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Thread: Grammar jokes

  1. #1
    An Eclectic Toaster
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    Grammar jokes

    Read this amusing exchange on a forum recently:

    Quote Originally Posted by First Smartarse
    Itís I before E except after C. Good stuff, all the same.
    Quote Originally Posted by Second Smartarse
    Thatís weird, it must be a foreign thing, or only before eight or by conscience or if it is sovereign. I could go on in vein, but I neither have the time nor inclination, as I have a surfeit of other things to do. Therefore, I must forfeit this discussion with you, good neighbour.
    Anyone else got any good ones?

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    batnurse (3rd-June-2009), Clueless (29th-May-2009), Little Monkey (29th-May-2009), philsmove (29th-May-2009), Tiggerbabe (4th-June-2009), under par (29th-May-2009)

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    Re: Grammar jokes

    Woman without her man, is lost

    Woman, without her, man is lost

    It's all in the commas!

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    batnurse (3rd-June-2009), Beowulf (31st-May-2009), Clueless (29th-May-2009), johnthehappyguy (3rd-June-2009), Little Monkey (29th-May-2009), Stuart M (1st-June-2009), Tiggerbabe (4th-June-2009), under par (29th-May-2009)

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    Re: Grammar jokes

    Saw this one on another website:

    On my 66th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
    After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the medicine man and wondered what would happen next.
    The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, “This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say ‘1-2-3. ‘When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”
    I was encouraged.
    As I walked away, I turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
    “Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded. “But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
    I was very eager to see if it worked so I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, ” 1-2-3!”
    Immediately, I was the manliest of men. My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
    And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition!
    ONE COULD END UP WITH A DANGLING PARTICIPLE!

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    Papa Smurf
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    Re: Grammar jokes

    ...one of the best jokes EVER!

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    Re: Grammar jokes

    Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
    8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    22) I will read what I have read already.
    23) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

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    Registered User Magic Hans's Avatar
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    Re: Grammar jokes

    "James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher" is an English sentence used to demonstrate lexical ambiguity and the necessity of punctuation.

    The phrase can be understood more clearly by adding punctuation and quotation marks:

    James, while John had had "had," had had "had had".

    "Had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.[12]

    The meaning could thus be rendered "It was the case that while John used 'had,' James used 'had had.' The teacher preferred 'had had.'"

    Plenty more stuff in the grammar and punctuation book entitled 'Eats Shoots and Leaves'

  10. Thanks:

    frolicols (5th-June-2009)

  11. #7
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    Re: Grammar jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Hans View Post
    "James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher" is an English sentence used to demonstrate lexical ambiguity and the necessity of punctuation.

    The phrase can be understood more clearly by adding punctuation and quotation marks:

    James, while John had had "had," had had "had had".

    "Had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.[12]

    The meaning could thus be rendered "It was the case that while John used 'had,' James used 'had had.' The teacher preferred 'had had.'"

    Plenty more stuff in the grammar and punctuation book entitled 'Eats Shoots and Leaves'
    See, a while back on the forum, I took that sort of thing way too far.

  12. Thanks:

    Lou (5th-June-2009)

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