15. #15
    Basically lazy robd's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Nr Cambridge
    Posts
    3,696
    Rep Power
    12

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    The hurt factor has nothing to do with the quality of dancer, it’s about the negative feelings that are internalised and in some cases I know of girls who will not ask men to dance because of fear of further rejection
    What I was trying to say is that it seems a bit of a desperate attempt to strike back at these people by saying 'well, you refused me but, hey, you are not a very good dancer anyway' The people that I know who have a reputation as refusers are good dancers and it is because people do want to dance with them that they (the asker) will risk the refusal and they (the refuser) know they will 'get away' with their behaviour. No-one would give a monkeys about it if the corpse, for example, were to refuse them.

  16. #16
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Waltham Abbey
    Posts
    5,534
    Rep Power
    12

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by robd View Post
    The people that I know who have a reputation as refusers are good dancers and it is because people do want to dance with them that they (the asker) will risk the refusal and they (the refuser) know they will 'get away' with their behaviour. No-one would give a monkeys about it if the corpse, for example, were to refuse them.
    It's all relative innit? A hotshot refuser at one venue in say...I dunno Norfolk could be the equivalent of a bouncy nightmare in the blues room at Southport and no one would care if he refused in there....but in Norfolk he could be seen as a great dancer who refuses and upsets all the ladies.

  17. #17
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Wirral
    Posts
    162
    Rep Power
    8

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    I only had one painful refusal over the weekend and that was someone who I last danced with at the Ceroc Champs (someone I see fairly often and had danced with alot, he's a good dancer who I liked dancing with) but at the champs I was tired, my feet hurt and I just wasn't following his lead as he would have liked and although I usually welcome feedback that night I just was not enjoying it and politely asked if we could end the dance.
    Since then he's avoided me so I asked at Southport and he said no then mumbled something about changing his shirt - which he didn't. So yea he's a really good dancer but I honestly never want to dance with him again as he's just made me feel rubbish.

    Anyhow I dont normally mind being refused as you can often tell when a guy needs a rest / drink etc but it isn't nice when you then see them with someone else.

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    South
    Posts
    5,424
    Blog Entries
    22
    Rep Power
    11

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Why? - "Oh dear God no....they're all old and fat".

    Charming!


    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    It's all relative innit? A hotshot refuser at one venue in say...I dunno Norfolk could be the equivalent of a bouncy nightmare in the blues room at Southport and no one would care if he refused in there....but in Norfolk he could be seen as a great dancer who refuses and upsets all the ladies.

  19. #19
    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Rugby
    Posts
    6,159
    Rep Power
    13

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by robd View Post
    What I was trying to say is that it seems a bit of a desperate attempt to strike back at these people by saying 'well, you refused me but, hey, you are not a very good dancer anyway' The people that I know who have a reputation as refusers are good dancers and it is because people do want to dance with them that they (the asker) will risk the refusal and they (the refuser) know they will 'get away' with their behaviour. No-one would give a monkeys about it if the corpse, for example, were to refuse them.
    It's probably more hurtful if you get rejected by someone you consider a poor dancer!
    (Are you rating your own dancing quite highly then Rob? )

  20. #20
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Sydney, Australia. A _long_ way from Scotland.
    Posts
    347
    Rep Power
    11

    Re: Ceroc Southport Scorch May 2009 Review / aftermath Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    It's probably more hurtful if you get rejected by someone you consider a poor dancer!
    ...
    Not for me: I'm very thick-skinned when new girls turn me down, but a little hurt when groovy dancers turn me down (then go dance with someone else to the same song).

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. World of Warcraft
    By Shodan in forum Geeks' Corner
    Replies: 1822
    Last Post: 13th-April-2011, 01:57 AM
  2. Grumpy old (or otherwise) women's thread
    By Twirly in forum Chit Chat
    Replies: 112
    Last Post: 17th-December-2007, 02:04 PM
  3. Half a thread disappearing
    By Sheepman in forum Forum technical problems / Questions / Suggestions..
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 19th-August-2003, 11:54 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •